Bringing a parent with Dementia to the Philippines instead of putting them in a nursing home

[fototek1]

Good evening,

My mother (72 years young)has mild dementia but is still capable of making good decisions. Both her parents had Dementia which later turned to Alzheimer's and they both spent their last years of life in nursing homes. We were recently talking about the memory's of the days where she took care of her parents and the burden it was for her before she had to give in and put them in the nursing home. My wife and I have been needing to help mom much more the past 2 months and she expressed great appreciation and told me she doesn't want to burden us if she gets worse. She knows her memory is bad and she is always forgetting and repeating herself. We asked her what her preference would be if we were no longer able to take care of her. Would she would rather go into a nursing home or move to the Philippines and have private in house care? Her answer was "I don't want to go into a nursing home". So now our plan is to bring her to the Philippines for vacation in January and then see if she will change the answer to "Yes I want to go to the Philippines when my memory is really bad". 

 

My wife and I had planned to retire last June but decided to work 2 more years. What are your thoughts?

[Old55]

For her to visit Philippines a month or two would enable her to make a clear choice. In my opinion Philippines would provide quality care and comfort for your Mother.

[Dave Hounddriver]

It is a very personal decision.  My mother would not like life in the Philippines.  She visited a few times before persuading my wife and I to return to Canada to take care of her here.  Someone else's mother may love it there.  I do not think there is a one-size-fits-all solution to this.

[JJReyes]

There are three stages to consider when retiring.  The first is independent followed by assisted living and then nursing home care.  For the first stage, my wife and I decided to sell everything including our home or give all our possessions away.  We then purchased a motorhome to spend six months crisscrossing the United States.  The remainder of the year is traveling to other countries.  When the time comes that we need assisted care, the plan is to rent a condominium with 1 or 2 full-time caregivers in the Philippines.  Anticipating the need for medical services, the condo will be near a hospital or medical center.  

Medicare will pay for the medical requirements of the elderly.  They will not pay for custodial care.  All your mother's assets will be first exhausted before she qualifies for state programs.  Some states will likewise tap the resources of the children before they spend.  The monthly charges could easily cost $8,000.   I was quoted $12,000 per month for Hawaii.  How long will the money last?  For me, it makes sense.  If someone doesn't like the Philippines, but has Alzheimer's, then who cares?

There will come a time that living in a condo is the United States or Philippines is the same.  Add the cost of in-resident caregiver services and the issue is how much money do you have?

 

[Kingpin]

Good answers here. For the price of one full-time aide in the US, you could get a dozen full time aides in the Philippines. And no winters.

[fototek1]

1 hour ago, JJReyes said:

There are three stages to consider when retiring.  The first is independent followed by assisted living and then nursing home care.  For the first stage, my wife and I decided to sell everything including our home or give all our possessions away.  We then purchased a motorhome to spend six months crisscrossing the United States.  The remainder of the year is traveling to other countries.  When the time comes that we need assisted care, the plan is to rent a condominium with 1 or 2 full-time caregivers in the Philippines.  Anticipating the need for medical services, the condo will be near a hospital or medical center.  

Medicare will pay for the medical requirements of the elderly.  They will not pay for custodial care.  All your mother's assets will be first exhausted before she qualifies for state programs.  Some states will likewise tap the resources of the children before they spend.  The monthly charges could easily cost $8,000.   I was quoted $12,000 per month for Hawaii.  How long will the money last?  For me, it makes sense.  If someone doesn't like the Philippines, but has Alzheimer's, then who cares?

There will come a time that living in a condo is the United States or Philippines is the same.  Add the cost of in-resident caregiver services and the issue is how much money do you have?

 

My mother has almost no assets. I pay for most things and that is ok because I am fortunate for the life she gave me. I can't afford private care in the US for her or me. If she went to a nursing home here it would be on her Social Security. I am not a fan of Nursing homes after seeing my grandparents in there and the lack of life quality. I saw my wife's grandmother (she lived to 105) cared for in the Philippines and it was so much better than what a nursing home here provides.   

My wife wants the retirement you described. She wants the motorhome and to travel in the US and then some world travel. We could afford it but I am a workaholic. I am in early 50's and work over 80 hours/week. Today I worked 17 hours and I am salary. If I am in the woods, on a mountain, swimming in a lake or ocean I can relax but otherwise I feel like I have to be productive. I am screwed! Read the book "Into The Wild". Right now I feel like walking away from everything with my dog, sleeping bag, tent, rice and water and living like that guy. I don't want to suffer in the end but the rest I think is ok.  OKAY I am not depressed, just too much stress. Retirement is supposed to be in 2 years....

