Problems With Filipinas

[donottrustfilipinas]

@ Doug -- Thanks for sharing your experiences, bad as they were.  You are right when you say it's pretty well a bad idea to consider marriage with someone you've only spent a scant amount of actual physical time with.  I'm guilty of that with my ex-wife and with the second woman that I spent untold number of hours online with and corresponding by email.  

 

But I feel a LOT of men do that on these Filipina dating websites -- how many can realistically afford to travel back and forth to the Philippines to meet with women regularly?  How many can take that much time away from their jobs?  So it seems many men just take the leap of faith and hope it will work out.   In the case of the woman that I was going to marry after divorcing my ex-wife, at the time I thought that I couldn't find another bad apple in the bunch.  That my ex was an anomaly and that she was giving so much to me in terms of words and time and thoughtful touches (through the mail), I honestly thought those feelings were genuine. My mistake.  I had rationalized that getting involved with another Filipina was a good thing as I wanted my daughter (half-Filipina) to grow up and know her cultural heritage.  When she met Amy, my daughter thought the world of her.  And it hurt her greatly when Amy backed out of marriage since she secretly knew she was pregnant by another man.  Of course, I never told my daughter that but it has taken time for her to understand that it was nothing about her.  This is the worst tragedy of all that -- how it affected her.  And I know that it was my mistake for ever getting involved with her. 

[Mike S]

But I feel a LOT of men do that on these Filipina dating websites -- how many can realistically afford to travel back and forth to the Philippines to meet with women regularly? How many can take that much time away from their jobs? So it seems many men just take the leap of faith and hope it will work out.

 

I agree with your statement I quoited above .... there is no way under gods green earth can you fly back and forth to meet all these lovely creatures  (unless of course you are Bill Gates)..... all you can do is try to make the best choice you can .... meet a few and then travel here to meet them ..... BUT .... don't make the mistake of thinking that in the few short days you will be meeting (like maybe 2-3 weeks) you will learn all about the lady or that you will get nothing but the truth out of her .... some people are under the impression that seeing someone face to face will keep them from telling you lies or deceiving you .... bull hockey .... if they are incline to cheat you they can behave for 6 straight months with out batting an eye ..... remember you are their cash cow and they will do what ever it takes to convince you you are the only one for them ..... again ... bull hockey ....

 

So what is the solution .... is it just the luck of the draw ..... do you have to be like Nostradamus and see into the future ...... rich like Bill Gates to fly back and forth to check out all these little sweeties ...... sorry I'm afraid I don't have all the answers for you ..... I did everything wrong ..... meet my asawa on line ..... had never been to the Phils before I packed up and moved here ..... never meet my asawa in person till we met at the airport and started living together .... we were married about 6 months later ..... and we have been married almost 6 years ..... she is 23 years younger than me and I'm 68

 

So can it work out ..... yes indeed it can ..... with out knowing you I have no idea what advise to give you ..... maybe you are the insecure type that women like to pray on .... maybe to are TO easy going ..... or just the opposite maybe you are to demanding or a control freak .... hard to say but what ever it is it isn't working for you ..... but I can assure you there are plenty of good ..... kind and faithful Filipinas out there ..... where? ..... if i knew that I would be rich like Bill Gates  ......... :hystery: :hystery: :hystery:

:cheersty:

 

Disclaimer: ........ my example of "I did everything wrong" written above is not by any means a recommendation for anyone else to try it ..... I am what is know as a survivor and I'm very self-sufficient plus I read and studied everything I could get my hands ... participated in numerous boards like this one on about the Philippines 9-10 years before I ever came here ...... I just shared my example to show what could be done ... not how you should do it ..... different strokes for different folks ..... JMHO 

Edited June 20, 2013 by Mike S

[joeatmanila]

I am tempted to reply on this thread but will flame up.

One thing though that i have repeated again and again. Filipinas are women of this world same as everyone else. They are not species of mamals or so...

[Genius]

Hilarious thread.

[Thomas]

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life. Never make a pretty woman your wife. So for my personal point of view. Get an ugly girl to marry you. If you wanna  ...

I aim at average look  :)

 

I think the OP is having a problem because he is picking career women who don't really neeeeed a man, but see nothing wrong with getting one to pay for a few things, dinner, missed car payment, car insurance, plane tickets, happens everywhere. I think you just need to find the right one, of any ethnicity. Like Thomas, I intend to live in the Philippines and I let it be known from the start. My girl is smart and has a job but she isn't a career woman. She wouldn't even let me send her money as a gift. I think you can have success if you eliminate all the ones who don't share your goals as prospective partners, look for the personality you want to be around and let this narrow the group more, pick from any that are left over according to looks or family or any other criteria that suits you because you aren't going to find perfection. Keep searching. :)

Yes, mine have never asked for money either, although they are poor, even said it can wait, when I said I could pay the few thousand pesos missing to do an activity she worried a bit about not affording to do (yet).

