Child Support

[Kingpin]

2 hours ago, Lee said:

Bottom line----if BF doesn't have a job, he doesn't have to pay CS.

Even if he does have a job next week, because there's no enforcement. The girls know this too, they're just as guilty, it's the kids that are innocent.

[Sea Turtle]

13 hours ago, Lee said:

If I had my way, I would take a piece of tail out of the dozen or more so called adults from both families that sat back and watched this predictable train wreck as it was happening for months but yet said nothing to help stop it. 

What should have been done to prevent this?  Did I read it right,  your the guardian of the girl in this case?

Everyone knows someone with this exact issue,  whatever we are all doing,  is not working.

[Lee]

56 minutes ago, Sea Turtle said:

What should have been done to prevent this?  Did I read it right,  your the guardian of the girl in this case?

Everyone knows someone with this exact issue,  whatever we are all doing,  is not working.

Yes, the wife and I are the nieces guardians and have been for years.

You are correct in your assessment that whatever we are doing is not working. We raised her the best that we knew how and she/we still failed.

Upon reflection the wife and I should have never trusted her to the extent that we did. In reality she was no different than the rest of her family that we certainly don't trust at any level. We won't be fooled again as there won't be a next time.

[Sea Turtle]

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Yes, the wife and I are the nieces guardians and have been for years.

You are correct in your assessment that whatever we are doing is not working. We raised her the best that we knew how and she/we still failed.

Upon reflection the wife and I should have never trusted her to the extent that we did. In reality she was no different than the rest of her family that we certainly don't trust at any level. We won't be fooled again as there won't be a next time.

Just to be sure,  I am not criticizing you.   Almost everyone I know ends up with the same problem.   I am going to be dealing with how to avoid it for my family soon.

 

Maybe very strict chaperoning?   I honestly don't know.      Good, Bad, Medium families.  This occurs to all.

 

 

[craftbeerlover]

17 hours ago, Rooster said:

 

 

I read about more Filipinos being arrested, charged, jailed for psychological violence for not providing child support than I do for act of not following child support laws.

Send her to a mental Doctor, see if the Doctor can document she's suffering psychological violence, mental or emotional anguish.

Section 5(i) of RA No. 9262 Section 5. Acts of Violence Against Women and Their Children.- The crime of violence against women and their children is committed through any of the following acts: (i) Causing mental or emotional anguish, public ridicule or humiliation to the woman or her child, including, but not limited to, repeated verbal and emotional abuse, and denial of financial support or custody of minor children or access to the woman's child/children.

Every City PNP is required to staff a help desk dedicated to help woman & children being physically/psychologically abused . Go discuss it with the help desk, show them medical records from Psych Doctor. Threaten the A-hole if he don't do a promissory contract to pay monthly child support he'll be arrested & jailed for violating - RA No. 9262 Acts of Violence Against Women and Their Children, causing psychological violence, mental and emotional anguish .for not providing child support.

https://www.projectjurisprudence.com/2021/05/psychological-violence-ra-9262.html

 

 

hahaha I couldnt get past "Send her to a mental Doctor"   I am still laughing... Thanks I needed that!!!

[Lee]

2 hours ago, Sea Turtle said:

Just to be sure,  I am not criticizing you.

ST, I didn't take your comments as criticism at all.

 

2 hours ago, Sea Turtle said:

I am going to be dealing with how to avoid it for my family soon.

IMO the childs family has to be on board (or totally cut out) for this process to work. In our case a lot of the family knew what the niece was doing via FB but said nothing. My wife is on FB but of course she was blocked from seeing her posts. The family just sat back and waited for the train wreck to happen. This is a pretty typical Filipino attitude as most hate seeing anyone else possibly getting ahead (it's often called the Crab Mentality).

Most of the family train wreck watchers had already been given a chance at school by us perhaps a decade or more ago but of course they screwed it up. Now in their 30's with 3 or more kids and broke, they certainly weren't going to help a younger one get through.

