piglett Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) well guys i just got back from a trip to Sibuyan which is part of the Romblon provinceit's located south of Manila & to get there you have to head down the highway 2 or 3 hours depending of the time of day. My wife & i took a bus with air/con & it took us on down to Batangas which is the port.we had been talking about maybe getting a place in my wife's home province but after talking to 1 old German who has lived on the island 14 years he told us about all of the problems he had with people just showing up & eating all of his food & worse yet drinking all of his beer!!!!! at some point he had to start to tell everyone that if they wanted to come stay 1st they needed to let him & his wife know in advance. second he told all of them that they stay couldn't longer than 2 weeks.my wife just sat there & listened while we was telling us about all of this & when we got ready to leaveshe said to me "i guess we don't want a place on this island because i have soooo much family here."i was looking forward to getting a place on the other side of the island (about 35km away)but now i tend to think that wouldn't be far enough away.i'll come rite out & ask it ............ how far did you need to be from all the family members??i don't care tell me in KM or miles or in flight hoursjust tell me what you & your wife/GF did about this little problemthe good news is that i am only 40 & my wife is just 28 so i figue that we have 10 or maybe more years to go before we will start to really look for a place .....unless we get a really good deal a bit soonerthanks allpiglett Edited July 23, 2011 by piglett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piglett Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) oh also I hope the "mod" doesn't think i am beating a dead horse because this has been talked about in other threads already ,<BR>oh also what areas should i be looking at the next time i am in the PI ?<BR>i am a country boy so Manila and Cebu are out for me and my bride.<BR>now 1 hours drive +/- from a city mite be ok though. <BR>roll in get what we need & then head for the hills so to speek. thanks piglett Edited July 23, 2011 by piglett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) Is across the pacific ocean far enough away from family and or relatives? It took me 20 yrs to do so! I'm sure you've already read some of my previous post on this subject! We live in the modern suburbs of Sta. Rosa, Laguna, Northern Central Luzon! We've been here since 2001. We own our own home and we love it here! http://www.google.co...iw=1260&bih=664Also another thing I'd like to mention, one can not group all family member behaviors and attitudes into one mold, because IMHO it really depends what region and culture one is brought up in the Philippines, different areas, different attitudes and behaviors for each and every individual family member! It's all about trail and error, what works or doesn't work concerning the extended family, because there will always be some good and bad apples in the bunch, just know how to weed them out over time! As I mentioned in my other post, "it's always a matter of money", life is miserable without it and it is "the pursuit of happiness" as long one knows how to manage one's finances without going broke again and again! Edited July 23, 2011 by Art2ro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support Old55 Posted July 23, 2011 Forum Support Posted July 23, 2011 Do you think there will be a problem? How much time have you spent with your family?Having loving family close by can be a wonderful thing but I do understand a few can be a problem.An important thing is for you and your wife to have an understanding about exactly what conditions visitors will be accommodated.Family members must be informed (politely and kindly) who and when visitors are welcome and it would be best if your wife were the one to relay this and accept or reject visitors. If there were clearly understood consistent rules for guests it could be you guys would have few problems. Sadly we know of couples who have found they simply can not deal with predatory family members.It seems to me most reasonable couples find a happy middle ground. I hope you guys can too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 In ten years a lot may change both with your families situations and how things progress in the Philippines. If your family is poor and educated to lower levels of schooling, then I think you can expect more of them to drop in if you live close by, and if most have jobs and a higher degree of education then the dropping in would be much less. What happens to one man may not happen to you, so you and your wife have to judge your family based on how much they ask for now because it will only increase if you live nearby. As I think I posted in the other thread, at least a couple of hours away is good but in a gated community (a condo is out for you because of what you want) where someone cannot just drop in and needing permission to visit is better. Having your wife lay down the rules up front is also