What Is The Secret To A Successful Marriage Or Relationship

[Mr Lee]

Over and over I get these emails or PM's asking me what is the secret to a good marriage. I guess people ask me because they have met my wife and I and feel that we seem to have a good marriage (I also think we do). I think it is common sense in life and in marriage, it is all about treating people as you would wish them to treat you. If you are an AH then you can expect that back in return. Happiness comes to those who deserve it and there is no grand secret to a successful marriage or relationship beyond the secret to a successful life, do unto ALL others as you would wish them to do unto your or your loved ones. I see so many guys both in the Philippines and the US who treat their wives like servants or slaves who are supposed to be at their every beckoned call and jump when they call them like they are puppy dogs instead of real people with feeling and needs, I wonder how those same guys would feel if the situation were reversed and they were on the receiving end of that type of treatment. IMO only when people learn this will they then be truly happy in life and relationships. Maybe some of you might add your own thoughts on this subject, what do you think makes your relationship or marriage work?

[Art2ro]

A successful relationship or marriage is based on maturity and being a responsible person! In our younger days, I don't think many of us were neither of the two, because we were just sewing our wild oaths and having fun with our new found freedom as being single and independent right out of high school and didn't really know the facts of life until we got much older, mature and responsible for our actions! And most of us went through trail phases in premarital and actual marriages that didn't work out due to irreconcilable differences or just plain incompatibility! So, it sometimes took us 2, 3 or 4 times into a relationship or marriage to get it right! Lucky for those who did it right the first time around! Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth!:10001:

Edited February 26, 2010 by Art & Jho

[parksb2]

Over and over I get these emails or PM's asking me what is the secret to a good marriage. I guess people ask me because they have met my wife and I and feel that we seem to have a good marriage (I also think we do). I think it is common sense in life and in marriage, it is all about treating people as you would wish them to treat you. If you are an AH then you can expect that back in return. Happiness comes to those who deserve it and there is no grand secret to a successful marriage or relationship beyond the secret to a successful life, do unto ALL others as you would wish them to do unto your or your loved ones. I see so many guys both in the Philippines and the US who treat their wives like servants or slaves who are supposed to be at their every beckoned call and jump when they call them like they are puppy dogs instead of real people with feeling and needs, I wonder how those same guys would feel if the situation were reversed and they were on the receiving end of that type of treatment. IMO only when people learn this will they then be truly happy in life and relationships. Maybe some of you might add your own thoughts on this subject, what do you think makes your relationship or marriage work?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Pretty simple. :gday:

[cebuexpat]

Maybe some of you might add your own thoughts on this subject, what do you think makes your relationship or marriage work? Being strict. Not a slave master, not a boss, but being strict. Before I had to become very strict, it was a nightmare... I am speaking mostly of money issues. I had to become very strict and be the what you might call " banker ". Now everything has to pass through me before it can be done. That helped my relationship more than anything...........Some my say thats being bossy, slave master, or what ever they want. They was not the one with all the problems that I faced. Now that everything has to go through me, we get along better, no more issues, and she still gets what she needs. Lot more than most.

[Inspector]

The woman has to submit to her man for any marriage to workWhen I come back to the house, I expect her to do this as I walk through the door...then get me a drink, my slippers and the TV remote.... and then pee outside. :crack-up:Lee's answer is dead on BTW. :(

[love2winalot]

Hiya: Yes, you have my permission to copy this, or sent it tto anyone you like. This is a subject i proclaim to be an EXPERT ON.Compatibility: Is not importantLooks: They are going to change, ie deteriorate, so also not importantHaving a good Heart: Not important. Church members get divorced all the time. Porno makers have been married for 18 yrs +and a lot of other crap dating sites, ect tell you...............OK, Here is the KEY. What is the most important thing in your life. What is the most important thing in your wifes life? It is easy to say, "Each Other". Hmmmmm, You got offered a great Job in Guam, your wife wants to stay in the Philippines? You have no children, your wife wants to adopt, you don't? You want to open a night club, your wife wants to open a resturant? and so on.It is one thing to hope/think/pray you are the most important thing in your partners life, and a totally another thing, TO KNOW IT. "I Love You" OK, Write down exactly what that means to you. Have your partner do the same thing. Your notes should include all things you think is ok to do, and those that are not ok to do. Now compare your list with each other. If your priorities are the same, and you are each after the same goal, then you have the possibility to stay together. If they are different, then it is usually just a matter of time before your partner is standing in the way of your priority.PS: For Gloria and I, it was easy. We want, "Forever". Nothing less was or is acceptable.

