How Do You, Or Should You Try To Keep A Newbie Thinking Objectively

[Bundy]

I would like to know more information on how you were scammed by your first girlfriend (wife?). It is in the details that we can have a "lessons learned" experience.

To clarify one VERY important point... the scam I fell into was NOT played on me by my now wife... it was a GF I made when first there in Cebu for work, Michelle. It is not too much different than a thousand others I have heard since.... we were out on a weekend night out and I met a friend of a friend at Sunflower, which at that time was called H2O. The main point that I contribute to my gullibility was that I never anticipated being in the Philippines, and never did any research, never joined any forums... this was, to me, a trip to just another country for just another contract. What suckered me in was many of the same things that I fell in love with my wife over, caring, loving, unselfish and an honest emotional connection.. .well, honest on one side. We dated often and I am one that respects and trusts first, until proven to me it is not deserving. (my lesson learned was to be more suspicious before trusting blindly). Let me see.... I was in and out of the Phiilippines for months at a time,in and out every few weekes. I recall, one of my times out, I got a frantic call... father had suffered a heart attack and the only way he could be saved required a deposit at the hospital.. BAM, there went a transfer. (amounts not important really)...In my mind, relationships are based on trust... how do you ask for proof papa had a HA and still have trust? Scammers absolutely COUNT on that characteristic in a foreigner.. trust before proof. I returned to see the father had miraculously recovered and was plowing the field... everyone in the family was so happy I was able to help save him... (in hindsight, they may have been thanking me for buying them a warehouse of red horse for all I knew)... next time, purse snatched, need a new cellphone or cannot call you.... and that jewlery you bought me... gone also, so we buy another.... brother was killed in a jeepney accident and no money to bury him.. (never did see the brother again)...many times wearing rags so I bought new clothes when we were about town. I had never been so close to real poverty in my life and thought I was "helping"... boy was I. Then one time ... staying with her aunt for one of those non-work visits and I had hidden my cash reserves really well... but when we returned, they were gone... nothing else, only my cash reserves...still, she was an academy award winning actress.....It was when I left after that day that I could not pursue this relationship any longer and called it quits with her... still she called and the crying... and the sobbing.. .and it was painful as I WANTED to believe her... but in the end, what I really wanted was to not believe I could have been fooled so easily... and once the anger and shame set in, I could not feel sympathy for her any longer and it was over for good...... I said to HELL with this BS, this country is F'd. And for awhile I hated going back there... but in the end, the best therapy for me was to face the scores of Filipinas that all looked like scammers to me... until reason set in and I eventually could not extend my grudge from that one scammer to all those innocent women.. with the beautiful smiles and great personalities... and when I opened back up, I met my now wife... and my lesson was complete.... as Bundy said, "I've seen both sides but for the life i have now, the ride was worth it." No truer statement could be made about my journey.... my wife, combined with all my life lessons is what makes life now so freaking great.. . every minute of every day!! I am not sure if hearing another testimonial detailing the same age old scams is helpful, but you asked for the details...the lesson I feel is here is to not allow one evil person to cloud your vision for too long.. .get over it and learn the hard lesson then get back in to life. As for the advice I did not listen to????? Another female from the group whom I feel I sort of overlooked her interest in favor of Michelle.... told me she was "not good"... I felt that was a jealousy motivated ploy... My co-workers voiced alot of concern and they did not even know about the money I was spending... again, I felt that they were not seeing the whole picture.. turns out I was the one not seeing the whole picture..... Here is a kicker for the story.. about 3 months ago, I got a FB friend invite.... it was her, different name, but the photos were absolutely her, asking me if I remembered her.... I could not hit the delete button fast enough! :thumbsup:

Hey Dzighnman, i was going to answer Bows00 but after reading your reply there's no need.It seems both you and i have walked down a similar path and no doubt countless others.The really good thing is that we both were able to come through it and move on.Just like you, i went through a period where i wanted absolutely nothing to do with the philippines and also eventually was able to see that after being abused by one very crafty woman, i couldn't put the same label on them all.I now have a wonderful wife and have been very happily married for 8 years. :hystery:

[Jake]

I would like to know more information on how you were scammed by your first girlfriend (wife?). It is in the details that we can have a "lessons learned" experience.