very important but many will not listen and would just drop in anyway. One example of never being far away enough is when my wife and I visited most of her family in Bukidnon Mindanao many years ago, we had given them all some money but her eldest brother wanted me to buy him a water buffalo and I was fresh out of money having given each of her 12 brothers and sisters the same amount since her parents were no longer alive and they helped raise her, so I said maybe next trip because if we gave him, then we would have to give all the others too, since it is my policy what I give one, I give all. We took a 4 hour bus ride back to Cagayan de Oro and then two days later a plane to Cebu City, then a 2 hour ride to visit her sisters on the other side of the island. When we got there her same brother was there with his hand out demanding I buy him his damned water buffalo. So no matter how far away you are, the only thing that will stop family from dropping in is laying down the law, or being in a place they would need lots of money to get to and a visa, or in a place they cannot get into. Oh and I forcefully said no to the brother and then he wanted me to give him the money to get back to Mindanao, and I told him no on that as well and told my wife to tell him that if he spent the money we gave him to get here to try to change my mind, then it was his own fault because when I say no, it means NO. I have never had problems with him again to this day and all the brothers and sisters respects me for it. In fact one time there was a family problem, the same brother stood up and took my side and told the others that I do not have to give them anything and that they should be happy with anything I gave them. So we are our own worst enemy when we give too much to people who have no idea what to do with it, but blow it, because we set the pace for the future with what we do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piglett Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 thanks for the other points of view guysall of my wife's brothers & sisters are either in college or have already graduatedexcept for the youngest who is only 11the oldest sister is a midwife & she is married to a seamenthe next oldest sister is taking the bar exam this fall & is married to a pinoy who is living in the USthen there is the oldest brother who just got a job as a seamen& the next oldest brother will soon be taking a job as a teacherthat only leaves 2 more brothers, the youngest my wife & I pay his tuition there is also an adopted sister who is 18 & she is taking some kind of computer course there in the province.so maybe the brothers & sisters don't end up asking for any or very little cash However there are many many aunties & uncles & even more cousins that will askmy wife & i were in the province 21 hours & durring that time she 2 people that i know of asked her for money. don't these people have any pride ????hell if they came to me & asked for cash to buy piglets or baby chicks ......well maybebut instead of learning to fish they just want me (or my wife) to hand them the fish W T F ???? do they want me to cook the fish for them too ?how about wipe their bottom & tuck them into bed at night toodon't get me wrong i like the island where my wife is from & most of the people are nice too but is that just beacuse 1/2 of them are looking for a pay day from us ???having people ask my wife day & night for money will be hard on her (they don't have balls enought to ask me)so due to that fact i don't think we could ever buy a place in Sibuyanmaybe try renting a place for a few months but not buythanks guyspig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 thanks for the other points of view guysall of my wife's brothers & sisters are either in college or have already graduatedexcept for the youngest who is only 11the oldest sister is a midwife & she is married to a seamenthe next oldest sister is taking the bar exam this fall & is married to a pinoy who is living in the USthen there is the oldest brother who just got a job as a seamen& the next oldest brother will soon be taking a job as a teacherthat only leaves 2 more brothers, the youngest my wife & I pay his tuition there is also an adopted sister who is 18 & she is taking some kind of computer course there in the province.so maybe the brothers & sisters don't end up asking for any or very little cash However there are many many aunties & uncles & even more cousins that will askmy wife & i were in the province 21 hours & durring that time she 2 people that i know of asked her for money. don't these people have any pride ????hell if they came to me & asked for cash to buy piglets or baby chicks ......well maybebut instead of learning to fish they just want me (or my wife) to hand them the fish W T F ???? do they want me to cook the fish for them too ?how about wipe their bottom & tuck them into bed at night toodon't get me wrong i like the island where my wife is from & most of the people are nice too but is that just beacuse 1/2 of them are looking for a pay day from us ???having people ask my wife day & night for money will be