Lying... For Self Preservation ( Not For Fun And Profit)

[lyno 47]

As stated in other posts on this subject telling lies can only lead to trouble.You tell one lie then you have to remember when and who you told it too.it will eventually end up  that you have to tell so many just to cover the first one. cheers

[i am bob]

I think we have 2 schools of thought on this one - lying is ok to weed out the scammers AND lying is not good at any time in a possible relationship.  We seem to all fit into one school or the other and that's about it.

 

Anybody else think we've beat this one to death or is there a different school we haven't looked at yet?

 

:unsure:

[Thomas]

I think we have 2 schools of thought on this one - lying is ok to weed out the scammers AND lying is not good at any time in a possible relationship.  We seem to all fit into one school or the other and that's about it.

 

Anybody else think we've beat this one to death or is there a different school we haven't looked at yet?

 

:unsure:

Well. No, I don't believe we have two schools of THAT part  :)  

I have no problem to lie to CROOKS,

but the problem with Bruce's solution is if lying as Bruce said, then the GOOD ones are lied to too...

[Mike S]

Guess I already had my say but I can't help thing how unhappy I would be if I found out later my asawa had told me little white lies just so she could tell me what I wanted to hear ...... and just for the record I was involved with online dating for perhaps about 3-4 years and never once did anyone ask me how much money I made ...... they did ask what I did for a living and I told them but that is just normal because every girl I have ever dated here or in the US asked me what I did for a living ..... that's why it is on the profiles of ALL date site members ..... now some don't answer or say "I'll tell you later" .... and i have no problem with that ..... but that is me .... :thumbsup: ....... OK I'm done ........ :mocking: :cheersty:

[Classic Dry]

I understand what Bruce is saying, sort of.

Personally I don't see the need to lie. Don't see the need to pour my heart out either, or talk about the state of my finances.

 

What I don't understand is why would any man put himself in a position to be taken advantage of, before making sure of his woman. 

( or even after )

Ok, we can afford to visit the Phils, therefore we are comparatively rich. Rolex or Timex doesn't matter. We are all potential targets.

Sorry, but if you get taken for a ride by some scheming woman, it's your fault.

 

As far as internet dating sites are concerned, been there, done that, got the tee shirt. Doesn't work for me. But I'm happy to see it works for some.

You can tell so much more from 1 hr face to face with a female, than 3 months of emails and webcam stuff.

When I get there I may invite women from the site for coffee and see how it goes.

Edited March 29, 2013 by Classic Dry

[JJReyes]

The problem with this post is the use of the word, "Lying." which is subject to an individual's interpretation, background and experience as to meaning. A better word might be "embellishment" or the phrase, "presumptive deniability."

 

Embellishment is similar to preparing your resume. "Varsity team basketball player," even though you were a bench warmer. You don't include information that you are a heavy drinker or the fact that you couldn't get along with your last three bosses. Is this being dishonest?

 

Presumptive deniability is when you are dating a girl and make the comment, "I am really not that rich."  Is this a true statement or modesty on your part? The word "rich" itself is subject to interpretation. J. Paul Getty, a billionaire would get upset whenever someone described him using that word. He would angrily respond, "I am not rich! Rich is John D. Rockefeller." He was very sincere about it and from his perspective actually correct.

 

So your date listens to your words denying wealth, but you are wearing brand name clothes; expensive shoes; a nice watch and gold jewelry around your neck. You have told her the truth, but she presumes otherwise. At last! She has found her sugar daddy! The rest of the evening she will be the sweetest thing ever.

[Dougbert]

Lying from the start seems like a really bad idea to me.  I took the path of cautious optimism when dipping my toes into the online dating shark pool.  Some women were obviously after the wallet.  I had a pretty full profile including my occupation, yet one girl chatted me up and right at the beginning asked what my job was (bad sign--just sitting at the IT cafe quick browsing the new profiles for targets).  When I told her "I'm an engineer" she responded with "I love engineers!!"  I'll bet you do, honey.  Another one's second chat message was something along the lines of "God has sent you to me!"  8-o  I sent one girl a comment on a picture of her with her grandmother--I really liked it.  She responded with something about her being in the hospital and hints about money. 

