Living her dream Hating her dream

[stevewool]

2 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Sorry Steve but having just had a nap and waking up to this post I find it a "Defeatist" Attitude before you even try it & as for the Last bit, I just do not believe you could do that, No mate, something else is bugging you here, I can tell, From all the Topics and Post we have from you I think that all of us can tell you are Too devoted to "Ems" to even think of doing that to her 

A nap, and here is me just getting ready for another shift at work.

Many years ago when we had just got together and married the phone calls started from one member asking for help, or should i say asking for the sake of asking.

We talked about it and i knew something was bothering Emma, i asked her what was the problem and knowing really what was on her mind she told me she was torn on sending the cash and me saying no.

I must add the cash that as wanted was so they did not have to use there own saving for there children's school fees and as Emma had married me she was rich now.

Anyway she said she has thought about it and is sending her sister the cash it was around £2000. well i asked where this cash is coming from and she said it was from her ISA which is our money i may add, so i said withdraw the full £5000 and get yourself a air ticket as i dont want to have this happen again, i hated myself for saying that but as we was new together i had to make some sort of stand.

Its History now, the money was not sent  we did talk about it, and like anything we moved on , the sister did not speak to Emma for months after i told her to ask me in future.

We are devoted to each other Jack and i know deep down what ever i wanted she would except, what ever she wants i try to fight but she gets her bag and shes in the end.

I am sure that many on here only say so much about what they are wanting or they have and so on, i will be there soon now and i will give it 100% living in the house we had built for the time being, then moving to somewhere else,

I am sure the Philippines is not for everyone and there are a few who would love to leave i am sure but they dont, so it cant be that bad ,

Defeatist i am not, maybe careful is a much better word, I have leant  so much from so many on here, people who are happy with what they have are willing to give great advice whether its  what you are wanting to hear or not.

So keep that drink chilled i am on my way. we both are,

[Jack Peterson]

2 minutes ago, stevewool said:

So keep that drink chilled i am on my way. we both are,

 Steve always remember this You married her not her family, keep saying it and in the End they will believe you. Family you can't choose, Friends you can BUT Some Family can be put to arms length, My Wife's favorite Sister tried all you have endured and is now lost, somewhere in Old Photos. ( not I may add, by my Doing) But biting the hand that feeds the Old is a common thing unfortunately here. Chin Up and I will send a good Airline Link Soon  

[bigpearl]

I see and read much, here and other expat sites, money for the relatives appears to a big issue here if you have a Filipino SO. While we may be better off, (western norms) it came at a price, hard work and due diligence, not to be flittered away by some family member that can't get off their arse and do it themselves. I constantly ask Bengie is his brother in law working?  Is your cousin working? Is your nephew working? No. Why? I don't know, Is this family member contributing to the family? (as in whole family) Absolutely not, why help them if they don't help themselves I ask, my answer is generally no to financial help, and on reflection these days Bengie agrees, We work for our money, help we do but on a needs basis not abuse. 

We are going to live only 40 mins from the 5,000 relatives but already they are trained and for the last 2 years no asks for money as they know the answer, Mum and Dad also know when and when not to ask, Bengie vets this as he should. A hard arse yes but we don't want our time in Ph for the next 20 or 30 years marred by family whims and expectations, ground rules as others have said. Help our family we do but not frivolous desires.

When all said and done it will be interesting to see what happens when we are living just up the road. Time will tell.

Cheers, Steve.

 

[jpbago]

8 minutes ago, bigpearl said:

Bengie vets this as he should. A hard arse yes but we don't want our time in Ph for the next 20 or 30 years marred by family whims and expectations, ground rules as others have said. Help our family we do but not frivolous desires.

That is the answer. Set the rules with your partner and let him/her enforce them. We had some problems with people asking for loans at first  but not just from family. Filipinos think all kanos are rich and that money grows on trees. We had some problems with people dropping over for lunch or dinner every day but my wife sorted those out.

We don't have a car nor m/c and we don't pretend to have money. We walk or take buses and tricycles. We shop at the market mostly, even at the ukays. My wife bargains and often hears some one saying "Her husband is a foreigner." After awhile they see that I am putting 2 girls thru university and have 5 or 6 living in our house, including the matriarch (who they don't help out yet she raised 10 kids, and their kids and their kids.) 

I only pay for funerals and circumcisions.

[Steve GCC]

So far have been lucky.  SO's family are lovely, hard working, helpful people and have never asked me for anything.  The wife gets her house keeping allowance and what she does with it is up to her........................ I just remind her sometimes once its gone its gone.

[Jack Peterson]

32 minutes ago, Steve GCC said:

I just remind her sometimes once its gone its gone.

Ah! music to my ears BUT do they listen? 

[davewe]

One of the advantages of old age is a modicum of self-awareness. Well, at least that's the theory. Very few young people or even middle-aged people are self-aware. If you're lucky you get a little of it as you age.

How it relates to this discussion is you need to know what you can and cannot live with (or live without). I know 100 Fil-Am couples here in my city. Most of the guys fantasize about moving to PI, but in my opinion very few should or will. It's like buying a house; you have to decide what is essential, what is nice to have, what you don't care about, and what you cannot have. Most people struggle with these decisions and so we get these "should I or shouldn't I" threads. 

I have a buddy who loves to walk. He has to have parks and nice sidewalks and so cannot live in the Philippines for that reason (probably others). I too love to walk but can walk anywhere my feet land. 

So to Steve or anyone else considering a life change. Make a list of what you have to have, would like to have, and cannot have, then compare it to the reality of wherever you are considering moving to. 

Edited May 31, 2017 by davewe

[robert k]

15 hours ago, Gratefuled said:

 

Yes, and for Robert K. There is a lot of anti-US sentiment here in Mindanao. there are posters on walls, there are spray paintings on walls about US troops and US Imperialists. One does not know who is anti-American and who is not. 

Ed,http://www.theblaze.com/news/2017/03/10/high-schoolers-blasted-for-wearing-american-flag-colors-to-basketball-game-heres-why/

http://abcnews.go.com/US/american-flag-flap-high-school-backs-telling-student/story?id=31070079 Not a matter of public safety as claimed because they would be MORE guilty for backing down on a matter of public safety.

[Gratefuled]

31 minutes ago, robert k said:

Not a matter of public safety as claimed because they would be MORE guilty for backing down on a matter of public safety.

This is the Philippines and many are anti-America. One just doesn't know who.

We know the NPA Communists do not like Americans.

We know that Islamic radicals do not like Americans.

I'm not in my country where I am proud to fly the stars and stripes.

I don't agree with everything President Trump says and does but he has one thing right,

"AMERICA FIRST"

[sonjack2847]

14 hours ago, Steve GCC said:

So far have been lucky.  SO's family are lovely, hard working, helpful people and have never asked me for anything.  The wife gets her house keeping allowance and what she does with it is up to her........................ I just remind her sometimes once its gone its gone.

Firstly I will say that my wife`s family do not ask for anything even though they are dirt poor farmers.

My wife gets her allowance and what she does with it is up to her the same as yours.A few months ago she came to me 3/4 of the way through the month and asked for money.Why! OOh I run out  yeh why well I sent my mama money ok hun that`s ok but in future send her money at the end of the month.If we do not take care of ourselves first we cannot take care of them.She agreed and has changed accordingly.

I have been told by 2 expats that when they were in the US and the UK their wives were great but as soon as they moved back here the wives reverted back to Philippine mentality and they say it seems like they don`t even exist anymore.Has anybody else experienced this.