Are you really with the one you love

[robert k]

20 minutes ago, Mike S said:

It is all in the individual opinion and that is yours .... however I don't see any high horse looking down his nose in his post .... I guess the same could be said for you ..... but again that is just my opinion .... 

I think it was the parts of the post that really left no way out of buying a house. It is there repeatedly. If you don't buy a house it isn't really love. And then the ..."We" have done so part. But if you don't see it, then you don't see it.

[AlwaysRt]

It must also be remembered that as you are making these great plans leaving property to whoever, it is not what you want or what the laws in your home country allows but what Philippine laws say that govern the transfer and taxes. The laws here are very unique and may be enough of a reason on their own to rent instead of buy.

[Jack Peterson]

 To truthfully answer this we would each have to search our souls and ask, Do we really know what love is? For me it varies, Certainly love should never be seen as something purely Physical as some believe but I work on the Vows we took at our marriage, When these Vows start to fade in some way I would need to stop and think but in all these years there is nothing to make me believe I love my Wife any less and I am not too sure any More We are in Love, through Thick and thin with the many ups and downs we have and as with any happy couple, there are plenty. My parting line before walking my Much loved Dogs and getting some ZZZZZZ Is, we tell each other daily "I Love You" To me that says it all.

[Ynot]

1 hour ago, robert k said:

I think it was the parts of the post that really left no way out of buying a house. It is there repeatedly. If you don't buy a house it isn't really love. And then the ..."We" have done so part. But if you don't see it, then you don't see it.

Hi I know i say buying a house but that was to support my argument for those that considered buying a house and then chose not to because it could not be in their name.  Not everyone can afford to buy a house, I've lost 2 houses but I suppose i'm fortunate in that Im not financially ruined (yet) and could afford to lose another or what Im willing to lose if things went south.  You will note I also ask what would you do if your relationship failed after 10 years and you did not have a house would you make provisions for her.  someone mentioned savings bonds or investments etc, so it does not have to be a house.  But the thought process in not buying a house for those that were considering is what i was looking at.  So its no just about a house, and it never was.  Its interesting to see some comments already made.   We have probably all been scarred from previous relationships and tread more warily when entering new ones.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

As far as being committed to the relationship... before we got married I did a lot of research to make damn sure I could still get a divorce, if need be...  Not counting on it... hopefully won't need it... but I would never enter into any contract or relationship without an escape clause, in case it goes tits up.

 

No matter what country, I would never buy a house for a girlfriend - unless I was Hugh Hefner rich!

 

After we got married we did build a house on her uncles land. I own nothing on paper.  I am not really that concerned.  If I live in it for 3.5 years it will pay for itself in rent savings alone.  I enjoy where we are, and enjoy being around this part of her family - so it is already worth it.  If I have to pack my bags and leave later... well it has been nice. I am enjoying today. After all, today is all we ever get. (hopefully there will be a lot more todays later) 

[manofthecoldland]

Lets say that I'm really with the one I love. She is also. Fortunately, its mutual, exclusive and 100% commited.  Naturally I acquire a house for us to live in. Till death do us part. No problemo.... unless she dies before me. Our ages may prove irrelevant in many cases, due to accidents, natural disasters, biological susceptibilities etc.

The Philippine laws of succession and estate inheritance kick in. If she has children, living parents, siblings and close relatives, you have to make sure that you have contractual leasehold rights or legal protections or you may find yourself without a home. Even if it represents a large part of your life savings.

Tina Turner sings out in defense of your loving commitment, trying to win you some sympathy,  'What's Love Got To Do with it?' Surely it counts for something... Love, Fairness, Justice....

The court system chorus sings back in response (to the tune of 'War... what's it good for).... 'Absolutely Nothing !'

So you end up like Little Bill (Gene Hackman), dieing at the foot of Willian Munny (Clint Eastwood) in 'Unforgiven', moaning..... " 'I don't deserve this.' I totally loved her... and she loved me. "

"Don't take away the house.... it was built out of our love for each other."

"Deserves got nothing to do with it."   We're just enforcing the old, slightly modified Spanish Laws of Inheritance here.... and that's The Way, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, We Like It.

You should have Remembered, ex-pat: You're in Da Pilippines

- End Of Love Tragedy -

Yawn !  Tme for bed. As you can see... My brain isn't working well and I need to rest it. I apologize for the previous drivel, so hold the rotten tomatos.

