It's Been A Long Weekend

[johnb]

Well my wife and I have had an interesting weekend and we'll have to see what the future brings. In general I'm lucky that my in laws here in Cebu, they are honest hard working people except for the youngest sibling my wife's brother, who's 27, he's never worked has two kids that he beats [ just found out about that a few months ago]and still lives at home with his mother who he also threatens to beat. When we married some seven plus years ago the day of our wedding my wife found that all of her jewelry had been stolen, her brother had stolen and pawned it, he later stole my wife's lap top, countless times he's pawned his mothers TV, and other household items. The first two years of our marriage we both lived in Africa since then we've lived here in Cebu, my wife's brother wont mess with me and is always on best behavior, I've employed him at least five times and sacked him five times, mainly because as soon as he gets paid he buys shabu, yes he has a drug habit. A couple of months ago things became so bad that his mother and his children had to come and stay with us for protection, he was then warned by me not to come to our house or I would beat him. He stayed away, as things cooled down mama and the kids wanted to return home so after a week or so they went home, all was well for a few weeks then it all kicked of again, to cut a long story short this weekend he not only threatened his mother and elder sister [ she lives above him] with a hammer but also took a kitchen knife in to his room and when asked by his mother to return the knife and that all the stress was giving her a headache, he said that perhaps he should use the knife to open her head and see what's wrong, At that point mama came back to us and the kids went to there other grandparents [ his wife works overseas, but seems to have disowned him and the children] In the morning he was still wandering round with the hammer, police were called, but did not come they even seemed to find the whole thing funny, baranguy captain was equally useless, so we spoke to some of my wife's and her sisters contacts and police turned up and arrested him, he was taken to holding cells and because it was Easter weekend he had to wait till Monday before release, Monday morning one of the family had a contact who works in a drug rehab unit, we had all papers processed and he was taken straight from the cells in handcuffs to the rehab unit, the police said that they could lock him up for six years if my wife wanted, she thought that a bit harsh so rehab seemed the better option, they said there good byes to the brother who was now crying and promising to change his ways and left, as is the policy of the rehab there will now be know more family contact for five months, after five months there will still be two months more of rehab with family visits allowed. I have offered a par time job if he comes out clean and stays clean, interesting and a bit scary that all this was done without a judge or lawyer ,apparently there may be a tribunal this week but were told it's a formality as all paper work has now been completed and he's already locked up……….I cant tell you how much stress this has brought on all of us, the only positive thing is that he told a rehab councilor he wanted to go to rehab years ago but wasn't strong enough to put himself up, I hope he can change his ways, if this reads a little disjointed I have intentionally left bits out and am writing this as much in anger as relief. Fingers crossed John

Edited April 6, 2010 by johnb

[Singers]

Well my wife and I have had an interesting weekend and we'll have to see what the future brings. In general I'm lucky that my in laws here in Cebu, they are honest hard working people except for the youngest sibling my wife's brother, who's 27, he's never worked has two kids that he beats [ just found out about that a few months ago]and still lives at home with his mother who he also threatens to beat. When we married some seven plus years ago the day of our wedding my wife found that all of her jewelry had been stolen, her brother had stolen and pawned it, he later stole my wife's lap top, countless times he's pawned his mothers TV, and other household items. The first two years of our marriage we both lived in Africa since then we've lived here in Cebu, my wife's brother wont mess with me and is always on best behavior, I've employed him at least five times and sacked him five times, mainly because as soon as he gets paid he buys shabu, yes he has a drug habit. A couple of months ago things became so bad that his mother and his children had to come and stay with us for protection, he was then warned by me not to come to our house or I would beat him. He stayed away, as things cooled down mama and the kids wanted to return home so after a week or so they went home, all was well for a few weeks then it all kicked of again, to cut a long story short this weekend he not only threatened his mother and elder sister [ she lives above him] with a hammer but also took a kitchen knife in to his room and when asked by his mother to return the knife and that all the stress was giving her a headache, he said that perhaps he should use the knife to open her head and see what's wrong, At that point mama came back to us and the kids went to there other grandparents [ his wife works overseas, but seems to have disowned him and the children] In the morning he was still wandering round with the hammer, police were called, but did not come they even seemed to find the whole thing funny, baranguy captain was equally useless, so we spoke to some of my wife's and her sisters contacts and police turned up and arrested him, he was taken to holding cells and because it was Easter weekend he had to wait till Monday before release, Monday morning one of the family had a contact who works in a drug rehab unit, we had all papers processed and he was taken straight from the cells in handcuffs to the rehab unit, the police said that they could lock him up for six years if my wife wanted, she thought that a bit harsh so rehab seemed the better option, they said there good byes to the brother who was now crying and promising to change his ways and left, as is the policy of the rehab there will now be know more family contact for five months, after five months there will still be two months more of rehab with family visits allowed. I have offered a par time job if he comes out clean and stays clean, interesting and a bit scary that all this was done without a judge or lawyer ,apparently there may be a tribunal this week but were told it's a formality as all paper work has now been completed and he's already locked up……….I cant tell you how much stress this has brought on all of us, the only positive thing is that he told a rehab councilor he wanted to go to rehab years ago but wasn't strong enough to put himself up, I hope he can change his ways, if this reads a little disjointed I have intentionally left bits out and am writing this as much in anger as relief. Fingers crossed John

