roy2cebu Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 (edited) Have been married to my wife almost 15 years now. Never ventured to the Philippines with her until 5 years ago...was just never the right time with work, etc for me to go. Never questioned her support of the family there and building a fairly decent house on Camotes. First few times I did eventually go was, I suppose, a novelty, never been before, meeting her family, etc.However, after frequent visits since, it has become more noticeable. The blatant lieing, lack of respect, taking things for granted.The last visit some weeks ago put me in a situation where I had the brother in law by the throat , telling him in no uncertain terms to quit effing lieing. That's because he lied consistently for a good hour to me about where money had gone which was sent over to repair storm damage to the roof.Of course, I am the bad one, my wife says..that's the way it is...well to me it's unacceptable. There's other on going situations regarding her family and lieing and I'm just about at the end of it all.Beginning to realise my word and opinion counts for nothing. Seriously considering a divorce cos I ain't playing second fiddle to no one...especially a bunch of habitual liars and disrespectful folk.Why do they lie so freely and not see the consequences? Maybe a hypocritical showing at the church on Sunday removes all guilt. Anyone else encounter this ...habitual lieing? Are they just naturals at it? Edited October 8, 2010 by roy2cebu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Have been married to my wife almost 15 years now. Never ventured to the Philippines with her until 5 years ago...was just never the right time with work, etc for me to go. Never questioned her support of the family there and building a fairly decent house on Camotes. First few times I did eventually go was, I suppose, a novelty, never been before, meeting her family, etc.However, after frequent visits since, it has become more noticeable. The blatant lieing, lack of respect, taking things for granted.The last visit some weeks ago put me in a situation where I had the brother in law by the throat , telling him in no uncertain terms to quit effing lieing. That's because he lied consistently for a good hour to me about where money had gone which was sent over to repair storm damage to the roof.Of course, I am the bad one, my wife says..that's the way it is...well to me it's unacceptable. There's other on going situations regarding her family and lieing and I'm just about at the end of it all.Beginning to realise my word and opinion counts for nothing. Seriously considering a divorce cos I ain't playing second fiddle to no one...especially a bunch of habitual liars and disrespectful folk.Why do they lie so freely and not see the consequences? Maybe a hypocritical showing at the church on Sunday removes all guilt. Anyone else encounter this ...habitual lieing? Are they just naturals at it? I feel for you Roy2Cebu -- believe me, I've been there. Even to the point I escaped back to USA without my wife. It was a long time ago but thank god we were able to work things out. I believe most of us have experienced these extended family issues and there are no quick and easy solution. Each family issue is unique to the individual. Marriage counselor or therapist, I am not -- but sometimes it comes to the point of why prolong the misery. Do you cut your loses now and move on? Or are you willing to sit down with your wife and explain family priorities?We wish you the very best -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 (edited) Hi Jake, thanks for the reply.This has been a niggling issue now for some time. Never felt as if I was part of it. The wife bought more land in Camotes with no consultation with me...investment she said. Many other things bought with out consultation..not just in Philippines.When I met her in Australia , I was on vacation from Uk, she was a widow with 2 boys...now 22 and 21 yrs old. The elder was a good lad but the younger very lazy. I tried to educate him but was told to leave him alone...he's just a kid. Well now he's still at home, lives like a slob and whatever I say goes unheeded because mum has made life too easy for him and what I say is irrelevant because mum will let him please himself. Never backs me up.I give up....just feel worthless and more to the point..lost. Won't be easy for me to break now and make a fresh start. Many factors come into that. Edited October 8, 2010 by roy2cebu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I don't like people, family or relatives blatantly lie to me! But I haven't experienced too many occasions where it affected me too much, because I'm usually one step ahead of all the obvious white lies! Just be concerned when the wife lies, it doesn't belong in a marriage! You have two choices, if you're not happy in the marriage and can't fix the problem with your spouse and extended family, it's time to call it quits and move on if you can afford it or just live with it! Would anyone want to live a life like that? I surely wouldn't, it would drive me crazy to no end! Just MHO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I don't think my wife has lied to me...just doesn't consult me on things and does as she pleases. I've asked her why no consultation on things. She says because I would object ....well that would depend on the issue...I didn't object to supporting the family ( although may have done after discovering their lieing, thieving atitude) or building a house. Sometimes there are other things to take into consideration before plunging in. Seems now it's like..I want, I shall have...There's a visit planned for the festive season to Camotes for 3 weeks...if I can hang on that long for the proposed trip. After that...and I'm feared all hell could break loose if more lieing is discovered...decisions will be made.And, yes! it is driving me mad. Someone has suggested in the past that I am being taken for a ride....I always rebuffed that....but now...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjp52 Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Roy I know how you feel. I have caught people lieing in our family too and even when you prove its a lie, They still stick to that lie. Thank god its only a few of them. The one thing that ticks me off is that when they lie everyone just laughs it off like its no big deal, Like its the norm and most of the time the lieing was about stealing. It doesn,t even seem to bother my wife. We caught her niece stealing from our house and I told her the niece was not allowed back in our house until she returned the money, But my kind and forgiving wife let her in the next day. But I,ve come to realize that the people here in the Philippines are different and I have to get use to the way they are. Its not my place to change them and I have to accept my wives family for who they are Just like she has to accept mine in Canada. She might get an eye opener when she meets my 2 teenage sons, Now there's a handful and yes they lie too but not without consequences from me. I wouldn,t let a few of the family members destroy your relationship with your wife as they are the real culprits here.Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slim Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Sounds to me like you had better get some stones ?? Been there done that and it will only get worse so tell it like it is and if she don't like it leave and let her support her family ?? and I sure would have all my bank accounts changed to my name before you have that talk ? I will say women are wonderful when they love you but they can be the devil when you cross them . Just be prepared !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Hi SJC..is that ur real pic or is it Kenny rogers?..lol!It's not so much about the lieing family now...it's more of my wife insisting I accept it as the norm.That is BS to me. How can you expect to build trustworhty relationships when money is poured in for an objective , to build a future to retire on, and the money disappears in a multitude of excuses (lies).I mean it's so pathetic...my wife's brother..he the main liar...has been able to come to Oz at our expense for visas , flights, etc 3 times in last 5 years and still lies. Now he tells my wife he feels intimidated by me..sympathy seeking ....I reckon these guys are just a bunch of gutless cowards. Always finding...very easily for their inbred minds..to lie, lie, lie, lie.Accept it as the norm? Taxi drivers I can control....but family lieing is hard to accept. But if my wife doesn't support me, what chance have I got? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyAway Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Seems life is always one big drama for them there in Philippines. Maybe the lie is just another form of entertainment to the masses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jollygoodfellow Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 This is my observation from your post.Perhaps when you married you knew nothing of the culture or your wife's country?You let a monster grow over the years by believing all is good and your money was being spent wisely without even a visit or check on what is going on.Your wife has acted as an individual in affairs of finance and investments without consulting you,unfortunately if that's how your relationship began and continued for 15 years then I would not expect to much to change because you now have decided its wrong.I really don't know if this is about lies or relationship problems or maybe a misunderstanding of culture but please remember that not every one thinks,acts or is the same world wide so your ways or mine,ideas or culture is not necessarily the correct one.Another thing in my opinion,by confronting the brother inlaw in the manner you did just invites more problems,study the culture!Anyway hope it works out for you without throwing away 15 years of marriage.:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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