How Do You Intend To Provide For Your Wife Or Gf When Your Gone?

[Mr Lee]

Recently on another forum that I have a few friends on besides this one, one member just passed away and seems to have left his wife in a mess. He was in the middle of building a home for them and he ran out of money before he completed it, and while he seemed to have been quite generous with her and her family while he was alive, it now seems he did not set up his wife with access to his accounts or leave her any money to upkeep the home or property. While I do not wish in anyway to damage the memory or image of this fine gentleman, I do wish to use what he possibly did or did not do as a learning experience for other members to hopefully not make the same mistake as it appears he may have made. While I have posted something like this before, I want to expand on it now for the reasons stated.So all, how have you prepared for your family to survive once you are gone? No one likes to think about dying but anyone can die and at any age, so why not be prepared. No one has to list anything personal but maybe make some suggestions for others. I sure hope no one does to their lady and children what it appears this fellow may have ended up doing to his, and with no money and a home in a partial state, she may end up having to sell it for peanuts or worse, just lose it. Very sad. Here is what I did. My wife is on all my accounts, I trust her 100%, some accounts in the Philippines are actually in her name only and I have no say over them but I can bleed them dry with an ATM card should something God forbid happen to her before me, our condos are in both names and I have done my best to make sure that we have some money set aside in the Philippines if God forbid something were to happen to me while there or if either of us should God forbid get very sick while we are there. I also made sure that I am on the main accounts so I have access in case she were to God forbid get sick and need hospitalizing. While I am not rich, I try my best not to spend every penny of my pensions each month and have done that ever since I started getting them and I hope to be able to continue to do this until life becomes so expensive that I can no longer do so. Since my wife has 19 more years to go to get Social Security widows benefits, if they even have SS by then, I am going to make sure to live at least that long.

Edited November 5, 2009 by Mr. Lee
added content

[TheMason]

My wife and I talked about this before we got married. Although she doesn't want to know the details, it is important to her that I'm thinking about what happens when I'm gone. Her mother was in her 20s married to a Chinese man in his 60s. When he passed away at 63, he left behind a widow and 4 kids under the age of 10 with no means of support. The family faced years of adversity due to poor estate planning. Even though we don't have kids, there is no way I could do that to my wife. She got along without my money before we met but that doesn't mean I want her to go back to poverty when I'm gone.

1. There are two primary things I've done to provide for my wife in the event I die before her. In my situation that's not a given. I'm only 7 years older than her so statistically she's going to die before me. I've tried on several occasions to have an estate planning conversation with my wife but she refuses to talk about my eventual death. I think that's a pretty common attitude for Filipinas. Since she won't talk about these matters with me, I wrote out instructions for her. I update it once.
2. Get my wife US residency/citizenship so she qualifies for any social security payments that may be available to her and has the option of living in the US after I'm gone if she chooses to do so.
3. Put together an "in case I die" packet that contains:
4. Contact info for all my relatives
5. Password for my computer and info on how to access my password file.
6. Information for all accounts including latest statement, financial institution, account numbers, URL, and advice about what to do with the assets. Some of them are IRAs that require special handling to avoid major tax penalties.
7. Location/contents of safe deposit boxes and keys to access them.
8. I've left pretty detailed instructions about what I think she should do with the assets once I'm gone. She's pretty smart about money and is not the one-day-millionaire type of Filipino. I'm pretty confident that she will make sound decisions and be able to provide for our family for at least 1 more generation after we're gone.Edit Note: I tried to fix the formatting on this. The formatting is showing up as HTML tags instead of the bulleted list it is supposed to be. Sorry its hard to read. I fixed it once, but it broke again when I saved the post.

Edited November 6, 2009 by Boss Man
tried to fix post,hope it reads how you wanted it to

[tropicalwaste]

This is a good thread and one I have raised on forums before.. the issue also depends on the expats involved. I know several who will leave the girlfriends / wives with nothing and I wont get into the name and shame of them but no doubt the same type of guys that end up murdered by wives relatives etc..Anyway what I did initially was get a few businesses going I cant go into detail with some of them but the ones I can are below :-1. Rent out welding machines (+ Labour if needed).2. Internet Cafe.3. Rent out vehicles (+ Driver).4. Apartment rentals.There are businesses missing off the list but currently earn around P50,000 a month and increasing.The next ventures are :-1. Export (as I have now secured clients in the UK).2. Airsoft store.3. Gym above the internet cafe.4. Small scale custom clothing manufacturing.5. Seasonal costume manufacturing.6. Local business development (small scale manufacturing of wooden toys etc.)7. Goats - (developing soaps + milks and bodywash).8. Hanging mushrooms.9. Budget coffin manufacturing from recycled materials.This is a small part of the ongoing list but be aware im looking to increase employment in my area especially amongst relatives and neighbours.Another thing that wasnt discussed here was the issue a lot of people have with relatives grabbing for the cash when someone dies, or buying a big house that is unsellable for years. I have heard on at least 8 occassions of guys dying and leaving the house but the truth of the matter its worthless if its too big as land isnt a problem to find in the Philippines. Much better to have several condos or row houses which are easy to rent out.Anyway the point being is if your reading this thread then your obviously one of us looking to support partners in the future and its always easier to start today than leave it as we never know when we are going to be lying on a slab.