Hi John."Trouble at Mill" Eh Mate.....You have been through it young man. "Keep your pecker up". Now the family can relax and you will find a way of reorganizing the situation and I hope a positive outcome will ensue.Kind regards,Tomps It may be that a Medic's advise is all that was needed to detain him? Edited April 6, 2010 by Singers

[Mr Lee]

Well my wife and I have had an interesting weekend and we'll have to see what the future brings. In general I'm lucky that my in laws here in Cebu, they are honest hard working people except for the youngest sibling my wife's brother, who's 27, he's never worked has two kids that he beats [ just found out about that a few months ago]and still lives at home with his mother who he also threatens to beat. When we married some seven plus years ago the day of our wedding my wife found that all of her jewelry had been stolen, her brother had stolen and pawned it, he later stole my wife's lap top, countless times he's pawned his mothers TV, and other household items. The first two years of our marriage we both lived in Africa since then we've lived here in Cebu, my wife's brother wont mess with me and is always on best behavior, I've employed him at least five times and sacked him five times, mainly because as soon as he gets paid he buys shabu, yes he has a drug habit. A couple of months ago things became so bad that his mother and his children had to come and stay with us for protection, he was then warned by me not to come to our house or I would beat him. He stayed away, as things cooled down mama and the kids wanted to return home so after a week or so they went home, all was well for a few weeks then it all kicked of again, to cut a long story short this weekend he not only threatened his mother and elder sister [ she lives above him] with a hammer but also took a kitchen knife in to his room and when asked by his mother to return the knife and that all the stress was giving her a headache, he said that perhaps he should use the knife to open her head and see what's wrong, At that point mama came back to us and the kids went to there other grandparents [ his wife works overseas, but seems to have disowned him and the children] In the morning he was still wandering round with the hammer, police were called, but did not come they even seemed to find the whole thing funny, baranguy captain was equally useless, so we spoke to some of my wife's and her sisters contacts and police turned up and arrested him, he was taken to holding cells and because it was Easter weekend he had to wait till Monday before release, Monday morning one of the family had a contact who works in a drug rehab unit, we had all papers processed and he was taken straight from the cells in handcuffs to the rehab unit, the police said that they could lock him up for six years if my wife wanted, she thought that a bit harsh so rehab seemed the better option, they said there good byes to the brother who was now crying and promising to change his ways and left, as is the policy of the rehab there will now be know more family contact for five months, after five months there will still be two months more of rehab with family visits allowed. I have offered a par time job if he comes out clean and stays clean, interesting and a bit scary that all this was done without a judge or lawyer ,apparently there may be a tribunal this week but were told it's a formality as all paper work has now been completed and he's already locked up

[tom_shor]

