Maybe 'yaya' To You- But Not To Me!

[StayAtHomeDad]

I think I may have quite a bit - albeit different type - of perspective on this topic. I am a single dad, and as such, need yayas. At present, I have three - although they do more than just care for my daughter.

Good post totaly,

but why THREE Ya-Yas for ONE child???

 

In most countries ONE wife take care of house and SEVERAL children...   :)

 

Great question, but, I usually have four. LOL. Biggest reason is there many things to do in running a household. I dont live in a mansion, but the place is not small by any means. That being said, my daughter is their first priority. I find that allowing my daughter to be cared for by a few yayas rather than only one helps make her a little more socially rounded. They basically take turns watching her, playing with her or whatever when it comes to her. I would not call the area I am in particularly dangerous, but a few extra pairs of eyes makes me more comfortable for sure.

 

Additionally, I think you are absolutely correct when you say one wife can can care for several children. But think about that for a second, that's the wife - and probably also the mother in most cases. Nannies, or yayas, may be very attentive and loving to your kids, but they will never prioritize them the way a mother would. Mothers have a natural instinct for knowing what's going on with their own children. WIth the children of others, though, that instinct may not be as strong. Is three or four yayas overkill? Perhaps. But I believe that it is worth it in my case. Besides, weekly rest days make more than one a necessity. Also, there is simply too much work in caring for my daughter and taking care of the house for one to handle alone. A woman may be able to do it alone, but I do not think it would be easy at all.

Edited March 15, 2013 by JeSsDaDdY

[Jake]

 ......I would like to ask people what they think about the 'Domestic Worker' situation in the Philippines. I suspect that this will be a somewhat 'polarising' topic as there will be many who support, and many who decry the concept.  YaYa's first really came to my attention when our son started going to a private school in Cebu......They were in fact the child's personal ' slave.'  Is it just me trying to unfairly compare working conditions between a Developed and a Third World country or is 'SLAVERY' alive and well in the Philippines??  I would love to hear the opinions of others!

Hmm....very interesting topic sir.  As a teacher, you know how to generate an interest no matter what

the topic may be.  Here's my take: of course the word and practice of slavery is not recognized by the

government and most Filipinos.  I would assume it's written in their constitution somewhere.  

 

And yet, you can see it plain as day.  It kind of reminds me of the caste system in India.  At the top of

the pond scum are the untouchables.  At the other extreme end are the outcastes - those living off the

streets where they compete with the city rats for food.  

 

The group of domestic helpers, yard boys, family drivers, body guards, etc -- are at the mercy of their

master or worse, the aristocratic bitch of the house.  And what is the most easiest way for paybacks?  

Put an extra ingredient in that bowl of soup for the 9 year old spoiled brat, who is probably still breast

feeding.  Did I mentioned that this is a nation of Christians??

 

Please don't get me started....he, he.

[JJReyes]

JeSsDaDdY offers excellent advice on the proper relationship between the family and their helpers. In our case, my wife was paying double the going rate. This created friction with the relatives because the other households would learn through the gossip mill how much our helpers were receiving. For those who were not live-in like the drivers, I would purchase one sack of rice every ninety days as a bonus. It was during a period of high inflation and that sack of rice assured them and their extended families that they would have something to eat. 

[MacBubba]

There are career yayas who are indispensable.  Besides looking after the child's needs, they are also entrusted (in small measure) with the discipline of the child.  We're talking time-out (not spanking). 

After all, the best time to correct poor behavior is immediately after it occurs, by someone who witnesses it.  Somehow, waiting for the parents to get home just raises everyone's anxiety level, and could even instil resentment towards the parents. 

They make sure that the child does his homework early enough in the day and does not leave it until the last minute.  They also keep the parents posted on good and bad behavior.

This arrangement, of course, will not work for everyone.  But, in a household with multiple children and multiple helpers, abuses are minimized. Someone is bound to rat on the offender.  And, of course, a lot depends on how well you know the yaya. 

[Bruce]

It took me a while to get used to them asking permission for things. I would say JUST DO IT! And I do pay better which is somewhat an issue.

 

I think and act like a Kano. Pam who runs the charity with her family for me and comes from a land rich but dirt cash poor background family trys to curb my 'giving'.

 

So I generally defer to her for the day to day things with the helpers and step in if there is an issue.

[StayAtHomeDad]

JeSsDaDdY offers excellent advice on the proper relationship between the family and their helpers. In our case, my wife was paying double the going rate. This created friction with the relatives because the other households would learn through the gossip mill how much our helpers were receiving. For those who were not live-in like the drivers, I would purchase one sack of rice every ninety days as a bonus. It was during a period of high inflation and that sack of rice assured them and their extended families that they would have something to eat. 

 

JJ, you raise an excellent point. It is a standing rule in our house that yayas dont discuss their salaries with each other or outsiders. The reason is simple; they dont all earn the same amount. They all know what the starting salary is, or the "entrance" as they call it, but besides that, they are not told when one yaya receives a salary increase. And I always tell the one receiving the increase not to brag about it. Do they listen? I am not 100% sure, but I think so. As I have never had a problem with one complaining about earning less than another. Even though not every educated, though, i think they understand the concept of those working longer generally earning more easy enough.

