Looking Back And Forward....

[retired]

Daisy's question perhaps needs to be put into some sort of context in order to better understand it . Recently a British expat died living a Filipina wife that did not know where to turn for help . Somehow she got in touch with my wife Daisy ( Daisy is known as the " Pied Piper" of CDO for her involvements in helping people ) . The expat couple lived about an hour and a half east of CDO and did not participate in local CDO gatherings .Daisy and i attended a cdo weekly expat gathering last Friday and mentioned that this expats wife could use some assistance but because no one knew him personally and because he did not " participate " in any of the local activities some were of the opinion that he/she had no right to ask for assistance .I can understand that viewpoint but at the same time there is another view point of which i think Daisy is trying to bring up . As it turns out the wife had to " borrow " to have the husband buried but with Daisy's assistance was able to get some helpful information regarding her rights as the wife of a British citizen ( which are considerably more than my wife would get as an Americans spouse , but that's a topic within itself . ) :th_thimage_265775: Presently the Filipina wife is in the process of having the death certificate sent to NSO in Manila and waiting for that to clear . Then she will go to the British Consulate in Cebu for assistance . It looks as if she may at least be able to recoup the expenses for the burial eventually . In the meantime she has to find the funding for the trip to Cebu , etc . And i think that is why Daisy is asking the question she is asking . In the end i think it is a question every person has to answer on an individual basis as whether to help or not . Hope this clarifies things a little .

[TheMason]

Daisy's question perhaps needs to be put into some sort of context in order to better understand it . Recently a British expat died living a Filipina wife that did not know where to turn for help . Somehow she got in touch with my wife Daisy ( Daisy is known as the " Pied Piper" of CDO for her involvements in helping people ) . The expat couple lived about an hour and a half east of CDO and did not participate in local CDO gatherings .Daisy and i attended a cdo weekly expat gathering last Friday and mentioned that this expats wife could use some assistance but because no one knew him personally and because he did not " participate " in any of the local activities some were of the opinion that he/she had no right to ask for assistance .I can understand that viewpoint but at the same time there is another view point of which i think Daisy is trying to bring up . As it turns out the wife had to " borrow " to have the husband buried but with Daisy's assistance was able to get some helpful information regarding her rights as the wife of a British citizen ( which are considerably more than my wife would get as an Americans spouse , but that's a topic within itself . ) :th_thimage_265775: Presently the Filipina wife is in the process of having the death certificate sent to NSO in Manila and waiting for that to clear . Then she will go to the British Consulate in Cebu for assistance . It looks as if she may at least be able to recoup the expenses for the burial eventually . In the meantime she has to find the funding for the trip to Cebu , etc . And i think that is why Daisy is asking the question she is asking . In the end i think it is a question every person has to answer on an individual basis as whether to help or not . Hope this clarifies things a little .

I think a better question to ask is why didn't this guy do a better job of estate planning and educating his wife about what to do when he was gone?Please guys, if you're married and living in the Philippines, take some time and discuss with your wife what she should do if you die. If you love your wife, don't leave her at the mercy of strangers when you're gone. You don't have to go into details about how much you're worth dead, just give her some guidance about who to contact and keep enough cash readily available to cover the funeral arrangements.

As it turns out the wife had to " borrow " to have the husband buried but with Daisy's assistance was able to get some helpful information regarding her rights as the wife of a British citizen ( which are considerably more than my wife would get as an Americans spouse , but that's a topic within itself . )

Without getting into the right or wrong of the situation, most US pensions do not have survivor benefits for non-citizen spouses. If you're a married couple living on social security, please give some thought to what your wife will do when you are gone. If she's 35 or over when you pass on, she's very unlikely to find a man that will provide for her. We've all seen what poverty in the Philippines is like. I think we all owe it to our spouses to ensure that they are not in that situation when we pass on.

[daisy]

If an Expat will make a life in the Philippines with his wife and was not given any chance or opportunity to socialize with fellow expats or choose not to, and then everything turn upside down, and his wife cried for help upon his death, will it violates his wishes of just living alone by himself while alive? Certainly, even without our Expat community, my husband and I will be given a decent burial when we die by my Blood and Church families and our paid life plans but such concept caught me off-guard! It is just so sad for me and everyday as I reflect and spend my silent time I can't help but ask myself, Am I associating with the right people? :th_thimage_265775:

[Mr Lee]

Daisy hit on a definite point, :th_thimage_265775: there are many expats in the Philippines that do not want to associate with other expats, and I always wonder why. Of course there are many expats in the Philippines that I do not wish to associate with either and like any other place, we have to sort out the ones who can be true friends and the ones who are just users, but unless we go to meet some of them, how would we know who is who.Over the years, I have met quite a few very nice expats in the Philippines, but I have also found that many of the expats that have moved to the Philippines, have moved there because they were either running away from things at home or could not fit in back home and complained about everything when there, and they hoped the Philippines would be different. Some of those expats are afraid to hang out with other expats for fear of being discovered and yet others were antisocial in their own countries and nothing has changed once they moved to the Philippines. Now comes the big question, is it wrong to not hang out with others, IMHO no, because we are all different and have different needs in life and if we do not wish to hang with others from our own country or other countries, then it will only be our own loss or gain, and those who do not wish to hang out with those of us who like to be social, may in fact be doing us a favor. We all have to live life the way we want to and IMHO, no one should force anyone to do what they do not wish to do.

