The Backyard Or Two Islands Away

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Never, never, never.

 

We moved a 5 hour bus ride away from her family (same island).  My wife has an uncle and a couple cousins nearby so she has some company.  But there is no way in hell I would live in her province.  I need to be closer to the city and her house was the loud neighbor (I mean the tin roof rattled the "music" was so loud). 

 

I told her I did not come 8,000 miles to be unhappy.  She could come to the city with me or stay with her family.  Since we had just started dating I was not too emotionally involved and would have been fine with either answer. 

 

I would prefer to be a couple islands away... but we compromised :tiphat:

[frosty (chris)]

Well I live on Mactan, S's family live in Cebu, about an hour away by taxi. Her mum passed a year or so ago so she doesn't have that mother/daughter thing but is still very close to her siblings and I like them. They come here and stay, only when we ask them too, earlier my house was thought of as a Guest House with free food and a bank attached, soon put a stop to that and we are all good friends now. We go there and stay some w/ends, but if S wants to, she can see her family in SM for a meal and gossip session. I have asked S if she is happy with this situation and her reply was that she didn't want to live any closer.

Edited January 24, 2015 by frosty (chris)

[Methersgate]

Thanks for the very clear and useful info: it's a no go area for me. As you rightly say, there is in effect a news black out.

[rfhypnos]

I am now in Bohol for one month going on 3-4 total waiting for the K1 which won't come until June or July, but it has been a real eye opener in the gossip arena.  I made a loan to a cousin and in return had a car loaned to us.  It broke down and the stories around the repair and return of the vehicle have become quite distorted and interesting.  I too would like to make life comfortable for the in-laws soon to be, but looking around the family of 8, I can see limitless doling out of loans etc. etc. etc.  Where it all ends I guess depends on how much respect your significant other has for you and if the relationship is more than monetary.  The other lesson I'm learning is whether living here is an option?  Like all people my age medical and dental facilities become more important with aging.   And lastly of course financially living in the US allows the spouse to step up to the level of financial responsibility I would have solely living here as far as her family's needs are concerned.  

I am wondering about the situation in Mindanao also.  Bohol is only a short distance away and does anyone know how effective the Philippine military is going to be in preventing the spread of terrorism nation-wide?

[Larry45]

We live about a half hour from the in-laws and only a few problems in four years.  The money and family support issue was nipped in the bud from the beginning, so no demands there.  Wife either helps them with her money or doesn't, and usually tells the others to pound sand.  That's up to her, as we have agreed from the start.  Tried to teach in-laws not to drop in without texting, but they are slow to unlearn tradition.  And they usually bring food and beer, so it's not THAT big of a problem.  

 

One issue that we have faced with living in wife's hometown area is that she has so many batchmates, friends and cousins here that there are always reports of my presence in the city that get funneled back to her, albeit with some added creative meddlesome drama.  Me riding on a full tricycle past Jollybee ends up being, "Larry was in Jollybee with 5 girls!" and buying paint in the market with my daughter ends up as "Larry was with hookers in the market, I saw him!".  Many more incidents like this and it did cause some problems for us, but once wife FINALLY realized that not all FIlipinos want her to have happiness and success, we had no more issues with the 'chismes'.

 

One last problem with living near your wife's hometown, that I don't think was mentioned, is her ex-boyfriends.  They all have them and these guys can cause lots of problems for you.  Many re-appear once they think there might be some money in it for them.  If she has more than  a few skeletons in the closet, it might be smart to relocate and 'start over'.    

Edited January 28, 2015 by Larry45

[Methersgate]

Excellent advice, there

In the reverse case, it was the ex-boyfriend issue that made K decide to go back to living with her parents, after living in Manila for nine years. Her decision, not mine, but I was very happy with it.

By living with her parents she was putting the length of the Philippines between herself and the exes, and I think the whole barangay knows that her father likes me, owns a .45, and is reputed to have "done time" for homicide. 

Just to make the point entirely clear, whilst K and I and her mother were away in Canlaon, over Christmas, Papa put a photo of K and I up inside the porch of their house... which I thought was a nice gesture... he had also let it be known, when she first moved back, that if any of her her exes came calling for her, he would be on a one way trip...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited January 28, 2015 by Methersgate

[Larry45]

Excellent advice, there

In the reverse case, it was the ex-boyfriend issue that made K decide to go back to living with her parents, after living in Manila for nine years. Her decision, not mine, but I was very happy with it.

By living with her parents she was putting the length of the Philippines between herself and the exes, and I think the whole barangay knows that her father likes me, owns a .45, and is reputed to have "done time" for homicide. 

Just to make the point entirely clear, whilst K and I and her mother were away in Canlaon, over Christmas, Papa put a photo of K and I up inside the porch of their house... which I thought was a nice gesture... he had also let it be known, when she first moved back, that if any of her her exes came calling for her, he would be on a one way trip...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Great story and very impressive with father putting up the photo.  The in-laws must really love and respect you.  Mine just kind of tolerate me for taking good care of their daughter and only grandchild.  :)

[Methersgate]

Great story and very impressive with father putting up the photo. The in-laws must really love and respect you. Mine just kind of tolerate me for taking good care of their daughter and only grandchild.

I am a very lucky man. She tells me so. Today being the fourth anniversary of our first meeting, she is taking the stepsprog to Jollibee to celebrate. Either to Dipolog or to Pagadian.*

She is the youngest of five good looking, headstrong, sisters. She got a double helping of both. Her parents like me because I have stuck with her, and they know that I always will. I like them, too.

* an intolerable deal of bus ride for one half pennyworth of burger, but he was born in Manila and he misses it.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Methersgate

[stevewool]

Well i am going to try to live with the father in law and Ems brother,

The house is being built with our money and we are having the full first floor to ourselves, but the ground floor will be shared for cooking and spending time together,

Will it work who knows, but i shall give it a go for Ems sake, we are fortunate that what we are spending will not effect our saving, 

I am still hoping to buy a lot and build somewhere where i want to live, still have not found that spot yet,

The rest of the family have come to ask for this and that and the answer they are getting back is No if i think its not needed,

So far so good, but it could change, but i am ready for that

[Methersgate]

Well i am going to try to live with the father in law and Ems brother,

The house is being built with our money and we are having the full first floor to ourselves, but the ground floor will be shared for cooking and spending time together,

Will it work who knows, but i shall give it a go for Ems sake, we are fortunate that what we are spending will not effect our saving, 

I am still hoping to buy a lot and build somewhere where i want to live, still have not found that spot yet,

The rest of the family have come to ask for this and that and the answer they are getting back is No if i think its not needed,

So far so good, but it could change, but i am ready for that

The really good thing about your plan is that it is Ems who will decide.