 

But when I first chatted with the woman who is now my GF (since last May) I knew something was different.  After a short while we made the commitment to be exclusive and always honest with each other.  It hasn't always been easy, but we trust each other and things are going quite well.  I'm heading over next month for my third trip.  As soon as I obtain employment (lost it a couple of months back) I'll be doing the I-129F dance--not ready for retirement yet.

 

I think you just have to use your wits, pay attention, ask questions, and be honest (including saying "I'm not comfortable telling you that yet." if necessary).  When red flags go up, tell her.  Most people are not really that good at extended deception.

[MikeB]

The problem with this post is the use of the word, "Lying." which is subject to an individual's interpretation, background and experience as to meaning.

I don't agree with that and I'm not smart (or intuitive) enough to know what the OP "meant". I can only go by what he wrote. A lawn worker saying he's a stock broker is not an "embellishment". Not even close. The word "lie", as both a verb and noun, was used 11 times in the opening post to convey his point. That's clear enough for me.

[Bruce]

The problem with this post is the use of the word, "Lying." which is subject to an individual's interpretation, background and experience as to meaning.

I don't agree with that and I'm not smart (or intuitive) enough to know what the OP "meant". I can only go by what he wrote. A lawn worker saying he's a stock broker is not an "embellishment". Not even close. The word "lie", as both a verb and noun, was used 11 times in the opening post to convey his point. That's clear enough for me.

 

How true... 11 times? I was not counting. But I do not remember posting about lying in a relationship. Only downsizing your position in life as to avoid scammers.

 

There is a TV show about "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire" and their clone shows. These guys are setting themselves up for a relationship failure by being willing (and paid) targets for TV drama. But the principle is the same here. The higher your status financially, the greater number of scammers you attract.  

 

Nothing was said about lying to the wife.... just a few downsize lies to shake off the scammers so the more quality minded women can be seen......

 

I fail to see.... mike B..... why you seem to take this personally. :th_interesting: Would you be satisfied if I said 'lying by ommission' or fibbing? :cheersty:

[davewe]

 

The problem with this post is the use of the word, "Lying." which is subject to an individual's interpretation, background and experience as to meaning.

I don't agree with that and I'm not smart (or intuitive) enough to know what the OP "meant". I can only go by what he wrote. A lawn worker saying he's a stock broker is not an "embellishment". Not even close. The word "lie", as both a verb and noun, was used 11 times in the opening post to convey his point. That's clear enough for me.

 

How true... 11 times? I was not counting. But I do not remember posting about lying in a relationship. Only downsizing your position in life as to avoid scammers.

 

There is a TV show about "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire" and their clone shows. These guys are setting themselves up for a relationship failure by being willing (and paid) targets for TV drama. But the principle is the same here. The higher your status financially, the greater number of scammers you attract.  

 

Nothing was said about lying to the wife.... just a few downsize lies to shake off the scammers so the more quality minded women can be seen......

 

I fail to see.... mike B..... why you seem to take this personally. :th_interesting: Would you be satisfied if I said 'lying by ommission' or fibbing? :cheersty:

Bruce - While I admire many of your posts including the original one here, to now just say that you were only advocating "downsize lies" is not quite true. You also suggested telling women you had a wife back home. Not only is that more than a small lie it ends up being counter productive. Either you piss off a girl you actually like when the truth is revealed or you end up more likely to attract the scammers who would view such a guy as a player, happy to exchange her favors for cash and prizes.

 

I am no pollyanna and do sort of believe the "alls fair in love and war" adage. But there are better ways in my experience at ferreting out the bad ones. OTOH, I would be really happy to hear stories of men who have successfully forged relationships or marriage using this strategy.