Screwy Feminist Convo Between My Wife And Oldest "friend"

[Methersgate]

Hmmm. I don't think that there was any malicious intent in the original conversation. I think your friend was sincerely trying to be helpful.

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[Vince Runza]

Ah, yes, sincerely helpful women, helping other women. From The Screwtape Letters: 'She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.' Coincidentally, I just saw this link, again:
http://brando.tickld.com/x/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I love the Screwtape Letters.   My seminary teacher turned me on to the book.  :tiphat:

[Hey Steve]

Dave, I think I see where you're coming from being in a similar set up her in the mid west and running into a similar type situation. First, Dave, Janet should be taken back by the fact that the first conversation with this woman was peppered with opinions rather than pleasantries, as this woman does not know Janet. Secondly, why is this friend of your's making the automatic assumption that Janet needs to shed some of her cultural values she has grown up with and exchange them with what this woman's cultural values are (right or wrong). The cart is waay ahead of the horse on this one. I commend Janet for standing by that which has made her the woman that attracted you to her.

To assume cultural superiority by your friend, seems a bit arrogant as I see it, Dave.

On a side note, I used to live in Kaleefornia (near Daly City-38% Filipino population). I had some friends from there and it seems "all new recruits" just over from the Philippines were given the once over as to converting to the Americanized way of thinking. Be glad you're not living in the Bay Area, Dave-ha ha-

[davewe]

Dave, I think I see where you're coming from being in a similar set up her in the mid west and running into a similar type situation. First, Dave, Janet should be taken back by the fact that the first conversation with this woman was peppered with opinions rather than pleasantries, as this woman does not know Janet. Secondly, why is this friend of your's making the automatic assumption that Janet needs to shed some of her cultural values she has grown up with and exchange them with what this woman's cultural values are (right or wrong). The cart is waay ahead of the horse on this one. I commend Janet for standing by that which has made her the woman that attracted you to her.

To assume cultural superiority by your friend, seems a bit arrogant as I see it, Dave.

On a side note, I used to live in Kaleefornia (near Daly City-38% Filipino population). I had some friends from there and it seems "all new recruits" just over from the Philippines were given the once over as to converting to the Americanized way of thinking. Be glad you're not living in the Bay Area, Dave-ha ha-

Hi Steve - I suspect that Portland (which I still like in many ways) is just as bad as the Bay Area. 

 

All this being said I think the conversation was a combination of the fact that my friend has always been a blunt New Yorker without much of a filter, as well as the judgments many Americans make about a young Filipina in a relationship with an older white guy. Other than our next door neighbors who've been nice to us, Janet hasn't gotten close to any Americans. She works in the public and sees our culture and people for what they are - mostly nuts. I suspect she thinks the same thing about her husband but tolerates me because I am so guapo :)

[Hey Steve]

I suspect she thinks the same thing about her husband but tolerates me because I am so guapo

 

Yea me too Dave, I gotcha....Maybe with your back turned you should ask her what color your eyes are :lol: . As Jake would say, I never get respect sometimes--ha ha...

[Steve & Myrlita]

Miracles happen Look at me....Myrlita tolorated me for 8 years now.

[El Negrito]

Hmmm. I don't think that there was any malicious intent in the original conversation. I think your friend was sincerely trying to be helpful.

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I get what you are saying and I kind of agree but as the saying goes "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". 

An alternative form is "hell is full of good meanings, but heaven is full of good works".

 

Of course I am not saying I believe in hell but you all get the point. Unless someone is on a completely self destructive course that will lead sever harm to themselves or worse yet death than I think no one has the right to meddle in anyone else business under the guise of "trying to give helpful advice"

 

Most of the time when this happens the person is not doing it to be helpful at all but because they don't approve of something or what they see in your life is bothering them for some reason. I have had people totally ruin relationships in my life and seen others have their lives ruined  by so called "helpful advice".

 

However, that all being said I agree with Andrew that the person probably meant well, but I also believe that the reason they felt this way was because they were fooling themselves and trying to rationalize a need to speak about things they had no business speaking about. Another words, when I want your help I will ask for it. Other than that unless I am about to die just leave it be.

 

I might learn the hard way that something is not beneficial for me and I might not. One thing about learning the hard way is you usually don't make the same mistake twice, not always but usually. Another thing about learning the hard way is that you learn their might be an easier way and to ask for advice or help.

 

The one exception to offering advice when it's not asked for, is parents raising their children or husbands trying to do the best thing for the family. Even with the latter your wife should be your partner and you should never treat her as if she is an ignorant child who doesn't know what's good for her or as someone who can't possibly be smarter thank you. Even with children you eventually have to let go and let them make their own decisions as adults.

 

I find that you guys here on these forums are great examples of not meddling. You only give your advice to others when it is asked for and to me that displays the personality of someone who truly cares for others. Sorry if I rambled on and I hope no one takes this as being hypocritical by offering my thoughts on the matter but there is a big difference between saying something on a forum and meddling.