Befriending Filipino Men

[Matt]

Hi sjp52, i have only lived here for 7 months, but as soon as i got here, i started to get out and go to the local sari sari store for a drink with the locals. There are places here where only ex pats hang out and no Filipino men at all, and i might go there once or twice a month, but when there i feel like i am in a bar back in the UK, and it is these types of bars where i have seen the most dissagrements and fights, which i find shameful and it looks bad on the rest of the ex pats living here in Dalaguete to the fiipinos, so i avoid it quite a lot. Dont get me wrong there are some good people there, but at times a mixture of beer and conversations about religion, politics or their culture where they are from, sometimes causes problems. I mainly stay close to home over the road when i want a drink with the Filipinos, i have never yet, seen them have a fight or argument over anything. And they never ask me to buy them a drink, on the contary they offer me a drink, or some food they brought with them, like a huge crab the other night. If i accept a drink from them, i will always buy one back for them afterwards. I also try and do things in the Barangy to help since being here. Soon my other good ex pat friend Howard and me intend to walk up and down the street picking up litter. We are also going to try and recruit a few other ex pat here who live in the Barangy to help, but not sure if they will or not. I came up with this idea, because we are stereo typed by a lot of filipinos, as being rich and above them, which i am sure in the past ex pats have given them reason for that, i know of a few here who think they are better than Filipinos and it makes my blood boil so i avoid these people like the plague. But by picking up litter we achieve three things, one we show them that we are as capable as they are to pick litter up, and it is not beyond us, secondly we are seen as helping their barangy and thirdly we have a cleaner barangy. We also intend to donate some money, not much about 2000 pesos to buy some new garbage bins. We are working closely with the officials of the barangy to make sure we are doing something that needs doing. I came here with the intention of mixing with the local people, and learning more about their great culture. If i wanted a western lifestyle and be around people back at home, then i might aswell stayed there. I came here knowing that i would lose materialistic things, like my car, 42" flat screen TV, Xbox and all the other stuff you just spend your money on, and have a much more simpler life here. I expected that and i do not regret it one little bit. I am much more happier, a lot less stressed out and feel totally relaxed. It is by far the best move i have made in my life.

[Jollygoodfellow]

From my own experince, i have made some very good filipino friends here, who all speak pretty good english. My Barangy Captain is my best Filipino friend here and we speak for hours about all things. We have a lot in common, and are of the same age. I also have other Filipino friends, all over my Barangy and i can walk 200 meters and get stopped in the street about 12 times, asking how i am and what am i doing and where i am going. There are some men here however who will be shy to talk to you, if others are around or they are not drunk, but i find a bottle of Tanduay 65 soon sorts that out. My partners family are great and i can have a converstaion with them, in broken english, again it is better after a few drinks, but i know they understand me, even when they have not had a beer and i have learnt what they are trying to say to me in return. I have also been learning Visayan and can speak the basics, but i am far from being able to have a conversation yet, but they all appreciate that i am trying, and have not had any teasing so far, though that would not bother me if they did. I live way out in the province and so surprised so many people here have a good concept of english. The thing with living in a barangy in the province is that news travels fast and everyone knows everyone else. People i have never even seen before know who i am and what my name is. It is a nice feeling to have, to been accepted in to the barangy where you live, and i do not intend on moving away from here. I have certaintly made this place my home, and people are less shy with me, as they know who i am, even if sometimes i do not know who they are yet.

Matt I am very happy to hear things are working out for you and especially happy to not hear that Filipinos are trying to take advantage of you because there are so many negative posts how that happens and while I also know it does happen, it has never happened to me except with some family but never with the Filipino friends I have made along the way. Yes I will buy a drink or dinner for someone who could not have otherwise joined us because of their financial situation, but no one has ever asked me or forced me to do that. I really enjoy most Filipinos friendship because they seem to be so real and not phony like many of the expats that I have met, but we have also met nice expats so I do not speak of all. The thing that gets me at times is that many of my family can sing perfect English but need to learn what the words mean and that is why it is important for them to be taught IMO. If and when we finally do move to the Philippines full time then I am going to do my best to teach English to anyone who wishes to learn how to speak it. I too am not conversational in Cebuano/Bisaya but I do understand more than I speak and can get the gist of a conversation so many times we can go back and forth in mixed English and Cebuano so it is very important IMO that everyone learn some of the local language to help them know what is going on around them. I have had at least 4 instances where it was important to know what was going on around me, one was when I, my wife and her friend were walking around, my wife was next to me and her friend was next to her and a guy made a comment about me having 2 girls and told them that kanos were no good and that they need to be careful and I turned to him and gave him a dirty look and he just about ran the other way. Then there was a time when someone said he was going to kill me to his friend and I replied in Tagalog that I would kill him and they too ran away. Then there was a time when my wife and I were walking and met up with two white male neighbors of ours from our building about a block from our condo and they joined us and we talked and my wife walked in front of us and some working type of guys in a truck yelled out to her asking her if she was going to take us all on. And the other time was funny, my neighbor had asked me to go to a few bars with him and since my wife was visiting her family I text her and asked her if she would mind and she trusts me so she said no, well my neighbor told 2 girls he knew to massage both of our backs and they did and he said I should pay her p50 for an hours massage and as we sat at the bar having a drink, the girl messaged my back while I enjoyed my drink. I have a bad back so it felt really good and then the two girls started talking between themselves wondering how big a certain part of me might be :D and I did not say a word and waited until they were done doing their massage and we were about to leave and I handed her p100 and said mine was gamay kaayo (very small,) OK so I lied :D and that his was dako kaayo (very big) and the look of shock on their face was worth way more than p100, so after they got over the shock the one replied to me that my friend was gamay kaayo as we all had a great laugh. I guess my friend must know the girls pretty well :lol: but it is also fun knowing what is going on around us. :lol: Anyone else have some good stories where knowing what is going on was helpful to them and that they would like to share?

I cant understand the language but can speak a few words although I am out of practice,anyway one night I was in a bar probably buying a coke with about 4 girls hanging around me speaking in their language,suddenly the girl behind the bar who was also hanging around the group looked at me then said out loud "he understands".I did not but it went quiet then,wish I knew what they were saying :D

[Singers]

Remember YOU are the Alien. I find in Leyte I am a source of interest to the guys, awe to kids and pleasure to the girls and I am rewarded with more "Smiles per mile" than in any Western country . If the guys have poor English then they will be embarrassed to speak English in your company. It will happen when you are better known to them and trusted.In "my" BRGY I am regularly called out to loudly in English. They are now practicing their English with confidence by greeting me.Smile and the World will smile with you. Tom

I have been to the Philippines 3 times now and the last time there was for 2 months. I am married to a Filipina and have met a lot of Filipino men through her. Most of them can hardly speak any English which makes it hard to become friends with them, Which is what i would love to do. Any thoughts or suggestions. The same goes for her family. They are all living out side of the city in CDO. I will be living there soon 6 months in Philly and 6 months in Canada.