Who gets what?

[Gratefuled]

12 hours ago, Ynot said:

I recently did a post about  "äre you really with the one you love" and in that post I asked the question about if the relationship came to end, would you see your way clear to give her / him something, similar to what you would do in your homeland. And by that I mean in Australia for example, if you have been living together as husband and wife (more than 12 months) albeit you may not be married, your ex partner has a right of claim against your assets, particularly those assets you have accumulated whilst you were together!  

Hardly anyone addressed the above issue, and I was just interested to see how many of you would actually give something to your ex partner.  

Maybe some of you would see providing for her whilst you were together and allowing her to share your life is reward enough!   

But I suspect a lot would not voluntarily pass on any assistance to their ex partner, no matter whose fault it was, whereas if you were back home you probably would have no choice and the courts would take that decision out of your hands if it went that far.

 

When my days here on earth are over, I have already taken steps to make sure my wife is better off. I've made improvements on her home and property here in Mindanao. I've purchased appliances and other things that she would not have bought without me. She has our Savings Account and she will get Survivors Benefits from my Social Security in the USA. She is retired and could very well do without me but I've made sure she and her son will be just fine.

[mogo51]

If you hail from Australia, the answer is simple.  ALL of us have had the vacuum cleaner applied to the wallet and indeed other parts of our anatomy.

I have never been able to work out how in our case a woman can claim half of the money you had BEFORE you met her and for what she had  SweetFA in making it!  If children involved, then adequate support for them is a 'no brainer'.

[manofthecoldland]

Many men have financially drowned themselves in this foreign culture. Most of us long timers know at least a few.

Your Prime Directive is.... Survive financially. Don't go under. Its a stormy sea here with many hidden reefs. Reefs of Greed and Reefs of Need.

You can't sink the lifeboat you're in. 

Take too many into your survival vessel.... and you all go down.

Yes.... help the good souls you care for and have a sound relationship with, but don't self-destruct. Everyone is paddling around in their life-jackets, looking to get out of the sea and into a decent life-boat. They often make the mistake of assuming your's has infinite capacity. Its up to you, as captain, to make a lot of hard decisions so you stay afloat.

That's my analogous parable of the Need To Survive in this tempestuous Tropical sea and I keep it in mind at all times.

There is material poverty and there is dire, life-thretening poverty. I haven't seen any of the later here that produces widespread of even local famine. The one great thing about the Philippine culture is that all willingly share food, even if only rice and dried fish, with the truly hungry. Nothing like the historic famines in mid-19th century Ireland, or early 20th century China and Eastern Europe.

If you and your woman split up... she won't starve and very seldom is she any worse off than before she first met you.  Usually they end up with a huge windfall from having you come into their lives.

You do what you can to help without destroying yourself in the process.

Point out several instances of woman who are abandoned by their Western paramours and are thrown into desperate poverty and I'll give your concerns more credence.

The unspoken manta here is, "Give me some money"... because you surely have more than me. You have 'extra money' and I have none... so share it. Few offer to work for it unless pressed to do so. Sorry but dealing with both rich and poor beggars gets old here pretty quick. Some woman are into parasitic relationships and others build symbiotic, enriching partnerships of true fulfillment for both partners. The challenge is to make sure that you don't become entrapped with the former. A good partner deseres a fair and just share of commonly built equity. A poor one...... up to you, if it doesn't sink your lifeboat.

All good men realise that and I think that the vast majority of men on this forum both love and care for their partners. Much more so than the general population at large. 

Edited March 27, 2016 by manofthecoldland

[Jack Peterson]

 We will all have lots to say and all see it in a very different light but a very Good Friend of Mine said some time ago;

* Your possessions ( Houses and things) and acquired Items will only be yours for as long as the Relationship lasts *

I believe that is very true on whichever side of the brush you are living on 

For those not yet awake, that means married or not.

I certainly do not 100% believe that a Filipina will be your Friend after a Split. Not from my experience anyway.

JMHO

[Gratefuled]

This is another good reason look before you leap. If you want a trophy wife then you get what comes with it.     No need to go in to detail about this. You may or may not be surprised at how many foreigners who are senior citizens become bed ridden with a disability or life threatening sickness. Their young wives leave them to take care of themselves the best way they can. Many end up in a hospital room alone. Their young trophy wife is out with her boyfriend and just waiting for the old foreigner to die. When my wife was an RN she saw a lot of this. She learned a lot from just talking with them. I don't know but maybe some men think that they can buy a woman's fidelity with money. Ok, what happens when money runs out or man refuses to spend or give away his money to her? 

You decide. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

11 hours ago, Ynot said:

This is part of what I wrote, and its interesting to see some of you would be willing to give your ex something if the relationship went south, provided she was not playing around which is good to know.

That is a stigma that we expats have that Philippine people do not. I understand what you are saying about: if she was playing around you may not want to give her anything, In good conscience I could not do that.  Let me be the first to admit that EVERY woman I have ever had a long term relationship/marriage with was been unfaithful at some point in the relationship.  Every single one and there have been too many.  You could say that I am picking the wrong women.  I could say that I am better at catching them than some other guys.  It does not matter whether i am being faithful or not.  Sometimes I was, sometimes I was not but that did not seem to be a factor.

So if I never had to give anything to anyone who played around I would be a wealthy man.  The secret, to me, is to be allowed to calmly figure out what is fair and share that amount with her.  Depending on the comments I get on this post, I may elaborate or perhaps just let this thought sink in as there are surely going to be some disagreement. 

EDIT:

I like this thought:

 

2 hours ago, manofthecoldland said:

You do what you can to help without destroying yourself in the process.

 

Edited March 27, 2016 by Dave Hounddriver

[mogo51]

I must be lucky or otherwise very stupid.  I have no fears whatsoever on the faithfulness of my SO.  

However, if I found her out being unfaithful, I really would be shattered but I doubt she would get much from me as she walked out the door. I have very little, she had bugger all when we met but I  honestly believe I will never be confronted with such a situation.

 

[Dave Hounddriver]

28 minutes ago, mogo51 said:

I  honestly believe I will never be confronted with such a situation.

Whether it ever happens to you or not, it is that belief which will keep your relationship strong.  Even after admitting to having unfaithful partners I still have to believe and trust, with each new relationship that I will never again be confronted with such a situation.  In other words, lets not cross our bridges until we come to them.

[mogo51]

Yes Dave, this is definately a Pils conversation in a month's time.

[mogo51]

18 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Many MANY guys give their ex partner the house and lot after a very short period of marriage.  Its not exactly voluntary, any more than the guys in other countries voluntarily give something to their ex partner.  Its the way things are set up here.  Marry an old foreigner, get him to buy a house and lot, in the gf name, and then wait for either separation or death and voila . .  free house.

It seems to me its the smart ones who DON'T give anything to the ex.  I mean, why pay for the cow that your neighbor is milking 

Oh Dave, you win the Pulitzer Prize for this one. This captulates this entire discussion into one small paragraph.

I take good care of my SO, as very best I can given my circumstances and I am happy to do it.  She works but I ask nothing from her (but this can  change depending upon our circumstances) and I have discussed that possibility with her and no problem.

But so far, been supporting her for about 4 years and I do not give her a 'monthly allowance' as most do here with the Thai SO or gf, whatever. If you think of it, it is like a permanent Bar Fine.

I will remain in charge whilst I am still sucking in the big ones, then when check out time arrives, she can do her best.