 

While I was thinking about this, I thought of a few other things one might want to consider if needing multiple helpers or yayas.

 

1.) DONT hire sisters, cousins or close friends of your yayas. Better still, if you need a new helper or yaya, hire one not presently known by your current helper. Hiring the relative or close friend of a current helper or yaya may make it easier to find someone, but it will also create rifts in the group. Additionally, if one quits or if you have to let her go, chances are very, very, very good the sister, relative or close friend will leave also. So you lost two for the price of one. Also, if there are any "strange" things happening in your house, you are less likely to hear about if from the relative or life-long friend of the offender. Just remember not to play your help against one another, though. Just teach them that problems in the house affect you all.

 

2.) ALWAYS know WHO you are hiring. I know many people that have no idea of the last name of their yayas. All they know is "inday" or "girl" or whatever. If the yaya or helper KNOWS that you DONT KNOW who they are, chances of theft or other bad experiences increase. Do you need Bio-data, application forms, police clearances and the like? No, but you do need to know the real, full name of the yaya and where she is really from. If possible, give her a ride home and meet her parents or family. Invite them over for a bbq, dinner or whatever. If your yaya or maid knows that you know WHO they are and WHERE they are from, you will have far fewer problems - or that's been my experience anyway.

Edited March 15, 2013 by JeSsDaDdY

[JJReyes]

1.) DONT hire sisters, cousins or close friends of your yayas.

 

Interesting comment. My extended family had the opposite policy. Nearly everyone's household personnel came from the town of Lucban, Quezon Province, the ancestral home for one branch of the family. It operated almost like a clan system. The one big fear was stealing, including jewelry and other valuables. The shame factor was a deterrent because the person would never be able to go home. It was also a way to provide financial support to distant relatives in need of assistance. This was the preferred way rather than handouts. The problem was you could not fire anyone. The practice was an exchange deal with another relative, which was viewed as a demotion since my wife paid the highest wages. 

 

Funny story. We were close friends with a couple living at one of the villages in Makati. The husband was an executive with a multinational corporation. Their son, who was attending a major football university, came to visit his parents. He was a linebacker, big fellow. The mother explained on the trip home from the airport that they had two young housekeepers who are to be treated like members of the family. She kept repeating it over and over. So following the introduction, the son gave both housekeepers a huge "welcome to the family" hug. After the father and son left for a beer, the two housekeepers came crying to his mother and threatening to immediately leave. The son was too fresh. They were afraid for their lives. Talk about cultural differences! I was asked to provide an explanation to the two housekeepers as to what had happened.

Edited March 16, 2013 by JJReyes

[StayAtHomeDad]

1.) DONT hire sisters, cousins or close friends of your yayas.

 

Interesting comment. My extended family had the opposite policy. Nearly everyone's household personnel came from the town of Lucban, Quezon Province, the ancestral home for one branch of the family. It operated almost like a clan system. The one big fear was stealing, including jewelry and other valuables. The shame factor was a deterrent because the person would never be able to go home. It was also a way to provide financial support to distant relatives in need of assistance. This was the preferred way rather than handouts. The problem was you could not fire anyone. The practice was an exchange deal with another relative, which was viewed as a demotion since my wife paid the highest wages.

 

i feel you completely. Being half Filipino, I also get pressure from my own relatives here as well as the relatives of my daughter's mother. I dont give into it, though. I tried the cousins or relatives acting as yaya thing for a while, and it failed miserably for the exact reasons you specified. Finally, I did fire the relatives and the fallout from it was considerable. But, oh well. It was a source of hard feelings for some for a while afterwards. But, things have calmed down considerably and they seem to 'get it" now. I never attempt to block access of relatives to my daughter, and someone is nearly always visiting. But still, allowing them to move in and care for my daughter - not anymore in this lifetime. Sometimes, some relatives just dont get the concept that just being related that does not give them Carte Blanche to all of my possessions or personal items. Sometimes, they also dont understand the need to be there to work consistently and not just when they feel like it or are hungry. Of course, my family may be more dysfunctional than some.

 

The whole issue of relatives trying to pressure you to help is one I have come to understand very well. But, that's a whole 'nother topic. Suffice to say that I do what I can, when I can and when I choose to do so. But, that does not include employing them in my home. From my experience with the matter, relatives working along side those unrelated puts them in a position of authority - whether real or imagined. No matter what you do to curb this, it only causes problems in the long run. I guess you could hire ONLY relatives if you need more help, but then I THINK you will find things in your house run the way they want them to and not as you direct. As you said, firing relatives is really hard - believe me I know cause I did. Nevertheless, it was the best decision I ever made for my daughter, my home and my sanity.

[Bruce]

Being half Filipino

 

How does that work? I know that with Jake, the top half is Kano, evidenced by his thought processes, deductive reasoning and problem solving skills........................ and of course...........................his sexual preoccupation. :thumbsup:  

 

His bottom half? Wellll, something are better left unspoken.

[StayAtHomeDad]

Being half Filipino

 

How does that work? I know that with Jake, the top half is Kano, evidenced by his thought processes, deductive reasoning and problem solving skills........................ and of course...........................his sexual preoccupation. :thumbsup:  

 

His bottom half? Wellll, something are better left unspoken.

:hystery: