Befriending Filipino Men

[sjp52]

I have been to the Philippines 3 times now and the last time there was for 2 months. I am married to a Filipina and have met a lot of Filipino men through her. Most of them can hardly speak any English which makes it hard to become friends with them, Which is what i would love to do. Any thoughts or suggestions. The same goes for her family. They are all living out side of the city in CDO. I will be living there soon 6 months in Philly and 6 months in Canada.

[softail]

I have the same problem, lots of the relatives don't have english. Lots of smiling and long uncomfortable silences. In my opinion the only way to overcome this problem is to learn a little of the local language. There will be alot of teasing with you as you make lots of silly mistakes but will make the friendship alot stronger. I had the same problem when my family moved us to South America as a child. Things improved alot as we struggled with our broken spanish.Doug and Sally

[Mr Lee]

I have been to the Philippines 3 times now and the last time there was for 2 months. I am married to a Filipina and have met a lot of Filipino men through her. Most of them can hardly speak any English which makes it hard to become friends with them, Which is what i would love to do. Any thoughts or suggestions. The same goes for her family. They are all living out side of the city in CDO. I will be living there soon 6 months in Philly and 6 months in Canada.

Most of our family do not speak good English either so I always grab my wife or a niece or nephew who does speak English and get them to translate. I have also tried to try to teach some English so we can communicate. It does seem that many speak better English when one on one or when they are drunk and lose their shame. Might be a great idea to try to set up English classes while at the same time have them teach you their language, that is what I do with the children when I am out in the provinces and they teach me Cebuano and we all have fun doing it. I have made a lot of Filipino friends in Cebu at our condo and anywhere along the way where I find some who are just average workers, and I have gone out to a bar with some of them and I just try to bs with them whenever I have time while just passing by and they really appreciate it because they see I try hard to show them that I am just an average Joe and not above them in any way.

[sjp52]

I have the same problem, lots of the relatives don't have english. Lots of smiling and long uncomfortable silences. In my opinion the only way to overcome this problem is to learn a little of the local language. There will be alot of teasing with you as you make lots of silly mistakes but will make the friendship alot stronger. I had the same problem when my family moved us to South America as a child. Things improved alot as we struggled with our broken spanish.Doug and Sally

Yes your right about trying to learn their language. I am trying, but i am an old fart ( 52 ) and my memory is not so good any more and it is very hard. I don,t mind the teasing as I love to tease my self

[sjp52]

I have been to the Philippines 3 times now and the last time there was for 2 months. I am married to a Filipina and have met a lot of Filipino men through her. Most of them can hardly speak any English which makes it hard to become friends with them, Which is what i would love to do. Any thoughts or suggestions. The same goes for her family. They are all living out side of the city in CDO. I will be living there soon 6 months in Philly and 6 months in Canada.

Most of our family do not speak good English either so I always grab my wife or a niece or nephew who does speak English and get them to translate. I have also tried to try to teach some English so we can communicate. It does seem that many speak better English when one on one or when they are drunk and lose their shame. Might be a great idea to try to set up English classes while at the same time have them teach you their language, that is what I do with the children when I am out in the provinces and they teach me Cebuano and we all have fun doing it. I have made a lot of Filipino friends in Cebu at our condo and anywhere along the way where I find some who are just average workers, and I have gone out to a bar with some of them and I just try to bs with them whenever I have time while just passing by and they really appreciate it because they see I try hard to show them that I am just an average Joe and not above them in any way.

Well Lee from my experiences so far, When we have a get together the men all hang out in one area and the woman in another, So i am left fending for myself with all the guys. They try some but your right they have to much shame that they think they are not doing a good job and go silent some times. I have got to know them enough to know that they will be very good friends to have as they are very caring and love to laugh all the time. I just need to have lots of patience with them and hope they will do the same. I will be getting an English tutor for my wife and her kids and any of the family that wish to join in. I will also be continueing to learn there language ( as hard as that is ) and pray that some day I will master some of it

[sjp52]

Here is a pic of me and my buddy,s

[Jollygoodfellow]

Here is a pic of me and my buddy,s

I see the problem,you look like Kenny Rogers and they think you are a singer and a bit shy around you,sorry,lol.:DThe best bet I think is to try to ask questions when things go to silence,at least it gives some type of talking point :thumbsup:

[Matt]

From my own experince, i have made some very good filipino friends here, who all speak pretty good english. My Barangy Captain is my best Filipino friend here and we speak for hours about all things. We have a lot in common, and are of the same age. I also have other Filipino friends, all over my Barangy and i can walk 200 meters and get stopped in the street about 12 times, asking how i am and what am i doing and where i am going. There are some men here however who will be shy to talk to you, if others are around or they are not drunk, but i find a bottle of Tanduay 65 soon sorts that out. My partners family are great and i can have a converstaion with them, in broken english, again it is better after a few drinks, but i know they understand me, even when they have not had a beer and i have learnt what they are trying to say to me in return. I have also been learning Visayan and can speak the basics, but i am far from being able to have a conversation yet, but they all appreciate that i am trying, and have not had any teasing so far, though that would not bother me if they did. I live way out in the province and so surprised so many people here have a good concept of english. The thing with living in a barangy in the province is that news travels fast and everyone knows everyone else. People i have never even seen before know who i am and what my name is. It is a nice feeling to have, to been accepted in to the barangy where you live, and i do not intend on moving away from here. I have certaintly made this place my home, and people are less shy with me, as they know who i am, even if sometimes i do not know who they are yet.