hard on her (they don't have balls enought to ask me)so due to that fact i don't think we could ever buy a place in Sibuyanmaybe try renting a place for a few months but not buythanks guyspig Hey Piglett,I had to Google Earth the island of Romblon to find its location. Looks like about 5 miles wide and only 15 miles long.Even if you found a remote area to live away from her extended family, word will get around eventually and your frontdoor will be revolving for uninvited guests. Unless, you make it plain and simple to your wife that the new sheriff is in town and house rules set by BOTH of you must be strictly enforced. I suggest learning a few Tagalog words like "sorry -- hindi pwede, walang pera", so that in her absence, YOU could communicate your rules clearly. It will take a few times for them to accept that reality.In some cases, the wife can't or won't abide to your wishes because the enormous pressure from her family or shestill feels obligated (utang na loob) to return favors to her family. As you may know, the importance of family culturealso extends outside of immediate family. If things get out of hand in Romblon, perhaps a compromise between you and your wife. Ever consider Batangas, inwhich you already mentioned your port of departure from Luzon. At any rate, please try to put everything on the tablebefore your "honeymoon" is over. It's much easier to give and take during that time.Respectfully -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piglett Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 (edited) thanks for the other points of view guysall of my wife's brothers & sisters are either in college or have already graduatedexcept for the youngest who is only 11the oldest sister is a midwife & she is married to a seamenthe next oldest sister is taking the bar exam this fall & is married to a pinoy who is living in the USthen there is the oldest brother who just got a job as a seamen& the next oldest brother will soon be taking a job as a teacherthat only leaves 2 more brothers, the youngest my wife & I pay his tuition there is also an adopted sister who is 18 & she is taking some kind of computer course there in the province.so maybe the brothers & sisters don't end up asking for any or very little cash However there are many many aunties & uncles & even more cousins that will askmy wife & i were in the province 21 hours & durring that time she 2 people that i know of asked her for money. don't these people have any pride ????hell if they came to me & asked for cash to buy piglets or baby chicks ......well maybebut instead of learning to fish they just want me (or my wife) to hand them the fish W T F ???? do they want me to cook the fish for them too ?how about wipe their bottom & tuck them into bed at night toodon't get me wrong i like the island where my wife is from & most of the people are nice too but is that just beacuse 1/2 of them are looking for a pay day from us ???having people ask my wife day & night for money will be hard on her (they don't have balls enought to ask me)so due to that fact i don't think we could ever buy a place in Sibuyanmaybe try renting a place for a few months but not buythanks guyspig Hey Piglett,I had to Google Earth the island of Romblon to find its location. Looks like about 5 miles wide and only 15 miles long.Even if you found a remote area to live away from her extended family, word will get around eventually and your frontdoor will be revolving for uninvited guests. Unless, you make it plain and simple to your wife that the new sheriff is in town and house rules set by BOTH of you must be strictly enforced. I suggest learning a few Tagalog words like "sorry -- hindi pwede, walang pera", so that in her absence, YOU could communicate your rules clearly. It will take a few times for them to accept that reality.In some cases, the wife can't or won't abide to your wishes because the enormous pressure from her family or shestill feels obligated (utang na loob) to return favors to her family. As you may know, the importance of family culturealso extends outside of immediate family. If things get out of hand in Romblon, perhaps a compromise between you and your wife. Ever consider Batangas, inwhich you already mentioned your port of departure from Luzon. At any rate, please try to put everything on the tablebefore your "honeymoon" is over. It's much easier to give and take during that time.Respectfully -- Jake the island that my wife is from is just east of Romblon but it is still part of the Romblon provinceit took us 6 hours to go all the way around it on a motorbike ( my bottom still hurts) :)but yes you are rite in time even if we were 3 hours ride away i'm sure atleast some people would show up with their hand out.i myself don't give a sweet sh*t & i would be glad to show them the door after i get tired of themi would 1st be nice & ask them when they intend to go home but at some point i would have to play the @sshole & boot then out the door.i know these this would cause huge problems for my wife so i just can't have any of that going on !!!so yes maybe Batangas but then again many people would in time