To give you an idea how bad it can get, our niece started college in Aug of 2022.I had tutored her all through her HS years and even the summer before college to get her to this point. Anyway, one night in mid Jan of this year she simply didn't come home from class---no note, no explanation, nothing. After a frantic night of searching, we ended up in her classroom at school only to be told that she seldom went to class, had failed every test that she took, didn't turn in work assignments and more importantly that she was pregnant.

Sure there were signs that we missed. I often asked about her grades but she always had a ready excuse of why they weren't ready. Several times we talked about going to her school to see for ourselves but we never did. My wife isn't as mobile as she once was so climbing stairs would have been arduous. As a foreigner, I prefer to stay out of situations like this to avoid the Yes Po, No Po bootlicking that usually occurs---there is also a language barrier to be considered here.

A "Trust but Verify" attitude would have helped us for sure.

Edited August 25, 2023 by Lee
clarification

[Sea Turtle]

2 hours ago, Lee said:

ST, I didn't take your comments as criticism at all.

 

IMO the childs family has to be on board (or totally cut out) for this process to work. In our case a lot of the family knew what the niece was doing via FB but said nothing. My wife is on FB but of course she was blocked from seeing her posts. The family just sat back and waited for the train wreck to happen. This is a pretty typical Filipino attitude as most hate seeing anyone else possibly getting ahead (it's often called the Crab Mentality).

Most of the family train wreck watchers had already been given a chance at school by us perhaps a decade or more ago but of course they screwed it up. Now in their 30's with 3 or more kids and broke, they certainly weren't going to help a younger one get through.

To give you an idea how bad it can get, our niece started college in Aug of 2022.I had tutored her all through her HS years and even the summer before college to get her to this point. Anyway, one night in mid Jan of this year she simply didn't come home from class---no note, no explanation, nothing. After a frantic night of searching, we ended up in her classroom at school only to be told that she seldom went to class, had failed every test that she took, didn't turn in work assignments and more importantly that she was pregnant.

Sure there were signs that we missed. I often asked about her grades but she always had a ready excuse of why they weren't ready. Several times we talked about going to her school to see for ourselves but we never did. My wife isn't as mobile as she once was so climbing stairs would have been arduous. As a foreigner, I prefer to stay out of situations like this to avoid the Yes Po, No Po bootlicking that usually occurs---there is also a language barrier to be considered here.

A "Trust but Verify" attitude would have helped us for sure.

thanks.   I can relate to this.  

[Gator]

14 hours ago, Lee said:

I often asked about her grades but she always had a ready excuse of why they weren't ready. Several times we talked about going to her school to see for ourselves but we never did.

A "Trust but Verify" attitude would have helped us for sure.

For future reference: Most, if not all, universities and colleges here post grades and attendance records online. Access is via a portal from the school and can be obtained thru the registrar’s office. 

[Lee]

1 hour ago, Gator said:

Most, if not all, universities and colleges here post grades and attendance records online

The particular college in question doesn't have a website of their own. They have a FB site that only lists a rundown of upcoming events.

[Mike J]

At the end of my post is a URL for a rather lengthy article dealing with the subject of teenage pregnancy in the Philippines.  It is in PDF format so I did not attempt to past the text. 

My wife and I have a small ministry here called Philippines Blessing of Hope.  Our primary focus is outreach to youth, mostly middle school, high school, and college.  Two weeks ago we hosted 28 youth for a seminar.  I presented two subjects, the first was "How to sketch" which I really enjoyed.  The second was "When is sex appropriate", which was creating a lot of anxiety for me prior to the talk.  I explained to the youth how their bodies were "ready for sex" far earlier than they were ready emotionally, spiritually, and financially.  Each youth had been given a journal to write notes and do sketching.  I ask each person who was not married to raise their hand.  All youth did so as did one of the adult chaperones.   I told them I had two very important notes and to write them down.  Each person did write the notes.

Note 1 - I am not married.

Note 2 - I am not ready to have sex, see note 1

Will it make a difference?  I don't know but we knew we had to try.  

https://philippines.unfpa.org/sites/default/files/pub-pdf/UNFPA_Policy_Brief_Teenage_Pregnancy_(2020-01-24).pdf