Practising What I Preach

[jode]

I have alway preached here, that guys out of (head in the clouds) love should not lose sight of why they came to Philippines. The days of toiling endlessly for others are over and coming here is a time to lead the life YOU want for a change. The life you want can gradually be changed, if you let it, to a life your partner wants and which is differant than your blissful first days and weeks together. Stand firm and she will respect you for it and you will avoid waking up one day and realizing you are not happy anymore. That doesn't mean being selfish but only being true to yourself and your vision of a good life.

Its summer here in cebu, that means hot gets even hotter and the kids are off of school till June. We have had my partners two little nieces over in past, on weekends, because their mother was working in taiwan. Now that she is back we still have them over, last time for a week. They enjoy the abundant food and snacks here, the daily swim in subdivision pool and presents and trips out, with us, to fun places. They are so cute and its fun to have them although I would prefer just 2 or 3 days at a time.

After two or three days of excuses why she can't, their mother finally picked them up. Then it was the 13 year old sister wanting to come here for vacation from province. She is no bother, is very helpful around the apt., and we got her the uniforms she needed to start high school, and book bag, and shoes and other supplies and paid her fees. The smiles and joy from her, in relief over being prepared for school, were worth it many times over. She is here for a week and her older 16 year old barangay romeo brother comes for a few days. Although his cell constantly going off day and night with lovers on the line a bit irritating.

Then the mother and older brother come, but hey, its summer vacation time and why not be a good host. Got them a large box of stuff to take back to province that they needed and it was good to see mom (10 yrs younger than me) a nice lady and hard working and a supporter of mine. She stayed only one day as most work in province falls to her (despite having 3 strong young sons close) and she had chores back home.

Finally after what seemed like a long time it is just me and my lover again. Nice relief to be able to go around au natural again and just do our own thing. But wait, her cell is going off constantly or she is making calls with sharp heated words back to them (just seems to be the way they talk to each other in her family, odd).

The goat is missing and they suspect various neighbors of stealing and eating it (turns out it fell in a hole and was found a couple days later). The cow is starving because the son supposed to take care of it has taken off and mom doesn't have the time to cut enough grass for it. A neighbor got arrested by mean barangay captain and big discussion whether it was his karma for doing this or that. A neighbor girl is showing off all she gets from her foreigner and saying he is better than other foreigners, (competition is fierce between them over who can get more) acting so "high" to everyones disgust. On and On it goes.

Finally I say , ENOUGH! we have been good to all, kind and generous and now its time for us again. If you want to focus on life back in the province, then just go back there and live. Spend a few weeks till you get sick of it and when you are ready to start a life with me again let me know! She got the message and the calls back and forth ended and the petty dramas of small town province life were left for the people there to work out, while we lead our life. And we will let sis close by know when we would like to see the nieces again not let sis decide when she wants a break from them.

i will still buy sis's son from a previous relationship the bike he wants. So he can ride with the other boys to school because he doesnt have his, (now in high school) tia to walk with anymore. As I bought him the basketball he wanted. I feel sorry for the kid because his mother wants nothing to do with him anymore and abandoned him completely to grandma, because he looks like her hated ex-lover. Won't even fake it and give him a hug when they are in same room together and havent seen each other in 20 months. So much for the "filipina heart". Tough on a kid to have a mother who doesn't love him.

My partner seems happier since I cracked down. Secure in the knowlege she has a strong partner who wants her. Relieved that she has compelling reason to turn away from the irritations of family and previous life. All is good again. Guys keep control, don't get your head so in the clouds that you can't see reality anymore. Strive to see reality with the cold clear eyes of a hunter so you can best deal with it, and find the LASTING good life you deserve. Don't let anyone take control of your life again. You may say you do it out of love but it isn't love its weakness and self destuction.

Edited April 26, 2012 by jode

[Jack Peterson]

Jode! :thumbsup: Spot one.

If my Wife could read this, she might Understand a little better, when I said to her, I married you, NOT your family, help is help but sometimes, the P...s gets taken.

I admire your writing. From the heart, I can sense. :)

Jack P. :tiphat:

[Jake]

I have alway preached here, that guys out of (head in the clouds) love should not lose sight of why they came to Philippines. The days of toiling endlessly for others are over and coming here is a time to lead the life YOU want for a change. The life you want can gradually be changed, if you let it, to a life your partner wants and which is differant than your blissful first days and weeks together. Stand firm and she will respect you for it and you will avoid waking up one day and realizing you are not happy anymore. That doesn't mean being selfish but only being true to yourself and your vision of a good life.

On and On it goes.....Finally I say , ENOUGH! we have been good to all, kind and generous and now its time for us again......

My partner seems happier since I cracked down. Secure in the knowlege she has a strong partner who wants her. Relieved that she has compelling reason to turn away from the irritations of family and previous life. All is good again. Guys keep control, don't get your head so in the clouds that you can't see reality anymore. Strive to see reality with the cold clear eyes of a hunter so you can best deal with it, and find the LASTING good life you deserve. Don't let anyone take control of your life again.

Hello Jode,

I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of dissecting your quote above in order for me to gather my thoughts.

First of all, you are not alone my friend. Many of the Filipino OFW's returning home are faced with similar issues.

Being Filipino, I am nodding my head with empathy after reading what you and others are going through.

You however, have made an excellent point to continue with your life in the most positive way. And we thank you

for your inspiration. I must also commend your partner for drastically adjusting her ways of thinking as well. She

was faced between two cultures and finally made some hard decisions.

Many more speed bumps along the way but life does goes on, doesn't it -- respectfully, Jake

[jode]

Glad you appreciate my efforts. I admit that i make them mostly for myself. To keep mind active and to quantify feelings by putting them into words. But if others can find them of value then all the better.

Family may always be number # in their heart for a filipina, but if you won't have it that way, it doesn't have to be number one in their daily thoughts and actions.

We have come to the edge several times in 2 1/2 yrs most often do to my behavior. But she has decided that she will adjust and tolerate rather than leave. I believe 4 out of 5 filipina partner would do the same rather than end the the good things they have with their foreigner.

If she ever decides to leave I will get over it as there are plenty of fish in the sea of Cebu.

[Jake]

Glad you appreciate my efforts. I admit that i make them mostly for myself. To keep mind active and to quantify feelings by putting them into words. But if others can find them of value then all the better.

Family may always be number # in their heart for a filipina, but if you won't have it that way, it doesn't have to be number one in their daily thoughts and actions.

We have come to the edge several times in 2 1/2 yrs most often do to my behavior. But she has decided that she will adjust and tolerate rather than leave. I believe 4 out of 5 filipina partner would do the same rather than end the the good things they have with their foreigner.

If she ever decides to leave I will get over it as there are plenty of fish in the sea of Cebu.

Love lost, love gained which is not necessarily a vicious cycle. You've worked so hard, has gone through

many issues at your home country -- you deserve the right of peace and quiet during your golden years.

Petty stress and illogical emotions (OA - over acting) should be thrown out the window. Take it or leave it.

[Ashanti]

Finally after what seemed like a long time it is just me and my lover again. Nice relief to be able to go around au natural again and just do our own thing.

hey jodie, i have an opera binoculars ............. let me know if you dont have any visitors so i could make good use of them.........

:hystery:

[jode]

Finally after what seemed like a long time it is just me and my lover again. Nice relief to be able to go around au natural again and just do our own thing.

hey jodie, i have an opera binoculars ............. let me know if you dont have any visitors so i could make good use of them.........

:hystery:

It wouldn't be a pretty sight and your opera glasses may crack. One of best things about filipinas for me is their tolerance of it.