Asawa Ko Issues - The Novela

[ITGeek]

Hoping for some wisdom and advice to my complicated situation.  I've received very advice on a number of topics thanks to this forum.  My situation covers several areas and it lengthy, so I'll try to summarize by issue to make it easier to follow and understand my overall situation.

First, I'd like to start by saying that I consider myself knowledgeable and experienced with Filipino culture, including much of its history (more than most locals).  I can even converse in some tagalog (alam ko konti lang na tagalog), but usually at some point everyone ends up with "bloody noses".   I've also earned much respect from the local community and government for my volunteer work with the PDRRMO/MDRRMO, etc. 

Now onto the issues at hand, of which I'm sure many here have likely experienced:

⦁    (OUR HISTORY)
I met my asawa ko on Facebook back in 2014, while recovering from major surgery to my ankle/foot.  I was off work for 2 mo's and much of my work took me to Taipei, Hong Kong, Singapore, Seoul and of course the Philippines (Makati and Cebu City).  In 2015, we eventually met and married at her hometown (out in province) with a simple civil ceremony at Municipal Hall by the Mayor.  She already had a 5 yo daughter with no father listed on the BC.  At first, I applied for a US I-130 CR1/IR1 visa for them upon my return to the US.  However, six weeks later, I learned she was pregnant with our child.  So I discussed options and we decided it best I accept an early retirement offer from my employer and we would live in her province here in the Philippines (Nueva Ecija).  So I've resided in the Philippines since March 2016 and have my Permanent Residency (13a). Our son, now almost 4 yo (in June) is of course a dual Filipino/US Citizen.

⦁    (ISSUE #1)
I don't really know anything in regards to her previous life history from before the time we met (online).  I just know she comes from a traditional and conservative (most are farmers) family.  She or no one in her family ever talks about her life history when I ask about it.  I don't even hear any tsismis (gossip) about it.  So that has always had me concerned that the "baby daddy" of her anak might show up sometime or even be a local.   However, at the same time she and her family know my entire life history. I've been in a situation before in the US and I bailed out of a relationship due to "baby daddy" drama.  Yet everything was great for the first few years of our marriage and we never had any arguments or drama.  Everyone was happy.

⦁    (FINANCIAL - ISSUE #2)
In early 2017, I had some legal issues with my retirement pension from my previous employer (think Nasdaq INTC) had stopped payments. Our monthly budget (bought and financed upscale property/house) was close to $3,000 USD/mo.  My pension had paid $4,200/mo.  So I was left with my US savings/401k accounts for us to live on.  Meanwhile, in late 2017, I lost my first round of legal fight over my pension with a US (Federal) arbitrator.  My savings ran out in about a year, so in early 2018,  my father "loaned" (as gifts are taxed by IRS) $20k USD, which my eldest sister (RN and my Medical Power of Attorney in US) was the trustee.  She would deposit $3,000/mo for our monthly budget.  So with discussion with all family (here and US) and agreement, we decided it best to stop mortgage payments on house, move to my spouse's family house in her hometown.  The money for the mortgage payments instead was used towards improvements on her family's house.  The primary projects being expanding a room (kwarto) into a "master bedroom" including "western style" bathroom and storage closet.  We remained in existing house until bank repossessed and evicted us in Sept 2018.  By then the first phase of project was completed for us to move into her family house.

⦁    (HEALTH - ISSUE #3)
In the meantime, in March 2018 I was diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia and started receiving US SSDI in July 2018 ($2,400 USD, plus $1,200 for my 2 yo son as dependent) totaling a combined $3,600 monthly income.  My spouse (asawa ko) for obvious reasons was listed as the trustee for our son's SSDI dependent income, which is direct deposited into his local BDO savings account.  My SSDI benefit is direct deposited into my US bank account and I wire $2,000 USD each month to our local BDO joint current account.  Each month my spouse transfers 50k PHP/mo from my son's BDO savings to our BDO joint current account.  That money is used for his and her anak's tuition, clothes, food, healthcare, etc.  The remaining amount in saved in his account for his future, his benefits will be paid until his 19th bday.  At one point, we had 600k PHP in our BDO joint account and it's  now at 250k PHP.  My son's BDO savings account has accumulated now to 180k PHP.

⦁    (FINANCIAL - ISSUE #4) 
We aren't paying rent or mortgage, so aside from costs of continued home improvement projects, you'd think a monthly budget of $2,000 USD would easily cover our expenses.  Yet, the monthly budget is closer to $3,000 USD.  This is because instead of a family of 4-6, I'm literally now supporting a family of around 10-12 people.  Even though her nanay and bunso are working here and probably their combined incomes are around 35k PHP.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that my son lives near his cousins, aunties, etc.  But as most of us know, finances are often a big stresser and cause of relationship problems.

