Things To Do And Not Do While In The Philippines

[Jake]

Me being a Filipino, I would have confronted that old "gate keeper" in a similar fashion. Of course I would gatherall my allies (my neighbors) who had common complaints about her and discuss the matter with the owner(s) ofthe subdivision. If things escalate, I would just relocate in the middle of the night, trashing the place in revenge. Hey, it's just me......my background is Filipino and the rules of the jungle applies here.Respectfully -- Jake

One main thing I would like to point out is that Jake, Art, gapotwo and many others have one leg up on some of us other guys who do not blend in. Jake you can probably get away with a lot more than some of us might, whereas some of us who have spent lots of time in the country such as Jim Sibbick and who may have met the right people, might also get away with more than some others who think they know it all, just because they come from first world countries. If I remember correctly and please correct me if I am wrong, Jake moved back to the US after trying life in the Philippines once before, and even being Filipino the bs got to you back then, am I correct Jake? So while I would like things to be different and I have also met some of the people in the right places during many of our visits, I also know it is best not to push my luck, so I won't. For the others who think they know better, it is your life, do as you wish.For MikeB, I will not even bother responding to some more of what I consider to be even more ethnocentrism and Ugly American behavior on your part in your posts.Added, BTW, if I am correct, it was my wife and I who told you where that compound is because our friend Mike lived there way before you did and if I remember correctly we told you about it in the new Robinsons while eating at a restaurant there, well at least that is what my wife says happened and I seem to remember telling you it was another choice for you to look at.

Yes Kuya, you are absolutely correct that I escaped back to US without my wife Judy. I could say that I was tooAmericanized, prejudiced against my own people because they were so backwards. To be honest with you guys,I don't know if I have my temper is completely in check these days. I'm really prejudice against stupidity. But onething for sure, I'm willing to try again, keeping a very low, non confrontational profile. My health and my family iswhat's more important to me now.I guess I need to take three breaths before raising my voice again. If it requires four breaths, I might as well getmyself arrested before I go postal.Jake Edited December 23, 2011 by JAKE
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[Call me bubba]

NOT TO DOIf your seeking or looking for "good-time" (SEX) DONT EVEN TRY to "SEEK" underage age. If she looks YOUNG in all Fact she is YOUNG.2, DONT think about finding "STREET" entertainment.who knows who is watching you.YOUR life is worth more than a few minutes of "release" TO DO If your seeking or looking for "good-time" Then try a ESTABLISHED BAR/KTV Club, Or Use a social media site if your in need of "Good-time" AND PREVIOUSLY STATED USE YOUR GUT INSTINCT

[Jollygoodfellow]

I am no expert on how to treat "ALL Filipinos" but I will share a recent experience.

I am no expert on how to treat others either, I just try to use the logic that would I wish them to do that to me if I was them. I always feel that two wrongs do not make a right, so if I feel the other person is wrong, should I stoop to their level.

I live in a kind of family compound meaning all the buildings behind the gate are owned by family members, some live in them some rent them out, like mine. Last week I ordered a water delivery to my apt. The same water company that has been delivering here for years with no problem. It was, of course, hot as hell. The owner of the 1st house by the gate is an older woman who just returned from wherever. She sees herself as "keeper of the gate" and has a reputation among the residents as being mean and miserable. She refused to let the water delivery truck inside the gate, meaning they had to leave it outside on a narrow and dangerous street and wheel the water in a long distance then up a flight to my apt. When they told her they were delivering to the American like they always do she told them I don't care if it's Obama, you're not coming in. I went down there and told her in no uncertain terms that they would be coming in just as they always had. A discussion ensued about who do you think you are etc and bottom line is they brought the truck in and delivered the water just as they always had. I could have just grinned and bared it, hell it wasn't me unloading the truck on the street or hauling it in the hot sun but, for me at least, that wasn't the right thing to do in this situation. There are times when you have to stand up for yourself.