 

Yes, better avoid the career ones, because huge risk they give to high priority to money... 

But it can be better to avoid the opposite ones too =The families, who are to laid back  = lazy       :mocking:

(Whole grown up part of family of my preliminary future wife have jobs, although almost all of them HAVEN'T needed to move abroad/to Manila to find work !)

[Thomas]

You can't know someone by communicating through a computer any more then you can judge our character by reading our posts on a forum.

Well. It's possible to spot liers at distance too. By asking much, it's a big chance they say something not suiting to what they have said earlier, so it's enough to make a "rough search", but surely need to live close a longer time to check more proper before decide marriage.

But I feel a LOT of men do that on these Filipina dating websites -- how many can realistically afford to travel back and forth to the Philippines to meet with women regularly?  How many can take that much time away from their jobs?

Yes, sure that's a big problem, BOTH of short of time living close before comit, AND more scamers are interested in moving abroad than you moving to them, as mensioned in earlier posts. That's why I plan to move to the Philippines and work there   :)

never meet my asawa in person till we met at the airport and started living together .... we were married about 6 months later ..... and we have been married almost 6 years ..... she is 23 years younger than me and I'm 68

There you wrote an important thing - 6 MONTHS. Many come and visit just a few WEEKS before they decide. And some crazy ones even decide marriage BEFORE they met, geting married soon after landing!!!    :lol:    Of course it POSSIBLE such can functions too, BUT if get to know each other just short time first, then it's just luck if it will function...

 

An other biger chance to success is if she is over 30, because many Filipinas think they are to old to have chance to get married then! Some even think they are old, when they pass 25!!!   :lol:

(In Thailand it's much less difference concerning that, at least among them with higher exams. It have become rather common them with exams WAIT marrying until they are around 30.)

[Call me bubba]

 

when you have the need to have companion ship, and you look back at the problems that you had in the past try the above.

 

 , my partner moved out 10/2011 and yes i have had offers to date or "hook up" but with 2 children,its not worth the trouble or chismosa from the neighbors in the hood,

 

bear with me. have you considered "a therapist" to discuss what or why these things happen?

 I have and it has given me a better insight into the mind of these fine outstanding women here

[robert k]

I think much dpends on attitude, if either party or both believe that the marriage is disposable, then it is. If both believe that they had better work things out, then they probably will. I remember reading about a couple in Cuba who it is reported they have not spoken to each other in 30 years although they are married, live together and have children. It shows both, how long people can hold a grudge and also how much commitment people can bring to a marriage. :)

[Papa Carl]

Sorry to hear of your life of sorrow with Filipinas. 

 

I like many others will say, and have said not all Filipinas are the same, nor English, nor American, nor Canadian etc. etc. 

 

I too wish you luck in finding that "special person" in your life, but then that might be because I found mine..., and she is definitely

 

A FILIPINA!

 

Papa Carl

[sjp52]

By my member handle you already know I do NOT trust Filipinas that come from the Philippines (as opposed to those born in Western countries).  Read on and you won't believe what I've been through.  This will be long so no complaints about the length!

 

THE CRAZY FILIPINA

 

First, I found what I thought was a wonderful Filipina back before the days of internet dating (in the late '90s when there were just a few sites out there like Match and Cherry Blossoms was a magazine and you bought addresses for $5 each for a Filipina).  As my work took me to the Philippines, I ended up meeting her there and, to make a long story short, I decided within two months to get married to her and came back to the U.S. and filed for a K1 Fiancee visa.  

 

This was mistake #1 on my part:  Agreeing to marry someone I didn't know hardly at all.   But we were both "supposedly" in love with each other but only later I came to find out I was being used.  

 

After she arrived in the States, her loving demeanor changed and she started complaining that she was sure that her boss at her job here in the States was listening in on our conversations at home with secret microphones and that they were monitoring her internet.  This got worse as time went on (we were married for seven years -- mainly because we had a child early on and I felt it best to keep the family together and tried to get professional help for her).   

 

At one point, I found out that the real reason she married me was that she had been involved with a married Filipino and that her office mates had found out and she was plugged as the office adulteress.  She later claimed she didn't know he was married.  Okay, perhaps somehow possible as many Filipinos have to move to other cities for jobs.  

 

But her craziness got worse and worse and finally, at one point, we separated and, mind you, our child went with me and I have been the sole one raising her all these years.  To this day she spend very little time with her and I have to make it supervised visits since she's still mentally not all there -- she's able to hold a job, have friends, and so on but she called up today, out of the blue, to ask me if I ever had tried to poison her while we were married since she's having so many medical problems these days! 

