A little moan coming

[stevewool]

A moan is on its way so either ignore me or understand me.

We have this Debut coming soon and here was me thinking myself and Ems plus her dad and brother would all get into a taxi and make our own way there, yes I was willing to pay and also stay overnight and come back next day, or even the day after that.

Well it seems that the family has said NO , we have cars so a car will pick the father and brother up and we shall go with another member of the family in there car as they have 2 cars plus they will bring us back too , so here is me thinking great I will just give some cash for the fuel.

Roll on another day and now it seems that this family member don’t want to use both his cars so they are all going in the one vehicle so now myself and Emma are left , so it’s back to thinking how to get there , I have already told ems I shall stay here and do some painting in the house, that went down well.

This is where I like doing things myself , it’s good to have people doing things for you , it’s ok to do things yourself and you then don’t feel like your are not bothering anyone.

[Marvin Boggs]

I think we've all been there.  My take on it is, at some point you begin to realize that your own intuition will probably be correct in most situations.  Although I can't speak for all of us here, my wife has grown to appreciate that I'm just going to put my foot down on some things and we are going to follow my lead.  You can expect that most filipino plans involving multiple people, and especially families, will often break down and get all chaotic before they are finally figured out.  Learning to live with it and not be bothered is one option :)  But I need to know what's happening and how to plan for things, ergo I find the need to assert myself into some situations.  

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I see it as a bonus.  Now you can take the taxi, as was your original plan. You can stay overnight, and the family is on it's own. This is working out better than you could have planned.  Win-win ha ha 😎

[Tommy T.]

59 minutes ago, Marvin Boggs said:

You can expect that most filipino plans involving multiple people, and especially families, will often break down and get all chaotic before they are finally figured out.  Learning to live with it and not be bothered is one option :)  But I need to know what's happening and how to plan for things, ergo I find the need to assert myself into some situations.  

I think you understated that a bit, Marvin... The chaos begins well before the event and proceeds through it. I see it as a Filipino thing. I sometimes drive L nuts because I always insist on a plan (which maybe works, often not) because I hate surprises. And I also found that sometimes asserting oneself into the situations can be either suicidal or at least a bit self-defeating. As I continue to try - go with the flow but just put on the brakes a bit when you feel appropriate... Good luck to us all!

Just now reading Tim's response - perfect! I agree that you have a win here!

Edited December 11, 2019 by Tommy T.

[hk blues]

51 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

The chaos begins well before the event and proceeds through it. I see it as a Filipino thing.

It is, and most definitely not a good part of the culture.  Chaos might be the norm here, but it doesn't make for good end results in most situations - just unnecessary stress for all concerned (well, those of us who prefer things just a little more organised)

[Marvin Boggs]

Wife and i have a good 'repartee' in the tense situations that often crop up.  She usually defaults to her rather fiery nature...voice gets raised, starting to sense the anger....then I do something or say something that makes her laugh, and she realizes I'm calmly analyzing things instead of getting excited.  Living here is an amazing experience, that's for sure.  

   

[stevewool]

12 minutes ago, Marvin Boggs said:

She usually defaults to her rather fiery nature...voice gets raised, starting to sense the anger....

   

At this moment in time and only being here for a week or so, when they shout between  themselves the voice is raised how do you tell the difference from normal shouting to angry shouting, because at the end of the shouting they all seem to laugh, maybe better then a few punches flying about.

[Marvin Boggs]

Ironically, as long as she's yelling about something, I know she is not angry.  "OK you sleep on the couch, then!"  Its when she is silent that I know she is really p*ssed off.  Fortunately, even though she has a short fuse, her anger is often short as well. 

Now if you've seen the screaming match on Facebook with the lady in the mall arguing about her broken humidifier...THAT was some anger....

[Tommy T.]

1 hour ago, hk blues said:

It is, and most definitely not a good part of the culture.  Chaos might be the norm here, but it doesn't make for good end results in most situations - just unnecessary stress for all concerned (well, those of us who prefer things just a little more organised)

Only in Mexico have I observed more shouting and loud (maybe pointless?) conversations that yielded little if any positive results than I have seen here. How many times have I seen 15 minutes of talk talk talking, gesticulating, sometimes yelling, and then - at least to me - it appears that there is no change to anything. But - as just noted above - everyone seems happy and closest friends again...at least mostly and on the surface when it is all finished and the dust has settled....?

[Old55]

Theres Drama and theres Filipino Drama.

Steve got a small example but has yet to experienced the full on Filipino family Drama.