Filipinos Abroad. Coming On Holiday Or Returning Home! ( Finding It Hard To Adapt)

[scott h]

with those that have trouble adapting when coming home

 

This is just my opinion now, and solely base on being married to a Filipina for over 20 years, with a large family here in the Philippines but also many, many relatives in the states.

 

For sure a lot of Filipinos adapt to life in the States (easy to do really they are half westernized already) but there is such a HUGE Filipino community there and in our case many relatives, food stores, TV stations that they are never really removed from their "Culture", add to that todays easy international communications and the importance the average Filipino places on family and friends (batch mates, workmates etc.).

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that from those I have talked to just don't like being seen as an ATM all the time (sound familiar? :hystery: )

[Jack Peterson]

  I guess what I am trying to say is that from those I have talked to just don't like being seen as an ATM all the time (sound familiar?  )

 

 Not sure I want to say much More tonight, I don't feel too well, all I will say is that when I started this, I thought it may have been Tongue in cheek but from the Responses , which have been Positive, has given the Topic a food for thought  Direction.

So as I close for the night can I say Thank You all for your sensitivity and Honesty in your Posts, I try not to go too provocative sometimes and this has meant a lot to me to have Friends and Fellow members Understanding something that is Important to out Lives here, It is Important if we are to Totally Understand the Filipino ( well as best we can.)

From me, Thank You for the replies to a Topic that is as good as it can get.

Jack :thumbsup:  

[Methersgate]

K arrived in Britain two months ago; she is turning into an Englishwoman* at warp factor five, but is as yet unaware that she is doing so.  

 

She has yet to go home for the first time and be confronted with the hands held out and with being told that she is now thinking of herself as better than those at home. It will be quite a shock to her.

 

She does not think of herself as any different to what she was; she is unaware of how she is changing. Her nearest Filipino is her seven year old son, who is changing just as fast. He loves his English school, where he has made better friends than he had in the Philippines.   

 

K arrived having made an effort to buy, in Manila, clothes that would blend in in the UK. Of course, they didn't quite do so, but two months of buying English clothes, boots and cosmetics and doing her own nails and she passes for a native. 

 

When she goes home, she will stick out as a balikbayan.

 

* Not necessarily a bad thing; a Filipina in her native haunts seldom buys a bikini and never a suspender belt (garter belt if you are American) .

Edited January 12, 2016 by Methersgate

[Methersgate]

It seems we are the beneficiary of reverse racism here.  We, obvious foreigners, get the "Hi Sir"  or Hi Boss" while returning OFWs get "He/she thinks they are so high now they have money".

 

I don't think I would return if I was a retiring OFW, OR, if I retired here it would be in a city where childhood friends and relatives do not live.  But that's just my imaginings, if it really happened I may think different.

 

I think that is a really important point.

 

Balikbayans are subjected to accusations of disloyalty to the Philippines and expected to counter this by being extra generous to their relatives. The Presidential campaign of Grace Poe and the attacks made on her by her opponents illustrate this very well. 

Edited January 12, 2016 by Methersgate

[MacBubba]

I've heard both sides from Filipinos living in Canada.  There are those who have been in Toronto a very long time and are longing for the day to come when they have retired and their children have flown the coop (also here in Toronto) so they can take up residence in the Philippines again.  And then there are those who are afraid that they will be besieged by requests for money by their relatives in the Philippines.

 

We are relieved that the latter is not a concern.  Her friends and relatives in the Philippines do very well.  And, we are retiring to an island where she had no earlier ties.  So, no one knew her before, and would be in any position to remark that living in Canada has changed her into a snob.

[sonjack2847]

 

:rolleyes:  Now I am not sure if this is just me but it is something I am beginning to notice more and more, Specially the longer I am here. In no way is it a moan or a "Have a go at anyone but......" I am noticing things that make me (to a degree) Understand a little more why  "OFW's and others (Married to a Foreigner and Living in another Country) Don't want to return Home.

 

I was at a 60th Birthday Party on Friday, I was Seated with the Lads on a Separate table from my Wife and was with her Cousin who lives in Canada. (6 months there & 6 months here) he tells me that His Home Country is just not what he wants anymore as he is not getting here what he expects and in many cases demands. ( Like all of us I guess)

Now, I have been involved with Filipinos for over 40+ years both Personally and in Employment circles and can see where he is Coming from. So is it just the No change (was there ever any) in the Philippines or is it the Western way that has engulfed the Minds of Some?

Take the Guy I wrote about 2 weeks ago who built the house with No Access. Using a Foreigners logic (or trying to) says, I will use that Unused Land to approach my House. His Cousin has Blocked off the only other Access now because of a dispute. Using words like go home False Foreigner. You Forget Who and What you are, We have our ways and you must come Home and restart your life with us. Don't come here and tell us this happens over there because it is not how things are here. 

 

I guess I would feel the same if I were to go back to the UK now after 20+ years away and expect things to be pretty much the same, of course, They are not and I would have to start Learning the Knowledge all over again.

I have a friend ( Well an Ex Work Colleague) Who is in a same sex marriage in the UK, So he can't come and Live here again he says as he will never be accepted by the Authorities ( Which is a must in his Profession CPA) So my Thoughts/Questions are this

Do Filipinos not want to come back Home to live because of the No change here but are too well ingrained in a Western Culture they are just not going to Fit in again?

 

It seems at times to me that the Average Filipino will always be a Filipino until They get that Whiff of the "Greener Grass" and become  a member of the aloof Brigade. This worries me a little, As a Brit I know What I am, Who I am and Where I came From But as I said, it is Something I am Noticing. Those that have had the Greener Grass experience can in many instances bring the Wonderful Filipino Culture into a little Turmoil.( Sometimes it is not that Wonderful)

 

As I previously said at the Start I am not having a bash, it is just Something I noticing more and more.

I smiled when our SIL said that she will come Home in 5 years from the US but was a little concerned that it might take her a long time to Adapt. Now, There it is in one hit Adapt. Could this also be the problem, She was saying it took some time to Adapt to the US and in 5 years time would she make it. Re-Adapt to the Philippines & it's way of Life.

Seems at times we (The Foreigner) are not the only ones that find it hard to Adapt.

 

OK all done, just my Monday Offering for some thoughts from out there.

 

Jack. :)

Warning -- RANT ALERT

 

I think just about every culture these days, material things and the status symbol makes the world go around.  I think the family values in the Philippines are increasingly becoming corroded with this mindset. Remorse or just being grateful is severely lacking.  Jealousy and grab mentality is the order of the day.  

 

For those of us returning balikbayans, we are sometimes mayabang (inflated ego) with our westernized attitude and $$ and often times look down on the local Filipinos, including the extended family members. What do you expect?  Many families now have either drunkards, gamblers, womanizers, drug addicts and many are lazy, except when they collect trophies with yet another baby added to the household or to the ever increasing abandoned street kids.  

 

But we will return for an extended visit, just to scope things out.

 

Rant over......... 

 

Jake I agree with your post and would like to add that this behavior can also be seen in the UK. Let me explain, here we have OFWs in the Uk we have OTWTPT. This means Off to work to pay tax we have people who go to work and  some people as you describe who sit on their asses all day and get benefits. Now if their benefits get cut for some reason they say I am entitled to my benefits. UM not exactly mate it is supposed to be a social fund where most of the people pay in and when somebody comes on hard times they will get help. It is not as some people in the Uk use it as a career choice. I know 1 family where I used to live who are the 3rd generation of being on benefits. 

[stevewool]

Great topic, great response from all