Against The Grain

[ekimswish]

I gotta be honest that the thought of older western guys with younger Filipinas doesn't bother me, but whenever I see photos of couples with huge age discrepancies I'm shocked and judgmental at first, coming down to earth with about 5~15 minutes to really ponder things. It's just something about seeing a young, attractive women with an old, wrinkly, gray man that makes me want to reject it at first as unnatural and gross (no offense to anyone, but let me finish).I realize it's a mutual thing between two adults, one more in it for the life opportunities, and the other more in it for the physical advantages of the relationship afforded to him. People could even judge my own marriage the same way regarding opportunities and sex, but since I'm a poor guy still in his 20's, it's not as obvious. So to get to the non-judgmental part of this topic, my wife's friend in her early 30's just married an older guy from Australia in seemingly in his 60's. My first reaction was one of disgust. He looked like he was ready to die, and she looked like she could care less since she already won the lottery. I knew at the time that that was unfair to them for me to have those thoughts, so I fought off the temptation to do so, and kept an open mind. Now, after several days of her posting pictures of her new life in Australia, I can't help but feel genuinely happy for them. She's taking photos of every stupid thing Down Under, but in every photo she looks like she died and went to Heaven. He looks younger and younger as I recognized his genuine happiness and sincerity, and she seems just as happy with him. Now, I'm happy for them, and they were happy with each other all along, so it didn't really matter what I thought. But I realize that the battle will never really be over for them, or for any of us westerners married to Filipinas. We will always have a pre-judged marriage by outsiders in the west and in the Philippines, no matter how sincere our feelings for our wives and theirs for us. There will always be people who will feel and maybe express disgust at the sight of a young lady with an older man, especially a young lady from a poor country. And as much as I've always reminded myself to keep an open mind, for the first time, seeing their photos, I think my heart is opening as well, on its own. So for all you old timers out there with a woman half your age, from a poor country like the Philippines, I admire you for your courage to go against the grain and do what makes not only you happy, but your wife as well, even if a lot of people "don't like it." Make the most of it, and stay true to yourself and to this one life we have. peaceps: I'm drinkin' again

[Mr Lee]

I gotta be honest that the thought of older western guys with younger Filipinas doesn't bother me, but whenever I see photos of couples with huge age discrepancies I'm shocked and judgmental at first, coming down to earth with about 5~15 minutes to really ponder things. It's just something about seeing a young, attractive women with an old, wrinkly, gray man that makes me want to reject it at first as unnatural and gross (no offense to anyone, but let me finish).I realize it's a mutual thing between two adults, one more in it for the life opportunities, and the other more in it for the physical advantages of the relationship afforded to him. People could even judge my own marriage the same way regarding opportunities and sex, but since I'm a poor guy still in his 20's, it's not as obvious. So to get to the non-judgmental part of this topic, my wife's friend in her early 30's just married an older guy from Australia in seemingly in his 60's. My first reaction was one of disgust. He looked like he was ready to die, and she looked like she could care less since she already won the lottery. I knew at the time that that was unfair to them for me to have those thoughts, so I fought off the temptation to do so, and kept an open mind. Now, after several days of her posting pictures of her new life in Australia, I can't help but feel genuinely happy for them. She's taking photos of every stupid thing Down Under, but in every photo she looks like she died and went to Heaven. He looks younger and younger as I recognized his genuine happiness and sincerity, and she seems just as happy with him. Now, I'm happy for them, and they were happy with each other all along, so it didn't really matter what I thought. But I realize that the battle will never really be over for them, or for any of us westerners married to Filipinas. We will always have a pre-judged marriage by outsiders in the west and in the Philippines, no matter how sincere our feelings for our wives and theirs for us. There will always be people who will feel and maybe express disgust at the sight of a young lady with an older man, especially a young lady from a poor country. And as much as I've always reminded myself to keep an open mind, for the first time, seeing their photos, I think my heart is opening as well, on its own. So for all you old timers out there with a woman half your age, from a poor country like the Philippines, I admire you for your courage to go against the grain and do what makes not only you happy, but your wife as well, even if a lot of people "don't like it." Make the most of it, and stay true to yourself and to this one life we have. peaceps: I'm drinkin' again

Nice post and great POV. :rolleyes:   :th_interesting: While I am not double my wifes age,   :D  I am 20 years older and was almost double when we first met, her 23 and myself 43, so had I met her 3 years earlier then it would have been double.  :D So I honestly have to say that I was very concerned at first, and especially after I brought her back to the states, so I kept telling her to not wear her hair in a ponytail because I felt very guilty being with her, because she looked like a baby with her hair back. I realize that was my problem but I kept seeing how people looked at us in the states and it concerned me. In retrospect I know what others think really does not matter at all, yet I still see the dirty looks we get when walking around parts of the Philippines from some of the locals, but at the same time I also see the jealousy in many of the ladies eyes and some have even commented to my wife "ma'am you are lucky, you got yourself a young one" so  I know for a fact that the locals do look at some of those who have a larger age difference and probably do not look at them kindly, so to me it is even more important that we think about that and try to at least show how much we appreciate our younger wives, so the locals can see their, and our happiness, and accept our relationships, because IMO in the end that is important for their acceptance of their own families, coworkers or friends who may enter into a similar relationship.   :SugarwareZ-037:

[Art2ro]

Oh boy! I've seen many fine young women that looked like teeny boppers in the arms of a lot of old grungy fat sexpat slobs that don't even deserve to get their jollies or rocks off! Go figure! Talk about robbing the cradle! It's just down right disgusting to see that! Those fine young women must have some loose screws for sure or blind and I didn't notice it! Oh well! I guess flash, cash and trash will always go together in all 3rd world countries where young flesh and lust comes cheap! :thumbsup:

[MikeB]

Now, I'm happy for them, and they were happy with each other all along, so it didn't really matter what I thought.

