Expanding Out From The Comfort Zone

[Hey Steve]

With most expats living in the Philippines for the simple reason that it is the home country of their spouse, I was wondering who may have ventured outside the circle of their family to find new Filipino friends-reasonably close friends at that-totally unrelated. I ask this because as I make the move there, I am by nature a social person, all be it savvy to underlying intentions, but nonetheless don't envision myself in my new home being totally restricted to the inner circle (family) completely. Can anyone share a little about some of these relationships you might have-and possibly your spouse's reaction to it as well?

[Paul Dean]

With most expats living in the Philippines for the simple reason that it is the home country of their spouse, I was wondering who may have ventured outside the circle of their family to find new Filipino friends-reasonably close friends at that-totally unrelated. I ask this because as I make the move there, I am by nature a social person, all be it savvy to underlying intentions, but nonetheless don't envision myself in my new home being totally restricted to the inner circle (family) completely. Can anyone share a little about some of these relationships you might have-and possibly your spouse's reaction to it as well?

I've never been myself, but my research has told me that the Filipina spouse can be jealous as they say. What I take that to mean is that a lot of women want to "bag" a foreigner, and she might not want to let you out of her sight. I was thinking about joining a motorcycling club or a writing club when I go. Research can get lots of good information. Youtube has a guy "lifebeyondthesea" and he is very verbose, lots of information there if you have the time, there's also a lot more on Youtube and a plethora on the forums. Most of the blogs seem centered on "buy my book." No ty, I'd rather not buy your book... Though if someone here has a suggestion I can request my library to buy it :) Not to hijack you post Hey Steve, I think that might be the biggest issue, but then again all I have to go on is thousands of hours of research which is in no way a for sure answer, especially considering that I don't know your wife. Maybe you can ask her how she might feel?

[jon1]

Steve,

 

I am always on the fringe when it comes to family. I have a good relationship with my in-laws but they are 500+ miles away (intentionally) and see them maybe twice a year. I have a few filipino friends (mostly former OFWs) and the rest are expats. This is mostly for social situations and dealing with the daily absurdities in lack of understanding. These former OFWs typically have similar views after having worked abroad and dealing with Western Standards/Expectations.

 

My wife understands and also lets me know her opinions on new acquaintances. I do not get the jealousy factor from her on this. We have some mutual friends but when I need "me" time she gives me the space.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Luckily I have never had a comfort zone.  I have always loved going and and trying to get lost in a new place.

 

My wife is very cool about it.  She knows I like getting out more than she does, and usually stays at home.  I go to zumba 5 nights a week, have a Rotary club meeting once a week, and do some charity work.  She stays home for all of it.  Either she trusts me not to screw around - or she does not care ha ha.  (but I don't, so no worries)     :tiphat:

[robert k]

There is a comfort zone? Why didn't somebody tell me! Why am I always the last one to know? :lol:

[Hey Steve]

:lol: Robert, I like that-lol!! I've either assumed too much or misinterpreted what lays ahead for me, thinking my move to the Philippines will have boundaries that may be too restrictive.I guess my thinking for future activities is more like Tim's as I like to test some new virgin waters-like Zumba :dance:  (not the female type mind you-lol). My wife is cool with it all too.

[Old55]

I have several close Filipino friends and spend much of my time with them during our visits. We are close to our family and stay with them most of the time. My wife knows my friends and has no problems with it at all.

Having friends makes a huge difference in my case I have a great time.

Edited September 28, 2014 by Old55

[Methersgate]

Lessee - Filipino friends who have similar points of view and who share a similar intellectual background to myself - four.  One was a colleague, the others were all friends of friends. K likes their company too. There is another category which is "people I like, and am happy to spend an evening with, but whom I probably would not discuss politics or religion with, or the ontological predicament for that matter" and these are usually friends of K.

 

Tim mentions Rotary and indeed the social importance of Rotary in the Philippines cannot be under estimated.

[Hey Steve]

Tim, Andrew..I am definitely looking into Rotary...thanks very much... 

[robert k]

If you talk to people at all, you are going to meet some good ones.