[Irish]

Everything about love in Hollywood movies are an illusion. Communication is the most important. Fix your problems that week. Don't let them build up like a pressure cooker for a few months to increase stress and explode. The old saying threat each other as how you want to be treated is half true: you have to watch out not to spoil the other, like with children it can make them selfish, so being strict is also important. A great sign is that you still like and love each other after big fights. Part of communication is letting each other know your goals and what is important to you in life and what you hate in life.

[Jake]

Everything about love in Hollywood movies are an illusion. Communication is the most important. Fix your problems that week. Don't let them build up like a pressure cooker for a few months to increase stress and explode. The old saying threat each other as how you want to be treated is half true: you have to watch out not to spoil the other, like with children it can make them selfish, so being strict is also important. A great sign is that you still like and love each other after big fights. Part of communication is letting each other know your goals and what is important to you in life and what you hate in life.

Hello Irish,Spoken like a true marriage counselor. Excellent points to remember and practice daily.Keep on posting my friend, you're on a roll.......!Respectfully -- Jake

[ekimswish]

I'm young and naive, so don't crucify me for my suggestion here. I've been married a mere 3 years, and a lot of members have done that in their sleep and still moved on several times. I'm no expert. But just to share from my experiences:Back when I was a 20 year old born again Christian waiting til marriage to have sex, fighting with my girlfriend while away from her teaching English in Taiwan, my playboy Taiwanese boss told me he knew what my problem was. He'd had better known what my problem was, since if I quit to go home like I was suggesting I do, he'd have lost the sole white dude in his English camp. He said the answer to my relationship problem was I needed to have sex. If I just had sex it would all be good. I thought his idea, at the time, was pretty good, but I still wasn't willing to risk going to hell over it! Now, years and girls later, I'm with my wife, fighting all the time, and we still love each other. I tried to quote it, but I'm guessing it was on another topic where someone said that having a fight and still loving each other is a good sign. We married young, in our mid-20's, and so we've gone from suicidal fights at first to your run-of-the-mill I love you and hate you at the same time fights. I've always, recently, had faith in our system of hating and loving each other system of fights, and was encouraged to see someone on the forum (somewhere) mention that type of love. Then we had a nasty fight this afternoon where we said every horrible thing we could think of to say to each other. By the time our well of insults ran dry, we were having "angry-sex", which worked out fine by me, since our 1 year old interrupted things last night! Sex is important, at least at the young age I'm resting at for the moment. I can't speak for the majority on this forum who are 20~30 years older and several marriages wiser, but at my tender age, I'm glad I still find my wife sexy and she's got plenty in the engine to keep it going. She had two kids when we met, and while most would find that a bad thing, I was relieved, since women from Saskatchewan (Canada) hit the fat-jack-pot when they're 25 with or without kids. Having two kids and still being slim and sexy was everything I could ever ask for. I'm just saying, sexuality is important. Make it your mission to conquer, any which way it's gotta happen.

[Jake]

"Sex is important, at least at the young age I'm resting at for the moment. I can't speak for the majority on this forum who are 20~30 years older and several marriages wiser" Hello my friend,Your quote above reflects the primal force of a young stud and to some degree, the passion of young women. It was a "gift" for us to find a companion and procreate. As Art mentioned, any marriage is a work in progress. Maturity and taking responsibility and accept accountability for your actions is a constant learning curve. Unfortunately, some of us who are much older than you are not necessarily any wiser with foolishness of the heart or immaturity bumping us off from that learning curve. As far as I know, there is no book available to maintain a perfectmarriage. But I like your style of having "angry sex" -- I've been there. The link below is how I met Judy:http://www.philippin...indpost&p=28801http://www.philippin...indpost&p=19756Respectfully -- JakePS -- and no you are not naive in my book......