Peer Pressure And How Does It Affect Your Wife And You?

[Mr Lee]

As many of you know, we only live part time in the Philippines and the rest of the time in the US but this problem seems to relate to all Filipinos, no matter where they are in the world. No matter where in the world we happen to be, when we meet a Filipina and often a Filipino, they will ask "how many children we have" and that can be very hard on a lady if she is not strong willed and has not accepted not having children and especially if you live in the Philippines. As some of you know, we do not have children. Another issue we run into all the time is "what, you do not have a maid" and when my wife was on the floor cleaning the paint off the tiles in our condo, one workman could not believe his eyes and asked her "why don't you have a maid or hire someone to do that for you"So I am wondering just how much peer pressure can come into play besides those issues, and if others have experienced the same things as we have? I would also like to say that if you do not understand at least some of the language or have a very communicative relationship, your wife or gf may never tell you all the things other Filipinos say because it embarrass her and I think it is important to discuss all these issues with my wife.

Edited September 15, 2009 by Mr. Lee

[TheMason]

As many of you know, we only live part time in the Philippines and the rest of the time in the US but this problem seems to relate to all Filipinos, no matter where they are in the world. No matter where in the world we happen to be, when we meet a Filipina and often a Filipino, they will ask "how many children we have" and that can be very hard on a lady if she is not strong willed and has not accepted not having children and especially if you live in the Philippines. As some of you know, we do not have children. Another issue we run into all the time is "what, you do not have a maid" and when my wife was on the floor cleaning the paint off the tiles in our condo, one workman could not believe his eyes and asked her "why don't you have a maid or hire someone to do that for you"So I am wondering just how much peer pressure can come into play besides those issues, and if others have experienced the same things as we have? I would also like to say that if you do not understand at least some of the language or have a very communicative relationship, your wife or gf may never tell you all the things other Filipinos say because it embarrass her and I think it is important to discuss all these issues with my wife.

The main thing we get pressured about is my wife working. Many Filipinos just can't comprehend why a woman married to a foreigner would want to work. They don't seem to understand that working is about more than money, that it is also a source of pride and satisfaction. I see this a lot among women married to foreigners. Many of them are content to sit on their a** and watch Wowowee and gossip with the neighbors while flashing their gold jewelry and fancy cellphones. When we meet an expat and their wife, I usually look at the couple and say a prayer of thanks because if not for the grace of God, I could be married to that woman.Despite being Catholic, my wife and her entire family have the Protestant work ethic (loosely defined as the belief that hard work is a virtue in and of itself, not simply a means to an end) instilled in them. People with this belief tend to work hard because it gives them a sense of pride and satisfaction not just because they need the money. People without it see work as a way to earn money. If they can earn money or be comfortable without hard work, that's the preferred way. Expats from North America or Northern Europe generally have the Protestant work ethic regardless of their religion or the importance religion plays in their life. They come from countries where the Protestant work ethic is deeply engrained in society. Work is generally seen as a good thing regardless of their financial situation. Filipinos generally believe that the best way to get ahead in life is whichever way requires the least amount of work. In my opinion, this difference in how work is viewed is the primary reason that many foreigner/Filipino relationships fail. Many Filipinas see marrying a foreigner as a way to get ahead without working. They've punched their Golden Ticket and intend to spend the rest of their life on easy street. When the Filipino expects family assistance, the foreigner resists because they don't think people should get something for nothing. When the foreigner expects their Filipino spouse to contribute to the relationship via hard work, the Filipino asks 'why should I have to work hard? we already have money and a comfortable life. Lets get a maid and yaya.'People always talk about overcoming the cultural differences in their marriage but they don't take the time to explore and fully understand what causes those differences. In my opinion, it is this attitude towards work that is the root of the other cultural differences people usually talk about. Edited September 15, 2009 by TheMason

[daisy]

The presumption that I should be in the US by now since I am married to a American....it is slowly eating me up..."alive", especially that most of my contemporaries are in one or another have been to the US! They are not married to foreigners! Somehow, maybe this one truth, led me to form the Expats' Ladies Charities, at least here, I will make the best of my being in the Philippines, married to an American worthwhile and significant! Even my doing some business is questioned! "What for" not knowing that I will not be me without it! Peer pressure? Yes of course and I just thank God He taught me to handle it beautifully!