Bar Girls

[No name]

I've wondered, how many of the girls that are pressured by family to do this kind of work are there because the family actually and directly pushed them to do so or they just pressured the girls to earn money.I know it goes both ways. Sometimes mothers pass the trade down to their daughters even. I've known of mothers that try to sell their daughters. I've known of fathers doing the same thing.I think also though, most the girls working the bars are pressed to make money. Then the family pretends not to know how they are doing it.I know a lot of bar girls and not a single one of them talks about it. They usually go to great lengths to hide that they even work in AC if that is where they work. I know probably 30 girls that work in AC from facebook. The only reason I know they work there is one of them was a girlfriend of my friend. He told me. The first one I made friends with on Facebook I had no idea that's what she did. Know I know a lot of her friends on facebook do the same work. It is easy to tell from the pictures once you know what to look for.One of the girls has pictures of her from inside one of the bars. Not a single one of the other girls do.I'll soon have the chance to learn much more about the bar girl life. Like most human conditions, I find learning about people to be fascinating. I can usually get people to open up to me because I am so open and because I don't judge.When I found out my friend was a bar girl, I sent her a text and told her I knew and that she didn't need to hide it from me. All I would do is give her a hug and tell her it will be okay. Proud to have you as my friend. I'm curious about why she does it and if she likes it. She wont talk about it. The whole subject makes her extremely uncomfortable. I do pick up though, she likes part of it. It isi exciting for a 20 year old and she likes the money. She also thinks she's a bad person. That just breaks my heart.

[roy2cebu]

I saved your article. I intend to write about it as well. I saved it for a reminder.........................Hi Flirltilzier, that work is copyright!LOL!Maybe we could collaborate on any further writings you commence...

[Candyman]

I've wondered, how many of the girls that are pressured by family to do this kind of work are there because the family actually and directly pushed them to do so or they just pressured the girls to earn money.I know it goes both ways. Sometimes mothers pass the trade down to their daughters even. I've known of mothers that try to sell their daughters. I've known of fathers doing the same thing.I think also though, most the girls working the bars are pressed to make money. Then the family pretends not to know how they are doing it.I know a lot of bar girls and not a single one of them talks about it. They usually go to great lengths to hide that they even work in AC if that is where they work. I know probably 30 girls that work in AC from facebook. The only reason I know they work there is one of them was a girlfriend of my friend. He told me. The first one I made friends with on Facebook I had no idea that's what she did. Know I know a lot of her friends on facebook do the same work. It is easy to tell from the pictures once you know what to look for.One of the girls has pictures of her from inside one of the bars. Not a single one of the other girls do.I'll soon have the chance to learn much more about the bar girl life. Like most human conditions, I find learning about people to be fascinating. I can usually get people to open up to me because I am so open and because I don't judge.When I found out my friend was a bar girl, I sent her a text and told her I knew and that she didn't need to hide it from me. All I would do is give her a hug and tell her it will be okay. Proud to have you as my friend. I'm curious about why she does it and if she likes it. She wont talk about it. The whole subject makes her extremely uncomfortable. I do pick up though, she likes part of it. It isi exciting for a 20 year old and she likes the money. She also thinks she's a bad person. That just breaks my heart.

Very well said Flirtilizer ! I could not have said it better myself. Over the years I have known a lot of different Bargirls, and a few of them remain good friends to this day. I feel sorry for a lot of them, maybe as much as 80 to 90% are doing this job, just to support the family, and absolutely have no choice, the other 10 to 20% are the real hard core girls, who would do this job anywhere on earth. One girl in particular, that is a close friiend, and has been a friend of the family for years, is a particularly sad example. She was legally married to a Pinoy, and had two little kids, a girl first, then 2 years later a boy. A couple of months after the boy was born the husband took off to greener pastures, leaving my friend to fend for herself, with no job, no money, and two little kids to feed. To save money, she and the two kids moved back to the "farm" where her father lived, with two younger sisters and two younger brothers, all of which were really struggling to even go to school. I think at the time, only one of the other four siblings were going to school. Her mother had died a few months before, and the father was still in debt for medical bills and funeral expenses, and al;so liked the bottle too much, which is not a good combination for a poor rice farmer !. Before long, it became obvious to my friend, that if anything was ever going to happen to improve the quality of life, not only for herself, but for her two little kids, and her two brothers and sisters, then it was up to her to do something about it. She made the decision to leave her two little kids in the care of the next eldest sister, and scraped and scrounged enough money to buy passage to Cebu. This was the first time ever that she had been off her own home island. She was one of the lucky ones. literally within hours, she had landed herself a job, at a well known Cebu club, and it is little wonder, because even though she had already had two kids, she was, (and still is), a natural beauty, and an asset to any club of this sort. She started off with no "set" wage, meaning she lived off the commisions of ladies drinks, which at the time was about 40 pesos. Within days, she learnt to dance, and to dance really well, then the club offered her 100 pesos a day to dance as well as the commision on ladies drinks. This was a just about a subsistance level, and it was not long before she went on her first barfine, and because she was so attractive she was always in demand. She always told me, it was her decision whether to go with anyone ofr not, and she was always pretty selective on who she went with. Never with drunks, or "trailer trash" types, and she always tried to see it as a "date". Over the past three years or so, she has managed to put every sibling through school, and to provide for her family. She often said to me, that she would "chop their necks", if her sisters ever did what she did for a living. Her little kids were growing by this time, and i said to her once, "what are you going to tell your kids, when they start asking??" and this question kept haunting her for quite some time. To cut a long story short, and due to a few circumstances i was able to manage her way, eventually she got, a nice little windfall. With this, she put herself through high school, and set up a small sari sari store near her father's home, and takes on laundry work as well. It is not much, but it is enough to survive on, as some of the elder sisters and brothers have now left home and are also helping to support the others. She is one lady I have a great deal of admiration for. She had the guts and determination to make a difference, regardless of the personal sacrifices, and I wish her every happiness, and I hope all her dreams come true one day ! She did a job, that I do not think I could ever do, all for the love of her family.

