Life through rose tinted glasses

[stevewool]

Not to sure where to put this either here or life as a expat, but if it’s wrong please move it.

I am sure we have all heard the saying ‘through rose tinted glasses’ , but usually it’s about me looking at what I am wanting and thinking and yet some others are trying to tell you it’s not like that.

So what happens when your partner sees there own  family through these so called glasses but when I see them they are nothing like this , yet the more I try to explain the more they dig in there heels.

We was at some friends house this weekend and they are going through a house purchase over in the Philippines and it was all going well until a in-law had her say, not a sister or brother but a in-law and it’s caused some problems and this is where I try to tell my partner about what could happen with the in-laws of my extended family, while she was chatting away in there secrete code to each other I knew she understands my concerns but is love blind or is it something deeper, has it been drilled into her that family is more important then anything.

I shall keep my guard up and my favourite saying NO for the £————- we are being asked for not £— where you could afford , so do you have anything like this in your life through your rose coloured glasses

[Jack Peterson]

3 minutes ago, stevewool said:

So what happens when your partner sees there own  family through these so called glasses

 Steve, they see nothing wrong in their Own family with or without the "Rose coloured Glasses"  Even with the Friends they have it is the same in most cases, Plus as I am reminded quite Often, We are "In -laws"  of course the Local In-Laws get a better/ bigger say but I for one know where you are coming from here

[Arizona Kid]

3 words. Watch your wallet!  

[Jack Peterson]

6 minutes ago, Arizona Kid said:

3 words. Watch your wallet!  

 Of that, i could 100% guarantee 

[frosty (chris)]

30 minutes ago, stevewool said:

 life through rose coloured glasses

After awhile the glasses fade and everything becomes crystal clear, that's when you learn not to be a soft touch for all and sundry, no is a very powerful word

[Arizona Kid]

21 minutes ago, frosty (chris) said:

After awhile the glasses fade and everything becomes crystal clear, that's when you learn not to be a soft touch for all and sundry, no is a very powerful word

No is a very powerful word, I agree. It's best used when you say it and mean it.

[Mark Berkowitz]

7 hours ago, stevewool said:

So what happens when your partner sees there own  family through these so called glasses but when I see them they are nothing like this , yet the more I try to explain the more they dig in there heels.

I’ve had very similar experiences, but my wife has actually shown me how much her family has helped me and her out with not just money but with so many other things since I became part of her family.  I’ve been proven to be wrong (almost all of the time) by her.

In fact, my two brother-in-laws in the Phils have loaned me money… and I’m supposed to be the rich foreigner.

But it’s not always the money, since they have (and continue) to support my wife and me with emotional support.

As far as the loans, I’ve paid back one BIL in full and I’m still making payments to my other BIL.

[sonjack2847]

It is quite difficult to give advice on this subject as everyone`s circumstances are different and we only hear half the story. I will state that you should only do that which you are comfortable with.

[Mike J]

My wife loves her family but has a very realistic view of each member.  She knows that some can be trusted, some not.  Some will be grateful for help, some will always expect more and not show gratitude.   I have never had to tell a family member "no", my wife takes care of that and so far we have always been in agreement about helping family and extended family.  

[Old55]

15 minutes ago, Mike J said:

My wife loves her family but has a very realistic view of each member.  She knows that some can be trusted, some not.  Some will be grateful for help, some will always expect more and not show gratitude.   I have never had to tell a family member "no", my wife takes care of that and so far we have always been in agreement about helping family and extended family.  

I'm very fortunate my wife is also this way.