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ISSUE #5)
Shortly after we moved here (Oct 2018), my spouse started to spend less time with me.  She would sleep in sala or other kwarto and our love life (inclucesintimacy) became but non-existent.  I understand and agree kids are first priority, but neither of us work.  I even hired a tutor to help her anak so my spouse didn't have to spend as much time helping her anak with homework.  Yet, she now spends more time talking tsismis (gossip) with her ate, cousins and aunties.  She rarely if ever spends night in the master kwarto with me and it's been over 6 mo's since we were last intimate.  Again, prior to moving to her family house from our foreclosed house, she spend every night with me in master bedroom upstairs.  Only exception if me, her or anak sick (understandable).

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ATTEMPTS TO RESOLVE ISSUE #5)
I tried to improve our relationship by talking with her a year ago when these issues became a problem for me. I suggested we (only the 2 of us) go on a "date night" once per month and our family (only 4 of us) go on a vacation 2 times a year.  Instead, any "vacation" involves hiring a driver and bringing along at least 10 of the klan with me footing the bill.  That's not what I had in mind.  I even just started going on "date nights" by myself to get out.  

Communication is very important in a healthy relationship.  There have been occasions I've asked my spouse to tell her family to stop blocking driveway with kotse or tricycles, as it makes it difficult and risky fo me to get in/out.  Yet they continue to do it.  I also ask her to have workers fix "ramp" to patio where we park motorcycle/scooter, several times because it was a hazard.  Once the driveway was blocked so I took back route along walkway past sari-sari store.  On returning, I tried to park on porch, but front wheel hit "curb" along patio and I ended up losing balance and having motorcycle fall on me.  I then talk (never angry or argue) with spouse, saying I told her at least 3 times to have that fixed.  She yells, "You tell them yourself!" and "Ok, it's all my (her) fault).  Then I did get upset telling her don't put words into my mouth I did not say, I'm only talking.  She thinks talking about problems = argument.  No one is to blame, it's communicating there is a problem that needs us to fix.

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ISSUE #6)
I spoke to my family in the US, my eldest sister is RN who works in Bay Area, CA with many Filipinas.  I also have 2 OFW Filipina friends to which I discussed the formentioned issues with my spouse, financially and romantically, along with my reasonable attempts to resolve them.  All of them concurred independently.  That it sounds like her family is taking me for granted because of my money.  That it's ridiculous spending $3,000/mo "out in province" at pamilya bahay (no rent/mortgage).  Plus that asawa ko not want to help me with my illness, or spend time with me instead of her pamilya (ate, cousins, aunties, etc), sleep in sala o other kwarto, not in master kwarto with me anymore.

BTW - I've told her if I die, my SSDI benefits of $2,400/mo die with me.  Foreign spouses can only inherit SSA SS benefits, not SSDI.  However, she would continue to receive my dependents's SSDI benefits of $1,200/mo until his 19th bday.  So you'd think asawa ko would have an incentive to keep me happy and healthy. 

⦁    (THE ADVICE SO FAR)
They all say I should stop wiring money from US to our BDO joint account and save my money.  First, because she could kick me out anytime with just clothes on my back and her family lives around us here on our block.  So I'm at a high risk of becoming "homeless" with only whatever cash that only I have access to.  That the $1,200/mo benefit my son receives from SSDI is plenty to support the family.  Not to worry about my anak, he is well loved and taken care of here.  Save up my money and move out and rent/buy small bahay (72sqm 2bd/1ba) in Zamabales, recommended within walking distance of coast between San Antonia to Iba has some affordable (20-30k php/mo) places to rent or buy.  I could hire part-time caregiver/maid to visit 2x week for 5-10k php/mo.  They say more expats there (resort areas), avoid Pamanga (Angeles Clark) and Zambles (Subic/Olangapo) not as safe for somone with my health issues.  Plus if I need medical treatment, Zambales coast is only 2-3 hr bus ride to Subic or Angeles medical facilities.

Thanks for your patience and any advice you can offer me.  Who knows, my story could become a novela on ABS-CBN or GMA.
What say you?

Edited February 16, 2020 by ITGeek
typo

[Lou49]

41 minutes ago, ITGeek said:

Hoping for some wisdom and advice to my complicated situation.  I've received very advice on a number of topics thanks to this forum.  My situation covers several areas and it lengthy, so I'll try to summarize by issue to make it easier to follow and understand my overall situation.