jump on the boat & come see usonce learning that we had a place therenope i'm thinking more like 1 hour from Cebuwhy that area???first no one from Sibuyan ever goes there instead they go to Manila which is a little closerhowever from Cebu i can grab a plane for about p1750 & be on a near by island in abut 45 min.if i then charter a boat i am only about 5 or 6 hours away from Sibuyanso if my wife & i want to go see her family we canbut it's really hard for any of them to come see us unless we invite them & they come back with us when we return homethankspig Edited July 24, 2011 by piglett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 thanks for the other points of view guysall of my wife's brothers & sisters are either in college or have already graduatedexcept for the youngest who is only 11the oldest sister is a midwife & she is married to a seamenthe next oldest sister is taking the bar exam this fall & is married to a pinoy who is living in the USthen there is the oldest brother who just got a job as a seamen& the next oldest brother will soon be taking a job as a teacherthat only leaves 2 more brothers, the youngest my wife & I pay his tuition there is also an adopted sister who is 18 & she is taking some kind of computer course there in the province.so maybe the brothers & sisters don't end up asking for any or very little cash However there are many many aunties & uncles & even more cousins that will askmy wife & i were in the province 21 hours & durring that time she 2 people that i know of asked her for money. don't these people have any pride ????hell if they came to me & asked for cash to buy piglets or baby chicks ......well maybebut instead of learning to fish they just want me (or my wife) to hand them the fish W T F ???? do they want me to cook the fish for them too ?how about wipe their bottom & tuck them into bed at night toodon't get me wrong i like the island where my wife is from & most of the people are nice too but is that just beacuse 1/2 of them are looking for a pay day from us ???having people ask my wife day & night for money will be hard on her (they don't have balls enought to ask me)so due to that fact i don't think we could ever buy a place in Sibuyanmaybe try renting a place for a few months but not buythanks guyspig Hey Piglett,I had to Google Earth the island of Romblon to find its location. Looks like about 5 miles wide and only 15 miles long.Even if you found a remote area to live away from her extended family, word will get around eventually and your frontdoor will be revolving for uninvited guests. Unless, you make it plain and simple to your wife that the new sheriff is in town and house rules set by BOTH of you must be strictly enforced. I suggest learning a few Tagalog words like "sorry -- hindi pwede, walang pera", so that in her absence, YOU could communicate your rules clearly. It will take a few times for them to accept that reality.In some cases, the wife can't or won't abide to your wishes because the enormous pressure from her family or shestill feels obligated (utang na loob) to return favors to her family. As you may know, the importance of family culturealso extends outside of immediate family. If things get out of hand in Romblon, perhaps a compromise between you and your wife. Ever consider Batangas, inwhich you already mentioned your port of departure from Luzon. At any rate, please try to put everything on the tablebefore your "honeymoon" is over. It's much easier to give and take during that time.Respectfully -- Jake the island that my wife is from is just east of Romblon but it is still part of the Romblon provinceit took us 6 hours to go all the way around it on a motorbike ( my bottom still hurts) :)but yes you are rite in time even if we were 3 hours ride away i'm sure atleast some people would show up with their hand out.i myself don't give a sweet sh*t & i would be glad to show them the door after i get tired of themi would 1st be nice & ask them when they intend to go home but at some point i would have to play the @sshole & boot then out the door.i know these this would cause huge problems for my wife so i just can't have any of that going on !!!so yes maybe Batangas but then again many people would in time jump on the boat & come see usonce learning that we had a place therenope i'm thinking more like 1 hour from Cebuwhy that area???first no one from Sibuyan ever goes there instead they go to Manila which is a little closerhowever from Cebu i can grab a plane for about p1750 & be on a near by island in abut 45 min.if i then charter a boat i am only about 5 or 6 hours away from Sibuyanso if my wife & i want to go see her family we canbut it's really hard for any of them to come see us unless we invite them & they come back with us when we return homethankspig Piglett, Don't worry about anything, because you seem to have it all down to memory, just implement it! