How much does your wife know about your finances?

[davewe]

A well known blogger made a posting about expat finances (both low and high). One thing that he said that I disagreed with was not telling your wife too much about your financial situation because she might spill the beans to her relatives.

For me it's hard to imagine not being open to my wife about our finances. Also, since Janet has a BS in Business Administration I make the assumption that she understands such stuff and might even be able to help. Sometimes that's true, sometimes not. For example if I ask her how much is in our savings account she usually knows within $100. But when I try to talk about the state of my retirement account, her eyes glaze over - except that she knows we are "rich" , proving positively she doesn't completely understand.

As we hit a certain age it's important to take care of our wives when we are gone and there have been several threads about that. I have let Janet know what is where and how to access it after I'm dead.

But I suppose I do understand the argument that telling her everything invites everyone to know what you have. The flip side of that is that even if you have nothing, most Filipinos will assume you are rich anyway.

In my wife's case I know she actually lies to her family sometimes telling them we are broke. I always assumed they could read right threw that fib, but one time her mother was really panicked, thinking we had no money for food lol. 

So back to my question, what do you tell your wife, how do you make sure she really understands, and how do you make sure your private information remains private.

 

[Old55]

Good question.

We live in da States so not exactly in the same situation as those living in Philippines. Like you my wife takes care of all our finances because she has a BS in accounting she also worked as an accountant. My wife also understands "my" company retirement benefits and retirement savings accounts. What she is not clear on is our SS benefits but once I retire she will.

For those Expats that "hide" account details from their wife, sadly I can understand in some cases this could be necessary. Hiding important details from ones spouse is not something I would recommend but..... Generally its true your Filipino spouse is very likely to share details with their family. I'm sure it's true in our case.  Honestly few Filipinos would see private information as private in a westerners context. 

 

[bows00]

1 hour ago, davewe said:

A well known blogger made a posting about expat finances (both low and high). One thing that he said that I disagreed with was not telling your wife too much about your financial situation because she might spill the beans to her relatives.

I totally agree with the subject Podcast where the Vlogger explains two basic scenario's - one with not enough or very little money, and the other where you are well off (e.g., over $5000 per month of steady income).  It is the latter condition where he cautions not to disclose your net worth (or income) to anyone - not even your wife.  The concern here is if the word gets out to a desperate Filipino (on drugs, starving for food, etc.), your life could be in eminent danger - life is very cheap there. 

This has always been a concern for me and I still do not have a viable solution should I get intimately involved in a relationship there.  And I also understand that the number 1 cause of divorce in America is from money related issues- mostly because of the lack of money, but  there is also a term called "money infidelity" where total honesty is not adhered to. 

This is, indeed, a very difficult dilemma...

[chris49]

I put Gina on a learning curve almost from Day 1 in the relationship. She's an equal partner, but admittedly I make the major decisions. She's good in daily management, but she's weak in long term planning. She does better with less money in hand, so it's a balance thing. She gets her money weekly but not more than that. There is money locked in the drawer and money in the bank. That, of course can't be touched except by mutual agreement. She has 2 trustee accounts for the kids, which we withdraw from once a month, but can't be touched otherwise.

I have more money coming in soon. And I have prior negative experience in the area.

Whatever I bring in and exchange to pesos, is within her area of management and continuation of the learning curve. Any mistakes are limited in that area.

What I keep in USD or AUD is not included. I am not sure if she will ask me, currently she doesn't. Everything will go to her and the kids, but I'm not relinquishing hard cash just now. When the time comes I will.

[davewe]

17 minutes ago, bows00 said:

 

This is, indeed, a very difficult dilemma...

And I suppose this morphs into the standard dilemma of everyone thinks you are rich, whether you are or not and how real is it to think you are hiding anything. 

