The Most Overlooked Characteristic Of Who You Want To Marry ( Credit To The Author, Kevin Thompson)

[Julia]

While reading this article, I was thinking of those who were still in the hope of finding their special someone. Maybe this could help us make that one crucial decision  (again, credit to the Author, Kevin Thompson).

 

There is one vital characteristic you should look for in a spouse but unfortunately, it is often forgotten.

 

 

"In sickness and in health."

On two occasions I have said those words with the full confidence that the couple repeating those words actually knew what they meant.

The first occurrence brought a smile to my face. She had endured and marriage was her reward on the other side of illness. Together they have journeyed through the struggles of a serious disease as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they would be husband and wife. They knew what "in sickness and in health" meant.

The second occurrence brought a tear to my eye. She had weeks to live. The vow renewal was his gift to her. I almost cut the words fearing they might be too painful. But with a crowd gathered I included them as a testimony to all who would hear them say, "in sickness and in health." They meant it and everyone knew it.

Few people consider sickness and suffering when picking a mate.

They consider how the other person might look in the morning or what bad habits they might have.

They consider what offspring they could produce or what extended family they might bring to the reunion.

Yet few people ever consider what is a vital question — can I suffer with this person?

It sounds like the beginning of another marriage joke, but it's not.

It's a real question and one which should be explored by every dating couple.

Suffering is a part of life.

And the older a person gets, the more we realize that suffering is not a rare occurrence, but is a common aspect of our lives.

Sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come.

BEWARE: Not everyone suffers well.

Some live in denial — unable to confront the deep realities of life.

Some live in despair — unable to recognize the convergence of laughter and tears.

Few have the grace to suffer well.

Those who do suffer well are a well-spring of life and faith.

• Who do you want holding your hand when the test says "cancer?"

• On whose shoulder do you want to lean when the doctor says, "We've done all we can?"

• With whom do you want to lay beside when you don't know where your child is or if they will ever come home?

• When your world turns upside down, in whose eyes do you want to look?

  Find someone who suffers well.

I know it doesn't seem important when life is perfect.

A beautiful smile is far more attractive than a quiet determination.

A common interest is far more appealing than internal strength.

Yet when life falls apart, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from.

• You want someone who believes in you.

• You want someone who instills faith, not causes doubt.

• You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances.

  In the Bible, Job's wife responded to his suffering by saying, "Curse God and die."

Had he not suffered enough?

Was life not difficult enough?

Enduring hardship was enough, yet Job was also forced to rebuke his wife during his time of struggle.

Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder.

Choosing a spouse who does not suffer well makes life harder.

It makes every grief stronger.

It makes every sorrow more painful.

It makes every hurt deeper.

Yet,

when our spouse knows how to suffer,

when they don't live in denial, but confront the sorrows of life,

when they don't live in despair but know how to laugh and cry at the same time,

when they offer support and hope in all of life's challenges,

when they can see the big picture of life,

then,

every grief is wedded to hope

every sorrow is matched with love

and every hurt is paired with healing.

One of the great guarantees of life is that every person, every couple, will suffer. When choosing a mate, choose someone who suffers well and you will never be sorry.

[lonewolf]

you covered the subject nicely

[Old55]

Thanks for posting this for us to consider.

[Dave Hounddriver]

In many relationships the partnership works because one person is a 'giver' and the other is a 'receiver'.  It may mean there is a young filipina who has a care-giving personality and an older, foreign partner who is grateful for that care.  To the outside world it looks like a great relationship and it is, until the care-giving partner gets sick.  That's when you find out there are no perfect relationships.

[jon1]

My wife and I have both had the opportunity to play care giver. I took care of her first for an emergency surgery and she had to do the same for me when I had a motorcycle accident. It was a true test of our relationship and further solidified it.

 

Thanks for the post and reminder!

[Thomas]

In many relationships the partnership works because one person is a 'giver' and the other is a 'receiver'.  It may mean there is a young filipina who has a care-giving personality and an older, foreign partner who is grateful for that care.  To the outside world it looks like a great relationship and it is, until the care-giving partner gets sick.  That's when you find out there are no perfect relationships.

Sometimes it don't end up as expected.

 

((My grandmother (from a neighbour country to Sweden) was rather much younger than my grandfather. When my mother was teenager, she heared my grandmother talking with a woman friend about what would happen to her after grandfather die. It ended up with grandmother got long time ill. grandfather took vare of HER many years, and she died 12 years BEFORE him...   (He became 95.)

[Americano]

 

In many relationships the partnership works because one person is a 'giver' and the other is a 'receiver'.  It may mean there is a young filipina who has a care-giving personality and an older, foreign partner who is grateful for that care.  To the outside world it looks like a great relationship and it is, until the care-giving partner gets sick.  That's when you find out there are no perfect relationships.

Sometimes it don't end up as expected.

 

((My grandmother (from a neighbour country to Sweden) was rather much younger than my grandfather. When my mother was teenager, she heared my grandmother talking with a woman friend about what would happen to her after grandfather die. It ended up with grandmother got long time ill. grandfather took vare of HER many years, and she died 12 years BEFORE him...   (He became 95.)

 

 

My parents were together until death but a few years before the first one died my two sisters were worried about our mother saying, "father is 8 years older than mother so what will mother do when he dies?  Our mother died in May 1980 and our father died in September 1997, which was 17 years and 4 months after our mother died.  This and many other stories prove that you can not know if the husband or wife will die first based on age.

[Kuya John]

You can only surmise what it may be like till it happens.

My Mother dreaded the thought of when my Father retired, she died before he did (cancer).

When I met my late wife, I thought it more important for me, the bread winner to be insured, she died of cancer aged only 42 yrs old.

Bringing our nine year old daughter up on my own was no easy task, but when put to the test you either sink or swim.

[Jack Peterson]

You can only surmise what it may be like till it happens.

 

Life really is a gamble to a large effect, We are all born ( No matter how Rich, Poor, what ever Class? ) with a hand of cards. It is up to us how we play that hand. Some Tricks we win, Some we lose. Decisions can go both ways and 9/10 times we make the wrong decision, this is where the real test of life comes in. How we deal with the Outcome of a bad decision.

 

The man that has never made a mistake in his life is either a Lier or he has done Nothing with his life. 

 

I say this a lot but my Signature says it all

 

:tiphat:  :thumbsup:

Edited December 12, 2014 by Jack Peterson

[Larry45]

In many relationships the partnership works because one person is a 'giver' and the other is a 'receiver'.  It may mean there is a young filipina who has a care-giving personality and an older, foreign partner who is grateful for that care.  To the outside world it looks like a great relationship and it is, until the care-giving partner gets sick.  That's when you find out there are no perfect relationships.

 

Nice post.  I've always viewed it as 'giver' and 'taker', but I like your wording much better :)