Living With The Inlaws

[BrettGC]

Didn't do it long term, average was 6-8 weeks every couple of months when I visited, so can't state my experience other than that.  The family was already reasonably affluent (no Jake, not effluent, calm down), with Momma, SAO's younger bro and her 16yo daughter in residence.  We renovated the place into something more towards my minimal expectations: hot water, new roof, insulation (toilet paper!) etc.  Momma loved me, I loved her, she treated me like another son, she even gave me free reign in the kitchen once she worked out my culinary skills outmatched hers.  Bro, daughter and I used to have a lot of fun together, music, gaming, fishing and I taught them to swim. Other than the occasional, usual family tension, it was pretty good.  There were a couple of times when a wayward cousin from somewhere would drop in and intimate that they needed a loan but that was given short shrift once SAO explained that she still controlled the money!  They generally took off with their tails between their legs.  Being the "richer" arm of the extended family they were often asked to contribute more than normal to family celebrations but they did so willingly, it was "their way" and had been the case since well before I appeared on the scene.  I think the secret was SAO and I had our area upstairs, bedroom, bathroom and living room, and we taught them to respect that as a virtual private residence, which they did for the most part.  

 

Long term it probably would've worked out when I eventually arrived full time.  Everyone's story will be different Steve; try before you buy?

Edited September 25, 2014 by BrettGC

[Americano]

I believe a man was designed to be the head of his home and the leader of his family.  How can a man be the head of the house if he's living in another man's house or another man is living with him?  And, some mother-in-laws think they are the boss of the family so living with her will surely cause some big conflicts.

My wife and I make all of the rules in our home.  No one is going to live with us and tell us what to do.  We make the rules for visitors to follow.  I told her last night, don't worry about someone showing up at our door and saying they came to live with us uninvited. I hate that attitude so much that when they see how mad I am they will be running away as fast as they can.  Even the BS about someone coming to visit and asking for money to get back home will not work with me.  I will tell them if they are so stupid to make a trip without having enough money to get back home then they should have stayed at home.  You can walk or catch a ride back home but I won't pay for your stupidity.  Tough words but if you're not tough some people will take advantage of you and then laugh at you for being so gullible and an easy target.  Giving in to their demands just encourages more.

[jpbago]

My wife and I make all of the rules in our home.

 

We manage our house very much like you do. The difference with the other JP was that it wasn't his house. I made one loan of 12,000p to her sister but was paid back only 10,000p so I use that for an example to never give loans. Instead of a 5/6, it was a 6/5.

[Jack Peterson]

The difference with the other JP was that it wasn't his house.

Exactly my point.  and when we moved, it sank,  :1 (103):  ( go Figure  :unsure: )

[Americano]

 

her mom know that they will be taken care of now without any worries as to food, electricity and water.

 

 Here of course lies a Problem We lived at Mama's for 18 months. Problem is they got used to it. Funny how all had everything, new Motorbikes, New phones, New TV and a paid up IT connection and laptops etc and Sky TV. Odd how 2 months after we moved into our own house, Electric cut off, Water on a threat, No IT connection. Terrestrial TV only. need I say more, Guess who was used. Anyone thinking of living at the Out-laws beware. Not many can make a total Success of it. OH! I have heard many times HUH! it won't happen to me, I will put my Foot Down. Bin there. Give in Once and bingo, Gotcha  Just a heads up here. 

 

Of Course I am a Louse ( I guess cos I am not there to pay all the bills any longer) but a happy Louse. Leopards do not change their stops especially when they are in their cages. I helped and they turned it into a complete farce.

 

 I don't mean to sound mean but i did not Work 50+ years to retire and take care of someone else's house and family.

 

 Fortunately my Wife can now see how her Family just took Advantage. They have Lived in that House long before I came along. As I told the Eldest Sister, I will not be here forever, so learn to look after yourselves. The ones that matter to me are well looked After.

 

Mama will move into a little place we built for her soon, she will have a little garden for herself.

 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  

 

 

"I have heard many times HUH! it won't happen to me, I will put my Foot Down. Bin there. Give in Once and bingo, Gotcha"

 

Thanks for sharing your experience this is very good advice.  "Give in Once and bingo, Gotcha"  Even if you don't give in your wife or girlfriend will. Then you are f...ed.  So you think she is too strong to give in?  Very few females can stand up 100% of the time against the pressures that her family can apply on her.  She will have to chose between you and her family.  Guess who will loose?  A Filipina cannot go against her family all of the time. Its best to live on another island far away from her family and have limited contact if possible. Either listen to the advice or learn the hard way.

[i am bob]

There are a lot of good thoughts on here for both sides of the coin....  King of the castle and sharing with the rest of the family in a responsible way...  I won't say either is wrong because depending on the member involved, his wife and the family, one way just won't work.  And it could be either method!  

 

For myself?  Should my Special Someone and I eventually get it all together and are together for life, it most likely will include Mom.  But, as I will be building our own home within a couple years, I have that one all figured out!  Av and I will have our dirt bag house and Mom is going to have either her own In-Law cabin or her own floor,  But I can honestly say that we will not be having a lot of noisy guests living with us either!  As I will be "working" as a writer who is going to be spending mostly the hotter hours of the day "writing", nobody will be allowed in the house (except for my Special Someone) during working hours under threat of castration and/or death!  I wonder how long it will take someone to figure out that my work area is going to be beside the pool?

 

:attention:  :tiphat:  :mocking:

[stevewool]

Who knows where we will end up until you are there,

I dont believe in being king of the castle because end of the day its not my home it never will, so if i think that way but keep my pockets deep then i know i shall be fine, i dont mind paying a set amount for bills and for food too, what i am saving long term is thousands, and what i am learning from the family i think you cannot count that in money terms,

Ems dad is a very caring man who lives simple and in all the time i have known him he has never asked for anything from us, Ems only wish is to make him comfortable and safe for all the things he has done for her,

Ems is just like here dad i never new her mum, such a wonderful wife and father in law, maybe i am lucky who knows

Remember not everyone is out to rob you and yes give a inch they may take a mile from you but its down to you to say yes or no,

Its good to talk about why someone wants something so bad in the first place

[Jack Peterson]

it most likely will include Mom.

 

 

 

 Bob my friend, You will be very surprised just How Many, of the Extended Family will want to Visit mama when, they never bothered before.

 

Trust me on this. :rolleyes:

 

 

JP :tiphat:

 

 BTW, How are things on this Front? ( Cheeky I know but that's me!)  :thumbsup:

[stevewool]

Jack you are right there, there are some issues at this moment with Ems sisters, not a word has been spoken to her since i said NO to them asking for more money, its been a couple of months now,

I am not giving in on this Ems understands plus like many many before us all have said they managed before we came along,

[Jake]

 

it most likely will include Mom.

 

 

 

 Bob my friend, You will be very surprised just How Many, of the Extended Family will want to Visit mama when, they never bothered before.

 

Trust me on this. :rolleyes:

 

 

JP :tiphat:

 

 BTW, How are things on this Front? ( Cheeky I know but that's me!)  :thumbsup:

 

Hey Flyboy,

 

You definitely speak from slap in the face reality checks.....he, he.  Many unknown and unwanted visitors will seek some favors

when they realize a foreigner is in town.  You may even see part of the barrio meeting you at the airport -- first come, first serve

on the pasalubong (BB full of gifts).  

 

BTW.....your British English is so confusing this morning.  What are you talking about -- his front?  Or his cheeks?   

 

Damn RAF pilots......they're always on your six!    Respectfully -- Jake (retarded US navy puke)