[johnrxx99]

The Mason - just what I was thinking. Let's be honest, when you decide to marry, or indeed not marry but be a couple, it is the westerners duty to consider what will happen after he has gone, assuming there is the often usual age gap.Firstly a will. Can be a problem of course reading about all the stories of wives or familes arranging and early funeral but there are ways around that. Make sure a copy is around and explain the outcome in the event of death by misadventure. Make sure your lawyer in the UK or where ever is kept informed of your address and wishes.Secondly, investigate what her status will be in your homeland and advise.In no particular order, have a joint bank acount with enough in it to cover a funeral if things are tight. Have a lawyer in the Philipinnes who can act as an agent for your solicitor at home and make sure they are in touch and understand each other. It happens that some men are insular and don't mix and if that's thier nature it wont change merely by living here. The wife has to make and maintain friendships and from what I've seen pinays are very good at that. Indeed, if I popped tomorrow my SO would have many people she could call on.So, today, let us all think about this and make sure we have got our house in order. If your over 50, drink, smoke and eat well we could go out at anytime, no wishing to be a Jonah.As regards the lady in question, it's a shame she's been left in this way. One would hope there are enough people around in CDO to club together to send her to Cebu and would hope the British Consul could help. Write to her beforehand and good luck.

[Mr Lee]

Daisy and Alan, sorry I read the post wrong and yes, we need to plan ahead and help our wives or gf's know what to do when that time comes and if at all possible, make sure that they are taken care of.

[daisy]

I hope that all of us expats, and expats' wives and girlfriends learned a lesson here. Talking about death is still morbid to most of us, especially Filipinas. We tend to avoid such reality and don't want to talk about it. In fairness, in this situation the husband was always telling his wife to look at all the papers and taught her what should be done in case of his death. The wife here, is a very typical filipina, and simply refused to listen not wanting to face reality. She is also a typical Filipina who loves her husband very much and is trying so hard to dent the reality. For most us, it is harder to talk about death when you can see it coming......the denial will always prevail. It is totally different when you just plan about it because we all know that it is our final destination.As to Expats to associate with other fellow expats, or not to...it is your choice.To my fellow Filipinas married or having a long term relationship to foreigners especially those who are living here for good, please know your legal rights, duties and previleges. Let me share this real experience a year ago. An expat died living behind his girlfriend of 7 years. Knpwing his death, the bank blocked the account right away because it was a direct deposit account. As usual, huh! she came to me for help and show me their joint bank account. (Yes, it can be done before a joint direct deposit account!.) I handed to the bank manager the manual of US SS guidelines stating that whatever is deposited in the current month is the last month's pension and as such, she had the right to withdraw it as co-depositor. She did. So ladies, please it will not harm us to read and inquire a little.Still for me, giving a helping hand knows no category...!

[Mik]

You could have an envelope marked "Open this after I die" or something like that. In that envelope you could put instructions and forms to fill out to notify pension plans, social security, a copy of your will etc. I have a modest life insurance policy and also my wife would get a survivor benefit from my pension. She became a US citizen so she could get some social security when she becomes 62 (a long time from now). Well, she could just go back to the states to work and marry some young guy. Getting dual-citizenship for your wife can provide a more secure future for her after you are gone.

[Jollygoodfellow]

I hope that all of us expats, and expats' wives and girlfriends learned a lesson here. Talking about death is still morbid to most of us, especially Filipinas. We tend to avoid such reality and don't want to talk about it. In fairness, in this situation the husband was always telling his wife to look at all the papers and taught her what should be done in case of his death. The wife here, is a very typical filipina, and simply refused to listen not wanting to face reality. She is also a typical Filipina who loves her husband very much and is trying so hard to dent the reality. For most us, it is harder to talk about death when you can see it coming......the denial will always prevail. It is totally different when you just plan about it because we all know that it is our final destination.As to Expats to associate with other fellow expats, or not to...it is your choice.To my fellow Filipinas married or having a long term relationship to foreigners especially those who are living here for good, please know your legal rights, duties and previleges. Let me share this real experience a year ago. An expat died living behind his girlfriend of 7 years. Knpwing his death, the bank blocked the account right away because it was a direct deposit account. As usual, huh! she came to me for help and show me their joint bank account. (Yes, it can be done before a joint direct deposit account!.) I handed to the bank manager the manual of US SS guidelines stating that whatever is deposited in the current month is the last month's pension and as such, she had the right to withdraw it as co-depositor. She did. So ladies, please it will not harm us to read and inquire a little.Still for me, giving a helping hand knows no category...!

This explains why last January when I was telling my wife what to do if I died,she kept putting her hands over her ears. :th_interesting:

[TheMason]

Getting dual-citizenship for your wife can provide a more secure future for her after you are gone.

Excellent point. My wife and I are both young (41 and 34) but she just doesn't see any benefit to her getting dual-citizenship. I've finally convinced her it's a good idea for any kids we have, but she doesn't seem interested in it for herself. I keep telling her we could get it done with an uninterrupted 3-year stay in the US, but she's not interested so far. Maybe I'll show her this thread so she'll understand some of the benefits dual citizenship can provide her.