Good observation. This is probably the most discussed subject on any expat forum. If they're happy, more power to em, life is too short to worry about what others think.

[Tom in Texas]

Oh boy! I've seen many fine young women that looked like teeny boppers in the arms of a lot of old grungy fat sexpat slobs that don't even deserve to get their jollies or rocks off! Go figure! Talk about robbing the cradle! It's just down right disgusting to see that! Those fine young women must have some loose screws for sure or blind and I didn't notice it! Oh well! I guess flash, cash and trash will always go together in all 3rd world countries where young flesh and lust comes cheap! :thumbsup:

Art my friend (meant sincerely)... tell us how you really feel... don't hold back Having run with a crowd here in the U.S. during the 80s and 90s where "trophy wives" were the norm... (two of my four "American" wives would surely qualify)... I can assure you that "flash, cash and trash" is not just a third world phenomena (I'm sure you saw plenty of the same in Calif during the tech boom).Somehow, the "richer" the "old man" - the more acceptable society seems to be of the "old man / young woman" concept. I think some part of what disturbs some people about this concept in third world countries is what qualifies as a "rich old man"... basically anyone with a social security pension. So, when we see someone who in the U.S. would be a poverty stricken old man... in the PI with a 20 year old hottie... it just does not fit the acceptable "old rich man / pretty young woman" concept that Western society has sanctioned. My asawa of 10 years is 19 years my junior, but she is with me because I am a romantic and handsome devil who keeps her watered and fed and entertained and sees to her every need, and I'm with her because, uhhhh, .... Tom in Texas

[Art2ro]

A Social Security pension will only get you a Mama-san in the sack who owns a Kiosk with a bunch of worn out bar girls from doing so many bar fines with a bunch of grungy old sexpats! Does Angeles City ring a bell or Subic Bay? Been there and seen it all when I was only in my early 20s in the late 60s! Wild times back in those days! It still goes on today, but not as wild and not as many pretty young things anymore, except for a bunch of 2nd generation Ameriasian castoffs left behind when all the U.S. Bases closed in the early 70s!

[ekimswish]

A Social Security pension will only get you a Mama-san in the sack who owns a Kiosk with a bunch of worn out bar girls from doing so many bar fines with a bunch of grungy old sexpats! Does Angeles City ring a bell or Subic Bay? Been there and seen it all when I was only in my early 20s in the late 60s! Wild times back in those days! It still goes on today, but not as wild and not as many pretty young things anymore, except for a bunch of 2nd generation Ameriasian castoffs left behind when all the U.S. Bases closed in the early 70s!

I agree with you from a physical point of view, it's kind of disturbing, especially if she was a prostitute. But the point I was making was that those things that might be visually displeasing to others, might have nothing to do with their own happiness together, which is all that matters anyways. The other problem I have is that it's really hard for any of us not to pre-judge the relationships of others who might not actually be any different from ourselves. I know that walking around, especially before I recently grew my hair long, people probably assume I'm some high school drop-out, US soldier, immature in life, and had no idea what I was getting into when I married my former-prostitute wife, who's only with me for the visa, NONE OF WHICH IS TRUE! And as much as I know that's how people view us, and that it's not true, I STILL VIEW OTHERS the same way!!! lol... ridiculous, but hard to stop. It's just hard at times because we remind people of so many things that are wrong with the world, but none of the good stuff, no matter how much good we might embody. So I say again: if you're old, fat, ugly and 1st-world-poor, love your young, thin, attractive wife the best you can, and be happy.(apologies to high school drop-out, US soldiers, immature in life, who married a former prostitute for whatever reason: you, too, deserve a shot at happiness.) Edited October 23, 2010 by ekimswish

[No name]

I gotta be honest that the thought of older western guys with younger Filipinas doesn't bother me, but whenever I see photos of couples with huge age discrepancies I'm shocked and judgmental at first, coming down to earth with about 5~15 minutes to really ponder things. It's just something about seeing a young, attractive women with an old, wrinkly, gray man that makes me want to reject it at first as unnatural and gross (no offense to anyone, but let me finish).

Yeah, me too unless she's with me. ;)

[Travis]

when seeing an old out of shape geezer with a young fit girl 40 or 50 years younger I often thought to myself that he must be a pedo inside trying hard to hide his sickness coz how can a girl that young have anything in common so I to am 1 of those who thinks bad thoughts of these old geezers walking around the malls with their trophies & I found little in common with anyone I tryied to date unless they are in their 30's & then feel some common ground coz it is 20 or 30 years behind the times here except for that crappy rap music which will rot their brains for certain. I wish all the pedos would go home coz they give us all a bad name & reputation. sorry if I offend some of you old farts but I am an old fart too & I have nothing in common with a girl 40 years younger then me except maybe sex & that would only make me a pedo to

[Jollygoodfellow]

when seeing an old out of shape geezer with a young fit girl 40 or 50 years younger I often thought to myself that he must be a pedo inside trying hard to hide his sickness coz how can a girl that young have anything in common so I to am 1 of those who thinks bad thoughts of these old geezers walking around the malls with their trophies & I found little in common with anyone I tryied to date unless they are in their 30's & then feel some common ground coz it is 20 or 30 years behind the times here except for that crappy rap music which will rot their brains for certain. I wish all the pedos would go home coz they give us all a bad name & reputation. sorry if I offend some of you old farts but I am an old fart too & I have nothing in common with a girl 40 years younger then me except maybe sex & that would only make me a pedo to

A little bit of common sense tells you a pedophile is someone with a under age girl so I think your reasoning is right out of whack with reality.Who knows, tomorrow you might wake up happy for a change