Interesting Question From A Girl...

[Tukaram (Tim)]

A friend introduced me to a friend of hers; she thought we would like each other. So far we seem to be getting along very well - online. I am scheduled to move in about 8 months. But while we were talking last night she got a bit quiet and seemed almost upset. I finally got her to tell me what was bothering her.

I was planning on moving over there already, so it is not like i am moving for her... but she finally realized that for me to move over there I am willing to leave all my friends and family & most of my stuff. She was getting upset because she is worried that anyone that could give up all that would leave her later too.

When she asked what assurances she had that I would not leave I probably gave a bad answer. I said she has the same assurances I have that she won't just scam me for money.... none.

Maybe I should work on my relationship skills? ha ha

But I really did think it was a good question. Shows she has a brain and isn't afraid to use it.

[MikeB]

I respect "online meetings", it's a good way to get to know someone. I first met my wife that way. But any talk of "leaving her" at this juncture (not having met in person) is WAY too early.

[Jake]

A friend introduced me to a friend of hers; she thought we would like each other. So far we seem to be getting along very well - online. I am scheduled to move in about 8 months. But while we were talking last night she got a bit quiet and seemed almost upset. I finally got her to tell me what was bothering her.

I was planning on moving over there already, so it is not like i am moving for her... but she finally realized that for me to move over there I am willing to leave all my friends and family & most of my stuff. She was getting upset because she is worried that anyone that could give up all that would leave her later too.

When she asked what assurances she had that I would not leave I probably gave a bad answer. I said she has the same assurances I have that she won't just scam me for money.... none.

Maybe I should work on my relationship skills? ha ha

But I really did think it was a good question. Shows she has a brain and isn't afraid to use it.

I think it's a good start. She has every right to question your motives about leaving your home

country, just for her? At least she is forthright (and not shy) in putting important issues/feelings

on the table for open and mature discussions. Perhaps she is on a survival mode from previous

relationships and doesn't want to get burned again.

If this relationship gets more serious, I'm sure your friend can easily vouch for you. However, If

all else fails, well......you have 8 more months to polish your relationship skills.....he, he.

Best of luck to you sir -- Jake

PS -- best of luck to ALL the lonely Filipinas too!

[Mike S]

As you said you were planning to move here anyway ....... did you explain that to her ..... that even if it doesn't work out between you two you are still moving to the Philippines ..... but in all fairness to her it is very hard for them to understand how we can leave everything and just move somewhere else ...... after all family means everything to them and to give up what little possessions they have is unthinkable ..... just look how they cry and carry on when a fire or flood takes all their stuff ......

I told all the girls I was chatting to that I was moving here regardless of how our relationship might go ..... my asawa understands but to this day she can't understand how I could just give away some of my stuff ...... :hystery: :hystery: :hystery:

[Old55]

I would see this as a red flag. I also strongly agree with MikeB.

[Garpo]

What were the reasons that you first decided to relocate to the Philippines? When was the decision made to relocate? Maybe these are the things that you should discuss and make clear to her and clear up any misconceptions or expectations that she might have.

I remember a while back a fellow member who had already been to the Philippines and spent time with the girl he though he was going be with and marry. After he returned to his home country the girl informed him that her mother would not allow her to be with him or marry him unless a large sum of money was paid to the family.

Best advice I can give you is to be very, very careful and always keep your eye out for a scam. If you are completely honest with her then you should be able to work through this problem. Be it for better or worse.

[i am bob]

I think Jake, Mike S and Garpo between them hit it on the head!

I would think of a better way to tell her why you are doing the move and why she should not be worried because of it....

Good luck on your future adventures!

:tiphat:

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Well she may have some abandonment issues. Her father left and lives with his mistress - and he does not have any contact with them Her mom died, and she has had to rely on her older sister for a home.

I think it is inconceivable to her how any of us can leave everything behind and move overseas.

[scott h]

My 2 centavos. If this relationship blossoms, be prepared for possesiveness issues. Filipinas are known for the trait of jelousy. (even where this is no cause, trust me I know :hystery: ).

[MikeB]

I think it is inconceivable to her how any of us can leave everything behind and move overseas

Good point. Although many of them go overseas to work and live for many years the Philippines is always "home". Have you ever been on an international flight when it lands here and they all start clapping and cheering? Many of us don't share that sentiment with our "home" countries.