How To Help The Philippines And Especially Poor Filipinos?

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How to help the Philippines and especially poor FilipinosOK, I have to admnit that after 14 plus years of marriage, I seem to not know the answer to this. I guess this is an age old question and it has no doubt been discussed on other forums, yet I still am ar a loss to understand it all. I do know that just giving our family money is not the answer, nor was it sending some of the nieces and nephews to college the answer. I am sure helping those who really want an education has to be a good thing but how does one weed out those who really want an education and those who just tell us that they want one?I also think helping set family members up in some type of family might be a good thing but how does one do that without being taken advantage of and while actually taken serious?So I guess the question goes back to who deserves your hard earned money and who does not and how can we avoid alienating family members when we refuse to give everyone? I have always felt that giving evenly was the correct way and what we gave to one brother or sister, we also gave to the others, but someone out there has to have the answer to this problem and has to have been successful in their efforts and maybe some of us can learn from them.So feel free to tell us how you manage to succeed, those of you who actually have, and those of you who seem to have failed, as I feel that we have, tell us why you think what you did failed?I know giving to much money at one time was the main reason for most of our failures, please tell us your words of wisdom!

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You are the only one that "deserves your hard earned money". I know you are only here part of the year, but I find it's best for me to help in person with my time. I am not doing a Jimmy Carter "Buiding Houses for Humanity", but occasionally I have opportunity to help someone in a small way. Two weeks ago my neighbor across the road had a water pipe that had separated at the coupling and was shooting water into the road. I just happened to see it. There water meter was really spinning fast. I asked a neighbor guy standing by if could get an adjustable wrench to shut off the supply at the meter. I went the other way and got some tools and found an extra 1/2" union I had laying around went back and replaced the coupling with the union. To show appreciation the neighbor brought out a couple of Grandes for me and the bystanders. Earlier this week I helped my wife's uncle with some plumbing on his new house.Sometimes I will just scan or print a resume or job application or something for a relative or help with some other small thing. My point is, I am not an ATM card for anyone but I do try to be neighborly.P.S. When we lived in the states both Aideen and I were working. I only sent money to her family that equaled her lost wages that she had when working in the Philippines. We sent around P7000 per month. After we moved here our income was reduced as I was retired and just living on a pension so the monthly payments to her family were stopped. But we did build a compound and set aside 800sqm of it for Aideen's siblings.

Edited by M.Morey
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My thoughts for what they are worth ...... yes you can be selective ...... you are doing the person a dis-service if you give an undeserving relative ........ or friend for that matter ....... the same as you would a deserving member ...... case in point you give brother 1 a loan for 2000p and brother 2 a similar loan ........ brother 1 pays you back or at least makes an effort ...... but brother 2 ignores you and sits around the house drinking tuba and playing cards ......... several months later both brothers now need more money ....... should you again loan them money ...... well if you do you are teaching brother 1 that he doesn't really have to pay you back as brother 2 didn't ..... and brother 2 just thinks you are a walking ATM to be used when ever he wants ...... A solution ....... tell both brothers you will loan them the same amount of money that they have paid you back ........ brother 1 can get 1500p .... brother 2 nothing ........ soon they will see that paying you back does have its rewards ....... Well you piss some one off .... sure ... but it is better than you being pissed off because you are being taken advantage of .....I'm sure Julie's younger brother is pissed at me as he asked her for some money till he got his check a few months ago ....... he is an OFW and makes good money ....... she also told me he is the only immediate family member (I won't even consider giving to other relatives) that will borrow money and not pay it back ...... Julie told him "NO we live on a budget also just like you" .... by the way this is the only request I have received in 7 months Julie and I have had sense we have lived in Cebu ...... I have seen what has happened to her other brother who also works as an OFW ...... his in-laws are constantly asking for money from him ....... his side of the family doesn't (thank god) and he is feeding a bottomless pit ...... luckily all Julie's family work and have good jobs ...... even her mom and dad run a Sari Sari store and her dad raises goats and they are in their 60's ........ Any way just some thoughts ... good or bad ....... remember the phrase I sent you the other day from the song "Garden Party" "You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself"

Edited by Mike S
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i think, u only can help them to create a job for themand a job does not need to cost much moneylet them bake something and sell itlet them create something and sell itso much opportunities for us to help them, with only little investmentcreate jobs

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Mike S, you make a great point and I have never gotten back any money that I loan (I think in Filipino that must mean give :) ) to any of my wife's family, so if I want to give anyone anything, I consider it a give because I know that I will never see it again. I have told a number of people who ask for loans, that they can thank and I name them, for not repaying the loans we gave them, for them not getting a loan from us and we cannot afford to give loans that never get repaid because we live on my fixed pension. They still seem to never understand and the test messages still come but a lot less frequent now.I also agree that we need to please ourselves but I worry about the day when I will be gone and my wife will have alienated her family by then, because of money issues caused by her being married to the supposedly rick Kano. At times I think I did not do her any favor marrying her except for the way I take care of her. :( What hurts me more is that those brothers or sisters who really need money for health issues will do without it and never ask us :D because of how we have dealt with the nieces and nephews who used to continually ask. So in my mind, it has not worked because people could get very sick and die and still be afraid to ask for help, and money is not as important to me as someone's life.To Wally, I have tried and tried and tried to loan money for small businesses and none have succeeded, so that is why I want to hear if there is anyone out there who has a family member who did succeed in a small business and how did they handle it when they gave them money.Mike Morey, you do help a lot from what I know and you built that compound and you help by giving your wife a weekly or monthly amount to spend and I am sure she must help her family in some ways that you may not even know about. I discussed that angle too with my wife and we could not work that out either because she is smarter than I am and knows not to give to just anyone who asks, and again, we never know when the asking is for real and the money might be really needed to save a life down the road. And yes Mike Morey, you are totally correct, it is impossible to do when we are not in country all the time and it is even worse because my wife's family is so spread out. I think it would be a lot easier if they were all in one place or town and when we are living there full time. I just think that there has to be a way and some have had to have had success stories and I would love to hear some.

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When Aideen returns from the grocery store she will usually have a small bag of stuff she takes next door to her brother's family. I don't mind too much. I just tell her to be careful with money and don't buy too much junk food. We are trying to stick to a weekly budget so we can put a little money into savings each month. Occasionally she will buy a cake and take it next door saying, "We don't have room in our refridgerator." That's okay. I don't want a cake in our house anyway - I would probably pig out and eat half of it and I am trying not to gain weight. When they do an errand for us we give extra for "transportation" but it is really to help them.

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My wife clarified it for me today, it seems that family feels that they do not have to give money back when they borrow (take) it from family, but they do know that they have to repay money loaned to them by non family. Does not make a lot of sense to me since I would always want to pay family back first, but I am not them and obviously do not think like they do. :)

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My wife clarified it for me today, it seems that family feels that they do not have to give money back when they borrow (take) it from family, but they do know that they have to repay money loaned to them by non family. Does not make a lot of sense to me since I would always want to pay family back first, but I am not them and obviously do not think like they do. :)
I guess the thing with that is families are expected to help each other. In theory if you ran into a rough patch and needed money they would also help you. A DR in the family is expected to treat relatives with no or at least minimal charge. As long as everyone does their share it is a good system but you always wind up with a user or two.
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Posted

Loaning money to Filipino family or friends living in the RP can be tricky even dangerous. Loans often cause conflict. Someone could lose face and cop a

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Loaning money to Filipino family or friends living in the RP can be tricky even dangerous. Loans often cause conflict. Someone could lose face and cop a
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