[sjp52]

From my own experince, i have made some very good filipino friends here, who all speak pretty good english. My Barangy Captain is my best Filipino friend here and we speak for hours about all things. We have a lot in common, and are of the same age. I also have other Filipino friends, all over my Barangy and i can walk 200 meters and get stopped in the street about 12 times, asking how i am and what am i doing and where i am going. There are some men here however who will be shy to talk to you, if others are around or they are not drunk, but i find a bottle of Tanduay 65 soon sorts that out. My partners family are great and i can have a converstaion with them, in broken english, again it is better after a few drinks, but i know they understand me, even when they have not had a beer and i have learnt what they are trying to say to me in return. I have also been learning Visayan and can speak the basics, but i am far from being able to have a conversation yet, but they all appreciate that i am trying, and have not had any teasing so far, though that would not bother me if they did. I live way out in the province and so surprised so many people here have a good concept of english. The thing with living in a barangy in the province is that news travels fast and everyone knows everyone else. People i have never even seen before know who i am and what my name is. It is a nice feeling to have, to been accepted in to the barangy where you live, and i do not intend on moving away from here. I have certaintly made this place my home, and people are less shy with me, as they know who i am, even if sometimes i do not know who they are yet.

Hi Matt, I hope some day soon I will have what you have found here. It sounds like you are settling in to your new home very nicely. How long have you been living in the Philippines

[Mr Lee]

From my own experince, i have made some very good filipino friends here, who all speak pretty good english. My Barangy Captain is my best Filipino friend here and we speak for hours about all things. We have a lot in common, and are of the same age. I also have other Filipino friends, all over my Barangy and i can walk 200 meters and get stopped in the street about 12 times, asking how i am and what am i doing and where i am going. There are some men here however who will be shy to talk to you, if others are around or they are not drunk, but i find a bottle of Tanduay 65 soon sorts that out. My partners family are great and i can have a converstaion with them, in broken english, again it is better after a few drinks, but i know they understand me, even when they have not had a beer and i have learnt what they are trying to say to me in return. I have also been learning Visayan and can speak the basics, but i am far from being able to have a conversation yet, but they all appreciate that i am trying, and have not had any teasing so far, though that would not bother me if they did. I live way out in the province and so surprised so many people here have a good concept of english. The thing with living in a barangy in the province is that news travels fast and everyone knows everyone else. People i have never even seen before know who i am and what my name is. It is a nice feeling to have, to been accepted in to the barangy where you live, and i do not intend on moving away from here. I have certaintly made this place my home, and people are less shy with me, as they know who i am, even if sometimes i do not know who they are yet.

Matt I am very happy to hear things are working out for you and especially happy to not hear that Filipinos are trying to take advantage of you because there are so many negative posts how that happens and while I also know it does happen, it has never happened to me except with some family but never with the Filipino friends I have made along the way. Yes I will buy a drink or dinner for someone who could not have otherwise joined us because of their financial situation, but no one has ever asked me or forced me to do that. I really enjoy most Filipinos friendship because they seem to be so real and not phony like many of the expats that I have met, but we have also met nice expats so I do not speak of all. The thing that gets me at times is that many of my family can sing perfect English but need to learn what the words mean and that is why it is important for them to be taught IMO. If and when we finally do move to the Philippines full time then I am going to do my best to teach English to anyone who wishes to learn how to speak it. I too am not conversational in Cebuano/Bisaya but I do understand more than I speak and can get the gist of a conversation so many times we can go back and forth in mixed English and Cebuano so it is very important IMO that everyone learn some of the local language to help them know what is going on around them. I have had at least 4 instances where it was important to know what was going on around me, one was when I, my wife and her friend were walking around, my wife was next to me and her friend was next to her and a guy made a comment about me having 2 girls and told them that kanos were no good and that they need to be careful and I turned to him and gave him a dirty look and he just about ran the other way. Then there was a time when someone said he was going to kill me to his friend and I replied in Tagalog that I would kill him and they too ran away. Then there was a time when my wife and I were walking and met up with two white male neighbors of ours from our building about a block from our condo and they joined us and we talked and my wife walked in front of us and some working type of guys in a truck yelled out to her asking her if she was going to take us all on. And the other time was funny, my neighbor had asked me to go to a few bars with him and since my wife was visiting her family I text her and asked her if she would mind and she trusts me so she said no, well my neighbor told 2 girls he knew to massage both of our backs and they did and he said I should pay her p50 for an hours massage and as we sat at the bar having a drink, the girl messaged my back while I enjoyed my drink. I have a bad back so it felt really good and then the two girls started talking between themselves wondering how big a certain part of me might be :thumbsup: and I did not say a word and waited until they were done doing their massage and we were about to leave and I handed her p100 and said mine was gamay kaayo (very small,) OK so I lied :lol: and that his was dako kaayo (very big) and the look of shock on their face was worth way more than p100, so after they got over the shock the one replied to me that my friend was gamay kaayo as we all had a great laugh. I guess my friend must know the girls pretty well :lol: but it is also fun knowing what is going on around us. :lol: Anyone else have some good stories where knowing what is going on was helpful to them and that they would like to share?