Mike first of all I am not picking on you, I am going to pick on what you wrote, and what you wrote that you did.I happen to know where you were living because one of my friends used to live there and eventually moved out, and from what I had been told, the owners family occupies many of the homes and one of them is the grandmother, but I am not sure if she was the one you had this problem with or if that lady is family of the compound owner or not, but if she is older than you are, should you not show her some respect, regardless of whether she was wrong or what country you are in, and especially in the Philippines where elders are looked up to? How would you feel if someone ordered your grandmother around and made her lose face.Does an owner of a property not have more rights than a renter. I suspect that any time she is home that the truck might not be allowed in the property but since your truck got away with it all the times she was gone, does that make it OK for them to do once she got back. The guys who deliver water to our condo carry them a long way because the trucks are not allowed in much past the gate, so should I go down and tell the condo management that I do not want those poor men to carry my water so far, so they should be allowed to bring the truck right up to the building door. I think we all know many things do not make sense in the Philippines but one of the things I feel that makes the least sense is some of us coming over ordering the locals how we expect things done.So this woman just got back from a trip, possibly even from another country where the time zone was different, so therefore she may have been extra cranky and you feel it is OK to tell her in no uncertain terms what would be allowed in her country and possibly even her compound and in front of her home? I am sorry but I do not feel we should disrespect the locals and especially not disrespect our elders, but you obviously feel both is the correct thing to do.Mike I surely hope your apparent attitude does not end up getting you into a jam one of these days because if a person talked to my grandmother the way you seem to have spoken to her based on your written words, then they might have me to deal with, and I am not even Filipino.The term Ugly American comes to mind when I read statements such as above. Then many of us end up wondering why locals and many from other countries end up looking down on us. The one word in there which really stands out to me is ethnocentrism which means "The tendency to look at the world primarily from the perspective of one's own culture."added, standing up for ones rights can be done in many ways, maybe speaking to the owner of the compound, the other owners or speaking nicely to the person themselves.

I have no idea what Mike actually said but in some ways or more I agree he does have a right to stick up for himself as he is a tenant in the compound.Is there a sign saying no delivery trucks allowed inside? if there is then maybe that is different.As a tenant of a building in a compound which has common ground for access to each building which is needed for many things like moving furniture in and the delivery of various things over time like water then unless there are specific rules of the compound or terms on a lease which state otherwise a woman at the first house is not the police or official owner of all the compound.Yes one needs to try to compromise or discuss the situation but it makes no difference if Mike is American in a foreign land or not,he is a tenant of that compound with the same rights as others in the compound. Respecting the elders is debatable,if an old woman picks your pocket and then spits in your face are you just going to grin and bear it? Oh well she needs it more than me and the spit might just be a show of affection.No, life's not like that and at times one will stick up for themselves or what is or should be their rights no matter who it is that is causing a problem.

[Art2ro]

I came upon this article titled "Strange Brew, The Filipino - Yankee Rojak"!One of the fascinating dynamics that drives Filipino society and culture is the psychologically complex relationship between the Filipino and American peoples. On the surface, Manila is an extremely Americanized/Westernized place, as indeed it has been since the early 1900's. However, under the surface lies a subtle and elusive Filipino essence that is obscured by layer upon layer of cultural baggage and an unpredictable mixture of resentment and admiration.As I have made my way in Philippine society in general and the Manila business world in particular, I have worked hard to "fit in" and play the game in a culturally appropriate fashion. When in Rome and all that. Most objective reports suggest that I am doing about as well as any Yankee could expect after a mere two years in-country. Nevertheless, the more I learn about Filipino culture the more I realize how little I really understand and how much work lies ahead.Having thus noted my relative ignorance, I will now stubbornly plunge ahead with a few random notes that may possibly contribute to the reader's understanding of this elusive issue.(click on to the site below to further read the random notes of the writer). http://www.apmforum....rientseas16.htm

[Mr Lee]

I have no idea what Mike actually said but in some ways or more I agree he does have a right to stick up for himself as he is a tenant in the compound.Is there a sign saying no delivery trucks allowed inside? if there is then maybe that is different.As a tenant of a building in a compound which has common ground for access to each building which is needed for many things like moving furniture in and the delivery of various things over time like water then unless there are specific rules of the compound or terms on a lease which state otherwise a woman at the first house is not the police or official owner of all the compound.Yes one needs to try to compromise or discuss the situation but it makes no difference if Mike is American in a foreign land or not,he is a tenant of that compound with the same rights as others in the compound.Respecting the elders is debatable,if an old woman picks your pocket and then spits in your face are you just going to grin and bear it? Oh well she needs it more than me and the spit might just be a show of affection.No, life's not like that and at times one will stick up for themselves or what is or should be their rights no matter who it is that is causing a problem.

Tom there is a vast different between standing up for your rights and stepping on someone else's toes. Mike used the world that he told her in No uncertain terms "if someone tells you something in no uncertain terms, they say it in a strong and direct way" and can also mean emphatically, so if he spoke to her like a gentleman than that would be different to me but if a person reads what he wrote, he got his way because of how he spoke to her, in other words he told her off. Had she told him he could not park his car on the property and his lease allowed it, then that would be different but it is common in the Philippines to not allow trucks inside properties due to the weight of the trucks possibly damaging the road etc, and since she owns her share of the property, she has a right to refuse entrance of something which might damage her property. Also plain and simple, if it were your mother would you want a foreigner telling her off. There is a different between locals in any country. If I came to Australia and moved next to your mother and started telling her that I will do what I want to do and do not care what you mother told me, I think your opinion might change drastically. The spitting and pickpocket reference is over the top because those would be illegal and assault.