To clarify one VERY important point... the scam I fell into was NOT played on me by my now wife... it was a GF I made when first there in Cebu for work, Michelle. It is not too much different than a thousand others I have heard since.... we were out on a weekend night out and I met a friend of a friend at Sunflower, which at that time was called H2O. The main point that I contribute to my gullibility was that I never anticipated being in the Philippines, and never did any research, never joined any forums... this was, to me, a trip to just another country for just another contract. What suckered me in was many of the same things that I fell in love with my wife over, caring, loving, unselfish and an honest emotional connection.. .well, honest on one side. We dated often and I am one that respects and trusts first, until proven to me it is not deserving. (my lesson learned was to be more suspicious before trusting blindly). Let me see.... I was in and out of the Phiilippines for months at a time,in and out every few weekes. I recall, one of my times out, I got a frantic call... father had suffered a heart attack and the only way he could be saved required a deposit at the hospital.. BAM, there went a transfer. (amounts not important really)...In my mind, relationships are based on trust... how do you ask for proof papa had a HA and still have trust? Scammers absolutely COUNT on that characteristic in a foreigner.. trust before proof. I returned to see the father had miraculously recovered and was plowing the field... everyone in the family was so happy I was able to help save him... (in hindsight, they may have been thanking me for buying them a warehouse of red horse for all I knew)... next time, purse snatched, need a new cellphone or cannot call you.... and that jewlery you bought me... gone also, so we buy another.... brother was killed in a jeepney accident and no money to bury him.. (never did see the brother again)...many times wearing rags so I bought new clothes when we were about town. I had never been so close to real poverty in my life and thought I was "helping"... boy was I. Then one time ... staying with her aunt for one of those non-work visits and I had hidden my cash reserves really well... but when we returned, they were gone... nothing else, only my cash reserves...still, she was an academy award winning actress.....It was when I left after that day that I could not pursue this relationship any longer and called it quits with her... still she called and the crying... and the sobbing.. .and it was painful as I WANTED to believe her... but in the end, what I really wanted was to not believe I could have been fooled so easily... and once the anger and shame set in, I could not feel sympathy for her any longer and it was over for good...... I said to HELL with this BS, this country is F'd. And for awhile I hated going back there... but in the end, the best therapy for me was to face the scores of Filipinas that all looked like scammers to me... until reason set in and I eventually could not extend my grudge from that one scammer to all those innocent women.. with the beautiful smiles and great personalities... and when I opened back up, I met my now wife... and my lesson was complete.... as Bundy said, "I've seen both sides but for the life i have now, the ride was worth it." No truer statement could be made about my journey.... my wife, combined with all my life lessons is what makes life now so freaking great.. . every minute of every day!! I am not sure if hearing another testimonial detailing the same age old scams is helpful, but you asked for the details...the lesson I feel is here is to not allow one evil person to cloud your vision for too long.. .get over it and learn the hard lesson then get back in to life. As for the advice I did not listen to????? Another female from the group whom I feel I sort of overlooked her interest in favor of Michelle.... told me she was "not good"... I felt that was a jealousy motivated ploy... My co-workers voiced alot of concern and they did not even know about the money I was spending... again, I felt that they were not seeing the whole picture.. turns out I was the one not seeing the whole picture..... Here is a kicker for the story.. about 3 months ago, I got a FB friend invite.... it was her, different name, but the photos were absolutely her, asking me if I remembered her.... I could not hit the delete button fast enough! :thumbsup:

Hey Dzighnman, i was going to answer Bows00 but after reading your reply there's no need.It seems both you and i have walked down a similar path and no doubt countless others.The really good thing is that we both were able to come through it and move on.Just like you, i went through a period where i wanted absolutely nothing to do with the philippines and also eventually was able to see that after being abused by one very crafty woman, i couldn't put the same label on them all.I now have a wonderful wife and have been very happily married for 8 years. :hystery:

Boy, you guys have been to hell and back. I've been following your life's struggle Bundy, breaking your back to make endsmeet and I really admire that your wife is out there too. She truly has the heart of an outback. And now, your dreams arebecoming a reality by selling your home and finally making plans to start a new life in the Philippines. Personally, I don't know if I would have the heart to continue when the world seems like hell each and every day. We reallyappreciate your personal tragedies (Dzighnman and Bundy) and others to be revealed in this forum. Perhaps, it serves anoble purpose to teach other members the strength of character and ultimately finding a lifelong companion to sooth yourpain and sorrow. This forum is such an inspirational and motivational tools of life.Respectfully -- Jake

[i am bob]

I had also written to a few other women along the way and got pretty good at picking out scammers and users

First, this is not meant to be aimed at Bob, its a generic observation. In my life I have noticed that 90% of my friends and acquaintances will always, always, always say and believe the following 3 things: I'm a good driver. I'm a good cook. I'm good at judging a person's character. and then the other which I wasn't going to mention but what the heck I'm pretty good in the sack. Now realistically, although almost everyone I know says these things, the truth is that they are not. Myself included. A 'good driver' makes a professional driver shake his head but politely say nothing. A 'good cook' simply means I don't go to visit as often as I will be pressured to try the latest creation. A 'good judge of character' is a scammer's dream come true. The wise ones will learn their own strengths and weaknesses and not be blinded by well meaning flattery from friends or self delusion.

Dave - you have made me laugh today! In a good way of course! Your 3 things you mention? Driver - I used to teach Defensive Driving but lately I've been wondering if maybe I don't need a refresher... Cook - I am a great cook but when friends are coming over, I don't want to spend my time cooking and cleaning up the mess so I"ll order out... Judge of Character - Over the last 13 years of being single, I have been scammed by at least 75% of the women I have met in person and online in Canada... I now refer to it as "just practice" for the Philippines! And as for my sex life? I ain't telling! :dance:

[Bundy]

Boy, you guys have been to hell and back. I've been following your life's struggle Bundy, breaking your back to make ends meet and I really admire that your wife is out there too. She truly has the heart of an outback. And now, your dreams are becoming a reality by selling your home and finally making plans to start a new life in the Philippines. Personally, I don't know if I would have the heart to continue when the world seems like hell each and every day. We really appreciate your personal tragedies (Dzighnman and Bundy) and others to be revealed in this forum. Perhaps, it serves a noble purpose to teach other members the strength of character and ultimately finding a lifelong companion to sooth your pain and sorrow. This forum is such an inspirational and motivational tools of life. Respectfully -- Jake

Crikey, settle down buddy, plenty of people in this world been through a lot worse than me. Actually i think i've had a pretty good crack at life and as for our working situation, well it's Mrs Bundy who is the real driving force there.She keeps things together, not me.Sometimes i wonder just how did i ever get so lucky. The only thing that worries me now is that once we're in the Philippines somehow i gotta find something for her to do as she's definitely not the type to sit still for too long! :angry: Edited March 27, 2012 by Bundy