First, I'd like to start by saying that I consider myself knowledgeable and experienced with Filipino culture, including much of its history (more than most locals).  I can even converse in some tagalog (alam ko konti lang na tagalog), but usually at some point everyone ends up with "bloody noses".   I've also earned much respect from the local community and government for my volunteer work with the PDRRMO/MDRRMO, etc. 

Now onto the issues at hand, of which I'm sure many here have likely experienced:

⦁    (OUR HISTORY)
I met my asawa ko on Facebook back in 2014, while recovering from major surgery to my ankle/foot.  I was off work for 2 mo's and much of my work took me to Taipei, Hong Kong, Singapore, Seoul and of course the Philippines (Makati and Cebu City).  In 2015, we eventually met and married at her hometown (out in province) with a simple civil ceremony at Municipal Hall by the Mayor.  She already had a 5 yo daughter with no father listed on the BC.  At first, I applied for a US I-130 CR1/IR1 visa for them upon my return to the US.  However, six weeks later, I learned she was pregnant with our child.  So I discussed options and we decided it best I accept an early retirement offer from my employer and we would live in her province here in the Philippines (Nueva Ecija).  So I've resided in the Philippines since March 2016 and have my Permanent Residency (13a). Our son, now almost 4 yo (in June) is of course a dual Filipino/US Citizen.

⦁    (ISSUE #1)
I don't really know anything in regards to her previous life history from before the time we met (online).  I just know she comes from a traditional and conservative (most are farmers) family.  She or no one in her family ever talks about her life history when I ask about it.  I don't even hear any tsismis (gossip) about it.  So that has always had me concerned that the "baby daddy" of her anak might show up sometime or even be a local.   However, at the same time she and her family know my entire life history. I've been in a situation before in the US and I bailed out of a relationship due to "baby daddy" drama.  Yet everything was great for the first few years of our marriage and we never had any arguments or drama.  Everyone was happy.

⦁    (FINANCIAL - ISSUE #2)
In early 2017, I had some legal issues with my retirement pension from my previous employer (think Nasdaq INTC) had stopped payments. Our monthly budget (bought and financed upscale property/house) was close to $3,000 USD/mo.  My pension had paid $4,200/mo.  So I was left with my US savings/401k accounts for us to live on.  Meanwhile, in late 2017, I lost my first round of legal fight over my pension with a US (Federal) arbitrator.  My savings ran out in about a year, so in early 2018,  my father "loaned" (as gifts are taxed by IRS) $20k USD, which my eldest sister (RN and my Medical Power of Attorney in US) was the trustee.  She would deposit $3,000/mo for our monthly budget.  So with discussion with all family (here and US) and agreement, we decided it best to stop mortgage payments on house, move to my spouse's family house in her hometown.  The money for the mortgage payments instead was used towards improvements on her family's house.  The primary projects being expanding a room (kwarto) into a "master bedroom" including "western style" bathroom and storage closet.  We remained in existing house until bank repossessed and evicted us in Sept 2018.  By then the first phase of project was completed for us to move into her family house.

⦁    (HEALTH - ISSUE #3)
In the meantime, in March 2018 I was diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia and started receiving US SSDI in July 2018 ($2,400 USD, plus $1,200 for my 2 yo son as dependent) totaling a combined $3,600 monthly income.  My spouse (asawa ko) for obvious reasons was listed as the trustee for our son's SSDI dependent income, which is direct deposited into his local BDO savings account.  My SSDI benefit is direct deposited into my US bank account and I wire $2,000 USD each month to our local BDO joint current account.  Each month my spouse transfers 50k PHP/mo from my son's BDO savings to our BDO joint current account.  That money is used for his and her anak's tuition, clothes, food, healthcare, etc.  The remaining amount in saved in his account for his future, his benefits will be paid until his 19th bday.  At one point, we had 600k PHP in our BDO joint account and it's  now at 250k PHP.  My son's BDO savings account has accumulated now to 180k PHP.

⦁    (FINANCIAL - ISSUE #4) 
We aren't paying rent or mortgage, so aside from costs of continued home improvement projects, you'd think a monthly budget of $2,000 USD would easily cover our expenses.  Yet, the monthly budget is closer to $3,000 USD.  This is because instead of a family of 4-6, I'm literally now supporting a family of around 10-12 people.  Even though her nanay and bunso are working here and probably their combined incomes are around 35k PHP.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that my son lives near his cousins, aunties, etc.  But as most of us know, finances are often a big stresser and cause of relationship problems.