Well my wife and I have had an interesting weekend and we'll have to see what the future brings. In general I'm lucky that my in laws here in Cebu, they are honest hard working people except for the youngest sibling my wife's brother, who's 27, he's never worked has two kids that he beats [ just found out about that a few months ago]and still lives at home with his mother who he also threatens to beat.When we married some seven plus years ago the day of our wedding my wife found that all of her jewelry had been stolen, her brother had stolen and pawned it, he later stole my wife's lap top, countless times he's pawned his mothers TV, and other household items.The first two years of our marriage we both lived in Africa since then we've lived here in Cebu, my wife's brother wont mess with me and is always on best behavior, I've employed him at least five times and sacked him five times, mainly because as soon as he gets paid he buys shabu, yes he has a drug habit.A couple of months ago things became so bad that his mother and his children had to come and stay with us for protection, he was then warned by me not to come to our house or I would beat him. He stayed away, as things cooled down mama and the kids wanted to return home so after a week or so they went home, all was well for a few weeks then it all kicked of again, to cut a long story short this weekend he not only threatened his mother and elder sister [ she lives above him] with a hammer but also took a kitchen knife in to his room and when asked by his mother to return the knife and that all the stress was giving her a headache, he said that perhaps he should use the knife to open her head and see what's wrong, At that point mama came back to us and the kids went to there other grandparents [ his wife works overseas, but seems to have disowned him and the children]In the morning he was still wandering round with the hammer, police were called, but did not come they even seemed to find the whole thing funny, baranguy captain was equally useless, so we spoke to some of my wife's and her sisters contacts and police turned up and arrested him, he was taken to holding cells and because it was Easter weekend he had to wait till Monday before release, Monday morning one of the family had a contact who works in a drug rehab unit, we had all papers processed and he was taken straight from the cells in handcuffs to the rehab unit, the police said that they could lock him up for six years if my wife wanted, she thought that a bit harsh so rehab seemed the better option, they said there good byes to the brother who was now crying and promising to change his ways and left, as is the policy of the rehab there will now be know more family contact for five months, after five months there will still be two months more of rehab with family visits allowed. I have offered a par time job if he comes out clean and stays clean, interesting and a bit scary that all this was done without a judge or lawyer ,apparently there may be a tribunal this week but were told it's a formality as all paper work has now been completed and he's already locked up

[MattFromGA]

Sometimes events like this will make someone wish they were living in their home country, away from the mess. However, the mess would have been happening anyway, you just would be out of it. Its your family now too, so its good you were here to help deal with it. If you hadnt take charge of the situation and helped drive it to a conclusion, the brother inlaw would still be threatening people and probably killing someone in the end. That shabu is a real mind killer over time. The more they do it, the worse they get. You've helped nip the problem before someone really got hurt badly.I'd say if the brother comes out and gets back into the shabu habit again (most likely that he will actually), then its time to send him to jail for the 6 years as even disowning him doesnt stop the threat. Count your blessings that he didnt actually kill one of his own children or his mother in some shabu rage.

[TheMason]

My sister was hooked on speed about 20 years ago. It was a horrible thing for the family to have to deal with. She battled the addiction for about 5 years before beating it for good. Fortunately, she did so before she caused serious physical harm to herself or anyone else, although the family relationships are damaged to this day. She went through 2 rounds of rehab before it stuck. The old adage is true....they won't stop until they hit rock bottom...and even then, many die rather than stop. As Matt says, disowning a drug addict is not enough if they know where you live. I was in college at the time and wound up moving to a new apartment and not telling her where it was. That was the only way I could stop her from harassing me when she was high.

[Singers]

My sister was hooked on speed about 20 years ago. It was a horrible thing for the family to have to deal with. She battled the addiction for about 5 years before beating it for good. Fortunately, she did so before she caused serious physical harm to herself or anyone else, although the family relationships are damaged to this day. She went through 2 rounds of rehab before it stuck. The old adage is true....they won't stop until they hit rock bottom...and even then, many die rather than stop. As Matt says, disowning a drug addict is not enough if they know where you live. I was in college at the time and wound up moving to a new apartment and not telling her where it was. That was the only way I could stop her from harassing me when she was high.

Last evening I chatted with an American pal who To-Day "Celebrates" 30 years Drug and Alcohol FREE. He said a part of his brain was trying to kill him at the time he was dependent and the ONLY thought was of the next "Fix". Nobody and nothing else mattered.Quite frightening to think about but he has done it and is a healthy man now.There is always hope.UK Tom Edited April 7, 2010 by Singers

[johnb]

Of course I am hoping that he can beat this, but also I'm realistic that it may not be the case. my wife's family is made up of three elder sisters, one younger sister and the brother now in rehab, plus Mama, my wife's father died back in 1996, although I'm 50 I'm the oldest male in the family, there was always an unfair pressure that once I moved to Cebu full time Iwould somehow sort the Brother out. to be fare He has always been polite and civil to me, he clearly picks the softer sisters and his mother to fund his activities or steals from them when there out, they seem to forgive him anything, I'm not so soft but I do try to see his problems and when he's worked for me in the past although we do watch him, up till now he doesn't appear to have taken anything from us, to some degree he seems to need a father figure or at least someone to set him some boundaries, I leave Cebu at the end of this month, I hope to return before Christmas but I'm heading back to the UK after a break of 15 years, to earn some money in the hope that on my return I'll be able to float our business, it will be around Christmas that the brother will be back on the streets, I've offered to employ him initialy part time as long as he's clean............he's not my Blood family and I'm not overly attached so I can and will drop him if he becomes unmanageable, its the emotional attachment via my wife that is hard to watch, this is not something that can be fixed by throwing money at it, even if we had any lol.time will tellJohn