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 thanks for the other points of view guysall of my wife's brothers & sisters are either in college or have already graduatedexcept for the youngest who is only 11the oldest sister is a midwife & she is married to a seamenthe next oldest sister is taking the bar exam this fall & is married to a pinoy who is living in the USthen there is the oldest brother who just got a job as a seamen& the next oldest brother will soon be taking a job as a teacherthat only leaves 2 more brothers, the youngest my wife & I pay his tuition there is also an adopted sister who is 18 & she is taking some kind of computer course there in the province.so maybe the brothers & sisters don't end up asking for any or very little cash However there are many many aunties & uncles & even more cousins that will askmy wife & i were in the province 21 hours & durring that time she 2 people that i know of asked her for money. don't these people have any pride ????hell if they came to me & asked for cash to buy piglets or baby chicks ......well maybebut instead of learning to fish they just want me (or my wife) to hand them the fish W T F ???? do they want me to cook the fish for them too ?how about wipe their bottom & tuck them into bed at night toodon't get me wrong i like the island where my wife is from & most of the people are nice too but is that just beacuse 1/2 of them are looking for a pay day from us ???having people ask my wife day & night for money will be hard on her (they don't have balls enought to ask me)so due to that fact i don't think we could ever buy a place in Sibuyanmaybe try renting a place for a few months but not buythanks guyspig Hey Piglett,I had to Google Earth the island of Romblon to find its location. Looks like about 5 miles wide and only 15 miles long.Even if you found a remote area to live away from her extended family, word will get around eventually and your frontdoor will be revolving for uninvited guests. Unless, you make it plain and simple to your wife that the new sheriff is in town and house rules set by BOTH of you must be strictly enforced. I suggest learning a few Tagalog words like "sorry -- hindi pwede, walang pera", so that in her absence, YOU could communicate your rules clearly. It will take a few times for them to accept that reality.In some cases, the wife can't or won't abide to your wishes because the enormous pressure from her family or shestill feels obligated (utang na loob) to return favors to her family. As you may know, the importance of family culturealso extends outside of immediate family. If things get out of hand in Romblon, perhaps a compromise between you and your wife. Ever consider Batangas, inwhich you already mentioned your port of departure from Luzon. At any rate, please try to put everything on the tablebefore your "honeymoon" is over. It's much easier to give and take during that time.Respectfully -- Jake the island that my wife is from is just east of Romblon but it is still part of the Romblon provinceit took us 6 hours to go all the way around it on a motorbike ( my bottom still hurts) :)but yes you are rite in time even if we were 3 hours ride away i'm sure atleast some people would show up with their hand out.i myself don't give a sweet sh*t & i would be glad to show them the door after i get tired of themi would 1st be nice & ask them when they intend to go home but at some point i would have to play the @sshole & boot then out the door.i know these this would cause huge problems for my wife so i just can't have any of that going on !!!so yes maybe Batangas but then again many people would in time jump on the boat & come see usonce learning that we had a place therenope i'm thinking more like 1 hour from Cebuwhy that area???first no one from Sibuyan ever goes there instead they go to Manila which is a little closerhowever from Cebu i can grab a plane for about p1750 & be on a near by island in abut 45 min.if i then charter a boat i am only about 5 or 6 hours away from Sibuyanso if my wife & i want to go see her family we canbut it's really hard for any of them to come see us unless we invite them & they come back with us when we return homethankspig OK thanks for the clarification -- the island of Sibuyan is just southeast from Romblon Island. Wow, the trip around theperimeter road of the whole island looks pretty exciting. Yeah, my "roids" would be flaring up, unless I make a few SanMagoo beer stops along the way....he, he.While I was stationed up in Bath, Maine I came to realize how wonderful the people from New England are. You are noexception coming from New Hampshire. The northern hospitality rivals that of the Philippines. I was practically adoptedby a family from Bath and they fed me until I nearly overdosed on lobster....he, he.However, I must agree and strongly encourage you to stand your ground at this early phase of your marriage. Your quote"i would 1st be nice & ask them when they intend to go home but at some point i would have to play the @sshole & boot then out the door" needs to be emphasize also to your first line of defense -- your wife. You can play offense (when necessary) if she is overwhelmed. Remember, she is not only your wife but also your best friend.Good luck to you sir -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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