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ISSUE #5)
Shortly after we moved here (Oct 2018), my spouse started to spend less time with me.  She would sleep in sala or other kwarto and our love life (inclucesintimacy) became but non-existent.  I understand and agree kids are first priority, but neither of us work.  I even hired a tutor to help her anak so my spouse didn't have to spend as much time helping her anak with homework.  Yet, she now spends more time talking tsismis (gossip) with her ate, cousins and aunties.  She rarely if ever spends night in the master kwarto with me and it's been over 6 mo's since we were last intimate.  Again, prior to moving to her family house from our foreclosed house, she spend every night with me in master bedroom upstairs.  Only exception if me, her or anak sick (understandable).

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ATTEMPTS TO RESOLVE ISSUE #5)
I tried to improve our relationship by talking with her a year ago when these issues became a problem for me. I suggested we (only the 2 of us) go on a "date night" once per month and our family (only 4 of us) go on a vacation 2 times a year.  Instead, any "vacation" involves hiring a driver and bringing along at least 10 of the klan with me footing the bill.  That's not what I had in mind.  I even just started going on "date nights" by myself to get out.  

Communication is very important in a healthy relationship.  There have been occasions I've asked my spouse to tell her family to stop blocking driveway with kotse or tricycles, as it makes it difficult and risky fo me to get in/out.  Yet they continue to do it.  I also ask her to have workers fix "ramp" to patio where we park motorcycle/scooter, several times because it was a hazard.  Once the driveway was blocked so I took back route along walkway past sari-sari store.  On returning, I tried to park on porch, but front wheel hit "curb" along patio and I ended up losing balance and having motorcycle fall on me.  I then talk (never angry or argue) with spouse, saying I told her at least 3 times to have that fixed.  She yells, "You tell them yourself!" and "Ok, it's all my (her) fault).  Then I did get upset telling her don't put words into my mouth I did not say, I'm only talking.  She thinks talking about problems = argument.  No one is to blame, it's communicating there is a problem that needs us to fix.

⦁    (RELATIONSHIP - ISSUE #6)
I spoke to my family in the US, my eldest sister is RN who works in Bay Area, CA with many Filipinas.  I also have 2 OFW Filipina friends to which I discussed the formentioned issues with my spouse, financially and romantically, along with my reasonable attempts to resolve them.  All of them concurred independently.  That it sounds like her family is taking me for granted because of my money.  That it's ridiculous spending $3,000/mo "out in province" at pamilya bahay (no rent/mortgage).  Plus that asawa ko not want to help me with my illness, or spend time with me instead of her pamilya (ate, cousins, aunties, etc), sleep in sala o other kwarto, not in master kwarto with me anymore.

BTW - I've told her if I die, my SSDI benefits of $2,400/mo die with me.  Foreign spouses can only inherit SSA SS benefits, not SSDI.  However, she would continue to receive my dependents's SSDI benefits of $1,200/mo until his 19th bday.  So you'd think asawa ko would have an incentive to keep me happy and healthy. 

⦁    (THE ADVICE SO FAR)
They all say I should stop wiring money from US to our BDO joint account and save my money.  First, because she could kick me out anytime with just clothes on my back and her family lives around us here on our block.  So I'm at a high risk of becoming "homeless" with only whatever cash that only I have access to.  That the $1,200/mo benefit my son receives from SSDI is plenty to support the family.  Not to worry about my anak, he is well loved and taken care of here.  Save up my money and move out and rent/buy small bahay (72sqm 2bd/1ba) in Zamabales, recommended within walking distance of coast between San Antonia to Iba has some affordable (20-30k php/mo) places to rent or buy.  I could hire part-time caregiver/maid to visit 2x week for 5-10k php/mo.  They say more expats there (resort areas), avoid Pamanga (Angeles Clark) and Zambles (Subic/Olangapo) not as safe for somone with my health issues.  Plus if I need medical treatment, Zambales coast is only 2-3 hr bus ride to Subic or Angeles medical facilities.

Thanks for your patience and any advice you can offer me.  Who knows, my story could become a novela on ABS-CBN or GMA.
What say you?

I think that the advice you have received so far is pretty good.. I would be gone if I was treated like that.

[Marvin Boggs]

I'll offer some observations:

1- It seems you used to be in the 'drivers seat', but upon moving to the family home you are now in the back seat.  This no doubt plays a role in the physical relationship, as practically speaking you are not as essential to imo asawa as you were before.  