 

 

[hk blues]

3 minutes ago, fototek1 said:

My mother has almost no assets. I pay for most things and that is ok because I am fortunate for the life she gave me. I can't afford private care in the US for her or me. If she went to a nursing home here it would be on her Social Security. I am not a fan of Nursing homes after seeing my grandparents in there and the lack of life quality. I saw my wife's grandmother (she lived to 105) cared for in the Philippines and it was so much better than what a nursing home here provides.   

My wife wants the retirement you described. She wants the motorhome and to travel in the US and then some world travel. We could afford it but I am a workaholic. I am in early 50's and work over 80 hours/week. Today I worked 17 hours and I am salary. If I am in the woods, on a mountain, swimming in a lake or ocean I can relax but otherwise I feel like I have to be productive. I am screwed! Read the book "Into The Wild". Right now I feel like walking away from everything with my dog, sleeping bag, tent, rice and water and living like that guy. I don't want to suffer in the end but the rest I think is ok.  OKAY I am not depressed, just too much stress. Retirement is supposed to be in 2 years....

 

 

Stating the obvious here, but you may find it difficult to flick a switch from being a workaholic to a retiree - that may be a greater issue than care for your mother.  I know because I went from 6 days-a-week, 13 hour days to nothing here.  I lasted 2 years mainly because we were busy setting up our home but after that was done I was ultra-bored - retiring at 50 is great if you have the money to enjoy and fill your leisure time but for self-confessed workaholics that may not be enough in itself.

Others may haver a different perspective - horses for courses.

[OzeMike]

19 minutes ago, hk blues said:

Stating the obvious here, but you may find it difficult to flick a switch from being a workaholic to a retiree - that may be a greater issue than care for your mother.  I know because I went from 6 days-a-week, 13 hour days to nothing here.  I lasted 2 years mainly because we were busy setting up our home but after that was done I was ultra-bored - retiring at 50 is great if you have the money to enjoy and fill your leisure time but for self-confessed workaholics that may not be enough in itself.

Others may haver a different perspective - horses for courses.

Agree fully.

If you can arrange it going part time or becoming self employed as a consultant for example enables you to get off the mouse wheel in a gradual reduction in hours which helps ease the transition to fully retired.

I took this route when I was 53 and did Food Safety consulting and auditing across Australia and then later in the Philippines.

It definitely helps adjusting towards retirement for A types.

Edited September 14, 2022 by OzeMike
Spelling error

[hk blues]

1 hour ago, OzeMike said:

Agree fully.

If you can arrange it going part time or becoming self employed as a consultant for example enables you to get off the mouse wheel in a gradual reduction in hours which helps ease the transition to fully retired.

I took this route when I was 53 and did Food Safety consulting and auditing across Australia and then later in the Philippines.

It definitely helps adjusting towards retirement for A types.

I do Online teaching - it's become more full-time than I necessarily expected but it keeps me busy and money in my pocket is always useful. 

[Jollygoodfellow]

My mother recently had to go into a nursing home and is much better now. Before she was mixing up her medication and getting sick. Possibly had a mini stoke. My sister after checking why mums hearing aids were not working found mum replaced the batteries with tablets from her medication. The nursing home says that if people like her contline to live in the community the life span is 6 months compared to 3 more years in care.

No one wanted to have to put her there but was the best choice. Now she is looking well and seems to enjoy it there from what I am told.

Reading the above posts it looks like things are different in the USA compared to Australia. To cover the costs of care mums house had to be sold and proceeds are kept by the nursing home where they collect the interest and perhaps invest it.

They also take a big percentage of her pension and becauses mums assets were a bit under the required deposits they take a bit more of her pension each month.

Once she dies most of her money from the sale of the house is returned to the estate where its distributed by the wishes of her will.

Could my mother live here? no way. She would have to be watched like a hawk. Different lifestyle and food, medication issues. Not familiar with any surroundings so probably lead to depression and a quicker death anyway.

Then there is the other thing such as being tied up with caring for her even with a full time carer it limits your lifestyle. In my mums case family take her out for dinner or whatever every week so she still gets out and about but cant leave the nursing home on her own free will.

I hope I never have to go into a nursing home but if thats what has to happen there wont be a choice. Getting old is like returning to your baby years where you need care.

Just to add, mum has a couple of Filipino nurses that take care of her. At my mothers birthday party 2 of them came to my sisters house as mum invited them but forgot to tell anyone but nice of them to come.