Conflict With Food & Eating

[Adventurer]

I have started living with my girlfriend but there is a problem as we both like different types of food. I'm an ex chef and have certain foods I like and things I would not eat. I also studied nutrition and try to live a healthy life. On the other hand my young girlfriend only knows how to cook a couple of Filipino dishes, with rice. She piles on loads of salt and the packet spices that I assume include MSG etc. She will not eat anything I cook besides some pasta but only as a supplement to her rice and usually pork. I said I would be able to eat her food but as long as she can cut out the salt and artificial spices but she doesn't want to budge. She only thinks about her food, when she gets up in the morning it is a heavy meal of rice, pork and veggies while I only eat some oats and fruit, she has that again for lunch and dinner. She never offers to cook anything for me besides offering me some of hers while I'm constantly offering to make her meals. I have made some very delicious foods in normal situation, restaurant quality dishes with fresh ingredients like fish, veggies, chicken, beef etc but she does not like much of it. It is a the point now where we could end up breaking up..... Has anyone had this happen, how did you deal with it? I have tried to talk to her but she does not want to listen to me so I'm really disappointed.

Edited July 12, 2012 by Adventurer

[Jack Peterson]

She never offers to cook anything for me besides offering me some of hers while I'm constantly offering to make her meals. It is a the point now where we could end up breaking up..... Has anyone had this happen, how did you deal with it? I have tried to talk to her but she does not want to listen to me so I'm really disappointed.

:unsure: What! after all we have been saying over the past few months! the good the bad the indifferent. do you really need to ask?. Sorry to hear about this Adventurer BUT! you know what is needed here . Who pays the rent? If it was the other way around, I am sure your bags would be outside the front door fairly soon my Friend. sorry if this sounds sharp/Harsh but you have to get things sorted. Qui Y Ahora, Here and Now. remember what our grand parents said, Nip it in the bud. If not, Then I feel you will be a door mat. love can be blind but the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, well i heard it somewhere.

[billten]

Dude, this problem will not go away and will only get worse over time. What do you want, someone to share and explore your interest in food or someone who couldn't give enough of a crap to compromise. Punt her...

[Old55]

You may want to find someone who you have more things in common with.

[brock]

Have you tried to teach her how to make the kind of food you like, If she doesnt want to learn, Then dump her

[Mike S]

Adventurer ...... you are my friend caught in the middle of a Aussie/Filipino cultural difference ..... first off she doesn't know how to cook or like the foods you like and you don't like the foods she eats ..... hummmmm ... yup it happens .... and now to the compromise .... you say she won't and you apparently won't either ...... it maybe she is to young to have experienced to many foreign types of food and you claim you like to eat healthy so you won't eat her types of food ...... if one or both of you aren't willing to make SOME concessions the only way out is for you to cook yourself and she cooks for herself if you want to stay together ....... everyone is telling you to dump her but you are just as guilty ...... sorry guy ..... just the way I see it ..... consider the fact that she doesn't want to cook your types of food because she is afraid you won't be happy with the outcome and the food would go to waste .... plus she will loose face if you toss the stuff in the garbage ...... just a thought .....

Now let me just tell you how we do it ..... first off I like most foods but I don't eat carbs so no sugar (well I do use Splenda) ..... I don't use salt ..... my asawa had to be taught how to cook things like steaks .... southern fried chicken and real hamburgers .... all I had to do was show her and she took off ..... she also went on line to research recipes she thought I would like ..... I never once made fun of what she tried or refused to eat it (after all HOW BAD can it actually be) and I gave helpful hints along the way ..... now some of her Filipino recipes she had to alter not because of how they tasted but what went in them ...... (no carbs) ..... but as she told me she wants me to live a lot longer so she makes every effort to help me do so ..... and we have been together for over 5 years .....

Now she still likes her Filipino food so she will on occasion go to the local carendaria (5 with in 1 blocks of where we live) each one prepares 4-5 different ulams for each day so she has a good variety when ever she wants it ..... full of salt ... sugar and lots of other goodies ..... I never discourage her or make fun of what she brings home (we always eat together) even on stinky dried fish day ..... :hystery: ..... I on the other hand enjoy her cooking no matter what she cooks .... but it is mostly Filipino style food .........

I guess if you guys can't come to some type of agreement you will just have to go your separate ways ...... just be prepared for the drama that will follow when you tell her she has to get out .... :mocking: ..... won't be easy but not sure what else to tell you ..... as they say here in the Phils ...... "sup to you" ..... :tiphat:

[i am bob]

My friend, I have to agree with Tom. I did see that you tried to compromise with the salt and spices when she cooks but that still goes back to what Tom was saying about "Face". I have gone through this myself as my ex-girlfriend (a Taiwanese lady) was a vegetarian for religious purposes (Dao - also known as Tao) so I did not eat meat at home with her. Instead I only ate meat if we went out to a restaurant or to family / friends - and this wasn't very often. Other than that we ate the same foods. And, yes, it put a strain on our relationship but I figured that I could do this for her. Was the food healthy? Not always for the same reasons you gave. But I ate it, learned how to make it and then modified the recipes to make them healthier and so that she would like them too! Problem solved except I became addicted to that darn Thai Sweet Chile Sauce for Chicken!!!

After we broke up, I went back to eating meat. One thing I learnt that I just couldn't believe? An average veggie burger tastes better than the cheap pre-made frozen beef burgers -both found in the frozen meat section of the grocery store!

[Adventurer]

well thanks for the replies and I have to admit we were at boiling point when I posted this and I probably exaggerated a bit. Anyway we discussed she could go back to her home and have a think about what she really wants as it is not working like this and I said we need to be a couple sharing etc. Now after some tears and sulking she apologized and I did too and now she wants to change and wants us to enjoy each others food, she will not put salt and chemicals in the meals. She is a good girlfriend in every other way. Since we reached this boiling point then we have been a lot closer, sometimes a good argument can sort things out :)

[Jake]

well thanks for the replies and I have to admit we were at boiling point when I posted this and I probably exaggerated a bit. Anyway we discussed she could go back to her home and have a think about what she really wants as it is not working like this and I said we need to be a couple sharing etc. Now after some tears and sulking she apologized and I did too and now she wants to change and wants us to enjoy each others food, she will not put salt and chemicals in the meals. She is a good girlfriend in every other way. Since we reached this boiling point then we have been a lot closer, sometimes a good argument can sort things out :)

I wish that more of us as a human specie can accept our failures and change for the better.

It takes more courage to say you have made mistakes and are willing to remove the egos

that often times will kill any relationship, short or long term.

You and your GF should be commended for not only sharing your good thoughts but your

bad ones as well. It's so nice to make up and have her light your fire once again.....he, he.

Well done Adventurer -- Jake

[GregZ]

Just want to share that your situation is familiar Adventurer. My girl and I are still a bit "new" at living together and we had to work through some issues around being a couple instead of two people living together. Normal new couple stuff I think but a little extra fuel for the fire from cultural and age differences.

I think all the problems came from me SMELLING better on the INTERNET. :bash: Silly me left the deoderant behind to make room for chocolates.