2- Your 'rich foreigner' status has been tarnished by the financial troubles you are experiencing.  This is a lesson to us all, about what happens when or if we end up becoming dependent on the local family.  Suddenly the respect goes away, they won't fix your ramp, maybe won't offer you a cold beer anymore, etc.  IDK the extent of it, but is seems like there are symptoms of disrespect creeping in. 

3- Your health status may be giving the rest of the family an inkling that you could become an albatross around their necks, rather than the family savior.  I could have it completely wrong, so please don't take offense.  

 

In my opinion, a man needs to be in the driver's seat.  The alpha dog so to speak.  I wonder if you could switch things up by making a move back to the States.  Take your son.  Offer to take your wife if she is willing.  Provide a fork in the road for her to choose.  You would have your family support in the US, so I'm assuming you would not starve.  And if her love for you is genuine, she would come along and build a new life there.  

[hk blues]

14 minutes ago, Marvin Boggs said:

I'll offer some observations:

1- It seems you used to be in the 'drivers seat', but upon moving to the family home you are now in the back seat.  This no doubt plays a role in the physical relationship, as practically speaking you are not as essential to imo asawa as you were before.  

2- Your 'rich foreigner' status has been tarnished by the financial troubles you are experiencing.  This is a lesson to us all, about what happens when or if we end up becoming dependent on the local family.  Suddenly the respect goes away, they won't fix your ramp, maybe won't offer you a cold beer anymore, etc.  IDK the extent of it, but is seems like there are symptoms of disrespect creeping in. 

3- Your health status may be giving the rest of the family an inkling that you could become an albatross around their necks, rather than the family savior.  I could have it completely wrong, so please don't take offense.  

 

In my opinion, a man needs to be in the driver's seat.  The alpha dog so to speak.  I wonder if you could switch things up by making a move back to the States.  Take your son.  Offer to take your wife if she is willing.  Provide a fork in the road for her to choose.  You would have your family support in the US, so I'm assuming you would not starve.  And if her love for you is genuine, she would come along and build a new life there.  

I think there is much sense in what you've said but I'm not 100% in agreement about the last sentence - there could be a multitude of reasons why someone is unable to up sticks and move to another country regardless of the strength of one's love.  

[ITGeek]

2 hours ago, Marvin Boggs said:

I'll offer some observations:

1- It seems you used to be in the 'drivers seat', but upon moving to the family home you are now in the back seat.  This no doubt plays a role in the physical relationship, as practically speaking you are not as essential to imo asawa as you were before.  

2- Your 'rich foreigner' status has been tarnished by the financial troubles you are experiencing.  This is a lesson to us all, about what happens when or if we end up becoming dependent on the local family.  Suddenly the respect goes away, they won't fix your ramp, maybe won't offer you a cold beer anymore, etc.  IDK the extent of it, but is seems like there are symptoms of disrespect creeping in. 

Not sure if you understand, my income source from US never stopped.  It was initially $4,200 USD/mo with pension from my former employer.  That employer stopped pension payments exactly 1 yr after my voluntarily accepting their early retirement offer.  I'm not only one in that boat by the former employer.  My first attempt to restore pension failed at arbitration.  Since that time, I was diagnoses with "Early Onset Dementia at 54 yo".  This qualified me for US SSDI benefits for both me and my dependent son (US Citizenship).  I receive $2,400/mo deposited into my US bank account, my son's benefits are $1,200/mo and deposited into his BDO savings account with my wife listed as the trustee until his 19th bday.  So we actually receive a total of $3,600/mo in SSDI benefits.  She has no access to my $2,400/mo benefits, but she does to my son's $1,200/mo as trustee.  So her family has never lent me money, only my US family (father) helped once my savings/401k accounts ran out until I received SSDI benefits in July 2018   So by all means, I'm still the "rich foreigner' status.  Her family never supported us financially, it's always been my/son's money support my wife's family here.

3- Your health status may be giving the rest of the family an inkling that you could become an albatross around their necks, rather than the family savior.  I could have it completely wrong, so please don't take offense. 

Plausible, but thankfully I'm only in the early stages and still have functionality to where i don't require constant caregiver attention.

In my opinion, a man needs to be in the driver's seat.  The alpha dog so to speak.  I wonder if you could switch things up by making a move back to the States.  Take your son.  Offer to take your wife if she is willing.  Provide a fork in the road for her to choose.  You would have your family support in the US, so I'm assuming you would not starve.  And if her love for you is genuine, she would come along and build a new life there.  