[Guardian]

Right now I do not have that problem but it would sure be of interest to read how some of you who live there are doing it. I am amazed to read that there are some guys who are so selfish to not think about their ladies future but I guess those are probably really sexpats in disguise. Boy has Lee told me some stories about some of these guys in the bars but he would not name names and I would sure like to put the names with the faces when I get there to know who the trash really is but I cannot seem to pull them out of him. Damned. I am also surprised to read how bad most expats treat other expats, I would think that we would all have to stick together and not screw each other?

[tropicalwaste]

Right now I do not have that problem but it would sure be of interest to read how some of you who live there are doing it. I am amazed to read that there are some guys who are so selfish to not think about their ladies future but I guess those are probably really sexpats in disguise. Boy has Lee told me some stories about some of these guys in the bars but he would not name names and I would sure like to put the names with the faces when I get there to know who the trash really is but I cannot seem to pull them out of him. Damned. I am also surprised to read how bad most expats treat other expats, I would think that we would all have to stick together and not screw each other?

The way to look at the expat community is like a city there are an estimated 250,000 expat/foreigners in the Philippines not sure of all the numbers and breakdown but 70,000 were/are brits for 2008-2009. In any town you will get your crazies, rapists, idiots and alcholics. The same as you get your business people, retirees, people looking for a new life or 101 other things and reasons.. Some of the expats im aware of who value theyre partner as more of an asset than a partner are generally controlling all the purse strings a lot of it I think is caused due to bad experiences before they arrived. Escapism is the only real term for it problem is they have brought baggage to the new country.Result being there are splintered expat communities generally I socialise with things like sporting events and most of my friends in Cebu are Filipinos I like to meet up with expats now and again but due to a lot of the mix I just cant be bothered with some of the people.. no offence to anyone I dont meet regular as its more to do with the different age groups, culture and background. Most of the guys off here for example I havent met in person but have heard good words from other expats. But Ive met enough to find that you make around 2 real friends in about 50 the rest "you just know" (this last statement is regards the hundreds of people I have met on and offline) Edited November 7, 2009 by tropicalpenpals

[Guardian]

Right now I do not have that problem but it would sure be of interest to read how some of you who live there are doing it. I am amazed to read that there are some guys who are so selfish to not think about their ladies future but I guess those are probably really sexpats in disguise. Boy has Lee told me some stories about some of these guys in the bars but he would not name names and I would sure like to put the names with the faces when I get there to know who the trash really is but I cannot seem to pull them out of him. Damned. I am also surprised to read how bad most expats treat other expats, I would think that we would all have to stick together and not screw each other?

The way to look at the expat community is like a city there are an estimated 250,000 expat/foreigners in the Philippines not sure of all the numbers and breakdown but 70,000 were/are brits for 2008-2009. In any town you will get your crazies, rapists, idiots and alcholics. The same as you get your business people, retirees, people looking for a new life or 101 other things and reasons.. Some of the expats im aware of who value theyre partner as more of an asset than a partner are generally controlling all the purse strings a lot of it I think is caused due to bad experiences before they arrived. Escapism is the only real term for it problem is they have brought baggage to the new country.Result being there are splintered expat communities generally I socialise with things like sporting events and most of my friends in Cebu are Filipinos I like to meet up with expats now and again but due to a lot of the mix I just cant be bothered with some of the people.. no offence to anyone I dont meet regular as its more to do with the different age groups, culture and background. Most of the guys off here for example I havent met in person but have heard good words from other expats. But Ive met enough to find that you make around 2 real friends in about 50 the rest "you just know" (this last statement is regards the hundreds of people I have met on and offline)

Thank you TP, I guess it is more or less like life here in the states, I do not have many good friends and those I do have I would die or kill for. If I can make a few friends there once I move then that would be enough. I am a lot like you and probably would not regularly attend meetings since there seems to be a lot of AH's there from reading the forums and one might say something to really light my fuse and then. Don't get me wrong, I am kind and gentle but I do have my limits.

[Mr Lee]

Right now I do not have that problem but it would sure be of interest to read how some of you who live there are doing it. I am amazed to read that there are some guys who are so selfish to not think about their ladies future but I guess those are probably really sexpats in disguise. Boy has Lee told me some stories about some of these guys in the bars but he would not name names and I would sure like to put the names with the faces when I get there to know who the trash really is but I cannot seem to pull them out of him. Damned. I am also surprised to read how bad most expats treat other expats, I would think that we would all have to stick together and not screw each other?