 

Ok, that was Filipina number one.  Can you believe Filipina number two?

 

I swore off Filipinas for awhile after separating/divorcing from my ex.  But time passed and I got intrigued by these dating sites like FilipinoCupid and so on.  Decided maybe I was wrong for writing off a whole race of good women based on the experiences of one.  

 

 

LED TO THE ALTAR BUT DIDN'T GET MARRIED

 

The second Filipina was very intriguing -- she had already earned two Masters degrees and seemed amenable to the prospect of being a stepmother.  We emailed/chatted for about eight months before I finally made the trip to the Philippines to meet with her over two weeks.  And it was a great two weeks.  Met her family, friends, and we all got along great.  She was loving, kind, and so on.  Came back from that trip and spent ANOTHER YEAR emailing/chatting, sending packages (chocolates and the like but not expensive stuff -- I was not going to be one of those mooched off by a Filipina by sending cash or Ipads!).  

 

After that year went by, I decided she was special enough and I loved her enough to ask her to marry me.  So this time I flew back there with my daughter and mother with me so that they could meet her and give me their thoughts.  My mother thought she was wonderful as did my daughter.  I proposed to her in a special way as I knew her answer already (through family) would be yes. I arranged for a 25' foot long banner to be made that had a pink background with white letters that read, "Amy, Will You Marry Me? John".  I gave that to her older brother with instructions to lay it out the next Saturday morning on top of a mountain near her home in Bohol.  We were sightseeing in Cebu that Saturday when I surprised her and told her that she and I needed to go out somewhere, just us, for a bit.  Turned out to be the airport where I had arranged for a private flight in a single engine plane.  Told her we were going on a private sightseeing tour above Cebu but after we took off, the pilot took us up and over the Chocolate Hills of Bohol and, after some doing and worrying about running out of fuel, found the mountain top with the banner on it and I proposed and she accepted. Her family was atop the mountain and waving to us.  We flew back to the airport where family and friends met us and we celebrated at a restaurant nearby.

I returned from this trip and announced to friends back home that I was engaged and that we planned to be married the following year on the anniversary of the date I proposed.  I wanted that time for us both to be sure as I knew that I hadn't actually spent that much physical time with her as opposed to time online and that time, a year, wouldn't be that long.  She agreed.  We planned the wedding and it was to be there in the Philippines as I felt that since it was her first wedding and my second, it was more important that she have her family and friends there as my family is few in number and none of them would be able to be here in the States if we had it here. 

 

About a month before my mother, daughter, and myself were to fly out there for the wedding, she suddenly became very quiet and wasn't speaking to me.  I thought she was getting cold feet and had difficulty getting her on the phone or online.  At one point, her best friend, who was to be her Maid of Honor, backed out and when I got her on the phone, she wouldn't explain why she was backing out.  When I finally got Amy on the phone, she simply said, "I never really loved you -- you were just the American guy that everyone in my family wanted me to marry.  I don't want to get married." This was three days before we were to fly there.  So, basically, I was left at the altar.  

 

Some months later, I found out (through a cousin) that what had happened was that she had secretly having an affair with a Filipino guy while engaged to me.  She became pregnant and when she found that out, she realized she couldn't get married to me.  The Filipino guy at least was smarter than me and ended up refusing to marry her, so as far as I know, she's a single unwed mother.  

 

So, you would think I would learn my lesson after Filipino number two?  Yes, you would think so!  Some years went by and, on a non-Filipina dating website (think Match) I met a Filipina that AGAIN seemed different.  Again I had sworn off Filipinas but this one was working professionally for the Fairmont Hotel in Singapore in their Marketing Department.  She had a young daughter as well and we seemed to hit it off as we had some things in common.  The difference was that she could get a travel visa to the States and could visit here rather than me flying over there.  However, the problem was cash.  Her sister in LA was willing to pony up one-third the cost but would I pony up the rest?  Against my better judgement, I did.  Both her sister and I paid for the tickets for her and her daughter on the phone at the same time so I know it went for that and they flew over about a month later.  

 

We had a great time getting to know each other and I thought things were fine and she and I began to actually talk about the crazy idea  that she leave the job in Singapore and that we would try six months of living together as we (I thought) really wanted to spend more time together.   As I have a pretty good job, I could afford that and we even enrolled her daughter in school here.  She felt she could go back to Fairmont Hotel later on without much trouble (she was a model employee).   I really believed her and all that she told me.  However, after a month of being here (and having traveled to a few places for sightseeing) she suddenly turned on me one day and demanded that she and her daughter would be leaving and going to Manila (not Singapore) as she arranged to take a job with Fairmont there.  

