How Do You, Or Should You Try To Keep A Newbie Thinking Objectively

[Dzighnman]

Most all have likely seen it, maybe most experienced it first hand, hell, most of us may have been them... a newbie, preparing to seek out a future with a Filipina, maybe no first hand familiarity with the culture, maybe never even been to the Philippines before... but seems to be headed down that path with the blinders on. (Of course, it could be anywhere in the world, but I use the Philippines as this is a Philippine forum, diba?) How do you, or even should you, try to help them to see both sides of the potential situation? As a friend, of course you feel a responsibility to try to share experiences to help them avoid the pitfalls you may be aware of. But sadly, we all know that sometimes the little head has a strong influence over our larger thinker. I was one of those nieve newbies, I did NOT listen to the people trying to advise me and before meeting my Filipina wife, I was scammed BIG time by a Filipina GF, playing on my dreams, my desire for all she embodied to be true... I opened the door and she brought her sideshow right on in and took me for a ride.... all happened IN PERSON, not an internet relationship... she was a pro..... and I was as nieve as they come. I almost missed out on meeting my wife because of the shame and anger I felt having been scammed on such a grand scale.... embarrassed to my friends whom tried to help me see clearly.... down on myself for feeling I was so intelligent yet in actuality being so gullible. For me, the only time in my life I felt a victim of a crime... a crime I could have prevented if I had only thought with the correct head. So, we see it all the time, but for those that have tried to balance the view of a friend or fellow "forumer"... do you feel your views were accepted as constructive and caring? Are you still friends? or did they just tell you to get lost?For me? I shy away from offering advice in these cicumstances as even though I feel I could provide useful experience for consideration, due to the way I took, or should I say resented the advice that was offered to me, I feel that will be how it is viewed if offered BY me....not sayin that is the right way to be.... it just is what it is....

[sonjack2847]

If somebody asks me for advice I will always tell them how I did it but will not give them advice as such.As I have found that when you give advice other people will sometimes put their own interpretations to it and if it goes wrong they will blame you.

[cebu rocks]

I feel the same way D . Tell the friend and lose him or don,t tell and later have the finger pointed at you saying why didn,t you tell me ? If its a close friend then you have to discuss your concerns with them . if its a acquaintance then best keep out of it because it will not turn out good.Now i have seen a ton of posts on forums from guys getting scammed and it seems there is blame on the evil pinas but in my experiences the girls in the west are way worse .I have had many girl friends in the west and compared to the girls in the Phils its a no brainer ..western girls just want everything for them selfs . Pinas want iteverything for there familyAnd the good ones just want you to be happy in both places . Affairs of the heart are best to keep out of . I mean I have met guys here who are old with beautiful young wifes Now i know shes with him for the future he provides (the 4 Ms) And he is with her because shes young and beautiful with a hard body Are they in love ? who is using who ? These are questions only they can answer Who am i to get involved in there lives if they are both happy ? Some couples have a unique relationship and getting involved just makes you look stupid when then say I know why is it your business

[Dave Hounddriver]

I shy away from offering advice in these cicumstances

I don't shy away from offering my experiences to help the guy think for himself but I know many who really PUSH their advice on other people and I see that does not work.When I first arrived, I was lucky enough to meet some expats who shared their own personal experiences with me. It stopped me from going further on a bad path into a bad relationship and led me to the great relationship I am in now.Not everyone is open to advice. Some are open to advice but only if you give it when the time is right. Usually, 3 different people giving advice will give three opposing views, none of which will be accepted by the one seeking advice. So those of us who are insulted when our advice is not followed should stop giving it. For the rest, keep on sharing but don't push.

[Mike S]

You always get several different approaches to any situation ...... first you have the ultra-conservative where your friends can't see you attempting to do what they can not or will not and give you advise accordingly ..... then the other side of the coin .... those that tell you "heck ya ... go for it" and the last is the way people have actually done it ..... so just who do you believe ..... me ... I listen to what people tell me ..... do lots and lots of research (ain't Google great) and then do it my way ..... and by that I mean weighting all the facts together with the negative and positive entries as well as my own life experences ..... and then hopefully come to some sort of logical decision ....... as to my giving advise ... heck it is free and I don't mind .... if someone chooses to listen to me and what I know to be true or my opinion .... great .... if not then he is an adult and free to make up his own mind ..... I may not take someone else's advise but I will always listen to what they have to say even if I think they are wrong ......Sorry to hear about your scammer ..... yes they are out there in both sexes and as time goes one I'm sure it will just get worse ..... ladies finding out they can get money and guys finding out they can get sex ..... with the age of the internet it just adds fuel to the fire ..... but in all honesty if it weren't for the internet I would never have found my asawa ...... oh .. and thanks for you frank dis-closer about you having meet the girl in person ..... most so called "experts" will tell you it is impossible to be scammed by a girl in person ..... that that can only be done on the internet .... yea right ..... and I got some swampland in Florida I can sell to them ..... :) :tiphat:

[sjp52]

About five months ago I was discussing the Philippines with a friend of mine and he decided to go. I was telling him all the good and bad points of what he will find and when I started telling him about what to watch out for he got upset and said I,m not a little kid I can handle myself. So I said fine, Good luck. He went for 3 weeks and has been back for 4 months now and I still have not heard from him. I wonder what happened on his trip, if he got scammed and is blaming me, I don,t know. He won,t even answer his phone when I call. So I think things did not go so good for him.

[karlen]

When my bf and i were starting out it seemed everyone was against me. One of his friends even posted on myspace that i was scamming him and that when he gets here my father will hold him at gunpoint and force him to marry me. *well he got here and nobody held him at gunpoint. Its sad to think that filipinas will go that route just to extort money from foreigners and sadder for those who are really trying to make it in this world and be discriminated as such. 4 years later i became the asst director of our company and his friends still think im out to get his money/ citizenship. Pfft.

[billten]

I think everyone NEEDS a friend that will be completely truthful, whether they WANT a friend to be completely truthful with them is another matter. I have said before, when i arrived here i was in such bad shape (emotionally bent and really grumpy) that i would not take advice, and after a while i just got tired of people telling me what i should and shouldn't do. I guess i am just lucky that i didn't fall over too many times before i got stable again. I think it helped that i was committed to not doing business in the Philippines, having known Pinoys for many years and realised that if they didn't want to do business in this country, why would i?Back to Ron's original question, i will also answer questions and offer advice when asked, but i will not expect anyone to follow it, i didn't ;-)

Edited March 25, 2012 by billten

[sjp52]

When my bf and i were starting out it seemed everyone was against me. One of his friends even posted on myspace that i was scamming him and that when he gets here my father will hold him at gunpoint and force him to marry me. *well he got here and nobody held him at gunpoint.Its sad to think that filipinas will go that route just to extort money from foreigners and sadder for those who are really trying to make it in this world and be discriminated as such. 4 years later i became the asst director of our company and his friends still think im out to get his money/ citizenship. Pfft.

You are one of the good ones and I think that most Filipinas are like you, Maybe not as successful but most are good at heart. The problem is you always here about the bad ones and what they did. As for your boyfriends friend I think he has to much time on his hands and maybe a little jealous

[Dzighnman]

and sadder for those who are really trying to make it in this world and be discriminated as such

Thanks for your post. I can say that no matter that bad experience, I and my Filipina wife are so happy that I did not discriminate against others for the crime of one. :)