The way to look at the expat community is like a city there are an estimated 250,000 expat/foreigners in the Philippines not sure of all the numbers and breakdown but 70,000 were/are brits for 2008-2009. In any town you will get your crazies, rapists, idiots and alcholics. The same as you get your business people, retirees, people looking for a new life or 101 other things and reasons.. Some of the expats im aware of who value theyre partner as more of an asset than a partner are generally controlling all the purse strings a lot of it I think is caused due to bad experiences before they arrived. Escapism is the only real term for it problem is they have brought baggage to the new country.Result being there are splintered expat communities generally I socialise with things like sporting events and most of my friends in Cebu are Filipinos I like to meet up with expats now and again but due to a lot of the mix I just cant be bothered with some of the people.. no offence to anyone I dont meet regular as its more to do with the different age groups, culture and background. Most of the guys off here for example I havent met in person but have heard good words from other expats. But Ive met enough to find that you make around 2 real friends in about 50 the rest "you just know" (this last statement is regards the hundreds of people I have met on and offline)

Thank you TP, I guess it is more or less like life here in the states, I do not have many good friends and those I do have I would die or kill for. If I can make a few friends there once I move then that would be enough. I am a lot like you and probably would not regularly attend meetings since there seems to be a lot of AH's there from reading the forums and one might say something to really light my fuse and then. Don't get me wrong, I am kind and gentle but I do have my limits.

OK, you both sound a lot like me but I go to get together's to meet forum members and others and every now and then there is one really good person that becomes a friend and I never would have met those good people had I not gone to those get together's. Anyway, time to get back on topic guys. :SugarwareZ-034:

[tropicalwaste]

Right now I do not have that problem but it would sure be of interest to read how some of you who live there are doing it. I am amazed to read that there are some guys who are so selfish to not think about their ladies future but I guess those are probably really sexpats in disguise. Boy has Lee told me some stories about some of these guys in the bars but he would not name names and I would sure like to put the names with the faces when I get there to know who the trash really is but I cannot seem to pull them out of him. Damned. I am also surprised to read how bad most expats treat other expats, I would think that we would all have to stick together and not screw each other?

The way to look at the expat community is like a city there are an estimated 250,000 expat/foreigners in the Philippines not sure of all the numbers and breakdown but 70,000 were/are brits for 2008-2009. In any town you will get your crazies, rapists, idiots and alcholics. The same as you get your business people, retirees, people looking for a new life or 101 other things and reasons.. Some of the expats im aware of who value theyre partner as more of an asset than a partner are generally controlling all the purse strings a lot of it I think is caused due to bad experiences before they arrived. Escapism is the only real term for it problem is they have brought baggage to the new country.Result being there are splintered expat communities generally I socialise with things like sporting events and most of my friends in Cebu are Filipinos I like to meet up with expats now and again but due to a lot of the mix I just cant be bothered with some of the people.. no offence to anyone I dont meet regular as its more to do with the different age groups, culture and background. Most of the guys off here for example I havent met in person but have heard good words from other expats. But Ive met enough to find that you make around 2 real friends in about 50 the rest "you just know" (this last statement is regards the hundreds of people I have met on and offline)

Thank you TP, I guess it is more or less like life here in the states, I do not have many good friends and those I do have I would die or kill for. If I can make a few friends there once I move then that would be enough. I am a lot like you and probably would not regularly attend meetings since there seems to be a lot of AH's there from reading the forums and one might say something to really light my fuse and then. Don't get me wrong, I am kind and gentle but I do have my limits.

OK, you both sound a lot like me but I go to get together's to meet forum members and others and every now and then there is one really good person that becomes a friend and I never would have met those good people had I not gone to those get together's. Anyway, time to get back on topic guys. :rolleyes:

Both right.. Ive met good people on some trips and some which im ashamed to be associated with. But your right Mr Lee its a bit off topic but also it still comes down to the people who "should" take responsibility aswell.. but will they change? Answer unlikely.. so better the topic should just be about what people do or are doing to setup the nest eggs etc.

[johnb]

I think In my case the question is who will provide for me if my wife dies.everything we have here in the Philippines is in my wifes name, our house and apartments even the bank accounts, we have no assests in the UK. so if I die everything is already in my wifes name, all she need do is find some sucker like me who will work all hours of the day and night to keep the business running, now if my wife dies I cant own anything and inheritance as a widow, comes with a whole bunch of problems. who's looking after me :SugarwareZ-034:

Edited November 9, 2009 by johnb

[Mr Lee]

I think In my case the question is who will provide for me if my wife dies.everything we have here in the Philippines is in my wifes name, our house and apartments even the bank accounts, we have no assests in the UK. so if I die everything is already in my wifes name, all she need do is find some sucker like me who will work all hours of the day and night to keep the business running, now if my wife dies I cant own anything and inheritance as a widow, comes with a whole bunch of problems. who's looking after me :SugarwareZ-034:

That brings up a good point and I want to expand on it..... What happens if your wife does get sick or even worse is sent into the hospital, how do you pay the bills or the deposit? I thought about this a couple of years ago and discussed it with my wife and the banks we have accounts in the Philippines and they all agreed to allow me to be on the accounts and some even offered me to change everything to just my name and that was out of the question since it would cause a problem for my wife to get money if I were hospitalized..... So John, you brought up a very good point and I suggest you think about that and discuss it with your wife and get your name added to all the accounts and as far as the property, go to a good lawyer with your wife and let her wants be known in writing and I think that will help to stop problems down the road if God forbid something happens to her.