Due to me having a diagnosis of Early Onset Dementia, I can't be primary caregiver (full custody) of my son.  In addition, the higher cost of living in the US now would put me at well below the poverty level.  My best action I've been advised by my family in US and others all say would be to save my $2,400/mo, find a place nearby here in PI's to remain near my son, then move out.

Edit:  My father and brother are bother retired CPA's, my eldest sis is an RN, my twin sis is paralegal.  I was former engineer/it/security specialist in my former career.

It's important to note that my name is no longer on anything here, unlike my first house in Cabanatuan.  I could be kicked out without any legal recourse, in addition to her family members living around us puts me at a very high risk. 

See my responses above.

Edited February 16, 2020 by ITGeek
correction

[GeoffH]

I will make this observation... a relationship where there aren't physical reasons stopping intimacy that has 6 month gaps is in trouble.

It appears that talking hasn't helped, if it was me I would be looking to rent a place at least 4 hours away from your family and stop putting your money into the joint account.  Then just go. 

After you're there contact your wife and invite her to come....

Edited February 16, 2020 by GeoffH

[Marvin Boggs]

Even though your income level in the States may be borderline poverty level, I'd wager with your background you could pick up some consulting work to boost things up.  If your asawa came with you, she would be dependent on you once again, which is a much better situation for the intimacy.  And every Pinay I ever met dreams of living in the US, so you may have a fair bit of cooperation from her about the idea.  

Seems like being a primary caregiver or not, regarding your son, would only be an issue if you were headed for separation or divorce (which I don't recommend).  Its a sticky situation, and I hope you keep us updated.

Your other advice about moving to a different location in Phils sounds like an improvement, I just foresee it as potentially lonely if she doesn't come with you.

[Arizona Kid]

5 hours ago, ITGeek said:

What say you?

I say that nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them. Grow a pair! 

[ITGeek]

1 hour ago, Marvin Boggs said:

Even though your income level in the States may be borderline poverty level, I'd wager with your background you could pick up some consulting work to boost things up.  If your asawa came with you, she would be dependent on you once again, which is a much better situation for the intimacy.  And every Pinay I ever met dreams of living in the US, so you may have a fair bit of cooperation from her about the idea.  

Seems like being a primary caregiver or not, regarding your son, would only be an issue if you were headed for separation or divorce (which I don't recommend).  Its a sticky situation, and I hope you keep us updated.

Your other advice about moving to a different location in Phils sounds like an improvement, I just foresee it as potentially lonely if she doesn't come with you.

I greatly appreciate your responses and suggestions.

I understand how expensive and long divorce (even legal separation is treated the same) takes here.   The legal issue with custody would be my Early On Set Dementia disqualifies me as being sole parent for my son, especially the US.  Moving to the US is not an option to me, as I am considered permanently disabled with no chance of recovery status.  This means I can't work at all.  All health issue aside, I was advised (since my son is also a Filipino Citizen) that it could be considered kidnapping if I just took off to the US with my US Citizen son.

In regards to asawa ko immigrating, that would be an expensive process because I would have to refile for both her and her anak as well.  I already previously filed I-130 CR1/IR1 in US back in 2015 until I learned she was pregnant.  Everyone agreed the best option back then was for me to move here to the Philippines.  Since then I had withdrawn the I-130 CR1/IR1 visa application for asawa ko and her anak.  This option is not only expensive, but would not improve our relationship problems on a number of different levels. I'm sure many here would advise against this as well, because of the legal implications of divorce in a US court vs Philippines.  Alimony, child support etc.  Simply put, I would be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Yes, it may seem like I would be lonely.  However, staying in a toxic relationship and environment here is adversely impacting my health in my present situation.  I have to rely upon the advice of my US family and those in here for the best course of action to get myself into a more practical, healthy environment from a financial, emotional and stability perspective. 

It is my impression should I decide to move out on my own, I would become "shunned" by her family.  However, my hope is to remain and live close by here in the Philippines is that I could still be a part of my son's life.

Again, thanks so much for your thoughts and suggestions!

[ITGeek]

20 minutes ago, Arizona Kid said:

I say that nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them. Grow a pair! 

Well said!  I've bit my tongue so many times, but you know how it's all about saving face here in the PI's.  I'm the foreigner living in her family house, surrounded by her family.  So I've avoided confrontation, as you know the foreigner will always lose here in all aspects.  It's their country and also wouldn't be able to outrun her relatives chasing me down with bolo's.