Who are your friends?

[Dave Hounddriver]

14 minutes ago, Mr-T said:

I have many filipino acquaintance but but no one i can call a good friend.

I was just thinking of this and there are some.  One in particular started off being my landlord but he helped in so many ways.  Co-signing for a friend when he wanted to buy a motorcycle on payments.  Arranging things with the hospital when that same friend died and no one was standing in line to pay the bills.  Helping to find some low cost funeral arrangements for a couple of friends who passed on with zero cash.  Joining us for foreigners parties on special occasions.  Never asking for anything except the rent payment if you were one of his tenants.  He even offered to co-sign a car loan for me but I did not want the responsibility of monthly payments.

Yes he is a filipino, but he was worked in Saudi for 20 years so he has been around.  I am not extremely close to him lately, as in I don't drop by for coffee more than once a year these days but if what I just said does not describe a friend, then I guess I have fewer of them than I thought. 

[Mark Berkowitz]

There are very few Westerners where I live. Actually, the only ones that I’ve seen are missionaries for an organization that rhymes with ‘doorman.’

My closest friends are my wife and my baby boy. I socialize with my family and my extended family. Whenever I’m invited to my wife’s friends for a social gathering, the husband is usually working away from home as a seaman or as an OFW.

As an introvert, it’s always been challenging for me to make friends… so, I’m not complaining.

[Reedster]

20 hours ago, expatuk2014 said:

... my best friend here is my wife, well she is the reason i am here in phil.

So glad to hear this.  That is the same for me. I've heard there are a lot of ex-pats there who are less than faithful to their spouses, and I just would not want to hang out with them.  I know I don't know all the facts for these guys, and there are many types of relationships.  But I have found hanging out with people of like minds is better for me.  So when I move there, it's good to know there are some men there with a good relationship with their wife like I have with mine.

Edited June 26, 2017 by Reedster

[intrepid]

Wow, I had to run several errands today and was surprised to see and read all the posts.  I would like to respond to each but time dictates one response to all.  After reading all it is apparent that for one thing most all have in common is a wife or SO that is our best friend.  It is also interesting to see some others who don’t drink or smoke.  I have nothing against drinking myself just don’t like the taste.  So therefore am not a bar lizard.  I don’t smoke and usually a little smoke does not bother me.  I wanted to comment about the posts where a wife’s friend has a foreign  husband.  Within a year after marrying my wife in the US we started meeting other Phil-Am couples.  For a remote area of western Maryland, we ended up with network of roughly eighty-five couples and had an annual picnic at our house usually with 100 attendees.  Seems almost every weekend and holiday there was a birthday, anniversary, or something.  Most all were so close we felt them as cousins.  But we had a smaller close group of about six couples we met with several times a month,..again usually at my home since we had the space and were centrally located.  These husbands I felt of them like brother-in laws.  Can you imagine that with all these people there were only two or three who were smokers.  Even more amazing, none of the men drank and less than about 12 of the ladies would sip some wine coolers in the evening after the sunset.  Now that we have located ourselves here, I find in interesting my wife prefers to be friends with mixed foreign couples.  She seems to have more in common with them.  We are hoping to build that kind of network here also.  However, as many of you know with children here, school takes a big chunk of your time.  For now as others have said the acquaintances I have made will have to do until something more develops.  Thanks for all the comments. 

[davewe]

A lot of this (at least for me) is about advancing age. Despite being a pretty open person, I no longer have that burning desire to share my life with anyone, other than my wife. I'm close to my sister, despite our 3000 mile distance, and she knows everything about me. But to anyone else I pick and choose what tidbits to share. I'll seek advise occasionally but it's more of the practical nature. 

I have hobbies/interests and have friends/acquaintances based on that, but nothing else.

When I married a Filipina people asked why I would marry someone from such a different background; won't I miss conversations about shared experiences and upbringing. "You mean like talking about the Beatles when we were kids?" I ask. "Yes exactly!" they say. "God no," I reply. "Can't imagine anything more boring."

So I guess what I am saying is I find differences interesting and commonality boring. Thus my marriage and interest in a place like the Philippines. 

 

[stevewool]

Like many have said our partners are our best friend's, 

Here in England I have one true friends b, but he has gone to Spain now, but as many day Facebook works well.

I like to say I have made a few more freinds on here too.

[hk blues]

I was never one for having friends, even as a kid I always preferred to be alone. When I moved to Hong Kong I had a few what I'd call drinking buddies but not really friends. Same since I came here, a couple of guys who I have a beer with but not again what I'd call friends - just because we are foreigners and Westerners in itself doesn't create a recipe for friendship.

Saying that, my best friend I've known since we were 5 - going on 48 years.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

On 6/26/2017 at 7:14 PM, Reedster said:

I've heard there are a lot of ex-pats there who are less than faithful to their spouses

Yeah... just like the local men ha ha

When I lived in the city I had a couple expat friends I would hang out with.  Now I don't get into the city as often so I run into one of them occasionally and we will have a couple drinks at the SM City food court or Floyd's BBQ.  I used to go to an expat meetup but that was really just some drinking acquaintances, not actual friends.

But even in the US I did not need a large group of friends.  I suspect that most people that need a big circle of friends don't make happy expats.  At least not out in the province!

I have a friend that went back to Texas mostly because he missed hanging out with his friends and having good beer. His wife is happier in the US too. She was a retired  OFW, from Malaysia, and complained about the PIs more than the expats. Funny how one can get spoiled by the little things like drinkable tap water, dependable electricity, and good customer service (I think those are all over rated!). 

 

[KC813]

This forum continues to amaze me with the thought provoking questions and the frequent diverse and heartfelt answers.

I have hundreds of filipino acquaintances from all walks of life, both in the PI and US, but none I would ever label as more than a casual friend.  Substantive or even ‘thoughtful’ conversations seem impossible.  A long-term expat I once asked about this said it is because we have nothing in common to discuss beyond banalities.  Perhaps he was right, but I wonder..

Anyway, I didn’t really need to read this thread to learn that for many of you, your common living situations and honest communications have transformed the members of THIS FORUM in to your extended family.

 

[Gratefuled]

12 hours ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

I have a friend that went back to Texas mostly because he missed hanging out with his friends and having good beer.

That's funny but it reminds me of a Filipino whose wife was a RN in California. The guy was petitioned by his wife and he got a part time job thru an employment agency and worked at our company as a gardner. He would tell us that he is bored in the states.......... ( sound familiar). We said there are lots of things to do here. He said he missed his friends back in the Philippines that he would drink beer with. We said that he could make friends here and drink beer with them. He quit after a couple of months on the jab and we assume he went back to the Philippines. So, it seems that it works both ways except that there are a lot more things one can do in the states and more people to do things with like friends and relatives.