Am i lucky or unlucky

[stevewool]

4 minutes ago, OnMyWay said:

Yet the sister is not in the Philippines.

If I was in Steve's shoes, the line was drawn when the sister became an OFW nurse, making good money.  She is the one who should be giving / loaning to the family back home.

Hold on boys, there is a answer to that .

Emma was told by her brother in law that because she had married me it was her turn to look after the family now and because you have no children it shall be easier for you to send more cash.

This is the wanker who does not work .

Emma's response to him at the time was , my Steve has done more for my family in such a short time that he did not have to do then you have ever done since marrying into our family.

I cannot and will not stop Emma talking and seeing her family ,but looking from the outside the family only want Emma when they have problems or they can use her.

Like I have said I am waiting for the messages being sent directly to me asking for this and that, I shall not hold my breath,

[Dave Hounddriver]

17 minutes ago, stevewool said:

Emma was told by her brother in law that because she had married me it was her turn to look after the family now and because you have no children it shall be easier for you to send more cash.

Perhaps she (or you) should tell the brother in law:  If it bothers you that the family needs looking after then do it.  If it does not bother you then stay out of it.

On the other hand, if it bothers you (Steve or Emma) that the family needs looking after then do it and don't worry what the other people are doing.  If it does not bother you then wash your hands of it and stay out of it.

[Gary D]

If only life was so clear cut. Emma is going to be under immense pressure from her culture, it's so different to our western culture that we are unlikely to ever understand. To us what seems so logical will be water off there backs. I made the mistake of badmouthing a freeloader cousin who owes us 100s of thousands of pesos from when his mother was in hospital and they think nothing of lying and cheating to us when they come into money and the rest of the family closes ranks. Anyway I'm in the doghouse again two weeks before we come to the Philippines, even our son has turned on me and is threatening not to come with us. The foreign husband is very low on the pecking order, definitely behind any blood family of any relationship.

[stevewool]

2 hours ago, Gary D said:

If only life was so clear cut. Emma is going to be under immense pressure from her culture, it's so different to our western culture that we are unlikely to ever understand. To us what seems so logical will be water off there backs. I made the mistake of badmouthing a freeloader cousin who owes us 100s of thousands of pesos from when his mother was in hospital and they think nothing of lying and cheating to us when they come into money and the rest of the family closes ranks. Anyway I'm in the doghouse again two weeks before we come to the Philippines, even our son has turned on me and is threatening not to come with us. The foreign husband is very low on the pecking order, definitely behind any blood family of any relationship.

I understand all you say and even agree too, i know its hard for Emma she would give all away because that is what she is like, it is me who holds the purse strings and i will never let that go either, i know we all get in money problems now and again and yes if it was a loan and paid back in the time that was agreed maybe then there would be no problems, but its never that easy.

There is more to this in my eyes, jealousy  and thinking they can run her life still.

When i first starting looking towards the Phils and how they lived and supported each other in the family , i thought thats what i want , but you soon realize its nothing like that , the rich ones stay rich the poor ones stay poor, they can feed each other but there money stays in there own pockets, like i have said i do not care what they think of me , but like you say, its Emma who has to get through all this .

[softail]

I feel that I totally blessed.  My wife’s family has rarely ever asked for money, for the most part we are the ones that have voluntarily helped out.  We have sent for some medical expenses, sent a couple of children that showed potential to college, bought a brother in law a cordless drill, that sort of thing, but all our idea.  My wife’s family have totally accepted me in as a full family member and I consider them as my family.  I again say, I am totally blessed. 

[earthdome]

Thank you Steve for sharing the problems you and Emma have with some of her family.

It is a cautionary tale for those who may be starting a relationship with a filipina.

And for those of us who have married into filipino families where these issues are rare how fortunate we have it.

With that said my wife and I have helped at times. We helped three of her siblings get started. One in the PNP, another in a call center and a third OFW. Plus we have helped her parents a few times. Now those three siblings plus the oldest who works OFW as a nurse in Saudi and my wife will share the costs for their youngest sibling's wedding.

In my wife's family they will scold each other if they think one of them is getting out of line.

Edited March 5, 2018 by earthdome

[Robi]

Charity is certainly ingrained in the culture.

My Filipina wife has her finances and I have mine. Her family drags on her, not me.  That is the only way that I have found to maintain a degree of sanity.

[bows00]

On 3/4/2018 at 5:02 PM, stevewool said:

I have just borrowed £2000 from my daughter

In my experience, you should NEVER borrow money from relatives, or anyone you care deeply about.  You risk losing the relationship over the dept.  Especially in the Philippines were they have a culture (or many instances) where borrowed money is forgotten or never paid back, which was not the case for you, but it is still a risk non-the-less.    

But if you are in a financial condition to do so, I do believe in giving when needed.  Once you do so, there are no expectation of being paid back and the relationship is saved.   But then again, it depends on the situation and circumstances, and based on the original post, you would be enabling a financially irresponsible habit.  

[Dave Hounddriver]

4 hours ago, bows00 said:

In my experience, you should NEVER borrow money from relatives, or anyone you care deeply about.

From the other side of the coin, I NEVER lend money to relatives or anyone I care deeply about.  If I can afford to give them the money and call it a gift then I will, but to expect it back is a recipe for disaster.  Besides, it  feels so great on the rare occasion that the person does pay it back, or even pay it forward with a mention of my gift to them.

[jrlee183]

10 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

From the other side of the coin, I NEVER lend money to relatives or anyone I care deeply about.

I tend to agree, Dave.  My brother asked to borrow about GBP 3k from me about ten years ago.  Im still waiting for it back.  His solution was for me to take out a loan and he would service the repayments!!

Rightly or wrongly, i feel too proud to ask borrow money.   About 6 years ago i was on the bone of my ass and literally got down to my last USD 10.  Fortunately, I had been working my ass off and that situation soon reversed itself and all was well and didn't borrow a cent of anyone.  If someone had offered though, I would probably have accepted given the situation.

On the flip side recently, I have had a couple of very close friends who were really struggling.  They never asked me for help, but I could see they were in trouble and I offered what I could afford to not be repaid on.  Both situations turned themselves around too and both debts repaid in full within 3 months.   I guess it depends on the situation and the person you are helping.