Family Members As Employees

[Will]

The asawa and I are still in the planning phase of the "big move". Sometimes talks are smooth sailing, other times rocky shores!

My wife has the typical mindset that we should have a driver once we get to PI, since I won't be used to the style of driving there. Nevermind that I was raised driving through Houston's heaviest traffic, as well as small town backroads, ie. 1 lane for both ways, dirt roads. But I digress.

She wants us to have her brother in law as our driver. I'm not opposed to having a driver (I guess) but I don't know if its such a good idea to employ family members. What do yall say?

Also, while I'm asking for opinions: The wife (we) plans on having the helper/maid she had in her house back in PI, previous to us being married, living with us as a helper. Now.... I (believe) I understand the style/extent of house cleaning of the general Filipina. Recently we were discussing this. I told her that I want my house to stay cleaned, especially the bathrooms and kitchen. She said something like "you cant be too picky". I said if I am paying someone to keep our house clean, I expect the house to be cleaned to my expectations. She told me that I would have to tell the helper that as she, my wife, wouldn't. My question is: if you have a house keeping helper, do you allow them to clean to their standards (if they are lower than yours) or do you expect the house to be cleaned to your standards?

[cebu rocks]

Wow loaded Question .

You can drive here really you can

" I was raised driving through Houston's heaviest traffic, as well as small town backroads" (Thats a trip downtown)

A maid yes please Leaves you free to spend time with your wife, better things for her to do than clean the house.

Ahhh how clean is clean ?

[JJReyes]

She wants us to have her brother in law as our driver. I'm not opposed to having a driver (I guess) but I don't know if its such a good idea to employ family members. What do yall say?

Nepotism is fairly common in the Philippines. The difficulty is you can't fire a relative for incompetence. If he does not show up for work, there is nothing you can do about it.

Also, while I'm asking for opinions: The wife (we) plans on having the helper/maid she had in her house back in PI, previous to us being married, living with us as a helper.

The loyalty of the helper/maid is to your wife and her family. They are the source of her employment. You are just the paymaster. While on this subject, distribute the salaries yourself. This is a reminder to everyone as to who is boss, as in whose is paying them.

Hiring a relative as driver and a former helper/maid creates an intelligence gathering system for the extended family. Every heated discussion with your wife; every trip you make to meet with friends; and even the number of times you visit the bank or ATM to make a withdrawal will be noted and shared with the family. Heaven forbid if you are observed chatting with another woman no matter how innocent.

If you explain to your wife why her suggested hiring is contrary to your interest and hers (she will also be the subject of family gossip), I think your wife can be persuaded to reconsider. More likely, the hiring of the relative as driver (possibly he can't find a job or maybe incompetent) comes as pressure from the family rather than her own idea.

Edited July 21, 2012 by JJR

[Will]

I guess the way to describe the degree of cleanliness I would expect would be "company clean". The way you clean house when "company" is coming over.

From what I can tell about her BIL, he's a nice guy. I really don't think there will be a problem, but I always like to think about both sides of a situation and hope to not put myself in a bad spot, if I can help it.

[sonjack2847]

The problem I can see with hiring family is that they are just that family. Will they want to work or think I am family he must take care of me. I have seen this with my friends wifes brother who was supposed to be helping in the school holidays lazy little bugger he was.

[billten]

Tex, DON'T DO IT MAN... Hiring family is always a point of strife IME. If they suck you can't do anything about it and if they are OK they have such an expectation of entitlement that it makes the relationship of boss to employee a mess. My suggestion is to say "No employees until we get settled honey" that way you have the time to get everything worked out and settled in before you have to decide.

I have personally experienced this behaviour where my lovely wife seems to want to emasculate me when i am living in the Phils. Get a driver, have someone do this, have someone carry that, bullsh&t, what am i, suddenly feeble? I take pride in my ability to do things for myself and take care of myself and it took several long conversations with my lovely wife to explain that. She felt she was "taking care of me" and was hurt when i said no thinking it was just pride. Its not and i have had to undo so many screw ups where people were "just trying to help". Talk to the asawa man and tell her that you want to have a few months where JUST you and her live together so you can make the adjustment to a new country and new culture without having the family, helper, driver and all others involved in your domestic life.

About the cleaning, we do have a cleaning lady, she comes in cleans the kitchen, bathroom and such and goes home. Its great and she can seriously clean. She had to be told exactly what products to use and where, exactly how we wanted everything and the wife gave her a weekly list of jobs that she needed to take care of. You can easily do it, but if you are not specific about what and how you want stuff, it will end up half-assed.