For example, a few months ago we were in Dumaguete, where we intend to retire next year. We had a guy show us a few properties for fun; I know, my idea of fun is a bit weird . I was with my wife and her younger sister. After the guy showed me a few places he asked if I wanted to see something really special. Sure why not! he took us to an estate on 6000+ sq. meters. As I recall the price was 12.5 million. It was fun to look. I could see the girls mentally planning, even though Janet knows that this is way beyond our budget, assuming we ever buy at all. But as I say it was fun; the place looked like the Clampett estate, if you remember The Beverly Hillbillies.

We went out to dinner right afterwards and the girls were quiet; clearly disappointed that old Dave had not just pulled out his wallet and bought the place that moment. I laughed and explained that while such excursions were fun no one should imagine that I would buy such a place. 

I am sure this information managed it's way back to the family - and BTW, I have a wonderful Philippines family. "Kuya Dave almost bought a mansion," I can hear my SIL saying. Poor SIL might be disappointed by what I do eventually buy. All this being said, it was my wife who suggested we live a couple hours away, so she does have some wisdom about such matters. I guess I ultimately don't worry too much, figuring if my wife ever takes the bolo to me it won't be for the money; it'll probably be something nonsensical, like I left a towel on the floor 

[bows00]

11 minutes ago, davewe said:

And I suppose this morphs into the standard dilemma of everyone thinks you are rich, whether you are or not and how real is it to think you are hiding anything. 

What others think is of no concern and I was not trying to imply, or convey my personal status, because in the scheme of this conversation, it doesn' t even matter.  And the word "rich" as you are referring to is very relative.  For example, disclosing to your wife whether you had $1000 or $1 million in the bank may not make any difference to a desperate Filipino.  Like I mentioned previously, life can be cheap there.  It is just a concern for one's personal safety.

[chris49]

15 hours ago, bows00 said:

What others think is of no concern and I was not trying to imply, or convey my personal status, because in the scheme of this conversation, it doesn' t even matter.  And the word "rich" as you are referring to is very relative.  For example, disclosing to your wife whether you had $1000 or $1 million in the bank may not make any difference to a desperate Filipino.  Like I mentioned previously, life can be cheap there.  It is just a concern for one's personal safety.

Money carried around eg large amounts of cash could impact your personal safety.

Why do you think money in the bank would impact that? A clever woman might try to access that in other ways, not involving your safety.,

[davewe]

1 hour ago, bows00 said:

What others think is of no concern and I was not trying to imply, or convey my personal status, because in the scheme of this conversation, it doesn' t even matter.  And the word "rich" as you are referring to is very relative.  For example, disclosing to your wife whether you had $1000 or $1 million in the bank may not make any difference to a desperate Filipino.  Like I mentioned previously, life can be cheap there.  It is just a concern for one's personal safety.

Just to be clear I wasn't critiquing what you said, I just meant that my original question also relates to the general notion that by definition everyone knows you are rich in the Philippines, even if you and she don't flaunt it.

[davewe]

55 minutes ago, chris49 said:

Money carried around eg large amounts of cash could impact your personal safety.

Why do you think money in the bank would impact that? A clever woman might try to access that in other ways, not involving your safety.,

In the blog that I originally referred to, the implication made was that she or some family member, knowing too much about your finances, might rob you or bump you off. And while I am sure this has happened, for me to be married without a little bit of transparency is impossible. Besides she already knows and I can't put the cork back in the bottle

So this is why I asked how you all handle financial information with your wives.

Edited August 1, 2016 by davewe

[Gratefuled]

Good question but as we read the answers we learn it is a mixed bag. Some expats are here in the Philippians and married. Others are in their home country and married. Some have educated wives with good jobs and others do not. Some expats are just shacking up. 

In my case, my Filipino wife does not know the source of my income or how much and she doesn't ask. We have a joint bank account here. Our only bills are for utilities, groceries and private school. Wife took early retirement  and has a boarding house that brings in a small amount for her. The farm where her parents live and work is hers also. 

If and when she ever decides to live in the states with me she will learn more about my finances. She will also be eligible for Social Security survivors benefits. 

She really does not need me financially. It was love that brought us together and not money.