Going Broke Supporting Older Siblings Health Issues

[i am bob]

In my "trying to meet someone through the online dating sites" days long ago, I asked one girl what we should do if we should live together and her family would ask too often for money... I loved her idea....

She simply said "If they keep asking us for money (because of me being a rich foreigner), then I will start asking them for money first."

Perhaps this would be a great way to let them know that we are not as rich as they think and that they shouldn't always be asking for money!

:mocking:

[Mike S]

then I will start asking them for money first

You may just have something there Bob ..... if YOU ask for money first that must mean that you don't have any money to lend (give away) .... so they shouldn't expect any .... :thumbsup: ....... :cheersty:

[Bundy]

Whatever I give is never going to be enough

Yes, very true. The more you give, the more they will think you have.

These people just need to be put in their place every now and then. They won't get angry and they will accept it.If you don't do this early on, you will be heavily burdened for the rest of your married days and that can add considerable strain.

Lay some ground rules down NOW and you'll be much happier.

[earthdome]

I just had this discussion with my gf today. Based on our discussion I now have confidence in her handling these situations and she understands that I will be on a budget. She even made a point of telling me to be careful and not let people there know about money and finances or show expensive things.

I have to admit that we had a rocky start to our relationship when we met in person due to our personalities, cultural differences and communication issues. But those have all been resolved now and things are going very well. It just took some patience and time. I may very well have found "the one."

[MikeeW]

Something that has worked quite well for me and my wife. If family want to borrow money, I will make a loan with the condition it get pad as agreed upon. Whatever terms are sensible. We're talking about 10,000 pesos at any one time. So far, the loans have all been paid back. The simple condition was, pay on time or don't ask again.

That is for immediate family (siblings). For other relative a bit further from the tree or neighbors, simple rule. "Ask my husband". It works quite well. I have had less than a handful ask me directly in the past decade.

[Curley]

Something that has worked quite well for me and my wife. If family want to borrow money, I will make a loan with the condition it get pad as agreed upon. Whatever terms are sensible. We're talking about 10,000 pesos at any one time. So far, the loans have all been paid back. The simple condition was, pay on time or don't ask again.

That is for immediate family (siblings). For other relative a bit further from the tree or neighbors, simple rule. "Ask my husband". It works quite well. I have had less than a handful ask me directly in the past decade.

Rather than "Ask my husband" I think I'll get mine to say " I don't have any money, my husband pays for everything for me."

If they're brave enough to come to me for money then I'll use the same parameters as MikeeW

[Ashanti]

Well guys, if you have problems – have a little thought to the wife and whats its like for her she has independent means.

Everytime I come home I have to play hide and seek. I have no problems with my immediate family but my extended family are the pits! Unfortunately, my mother is the weak link and our Achilles hill which the parasites know so well. So I have to be extra careful I don’t let loose and play hide and seek instead.

Saying that, on the last day of my stay, I do give them some money which I let my mother distribute herself. It seems to work, as they stop pestering me now except that they keep coming to our house to join us in our day outs. So if I don’t want a battalion for an entourage, hide and seek I play :)

[stevewool]

i understand what you are saying here, my wife was in the same position, living at home but working , then had to give it up to look after her mum, then after the illness she died, then she moved in with her sister to help her with the children, to me she was just there to help nothing else but try saying that to her, anyway after courting and then getting engaged amnd moving to england my em was a free women, after getting married and finding work it was not long before the messagers was coming, can yo give me this and that, in the end i told her the money goes into my account and if they want anything you will have to ask me and then they will, we have never been bothered at all, yes if there was sickness in the family we would be there to help, but all her family work and they earn very very well, all the kids in private education and doing after school stuff, i remember saying to Em what does you dad think about you coming here, all he wants is for me to be happy in my life he said, and i am, the funny thing here is that her dad has never ever asked for anything at all

[Dr. Cockroach]

In my case, I am proud to be called a bitch :)

I tend to say things as they are. If people get upset about hearing my truth, then it's their issue.

I don't see why I should be making excuses or play hide and seek when I didn't do anything?

OK .. Go ahead .. Bash me. It's a free country but for some reason, everything costs money !?:(

[Ashanti]

In my case, I am proud to be called a bitch :)

I tend to say things as they are. If people get upset about hearing my truth, then it's their issue.

I don't see why I should be making excuses or play hide and seek when I didn't do anything?

OK .. Go ahead .. Bash me. It's a free country but for some reason, everything costs money !? :(

Its okey to be blunt if theres no one you care gets hurt and left vulnerable as direct results of your action. Especially if youre not around to shield her with their malicious darts!!!