Why Theirs People Out There Mad On Celebrating B-Day

[URGIRL]

Hi all i would just like to know some people opinion about why does some foreign people mad if the wife celebrating b-day for her daughter.I have a friend she's crying every time theirs b-days cz her husband wants her to buy something for her daughter rather than spending it for food to cook and invite her daughter play mates and class mates. She told me she just buy dress for her daughter and not expensive toy but she spend a lot for food cz shes thinking about their always invited any b-days from school and from her play mates,she thought her daughter is more happy to celebrate her b-day with a lot of people rather than buy any toys(anyway she got lots of toys) Whats the saddest part is her husband always think about money he told her (u people seem to like to show other people a party and thats it,f#@k other people,i don't send money over there for other people, that money was to buy kids a present)but she ignore her husband she done it already the party is over shes thinking the memories are more important how happy her daughter to celebrate it.she manage to cook spaghetti and burger w/ styro foam for 100 kids 50 for her neighbor and 50 for school for the total cost 3500 pesos.For my opinion as a filipina,here any occasion we don't mind spending a lot cz it only comes once a year or once in a life time what am just trying to say is value every happy moments cz what if ur kid or love one die tomorrow whats the use of money? its to late to give anything when the person is gone,the best happy moments could happen the better.in life the money is not just the only focus to think about cz once ur died u cant take it with u,of course its important but whats good with it if u cant even share any precious moments to those people u love... :)p.sany advices for her would gladly appreciated :) Take Care all and Be Safe everyone :)kind regards,Che che

[Dave Hounddriver]

You wrote:". . . her husband always think about money he told her (u people seem to like to show other people a party and thats it,f#@k other people,i don't send money over there for other people, that money was to buy kids a present)"It is my opinion that money given for a specific purpose is to be used for that purpose or returned to the owner of the money, in this case the husband.It is also my opinion that family finances should be discussed between the husband and the wife and that it is nobody else's business.

[URGIRL]

Yeah Right

You wrote:". . . her husband always think about money he told her (u people seem to like to show other people a party and thats it,f#@k other people,i don't send money over there for other people, that money was to buy kids a present)"It is my opinion that money given for a specific purpose is to be used for that purpose or returned to the owner of the money, in this case the husband.It is also my opinion that family finances should be discussed between the husband and the wife and that it is nobody else's business.

[Mr Lee]

Hi all i would just like to know some people opinion about why does some foreign people mad if the wife celebrating b-day for her daughter.I have a friend she's crying every time theirs b-days cz her husband wants her to buy something for her daughter rather than spending it for food to cook and invite her daughter play mates and class mates. She told me she just buy dress for her daughter and not expensive toy but she spend a lot for food cz shes thinking about their always invited any b-days from school and from her play mates,she thought her daughter is more happy to celebrate her b-day with a lot of people rather than buy any toys(anyway she got lots of toys) Whats the saddest part is her husband always think about money he told her (u people seem to like to show other people a party  and thats it,f#@k other people,i don't send money over there for other people, that money was to buy kids a present)but she ignore her husband she done it already the party is over shes thinking the memories are more important how happy her daughter to celebrate it.she manage to cook spaghetti and burger w/ styro foam for 100 kids 50 for her neighbor and 50 for school for the total cost 3500 pesos.For my opinion as a filipina,here any occasion we don't mind spending a lot cz it only comes once a year or once in a life time what am just trying to say is value every happy moments cz what if ur kid or love one die tomorrow whats the use of money? its to late to give anything when the person is gone,the best happy moments could happen the better.in life the money is not just the only focus to think about cz once ur died u cant take it with u,of course its important but whats good with it if u cant even share any precious moments to those people u love... :)p.sany advices for her would gladly appreciated :) Take Care all and Be Safe everyone :)kind regards,Che che

Che Che, based on what you wrote, it seems more about the money than about the party. Money is often very hard to earn even in first world countries. and it seems that many Filipinos (some of our family included) seems to think that foreigners are all very rich and do not also have to struggle to earn extra money above life's monthly costs. If the person is struggling to earn money, then I can understand how he does not wish to feed a bunch of strangers, and lets face it, when Filipinos have parties, the whole world seems to come and even those who are not invited. In my opinion if the parties were limited to a dozen or so classmates, then most of us would not mind, but when we often see people at a party and ask our wives who those people are, and the reply is "I do not know" then that can be quite frustrating for us. One party in my wifes village we paid for a giant pig, many chickens and many sacks of rice, and I ended up with just a couple of chicken legs because everyone in her village and surrounding villages had not only attacked the food, but also took home food for their families, and that is something many of us are not used to, and it did upset me that there was not even one piece of pig left for me to eat, after I had paid for the party. Many Filipinos do not take into mind the person throwing the party and often only think of themselves. I have to agree with Dave on this, if a person gives money for a particular purpose, then that money should be spent on that purpose and if that foreigner does not wish the money spent on a party, then the mother would have to find other ways to earn some money of her own in advance to pay for the party, and one way might be as I see my sister in law doing, making ice candy and running a small store and just saving up a peso here and there, so there are ways to accomplish both without upsetting the foreign husband who is often the goose that laid the golden egg, and those eggs may well stop if he finds out that his wife disregarded his wishes. IMO it is always best to work these issues out ahead of time and never go behind the husbands back.Now with all that said, not all of us feel the way that foreigner feels and I would be happy to supply the funds for my children's parties, and we often take out those who we consider to be our adopted children because what good is money if is not spent on family, friends and happiness, but I am retired and no longer killing myself to earn the money, yet I also have to be very careful to not spend more than I take in each month.Money is one of the main issues that cause divorces in the US, and I suspect all over the world. Tell your friend to be careful not to upset her husband or she may find herself without any.

[ekimswish]

Totally different cultures. I hate spending money on other people when I struggle so hard just to support our own lives, and keep up with our bills. I had a party for my wife at a swimming pool and just wanted her, myself, her dad, nephew, sister, and sister's girlfriend. Her dad and sister invited like 10 people to come, where I had to pay 100 pesos per head to enter the pool. My wife's not a 5 year old, so she really values her privacy, and she was upset by these strangers we never saw before or since crashing the party. I was pissed, too. But if it's for a 5 year old, I agree with you that the experience of celebrating with friends is better than toys.... BUT 100 PEOPLE?!!! In the west it will just be the classmates, maybe 20 kids or less. Different cultures. Neither one is better than the other, but they have to reach a compromise, like 20..... NOT 100! Sorry... just my op.

[Old55]

Che Che you call out a great example of a common problem. Often Foreigners do not have a clear understanding of Filipino culture. The Foreigner husband and his wife should have better communicated what best met the needs of the family. I agree with the others that the wife was wrong to spend for a party when her husband said not to. It could be the husband was too frugal or cheap or in fact just did not have budget we don’t know all the facts. Perhaps in the past family and friends took advantage and so the husband said “no more!”.On the other hand the husband should have understood the cultural need to replicate for the party’s the child had attended in order for the family not to lose face.Your story shows how even simple things can be difficult to understand for us Foreigner husbands and can cause family issues.

[MikeB]

It is also my opinion that family finances should be discussed between the husband and the wife and that it is nobody else's business.

Agreed