Living With The Inlaws

[stevewool]

Does anyone here live with your partners family, if so how is it,

[Jake]

Does anyone here live with your partners family, if so how is it,

Three words -- HELL ON EARTH.......

[stevewool]

As always Jake straight to the point

[Methersgate]

The longer I know them, the more I like my outlaws; I might give it a go.

[robert k]

I did for a time and it was a great experience. I got to see exactly how they lived and they got to know me as not the preconceived notion they had of foreigners. My prospective father in law asked if I ever ate with my fingers, to which I replied "Of course not, I make them eat by themselves and I have never actually caught them eating." Confusion then laughter. I learned things that I could do to help that did not require tons of money to make their lives better and I spent a little money where it did look like it was needed like the new septic and block comfort room with room for a shower so everyone would not have to bathe 6 meters from the road at the hand pump. I bought them a $1200 motorcycle because the brother who owned the family motorcycle was getting married and moving away. This brother who was shy to ask for anything and who was always helpful, worked part time but he also borrowed a trike on his day off to ferry me and his sister around and I slipped him 500 piso over his sisters protest. I also gave him 10,000 piso as a wedding present. I went with my intended to pick up her parents medicine, father had had a stroke and mothers heart medication and saw that they were only buying a weeks worth. I insisted on paying for a months worth on the reasoning that I certainly hoped they would still be alive 8 days from then. I found that they had only a small mirror and I bought a couple large ones for the house. They already had a tv and dvd player, 2 fans, one of which I think they bought in anticipation of my arrival. The mother, Inday would not ask for anything for herself, so I bought her a new hat and attractive slippers to even things out because I had brought the men quality multitools as gifts, which they appreciated. I have a bad back and one day I lay on the floor and Inday was scandalized, believe me, I wish the plates I eat off of are always that clean. I learned that they made a modest living on the farm and cash was hard to come by. The walls of the house had dozens of 50 kilo sacks of rice stacked up around them, which I believe were their savings. They also had a few pigs and chickens.

 

Now for the bad. Not so bad was father being a bit calculating, wondering how much I might be persuaded to buy them. I think he really wanted a multicab instead of a motorcycle but the ones I saw were not going to be good value for the money and a brand new quality motorcycle that would stay running was going to be of more value, in my opinion. In that neighborhood, having a multicab would have made them affluent in one swoop. Sorry Dad.

 

One aunt, a retired schoolteacher, whose cynicism I think is primarily responsible for the end of my relationship with my intended. She thought I was loaded and she had some entanglements with foreigners before. I think it was her who told my intended that you had better keep looking in case this one doesn't come back. The aunt is someone who is listened to, former schoolteacher, experience with foreigners, but probably none like me. I never explained in great detail to her that 6 years ago I was paralyzed and lost everything and before 2 years ago I myself was practically a charity case and could not afford the plane ticket.Things are getting nothing but better for me now but at the time I did the best I could for them, lived with them and expected no better for myself except for the occasional trip to the net cafe that was necessary if I were to have an income in the future and internet on my phone so I could check my e-mail. If I could have stayed at that time, things would have been different but I was in the middle of a lawsuit (in which I did not succeed, but it had to be done) and could not stay. I think the aunt also was telling them after I returned to the states that I was loaded and playing them for fools, that they should be making demands for money, never mind that if they saved for 10 years they could not have done themselves what I did in 2 months, I gave them what I reasonably thought I could and maybe a bit more besides. They did pretty well at Christmas, 2 months later also. After that, they learned that I am really good at saying no.

 

I found my intended online at a dating site, 4 months later while we were planning our wedding and she tried to lie her way out of it, saying a friend was using her account, then admitted it was her. I had only caught her in a minor lie before about being sick and going to the doctor. I can't marry, live with, raise children with someone who thinks it's ok to tell me really poor lies. That girl is probably ruined but I wasn't the one who did it, that honor belongs to the aunt.

 

I didn't pick her for looks and she was a bit of an old maid at 27, or so she thought. I don't regret a thing. It was a great experience. If your other halfs family is a little more well to do, I would hope it would be an even more enjoyable experience. :tiphat:

[Jake]

 

Does anyone here live with your partners family, if so how is it,

Three words -- HELL ON EARTH.......

 

Allow me to further clarify -- personally, it was down and dirty and utterly a kill joy for me.  With multiple sisters in law,

the dreaded mother in law and a small white poodle that used my expensive floor standing speakers as a fire hydrant

to missing or stolen items to my military pension only lasting 3 weeks of every month (for several years) to borrowing

from a 5-6 loan shark.  Forget about your privacy or a quiet and peaceful night -- your electric bill will increase as their

high powered karaoke is blasting away well past midnight.  

 

Did I mentioned that my marriage was in serious jeopardy because nobody listened to me or respected me, especially

my wife.  She thought that her own mother was a saint......she was the most corrupt person I have ever met.  

 

Of course, many of you guys have found the right balance living with her extended family.  And therefore, I will never

categorized that ALL Filipino families behave that way.  As you may know, I escaped back to California (1997) after 7

years of hell.

 

I get no respect sometimes.......... 

[jpbago]

Three words-- I LOVE IT!

[MacBubba]

As I've mentioned before, my wife and I were married within 6 months of meeting, so not a lot of pre-planning went into our immediate future.  She was living with her mother and sister in a house with 3 bedrooms upstairs, and 2 unused bedrooms in the basement.

 

So, since their family does not believe in renting, it was decided that we would stay where she lived until we could buy our own home.  This we did, and it went splendidly!  My wife was the spoiled baby of the family, and by extension, I got spoiled as well.

 

Even after we bought our own home, we would always make sure to stop in for a quick visit each day, before heading home.  That was our routine, until my mother-in-law passed away three years ago.  Now we make a daily stop at the cemetery to light a candle and say a prayer.  We live only five minutes away, and my wife and I both feel better at the end of each day for having come to visit.

[scott h]

I can just picture the young Mr. Jake, (I was going to use the term Seaman, but I know this audience :unsure: ) returning from 6 months at sea. Sitting on an uncomfortable plastic sofa in his father in laws living room watching a bad tele novella plotting ways of killing his Mom in laws lapdog, while the young Mrs. Jake is sitting chatting a mile a minute with her sisters in the kitchen wasting valuable horizontal physical exercise time.

[Old55]

We stay with our family the majority of out time during our visits. Wonderful family we are lucky to have them host us. When PaPa pases most likely will have Momma move here to be with us. She spent several months with us last year and I was sorry to see her go.