Pakikisama: The spoken and unspoken rules and culture for living in the Philippine

[softail]

For most westerners arriving in the Philippines, there can be culture shock. Most travellers would say, however, that their initial experience in the country can be summed up in the words of kindness, politeness and hospitality. Behind that smiling population of good people is a method of interaction that is collectively known as Pakikisama. The ability to adapt your behaviors that allow for successful social interchange. Easily summed up as the ability to get along with people. The word transliterates as a phrase, “please come with or go with.”

Once long term foreign residents vacationing or residing in the Philippines grasp this concept life seems to fall into place. That kindness shown to visitors when reciprocated multiplies. That’s why one American living in Laguna says he’s ” treated like a rockstar.” Because he is one of the kindest people ever visiting the island nation.  We’ll call him Jack.

Jack is well known for his Pakikisama skill set. His neighbors welcomed him and he did the same. His community work around the region just south of Manila is well recognized and he never ACTS like a rockstar. Just the opposite, Jack mingled with his local businesses and residents, but without privilege or arrogance. Instead, meeting all situations with increased understanding, the more he learned to integrate.

Where “pakikisama” can be a valuable tool

The ability to adapt to circumstances also helps with some of the pet peeves of foreign visitors to the Philippines: long lines, waiting; delays on deadlines; misdirected or incorrect communications; or even illusions of wealth by reason of national origin. The treasure of learning Pakikisama is to assimilate the good with the bad and behave appropriately in all scenarios to ensure the best outcomes.

Speaking of bad, there is an expression in the Philippines, ” lahat ng gubat may ahas.” Every jungle has snakes. So there are going to be visitors and long term foreign residents who encounter things like theft, deceit or actual animosity based on the fact that the person they meet has prior biases.

Pakikisama is even more important in those circumstances. Keeping one’s cool allows for the kindness of the majority of Filipinos to shine even brighter and overcome the treachery of a few serpents on those random occasions.

East vs West, cultural differences

It also takes a while for Western travellers, many, from countries where rugged independence is a valued personality characteristic, to understand the community-based, collective decision making as a cultural value in the Philippines, as an Asian people. Learning how to be a part of that social process allows for successful living in a pleasant environment.

The other side of the coin

On the other hand, Filipinos also have a period of adapting to their guests. Each visitor brings their own filters, experiences, schooling and personality traits. Even within their home country’s cultural values, any single person can be outside of the group norm.  And, while many visitors to the Philippines are enthralled by the natural beauty, the warm hospitality and relaxed vacations, others seek out the darkest corners to hide their misdeeds. It’s not only in the Philippines where snakes can be found.

Once again, Pakikisama helps to build that understanding of meeting people where they are at, and who they are, that makes life in the Philippines even better. Welcome to the land of smiles.

Edited April 30, 2021 by Jollygoodfellow
Removed links to banned site on this forum

[Mike J]

Great post!  Speaking of waiting in line . . . . when I get stuck in a long line I take the opportunity to meet and speak with the people in line.  

[Tommy T.]

L constantly corrects me for my western foibles that I exhibit from time to time. I am still adapting after more than five years here... I am improving, but there is still room for more improvement with me...

 

[Old55]

40 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

L constantly corrects me for my western foibles that I exhibit from time to time. I am still adapting after more than five years here... I am improving, but there is still room for more improvement with me...

I have issues waiting in senseless lines but am learning to be more understanding. 

[Tommy T.]

Just now, Old55 said:

I have issues waiting in senseless lines but am learning to be more understanding. 

Yeah... L and I both get very irritated when waiting in endless and useless queues...

[jimeve]

23 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

Yeah... L and I both get very irritated when waiting in endless and useless queues...

Me too, I won't wait no patience at all. I was in Robinson and only bought a few things and there was only a few checkout placed working and they had long lines.

I put all the items back and walked out.

[Dave Hounddriver]

54 minutes ago, jimeve said:

put all the items back and walked out.

You are a better man than me.  I leave all the items in the cart, near the cash register.  Whoever makes the decisions should eventually figure out that taking my money is the mos important part of any transaction.  That plus it provides a little work to the staff who have to put things back on the shelf.

[hk blues]

27 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

You are a better man than me.  I leave all the items in the cart, near the cash register.  Whoever makes the decisions should eventually figure out that taking my money is the mos important part of any transaction.  That plus it provides a little work to the staff who have to put things back on the shelf.

I'll admit I'm with you on this.  It's par for the course in our SM City for there to be countless staff on the shop floor whilst only 1 of the 4 checkouts are in operation with a reasonably lengthy line of customers waiting to hand over money.  No amount of justification of why this is so will convince me it makes sense.   

[graham59]

11 hours ago, Old55 said:

I have issues waiting in senseless lines but am learning to be more understanding. 

I ask the Mrs to do it for me. She's so much better at it. 

[manofthecoldland]

55 minutes ago, graham59 said:

I ask the Mrs to do it for me. She's so much better at it. 

Yeah !  My thougts, exactly. 

I wrote a lengthy post describing all her workarounds the other day.... but then I thought more about it and deleted it half way through, since a few of them seemed to have borderline ethical issues from my personal viewpoint. Naturally, I never mention that to her since she considers it normal and clever to manipulate the systems here to her advantage when possible. Nothing obvious or blatant however, like the jerks who cut into or jump lines. 

Smart , older Filipinas all have their ways of solving some of the daily Philippine problems they encounter. They admire both intelligence and clever peasant trickery equally it seems to me. They do the same in my home country all the time and we call it political acumen, or smart business practices when done on a multi-exponential scale.