[Old55]

I came upon this article titled "Strange Brew, The Filipino - Yankee Rojak"!One of the fascinating dynamics that drives Filipino society and culture is the psychologically complex relationship between the Filipino and American peoples. On the surface, Manila is an extremely Americanized/Westernized place, as indeed it has been since the early 1900's. However, under the surface lies a subtle and elusive Filipino essence that is obscured by layer upon layer of cultural baggage and an unpredictable mixture of resentment and admiration.As I have made my way in Philippine society in general and the Manila business world in particular, I have worked hard to "fit in" and play the game in a culturally appropriate fashion. When in Rome and all that. Most objective reports suggest that I am doing about as well as any Yankee could expect after a mere two years in-country. Nevertheless, the more I learn about Filipino culture the more I realize how little I really understand and how much work lies ahead.Having thus noted my relative ignorance, I will now stubbornly plunge ahead with a few random notes that may possibly contribute to the reader's understanding of this elusive issue.(click on to the site below to further read the random notes of the writer). http://www.apmforum....rientseas16.htm

Great link Art thank you for that!

[MikeB]

I have no idea what Mike actually said but in some ways or more I agree he does have a right to stick up for himself as he is a tenant in the compound.Is there a sign saying no delivery trucks allowed inside? if there is then maybe that is different.As a tenant of a building in a compound which has common ground for access to each building which is needed for many things like moving furniture in and the delivery of various things over time like water then unless there are specific rules of the compound or terms on a lease which state otherwise a woman at the first house is not the police or official owner of all the compound.Yes one needs to try to compromise or discuss the situation but it makes no difference if Mike is American in a foreign land or not,he is a tenant of that compound with the same rights as others in the compound.Respecting the elders is debatable,if an old woman picks your pocket and then spits in your face are you just going to grin and bear it? Oh well she needs it more than me and the spit might just be a show of affection.No, life's not like that and at times one will stick up for themselves or what is or should be their rights no matter who it is that is causing a problem.

Tom there is a vast different between standing up for your rights and stepping on someone else's toes. Mike used the world that he told her in No uncertain terms "if someone tells you something in no uncertain terms, they say it in a strong and direct way" and can also mean emphatically, so if he spoke to her like a gentleman than that would be different to me but if a person reads what he wrote, he got his way because of how he spoke to her, in other words he told her off. Had she told him he could not park his car on the property and his lease allowed it, then that would be different but it is common in the Philippines to not allow trucks inside properties due to the weight of the trucks possibly damaging the road etc, and since she owns her share of the property, she has a right to refuse entrance of something which might damage her property. Also plain and simple, if it were your mother would you want a foreigner telling her off. There is a different between locals in any country. If I came to Australia and moved next to your mother and started telling her that I will do what I want to do and do not care what you mother told me, I think your opinion might change drastically. The spitting and pickpocket reference is over the top because those would be illegal and assault.

You weren't there, you don't know what was said or how, you have no idea what you're talking about. I don't understand your bizarre obsession with this and this will be last comment on it. There are no delivery restrictions on trucks inside the compound, I confirmed that with the owner of my building, in fact I hired a moving van to move all my stuff earlier this week and there was no problem. The road within the compound is not on her property. This individual had no right or cause to stop these workers from making a delivery, as they had for years, long before I moved there. She was bullying a couple of Filipino workers, not me. I was not disrespectful but I was firm. I was sticking up for them, not me. Got it?

[Mr Lee]

You weren't there, you don't know what was said or how, you have no idea what you're talking about. I don't understand your bizarre obsession with this and this will be last comment on it. There are no delivery restrictions on trucks inside the compound, I confirmed that with the owner of my building, in fact I hired a moving van to move all my stuff earlier this week and there was no problem. The road within the compound is not on her property. This individual had no right or cause to stop these workers from making a delivery, as they had for years, long before I moved there. She was bullying a couple of Filipino workers, not me. I was not disrespectful but I was firm. I was sticking up for them, not me. Got it?

That was not what you wrote and it was the owner of the compound place to settle the issue if he had granted the truck regular entrance.You wrote

I am no expert on how to treat "ALL Filipinos" but I will share a recent experience. You proved my point right in your opening statement and that alone shows the chip on your shoulder.I live in a kind of family compound meaning all the buildings behind the gate are owned by family members, some live in them some rent them out, like mine. Last week I ordered a water delivery to my apt. The same water company that has been delivering here for years with no problem. It was, of course, hot as hell. The owner of the 1st house by the gate is an older woman who just returned from wherever. She sees herself as "keeper of the gate" and has a reputation among the residents as being mean and miserable. She refused to let the water delivery truck inside the gate, meaning they had to leave it outside on a narrow and dangerous street and wheel the water in a long distance then up a flight to my apt. When they told her they were delivering to the American like they always do she told them I don't care if it's Obama, you're not coming in. I went down there and told her in no uncertain terms that they would be coming in just as they always had. A discussion ensued about who do you think you are etc and bottom line is they brought the truck in and delivered the water just as they always had. I could have just grinned and bared it, hell it wasn't me unloading the truck on the street or hauling it in the hot sun but, for me at least, that wasn't the right thing to do in this situation. There are times when you have to stand up for yourself.

