I should be more positive and upbeat, write about the sunny sun, the green grass, or all the things I'm blessed with. But not today.
I'm sitting here with 44 minutes left on my contracted work in South Korea as an English teacher, and after that it's a hop and a skip - two days - until we're on a jet plane, not to come back again. I should be ecstatic, but I'm not. I'm not exactly nervous. I just feel like a guy waiting to get shat on, lol, and then smile about it.
Life is like that: you make half of what you expect, and spend twice what you plan. Life has never been easy for me, and it's never been that bad. I'm a white guy from Canada: I'm never going to starve to death. But this time I wonder, could it be? Is this the moment that makes or breaks my life, at least momentarily? Will we succeed and have stability and freedom to enjoy the days and nights which has so far been lacking? I hope so.
I don't expect it though. We're going to the Philippines with a pretty good plan, but I'm not psychic and neither is my plan. Probably, somewhere along the way, there's a good chance we get bumped off the tracks and I end up scrambling for an ESL job in Taiwan to raise money to get us back to Canada. I hope not, but it's where I'd place my bet. There's an equally good chance that we succeed, but I still need to teach again in Taiwan just to get us moving with some extra income, and then come back to the Philippines to be with my family. I wouldn't mind that, but I hope it's not needed.
You don't hear that many stories of young people who make their lives in the Philippines, so I feel like I'm headed into a bit of a grey area. A lot of older guys make their lives there, supported by pensions, 30 years of saving, or sold houses worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not a lot of young people make it. Is that because they don't try or because they don't succeed? Do they not try because they know it's not smart, or are they just missing a great opportunity? Grey skies.
I feel a bit like a First World refugee, not that I couldn't make a living back home, but that it would take a long time to save up to do my own thing. Maybe I'm the first of many. There was a time when buying a house, a car, starting a business, and supporting your family all on one income was easy in North America. Not any more. Maybe I'm the first one to see that my ten grand will go further in the Philippines than it will in Canada, and once others see it, too, they'll also come rushing to dig for gold.
Or maybe my head's in the clouds, up in the grey skies.
I don't know, but the fun part of life is that you can find out. I intend to explore, discover, and find out a lot of things. Free from the chain of teaching English - at least for a few months - I wanna hit the ground running and join the rest of the human race, not profiteering off the language they were born with but have no idea how to teach. I need to get on with it, on with life. If I suck at it, at least I'll know, and there's always ESL teaching in Asia, or middle class incomes awaiting me back in CA.
I don't know. What I do know: it's cold here, in Korea, and warm in the Philippines. Everything else is soon to be seen.