[FlyAway]

I work at a place here in California that is family owned. They hire family and friends that do not work out. Eventually they just move on to other things but not before wreaking havoc on all. I am not a member of the family but am in a unique position. Never would I have any relative as an employee. It is just not worth the stress and aggravation.

My wife has no problem doing the housework. Impossible to find a maid that would clean to her standards anyway.

Driving? We would use a family member that has a transportation business. We would hire their van for what ever we needed and pay a fair rate. She really wants to take her car when we finally decide to move.

[Mike S]

She wants us to have her brother in law as our driver. I'm not opposed to having a driver (I guess) but I don't know if its such a good idea to employ family members. What do yall say?

Nepotism is fairly common in the Philippines. The difficulty is you can't fire a relative for incompetence. If he does not show up for work, there is nothing you can do about it.

Also, while I'm asking for opinions: The wife (we) plans on having the helper/maid she had in her house back in PI, previous to us being married, living with us as a helper.

The loyalty of the helper/maid is to your wife and her family. They are the source of her employment. You are just the paymaster. While on this subject, distribute the salaries yourself. This is a reminder to everyone as to who is boss, as in whose is paying them.

Hiring a relative as driver and a former helper/maid creates an intelligence gathering system for the extended family. Every heated discussion with your wife; every trip you make to meet with friends; and even the number of times you visit the bank or ATM to make a withdrawal will be noted and shared with the family. Heaven forbid if you are observed chatting with another woman no matter how innocent.

If you explain to your wife why her suggested hiring is contrary to your interest and hers (she will also be the subject of family gossip), I think your wife can be persuaded to reconsider. More likely, the hiring of the relative as driver (possibly he can't find a job or maybe incompetent) comes as pressure from the family rather than her own idea.

While others have said basically the same thing pay real close attention to JJR's post as he has hit every single point right square on the head ...... especially the part about the "an intelligence gathering system" ....... your relatives will know more about yourself than you do .....

As to hiring past maids to me it is the same as hiring family ..... unless your wife can become a boss instead of a friend (and it appears she can't according to the statement she made about "She said something like "you cant be too picky". She told me that I would have to tell the helper that as she, my wife, wouldn't. ") ....... I'm afraid that says it all in a nutshell ..... they are friends ..... you can't be friends with employees .... well most of the time .... and especially here in the Phils where kindness can be misinterpreted as weakness .....

And no-way a live-in ..... you and your wife will have no privacy at all .... she (the maid) will be eating ... watching TV ... going with you shopping and underfoot 24/7 ..... a maid that will come in daily or every other day would be much better ....... if you had kids to take care of a live in is a different story and sometimes a necessity ..... hummmmm ... was just thinking maybe your wife just wants a female companion that she can make chika to .... just a thought

This is just my observations from actually seeing and reading what other guys have written about family members being employed and live in maids .... we personally have neither and that is the way my asawa wants it ..... and she has my blessing .... :mocking: :thumbsup:

Edited July 22, 2012 by Mike S

[Call me bubba]

NO NO NO NO, dont hire, it could be the biggest mistake EVER

While others have said basically the same thing pay real close attention to JJR's post as he has hit every single point right square on the head ...... especially the part about the "an intelligence gathering system" ....... your relatives will know more about yourself than you do .....

NO NO NO NO. if they know more about you and your personal affiars, IT COULD cause $$$ trouble (as they know what $$ you have & may want MORE) and could get you KILLED

(sonia reyes risken)

And no-way a live-in ..... you and your wife will have no privacy at all .... she (the maid) will be eating ... watching TV ... going with you shopping and underfoot 24/7 .....

As an older person myself, I VALUE my privacy.my peace & quite.

DONT

should you want or have a desire to have family members over BUY A PET INSTEAD,

as they will Never talk behind you back, come home drunk, Ask for money,

and they will ALWAYS listen to you

she (the maid) will be eating ... watching TV ... going with you

Unless she looked liked this and then I would have no problem at all.

perhaps my wife/partner and my neighbors. BUT who cares..

[Jack Peterson]

Nepotism is fairly common in the Philippines. The difficulty is you can't fire a relative for incompetence. If he does not show up for work, there is nothing you can do about it.

:no: Sorry JJR, disagree with you on this one. We have Just sacked two nephews, ( Sleeping while on watch, cost us 2.000 building blocks.) One on watch One sleeps. Both asleep while Site plundered. family meeting held and decision taken.lesson learned? Yes by me NO more family employees.