So it is obvious based on what you wrote that even though she did not wish the water truck to be brought in past her home, the first home by the gate according to your post, and a discussion ensued about who do you think you are, (your words) and you got your way anyway, so it would appear that you bullied an old women to getting your way (over something so silly as a water delivery to even bother to push your weight around to do) since you did not say I sweet talked her into it or anything along those lines, so either you are trying to show forum members your bravado, or you did what you said, forced a older woman to allow the truck in when they could have done their job and brought the water to the home you rented, just as they have to do in so many other homes or condos when access is not allowed or possible.Lets stop wasting each others time. If you had called the owner of the compound and had them settle the problem then so be it, or even made nice with the lady and used logic and reason or sweet talked her, but your post makes it obvious that you made an older woman lose face in front of other Filipinos (the workmen) which is disrespectful, period, any way you wish to now cut it.

[Mr Lee]

I came upon this article titled "Strange Brew, The Filipino - Yankee Rojak"!One of the fascinating dynamics that drives Filipino society and culture is the psychologically complex relationship between the Filipino and American peoples. On the surface, Manila is an extremely Americanized/Westernized place, as indeed it has been since the early 1900's. However, under the surface lies a subtle and elusive Filipino essence that is obscured by layer upon layer of cultural baggage and an unpredictable mixture of resentment and admiration.As I have made my way in Philippine society in general and the Manila business world in particular, I have worked hard to "fit in" and play the game in a culturally appropriate fashion. When in Rome and all that. Most objective reports suggest that I am doing about as well as any Yankee could expect after a mere two years in-country. Nevertheless, the more I learn about Filipino culture the more I realize how little I really understand and how much work lies ahead.Having thus noted my relative ignorance, I will now stubbornly plunge ahead with a few random notes that may possibly contribute to the reader's understanding of this elusive issue.(click on to the site below to further read the random notes of the writer). http://www.apmforum....rientseas16.htm

And a quote from the next to the last paragraph stands out.

To be sure, all those years of being talked down to and treated as little brown brothers have left a lasting legacy of under-the-surface resentment of American cockiness. The Filipinos are a proud people, and resent being told what to do.

[Art2ro]

I came upon this article titled "Strange Brew, The Filipino - Yankee Rojak"!One of the fascinating dynamics that drives Filipino society and culture is the psychologically complex relationship between the Filipino and American peoples. On the surface, Manila is an extremely Americanized/Westernized place, as indeed it has been since the early 1900's. However, under the surface lies a subtle and elusive Filipino essence that is obscured by layer upon layer of cultural baggage and an unpredictable mixture of resentment and admiration.As I have made my way in Philippine society in general and the Manila business world in particular, I have worked hard to "fit in" and play the game in a culturally appropriate fashion. When in Rome and all that. Most objective reports suggest that I am doing about as well as any Yankee could expect after a mere two years in-country. Nevertheless, the more I learn about Filipino culture the more I realize how little I really understand and how much work lies ahead.Having thus noted my relative ignorance, I will now stubbornly plunge ahead with a few random notes that may possibly contribute to the reader's understanding of this elusive issue.(click on to the site below to further read the random notes of the writer). http://www.apmforum....rientseas16.htm

Great link Art thank you for that!

I had a feeling that some one would appreciate the article I posted in order to explain the mindset of the older generation Filipinos why some react the way they do towards foreigners in their country, especially MikeB's old lady compound gate keeper! She just probably resents all foreigners living in her compound due to her experiences with foreigners in the past! Here's a paragraph from the article as an example to make my point why some older Filipinos react the way they do towards foreigners in general! One problem was the significant and enduring theme of racism. Taft saw himself as a missionary sent to educate his "little brown brothers", a term he used on more than one occasion. In general, the American colonial administration's attitude was condescending at best (arrogant, racist, and disrespectful are also relevant adjectives). Most Americans saw the Filipinos as needing careful tutelage. There was always a presumption that they had to be guided every step of the way and that, if left to their own devices, their inferior racial tendencies would ensure a terrible outcome.So, IMO the outcome manifested resentment towards foreigners in the mindset of the older generation aka MikeB's "the old lady compound gate keeper"! Just my opinion though!