[AlwaysRt]

6 minutes ago, Ynot said:

I've lost 2 houses but I suppose i'm fortunate in that Im not financially ruined (yet) and could afford to lose another

It is human nature to look at others like their circumstances are the same as our own. Would your feelings on the subject change if instead of being able to loose another house, that house represented your entire life savings which is a fact for many. Leaving you with $800/month retirement to pay child support, feed and house yourself and eventually a new mate. It would be decade(s) before you could replace that house. Not everyone has the same perspective you do, it took me decades to figure that out and I still forget.

 

[Ynot]

4 minutes ago, AlwaysRt said:

It is human nature to look at others like their circumstances are the same as our own. Would your feelings on the subject change if instead of being able to loose another house, that house represented your entire life savings which is a fact for many. Leaving you with $800/month retirement to pay child support, feed and house yourself and eventually a new mate. It would be decade(s) before you could replace that house. Not everyone has the same perspective you do, it took me decades to figure that out and I still forget.

 

I did say the example of buying the house was to support my argument about are you really in love.  It was really about the thought process that went into making that decision.  

I also stated the following: " Not everyone can afford to buy a house, I've lost 2 houses but I suppose i'm fortunate in that Im not financially ruined (yet) and could afford to lose another or what I''m willing to lose if things went south.

 

 

[AlwaysRt]

7 minutes ago, Ynot said:

I did say...

Yup you sure did. My bad for being tired, jumping between threads, and talking on the phone at the same time. 

[robert k]

2 hours ago, Ynot said:

Having read numerous replies to various topics, I've come to the conclusion that high percentage of you are not with the ones you really love.  I put forward the argument that you are merely passing time until something better comes along!  

Now you may say how can I make this outlandish statement, and I say easy.  Look at your responses to "should you rent property or should you buy"! Now those of you who initially said you should rent because it gives you flexibility I will suggest that perhaps this statement does not apply to you with certain conditions, that you then did not say in your next argument; well if you can not own the property in your name, then you would be silly to buy property that you can not own.  If this was your next argument against buying, I say to you, this statement applies to you. 

For those of you whose first response, you would be silly to put property in your gf's name or your wife's name, then this statement applies you as you are not really in love.

Now you may say don't be silly, I'm being careful, I'm saying you are not 100% committed to the relationship.  You have an escape plan to minimise your losses, and in the back of your mind you have already pre-mapped what should happen if the relationship falters.  With that mindset, you have set yourself up for failure.  Under normal circumstances and probably in your past life, you did everything humanly possible to try and salvage the relationship.  Who got what was not even a thought.   But in your current circumstance, you have already taken the first step to move on, you are waiting for the day for the relationship to fail.

Now, if by some stroke of luck the relationship lasted say 10 years and then falters what would you do?  Would you look at your assets and think, gee we had 10 good years before our world fell apart!  I think I will give her x, or would you just walk away and mark that time down as one for experience.   If you were back in your home country, there probably would be an enforceable right to pay your partner a percentage of your assets, particularly those assets you accumulated together! So what would you do.  Be honest if you were renting a house would you then make sure she had sufficient to buy her own place or set up with some money to assist her in the future, just what would you do. And what provisions have you put in place in case of your demise for the person you supposedly love, that you share your life with!

For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise.

 

 

 

Have you considered that the gentleman in question may be in love but he is not certain that she is? How can one know absolutely someone else's heart and thoughts? Look at Bill and Hillary Clinton, marriage of convenience? You bet! Are they getting divorced? Heck no! There is a lot to be said for loyalty.

I don't want to give all my financial information but suppose I leave her with $1,000,000 USD worth of property which makes a steady income of 1.2 million peso a year. Do I have to buy her a house too? Because that is what it seems you are saying above. That the wife must be set up so she is independent of you and can walk away at any time or you don't truly love each other.

Maybe someone wouldn't want to put temptation before her? Maybe they have a spat and she says or does something she cant take back because there is always the consolation prize.

Suppose as you posited in the post above that the marriage only lasted ten years? Would it be ok to wait ten years before you bought a house in her name? If not, should you buy the house in her name in the first 3 months of marriage? Is she entitled to a house if the marriage breaks up in 3 months? I would like to pin down just where she is entitled to a house.

How long is it Ok to wait? 1yr? 2yr? 3yr? 5yr?

I have a request. Please post a picture of the house you bought in your wife's name so everyone can see you aren't telling them to do what you have not yet done?

I have probably 100 more questions how you arrived at the conclusions in your post but this will do for now?