What's In A Number?

[Travis]

Jake hehehehe as always you can count on me for clean sex type posts & I wonder if numbers are lower or higher with the average Filipina & especially the girls who date foreigners? http://www.foxnews.com/health/2010/10/13/whats-number/?test=facesIt’s a number many new couples fret about. It’s a number that nearly everyone wonders about. And it’s a number that both men and women regularly lie about it: The number of sexual partners one has had.What’s all the fuss about?Well, for new couples, it can be nerve-wracking to share the big number. What if one partner’s number is higher than the other’s? What if one partner considers the other’s number too high? Or too low? What if one or both partners fib about the number?Whether coupled or not, the number is often a means of measure. Am I normal? Have I had too many partners? Too few? Should I try to up my number? Should I start lying and decrease my number?And that’s the real problem with the big number issue – it creates more questions than answerser many new couples fret about. It’s a number that nearly everyone wonders about. And it’s a number that both men and women regularly lie about it: The number of sexual partners one has had.What’s all the fuss about?Well, for new couples, it can be nerve-wracking to share the big number. What if one partner’s number is higher than the other’s? What if one partner considers the other’s number too high? Or too low? What if one or both partners fib about the number?Whether coupled or not, the number is often a means of measure. Am I normal? Have I had too many partners? Too few? Should I try to up my number? Should I start lying and decrease my number?And that’s the real problem with the big number issue – it creates more questions than answers.Why we lieMen add to their number and women subtract from theirs. It’s the same old story. Men with lots of partners are studs and women with lots of them are sluts. So, lying can feel like the only way to get by.Why we shouldn’tOur number is our number. There’s nothing we can do to lower it and once one commits to a monogamous relationship, increasing it is no longer an option either. Acceptance is the only way to go.Why the number doesn’t mean anythingThe truth is, it’s not the number so much as the motivation behind it. There are people with happy, healthy sex lives with high numbers, as well as with low numbers. And the opposite is true as well.Why there is no magic figureEvery individual has his or her own number. And there’s no reason to believe that men’s numbers should be higher than women’s. The key is making conscious choices. Having sex because of addiction is as unhealthy as not having sex because of fear.The high and the low of itA high number may be a sign of problems. For example, if drug and alcohol abuse is the reason for promiscuity. Or, if a person uses sex as a way to get what he or she wants whether it is for attention, control or physical goods.But a high number can also simply mean that a person enjoys his or her sexuality and sexual freedom. If he or she is making choices freely and not hurting himself/herself or others, it’s hard to say what the right number is.A low number can mean that a person has made good choices, conscious choices and has opted only to become involved sexually with people whom he or she is emotionally involved and/or committed to.But it can also mean that one is fearful of having sex and/or connecting with another person on that level. Religion, family ideals, a history of abuse and other issues may be the root of this problem.The bottom line is this: Regardless of your number – sex should fit into your life, not run it. If sex (having it or not having it) begins to affect your job, family, friends, health, etc., then it’s time to seek professional help.In one respect, the fact that this discussion exists at all is the problem. Focusing on the number can cause a person to make bad decisions. It can also cause a person to unnecessarily punish him or herself. Neither of which is healthy for anyone.So, should you share your number? I say, only if you have to. Only if you and your partner feel that you simply cannot live without knowing. The trouble is, once you know, there’s no way to “unknow,” as it were.Still curious about where you fit? Well, study after study yields new results, after new results. A poll done by ABC in 2004, reported that women say they have an average of six partners, while men reported 20. And according to a major sex study done by Durex in 2007, 10.7 partners was the average number of partners reported.So, until we can put truth serum in the water supply, we may never know. And I’m not sure it really matters other than in terms of anthropological curiosity.But whether you share your number or not, whether your number matches up with survey reports or not, the most important thing is that you don’t focus on the number or what it may or may not mean and instead focus on your current state of sexual well-being.Sex is an important part of a happy, healthy life. And, in the end, it’s all about what works for you. So, stop worrying. There’s no magic number other than the number that you find works for you. The real magic is in making every sexual experience a good one.

Edited October 15, 2010 by Traveler

[Jake]

Hello Traveler,Always count on you to bring up another good post starter. Personally, I agree with the bottom line that there is nomagic number to conceal or to brag about. It poses more questions than answers. While I was divorced and stillin the Navy, I had several intimate relationships (mostly in the States) until I met Judy. I am proud to say that whileI was married (previous and present) that I remained faithful. Hard to believe coming from a former US sailor. I amold school and still basically shy. Judy brought out the best in me. She is my Angel of patience and love.Respectfully -- Jake