 

I have now since concluded that I was taken in by the type of Filipina that preys upon westerners for trips abroad.  She knew her sister would pay part of it and she got me hooked to pay the other two-thirds.  Not to mention our traveling within the U.S. She had lied about staying her longer only to make me happy at the time but once her transfer for Manila was up (she had never really left the company, she had arranged for the transfer in advance), she had to leave and the only way to was get angry and say she was done with me and then leave in a huff.  Well, good riddance.  I don't need someone like her but angry at myself for falling victim for a THIRD TIME to a Filipina.

 

What I have learned from all this?  You simply cannot trust a Filipina (or any other nationality for that matter) when attempting to establish a loving relationship that will succeed.  

 

Filipinas, as well as those from other impoverished third world nations, are desperately seeking a way out from the economic difficulties they are faced with day to day.  Try this: make up a profile of yourself on a Filipina dating website like FilipinoCupid.  Note how many women show interest in you that are IN THE PHILIPPINES as opposed to those ALREADY IN THE U.S.  I did this and found that I got over 1000+ women showing interest (and believe me, I'm in no way a catch at 5'5" and overweight) and very few Filipinas (under ten) that were interested in the course of one month.  Believe me, on regular dating websites like Match, virtually NO GUY is going to get 1000+ interests shown in the course of a month!  But this is because so many of the Filipinas in the Philippines will hit the LIKE button on any guy that looks remotely okay as they are playing the odds that one out of thousands will eventually fall for her and end up paying her way out of there.   The Filipinas already in the U.S. have the coveted "green card" or been naturalized and so their bar is a lot higher for whom they would marry the second time around (after having abandoned/divorced the poor westerner who brought her over).  She'll complain that he abused her or that he was simply not a good husband and so divorced him and she's free to marry again. 

 

What I've also learned is that you can't trust what Filipinas say.  Remember, this is a country where women are often heard complaining that their men are womanizers/playboys and having mistresses right and left.  So if the men are lying to their wives and girlfriends, it seems Filipinas are finding it easy to lie to their foreign boyfriends as all he knows is what he HEARS from her.  He's not there day in and day out to see what she's doing everyday.  

 

Now, I'm sure there are those that will post and say that they've found the Filipina of their dreams and they've had a long, successful marriage and what-the-hell-am-I-talking-about.  I'm talking about my experiences and that any westerner who is thinking of getting involved with a Filipina (or other foreign nationality) should realize that one of the experiences I have been through can happen to you no matter how darn wonderful she seems on the outside. 

 

I've resolved, thank God, to never again getting involved with someone abroad.   There is too much risk and there are thousands of women here in the U.S. Granted, I will always love Asian women for how they look and act (I lived in Japan for five years too).  But I will never be able to trust them after what I've been through.  Besides, I've realized that, for me, I really do get along better with women that understand American humor -- some humor, like my puns or sarcastic wit, just fall on deaf ears with Filipinas!  They only seem to get physical humor like the Three Stooges.  I also realize I enjoy being with someone that can talk about different cultures and has experienced them.  Too many Filipinas have never had the chance to get out of their own "backyard" to experience anything different.  I've met Filipiinas that lived in Mindanao and had never been up to Manila, for example.  Perhaps to Cebu but that was as far as they ever got.  

 

At least I'm not one of the westerners that was ever after some trophy wife -- so many guys, stupidly so, brag about how they bagged a wife who's 24 while he's in his forties or fifties!  Do they really, really think that this young tart really wants to be pushing them around in a wheelchair when he's in his eighties and she's in her early fifties?  The Filipinas I was involved with were my age or within seven years of it.   I don't want to date someone who's a decade older than my daughter as I have little in common with her.  Does she know what a cassette is?  Knows what life was like before the internet?  That she isn't crazy about Justin Bieber as is my daughter?  

 

Sorry for the long first post but I had to tell my story.  For those of you that read through it, thank you.  For those of you who think I'm completely wrong, bully for you -- at least you have a good experience -- wish I had that.  For those of you who think I'm completely right, join the club!

 

Now back to your forum already in progress...

Its not fun when a relationship goes bad, But its part of life. You could insert a couple of my Canadian ex,s names in your stories and they would probably fit. Yea when It happened those times to me I got mad and howled at the moon and to any one that would listen and bitched and complained about women in general but not about a particular race of women. I don,t even blame those women now as they were just being them selves. I was the one that picked them ( dummy me ). And as you dont want to hear about it, I wont tell you about my loving wife of 4 years and I wont even tell you what nationality she is as it really doesn,t matter.