The Silent Treatment, known in the Philippines as Tampo.

[Guy F.]

A frequent behavior among Filipinas is to give "the silent treatment" to a partner who has offended or disappointed. Usually even the cause of the misadventure is unspoken, as if the perpetrator should know what he has done without being told. This is seen as counterproductive in Western culture because you can't fix it if you don't talk about it. My Sweetie used to do that and then complain to others that "he won't talk about it." Patient explanation and counseling with a non-Filipino Priest improved the situation.

Today I saw an enlightened article in The Atlantic on the silent treatment. You will find it; XXXX

You should read the whole article. Here's a teaser:

"But when someone is using the silent treatment to exclude, punish, or control, the victim should tell the perpetrator that they wish to resolve the issue. To “voice the pain of being ignored” is a constructive way of expressing one’s feelings, and may elicit a change if the relationship is truly founded on care, Margaret Clark, a psychology professor at Yale, told me in an email. Although a victim of ostracism should certainly apologize if they’ve done something hurtful, Fishel said, “it’s time to call a couple’s therapist” if your spouse uses the silent treatment tactically and often. “One of the worst feelings in an intimate relationship is to feel ignored,” she said. “It often feels better to engage in a conflict than to feel shut out completely.”

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim’s existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it."

Edited March 28, 2021 by Old55
Removed the link.

[Old55]

Guy, we ask members to please copy and paste news articles not links.

Links often get broken and the information is lost.

Some members have slow internet and it takes time to load from a link.

We get tired of editing posts to include information a member could easily of added.

Thanks for understanding. 

 

[JJReyes]

Remedy the situation right away, not by correcting the infraction because the reason is unknown, but by being extra nice in other ways.  Dinner out or an increase of money for the household expenditure.  You are in really deep trouble if she starts telling friends and family members what's wrong with you.  

[Jake]

5 hours ago, Guy F. said:

A frequent behavior among Filipinas is to give "the silent treatment"

“One of the worst feelings in an intimate relationship is to feel ignored” 

The subject of TAMPO, although it was discussed many times before....thank you Guy for sharing.  It's still quite relevant, especially for the new members here.  

Over the 35 years I've been married to Judy, I am guilty also of giving my wife, the silent treatment.  But when I started my retirement years, I had to force myself -- don't sweat the small shit.  And indeed, most of our issues were BS.  I do get angry but after an overnight of unnecessary stress, I try to kiss and make up.

JJ made an excellent point about exposing family issues outside your front door.  It's called Tsismis (gossiping).  Most of time, it starts with your maids and it spreads like wildfire.  All of the sudden, the locals are giving you the snake eyes.  

[Mike J]

4 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Remedy the situation right away, not by correcting the infraction because the reason is unknown, but by being extra nice in other ways.  Dinner out or an increase of money for the household expenditure.  You are in really deep trouble if she starts telling friends and family members what's wrong with you.  

Behavior that is rewarded with gifts or money will be repeated in the future.  Just my opinion of course.  

[BrettGC]

The Angry Midget (wife) and I have a rule:  Don't go to sleep angry with each other.  This is normally rather easily achieved given that I'm never in any doubt as to where she stands on any contentious issue, and these opinions are often delivered with umm fervour.  There's been times I wish I was on the wrong end of "tampo"....

4'10 and 45kgs (100lbs) and the only thing in the planet I'm scared of....

[RBM]

6 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Remedy the situation right away, not by correcting the infraction because the reason is unknown, but by being extra nice in other ways.  Dinner out or an increase of money for the household expenditure.  You are in really deep trouble if she starts telling friends and family members what's wrong with you.  

Kinda hard Jake if they refuse to talk, discuss or otherwise say what the issue is. Plus why patronize or reward bad behavior?

For me being in the oldie category I deal with it by being the same, just keep mouth shut and do my own thing, Eventually it goes away, fortunately rarely happens these days.

 

 

[Snowy79]

I just call my partner by the name of my ex if she starts that behaviour. I'm too long in the tooth to put up with what I see as immature behaviour. She soon gets the message. 

[Eddie1]

My partner does it and despite many conversations/warnings etc regarding my total contempt of such a childish action she still continues to do it.  A year or two back a good friend here just advised me to give her an hour or two and if she is still acting like a spoiled brat then just go out and leave her to it.  That is generally what I do now, I leave her to sulk on her own until the cows come home.   Me?  I go off to town, have a coffee, meet friends, maybe go for a dinner and then have a few beers and watch some live music.  Maybe go into 'Why Not' which is a late night bar/nightclub and just have fun into the early hours. By the time I roll back in past midnight she will be in bed asleep and I have had a nice peaceful and usually fun evening. Each time this has happened, in the morning she is keen to make up and try to find out where i have been and more importantly for her, who I was with. 

It might not work for everybody but it bloody well works for me. Apart from Tampo being very childish behaviour I also find it to be very damaging to a relationship.

 

[Eddie1]

13 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Remedy the situation right away, not by correcting the infraction because the reason is unknown, but by being extra nice in other ways.  Dinner out or an increase of money for the household expenditure.

That sounds like a recipe for disaster for me. Act like a spoiled child and get rewarded for it?  Not bloody likely!