[roy2cebu]

Yes Candyman,I know a girl with similar traits and situations. Could almost be the same girl but it isn't.As you said.....She is one lady I have a great deal of admiration for. She had the guts and determination to make a difference, regardless of the personal sacrifices, and I wish her every happiness, and I hope all her dreams come true one day !My sentiments exactly...welcome to the club!

[Candyman]

Yes, Roy, she is one of many examples. I could go on and on with different stories, but they are all in a similiar vein. Not one of the girls I know would do that job if there was really any substantial choice, but for some, especially those that could not afford a better education there is no choice. One thing I have noticed about almost every Filipina, whether they be bargirl or not, is their staunch loyalty to their immediate families, and something that is sadly lacking in western cultures. Nothing is too much trouble for the survival of the family, and some of the sacrifices I have seen made, by some of these girls, just to give a better life to their kids, or brothers and sisters, is nothing short of amazining. I doubt very much that I could do it.My friend also had dreams of meeting and marrying a nice "foreigner", so she could, herself have a better life, but she often said to me : "I am too maldita ! nobody would want me for a wife" My reply to her was always to think positive, because if anyone deserved a better life, it was her ! I am glad, she has already bettered herself, and I am honoured to be her friend. I hope one day, that she finds what she is looking for.

[ekimswish]

Yes, this country has a LOT of bargirls, and bikini bars...as do many third world poor countries...but I was in Subic Bay in the Navy during it's infamous sexual disneyland days, and Jake can attest that most of these girls were looking for a ticket to the USA...and there was a reason they were called LBFM's ....as said, I aint no saint, but to say they are all doing this because of the situation is not giving props to the side of the girls who are poor, and yet...NOT becoming bargirls. Should we not give them some credit for having what some would call morals, vs those who make a choice to do what SOME people would consider degrading? Would you want your daughter selling herself, or your son pimping?

While I sympathize with the plight of the poor and how they make one of the ultimate sacrifices for the sake of their family, it's insulting to other girls to say there's no choice, when many choose not to. One problem I see with the Philippines is people often seem to be looking for the easy way out, and tend to lack discipline. Not an expert on Spain myself, but my wife blames Spanish rule for this cultural problem. For example, while a lot of OFW's go abroad to make good cash and support their families, I think it's been one of their biggest set-backs in development. A lot of that talent and education has gone to waste in a factory in South Korea, or as a laborer in Saudi, rather than have their combined creative genius invested in the Philippines itself, with the support of the government or without it. What should have been the Philippines' middle class was exported across the globe, and left the undereducated at home to deal with the elite. BIG MISTAKE. And while this thread is about bar girls in the Philippines, let's not forget the huge number of "talents" working abroad in Japanese nightclubs, or nearby US army bases. All these girls are recruited to go abroad to work in a band and entertain, but no small number of them end up in prostitution, sometimes by choice, and sometimes by coercion. All of them have the hope of marrying an American soldier, or a rich Japanese. A LOT OF THEM ARE EDUCATED!!!And this whole thing of supporting the family has got to have limitations. My wife's ex is 30+ years old, doesn't work, but gets plenty of women pregnant. His younger brother is abroad as a seamen sending money home to "support" them. NEVER SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO WORK! It's a farce. A giant farce. They send money home to support laziness. Toooo many Filipinos (by no means all) turn up their nose at an honest days work because they can get the same amount of money from their OFW or foreign-married relative. It's DISGUSTING. The really disturbing part about it to me is that many of the bar girls are attempting to imitate it. YES, some are truly desparate. NO, they're not all desparate. I'm in no position to judge who's desparate and who's not, so I won't judge at all. Even if someone is doing the work because they enjoy it and just wanna buy luxury goods like LV bags, I won't judge them. That's their right. I don't care. But, they absolutely have a choice. ps: Roy, I still really liked your article. I agree with 90% of it. And while they don't have much of a choice... IMO they have a choice. Edited November 3, 2010 by ekimswish

[roy2cebu]

The choice depends on what standard of living they want. If they want to pay for their kids' education. Or whatever else they perceive as their responsibilty. And that's why most should be applauded. Taking responsibility. Not being the usual 'hand out, gimme!' mentality that is prevalent.Earn a potential p5,000 per week or wash a few clothes now and then for P150 and exist, having no real hope for the future.

