The Backyard Or Two Islands Away

[jpbago]

   There has been some posts on where to live whether close to her place or two islands away. The reasons for far away were that her family would be somewhat of a nuisance. We did have that problem at first but once we made it clear that we are not a 24 hour buffet with money to give away, it was no longer a problem. Unless your lady is disrespectful, she will miss her family and friends very much. She will want to return either alone or with you to visit, which could be a problem either way.

  The benefits for living close to her place are many. She will have a life time of contacts/batch mates for everything that may come up, like a good doctor, lawyer, electrician, carpenter, plumber, screen man, etc. She will have sukis (regulars) at the market who will tell her honestly if the fruit, or produce is good or not. There will always be someone to help out or stay at your house while you are away. There will be parties with people that she knows and trusts. She will know someone at the police station, at the electrical company, at the water company, at the hospital, at the health center, at the city hall, at the barangay, etc.  To move to a strange place far from her roots, you will miss all that and have to start over with no reliance.

  For us, there was no other consideration than to stay in her home city. Her mother has lived with her and her two daughters since they were born so horses and chains could not separate them. She has 9 siblings but mom will have it no other way and I am so happy to be able to give her a good life at this stage in her life.

[virginprune]

So far,in my limited experience, I have to agree with the benefits expressed above. We are considering moving but only about a 30 minute bus ride away. Of course this may change but at the moment I am happy with how things are and where we are.

[Methersgate]

In my case, K's family (whom I like) live in Zamboanga del Sur, which is not recommended for foreigners, but she also has relations in Canlaon in Negros, which I like a lot, so we think of that as a possibility. I have not seen any behaviour so far which would make me think that excessive "freeloading" would be a problem. I am happy enough to accept the obligations of being a son on law. 

[Mike S]

Well I would love to live nearer to J's family (we live about 1 hr.drive right now) BUT it is to far out in the sticks for me .... no hospital .... reliable internet .... electric is terrible there (sometimes at night it takes for ever to get full power to the house) .... shopping stinks ... I guess by now you know they live way out in the sticks .... which is OK if you had a good road but the nearest town is La Carlota and there ain't much happening there ....  J goes home every month and sometimes I go with her for a visit and when family members come to Bacolod they stop and visit (but ALWAYS call first) .....

 

We just got done running electric wiring ..... breaker box ....... electrical boxes ........ lights and receptacles in their house ..... you would have thought we had built them a mansion the way they kept thanking us .... but at least I feel better about their safety now .... my brother-in-law ( he and J did most of the work with me supervising) removed 18+ extension cords that they had used to power the house daisy chaining them together.... it was scary to say the least ..... 

 

Yea .... I too am one of the lucky ones with a great immediate family ..... :thumbsup:

:cheersty:

Edited January 23, 2015 by Mike S

[forget_it]

I love the wife's hometown, but there's just not much there. Smartbro internet, on your lucky days. The nearest mall is an hour away. No fast food. No doctor and the hospital is just a building with no walls and bamboo beds. Beautiful area though.

 

She misses it a lot, but she is acclimated to where we are now. And though she doesn't like to admit it, she misses the amenities here when she goes home to visit.

 

I kind of like having a few days alone every few months too, when she does visit home. :)

 

We usually end up with the whole family for a month during Christmas/New Years. Both of us are happy when that is over :)

[Kuya John]

So far all positive reply's

 

The wife's family are greatful for any help we can extend.

Living outside Philippines, my wife looks forward to going home, together we love to explore different Islands.

We try to visit family each year,and they make us very welcome,there are good reasons for having family around as stated, however one must not become a free ATM, or the well will soon run dry!

Edited January 23, 2015 by Kuya John

[jon1]

OK I will be the negative.

 

My wife is from Zamboanga City. The place is going to crap and I won't go there unless absolutely necessary anymore after visiting/working there the last 13 years (wow has it been that long already??).

 

My wife's family has been great over the last 8 years but I prefer the distance to keep down the "creative opportunities".

 

My wife misses some things but understands the benefits of where we are which far outweigh what she misses. She understands the true meaning of peace and appreciates it now.

[Kuya John]

My wife is from Zamboanga City. The place is going to crap and I won't go there unless absolutely necessary anymore after visiting/working there the last 13 years (wow has it been that long already??).

 

How true is it, that part of Mindanao is unsafe for foriegner's, especially as stated, you worked and visited 13 years?

My friends family have given my wife and I an open invite to stay with them....JB

[Hey Steve]

As for myself, my wife's family have their lives and their jobs and have expressed no need for our help, so we will be neighbors-but I know some expat friends whose wive's families are poor and less fortunate and are "opportunists" (claiming it's a cultural thing to pop in and visit for days at a time, "borrow" money, and so on). One of them (coincidentally, Andrew) lives in Canlaon City. As a matter of fact after 5 years he's good and ready to move-not 2 islands away, but plans to take his wife to the US. In my opinion it's about attitude of family and also how you percieve your wife's family toward you being an Expat in-law.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Hey Steve

[jon1]

 

My wife is from Zamboanga City. The place is going to crap and I won't go there unless absolutely necessary anymore after visiting/working there the last 13 years (wow has it been that long already??).

 

How true is it, that part of Mindanao is unsafe for foriegner's, especially as stated, you worked and visited 13 years?

My friends family have given my wife and I an open invite to stay with them....JB

 

 

It has been getting progressively worse since the seige in Sept 2013. People with money have been moving away since then. I was last there in August and my pinoy friends there had nothing but bad news. Daily random shootings, weekly kidnappings, people being muscled out of their property. And now that the US Military is no longer there, I expect that it to continue to slide downhill. There has been a news black out on all of this. Now this latest bombing http://www.philippines-expats.com/topic/21221-car-bomb-goes-off-in-southern-philippines-al-qaeda-linked-militants/

 

Also, ISIS has started a presence in recruitment for their cause http://internationalterrorismstudyproject.com/2014/10/10/isis-supporters-on-the-move-in-the-philippines/

 

 

I would only go there if it was an absolute necessity (like a funeral) and even then I would not overnight there (fly in on the first flight arrives at 0700 and leave on the last flight 1700).

 

It really is a shame as prior to 2013 (2007-2012) things were improving, businesses expanding, high economic growth. Unless the RP Military steps in and fills the gap that the US Military left it will become what it was prior to 9/11. 

Edited January 24, 2015 by jon1