[ekimswish]

The choice depends on what standard of living they want. If they want to pay for their kids' education. Or whatever else they perceive as their responsibilty. And that's why most should be applauded. Taking responsibility. Not being the usual 'hand out, gimme!' mentality that is prevalent.Earn a potential p5,000 per week or wash a few clothes now and then for P150 and exist, having no real hope for the future.

That's true when that's the case. I guess the point I'm making is there are a lot of girls who are not that desperate, but still do it for the LV bag. I have no idea what the split would be, like if it's 80% desperate and 20% not, or it's closer to 50/50, or if it's even 40/60. I really don't know, but like Flirtilizer said, I won't judge them one way or the other. If a girl does it for her family, that's great / sad. If she does it for an LV bag, that's her right. I'm just saying that even the LV-chasers could make themselves seem desperate if it were to earn them LV-points. Much respect Roy. I like where you're coming from. And like Inspector said, there're a few more sides to the story to keep it in perspective. To each their own.

[roy2cebu]

For sure...

[Jake]

Bloody Hell!When I initiated this topic was hoping my 'essay' could be 'read between the lines'. Was trying to put a sympathetic view to the girls' situation and wondered if anyone had the same view. Elsewhere they have been labelled whores, etc.Now we have a situation where another member puts in a link...which is readily available anyway on the lower part of this forums home page about nitelife...no condemnation or warning there from admin.And I didn't see any reference to sexpats, any mentioned names or evidence of stalking in that members post.Joking apart...I am seriously confused how this has gone.Maybe we could , if worthwhile now, see if there is any sympathy to the girls', as I hoped to convey at the start.If not, so be it.

Well, that was Travelers opinion that they are all whores, and in all honesty some people might also have that view. It's just an opinion, and while the situation is too broad to paint, as each case is different....weather the girl, or the area, selling your body is not something I would approve of if it was my daughter. Now, as I said...I could care less about bargirls and believe they should legalize it in America ....just giving my opinion as that seems to be what you are asking for....and that opinion might not be approval from you. Sorry, but your article was not so bad and some may agree with it, as I can..... I only had an issue about a link to a site that does indeed contain the infamous trike patrol porns from Angeles City and some very hardcore usage of pinays, vs a VERY strange french guys obsession to out a few expats as sexpats...and while I do NOT approve of this guys methods, he does have some actual facts on that site, along with his slandering bullshet. Yes, this country has a LOT of bargirls, and bikini bars...as do many third world poor countries...but I was in Subic Bay in the Navy during it's infamous sexual disneyland days, and Jake can attest that most of these girls were looking for a ticket to the USA...and there was a reason they were called LBFM's ....as said, I aint no saint, but to say they are all doing this because of the situation is not giving props to the side of the girls who are poor, and yet...NOT becoming bargirls. Should we not give them some credit for having what some would call morals, vs those who make a choice to do what SOME people would consider degrading? Would you want your daughter selling herself, or your son pimping?

Hey guys,Your essay Roy of sexual exploitation of women whether it was their choice or not, should be read by the virgin expat who still has a heart like yours. I could also see Inspector's side of the practical use of brothels -- after all, it's the oldest profession in the world and the flesh market in Asian is still a lucrative business, especially around military bases, as Ekimswish pointed out. As you may know, the Philippines does not have the monopoly ofthis business. The same business thrives in Bangkok, New Delhi, Moscow, Las Vegas, New York City etc, etc.......although, one can argue whetherit was their choice or not, depending on the location. But in developing countries such as the Philippines, it only takes another calamity to fill the bars with fresh young girls. In this case, some daughterswere sold to the highest bidder because the poor farmer lost everything due to floods, earthquakes or a major eruption, like Mt Pinatubo in 1991.In the farmer's desperation to feed the starving family, what would you do if you have a teenage daughter?? I don't know if I would have the heart orcourage or morals to make a decision one way or the other -- it was a loss, loss situation for thousands of displaced and desperate families duringthat time. And unfortunately, it will not be the last.As a Filipino, I really appreciate your sincere kindness in trying to understand and eventually empathize with some of these exploited women. ShouldI dare say that possibly you guys (Roy2Cebu, Ekimswish, Flirtilizer, Inspector, Candyman) could put a book together in the near future?I salute you all -- JakePS -- Hey Inspector, I almost swallowed my buggers laughing at your comment about LBFM's -- haven't heard that in a long time!