Living With The Inlaws

[Scruffydawg]

I am staying with mine for a Month, while here in Cebu.

 

Absolute best people in the world. Could not ask for more gracious generous sweet people.

[cebu rocks]

I did it for 5 months maybe, never more than 4 days straight then off somewhere else for a few days . I learned a lot about the culture and day to day life  .

 

Over all it was a good experience  to bond with a community like a local I made a lot of friends and my Bisayan is much better . Would i do it again ?

 

Not if I can help it  roosters ,kareoke ,dogs , rats , and a myriad of other reasons only someone who has done it will understand .

[robert k]

Cebu Rocks, I can handle all you describe, it's the that's my tomboy marathon that did me in. I retreated to watching youtube videos on my phone. I am much less allergic to Minute to Win It, but there is still a tolerance level. I'd much rather watch Analisa in a language I don't understand or that Juan della cruz the half aswang show. I'm getting a phone call tablet pc this time around so I don't strain my eyes if I find myself in a like situation again. The visual acuity is not what it once was anyway.

[jpbago]

   Allow me to clarify:

   For the past 4 years I have lived with my wife, her mother (82) and 2 teenage daughters (17, 18 in college) in our house in a subd. My wife and I return to Canada for 5 + months, stay in PI for 6 + months with two 3 night trips to Macau. While in Canada we spend 2 to 3 hours sometimes twice a day on Skype with our daughters and mother. My wife, her mother, and daughters are wonderful people to say the least. I have no problems nor have I ever had any problems with them. It is the rest of the PI that I don't like. My wife has 68 in her immediate family. In the first year, we had some pests but my wife took care of it. There are loose barking dogs, and roosters all around that I do not like but we live with it. We have blackouts and no water days but we live with it. There is no croaky nearby but some festivals not too far away that we can hear. Our neighbours are well off Filipinos. 

   Today, 4 of us went to Bago Park with our Lab puppy and had a great time. Only 1 eatery was open for lunch but it was fine. I don't know what I ate but I ate it. Quiet place with fresh air. I hear, but don't get involved with the daily chismis and there is lots of it. I know the culture of the hand to mouth squatters of which is most of her family. There is virtually no English spoken here, contrary to expat belief. My wife has reached a plateau in enough to get by and our girls know only school English, not conversational English. The other 200 foreigners here are never seen.

   I have a good TV now with a Cignal  dish (90 channels) and soon to have a PVR. Never had a cell phone, nor does my wife. She used to but we were getting calls from OFWs in different time zones so I put an end to that. 

  All in all, I am here with my wife, mother, and 2 girls. We all have a good life here but I like Canada better.

[stevewool]

I did for a time and it was a great experience. I got to see exactly how they lived and they got to know me as not the preconceived notion they had of foreigners. My prospective father in law asked if I ever ate with my fingers, to which I replied "Of course not, I make them eat by themselves and I have never actually caught them eating." Confusion then laughter. I learned things that I could do to help that did not require tons of money to make their lives better and I spent a little money where it did look like it was needed like the new septic and block comfort room with room for a shower so everyone would not have to bathe 6 meters from the road at the hand pump. I bought them a $1200 motorcycle because the brother who owned the family motorcycle was getting married and moving away. This brother who was shy to ask for anything and who was always helpful, worked part time but he also borrowed a trike on his day off to ferry me and his sister around and I slipped him 500 piso over his sisters protest. I also gave him 10,000 piso as a wedding present. I went with my intended to pick up her parents medicine, father had had a stroke and mothers heart medication and saw that they were only buying a weeks worth. I insisted on paying for a months worth on the reasoning that I certainly hoped they would still be alive 8 days from then. I found that they had only a small mirror and I bought a couple large ones for the house. They already had a tv and dvd player, 2 fans, one of which I think they bought in anticipation of my arrival. The mother, Inday would not ask for anything for herself, so I bought her a new hat and attractive slippers to even things out because I had brought the men quality multitools as gifts, which they appreciated. I have a bad back and one day I lay on the floor and Inday was scandalized, believe me, I wish the plates I eat off of are always that clean. I learned that they made a modest living on the farm and cash was hard to come by. The walls of the house had dozens of 50 kilo sacks of rice stacked up around them, which I believe were their savings. They also had a few pigs and chickens.

 

Now for the bad. Not so bad was father being a bit calculating, wondering how much I might be persuaded to buy them. I think he really wanted a multicab instead of a motorcycle but the ones I saw were not going to be good value for the money and a brand new quality motorcycle that would stay running was going to be of more value, in my opinion. In that neighborhood, having a multicab would have made them affluent in one swoop. Sorry Dad.

 

One aunt, a retired schoolteacher, whose cynicism I think is primarily responsible for the end of my relationship with my intended. She thought I was loaded and she had some entanglements with foreigners before. I think it was her who told my intended that you had better keep looking in case this one doesn't come back. The aunt is someone who is listened to, former schoolteacher, experience with foreigners, but probably none like me. I never explained in great detail to her that 6 years ago I was paralyzed and lost everything and before 2 years ago I myself was practically a charity case and could not afford the plane ticket.Things are getting nothing but better for me now but at the time I did the best I could for them, lived with them and expected no better for myself except for the occasional trip to the net cafe that was necessary if I were to have an income in the future and internet on my phone so I could check my e-mail. If I could have stayed at that time, things would have been different but I was in the middle of a lawsuit (in which I did not succeed, but it had to be done) and could not stay. I think the aunt also was telling them after I returned to the states that I was loaded and playing them for fools, that they should be making demands for money, never mind that if they saved for 10 years they could not have done themselves what I did in 2 months, I gave them what I reasonably thought I could and maybe a bit more besides. They did pretty well at Christmas, 2 months later also. After that, they learned that I am really good at saying no.

 

I found my intended online at a dating site, 4 months later while we were planning our wedding and she tried to lie her way out of it, saying a friend was using her account, then admitted it was her. I had only caught her in a minor lie before about being sick and going to the doctor. I can't marry, live with, raise children with someone who thinks it's ok to tell me really poor lies. That girl is probably ruined but I wasn't the one who did it, that honor belongs to the aunt.

 

I didn't pick her for looks and she was a bit of an old maid at 27, or so she thought. I don't regret a thing. It was a great experience. If your other halfs family is a little more well to do, I would hope it would be an even more enjoyable experience. :tiphat:

A great read , thank you for sharing

[stevewool]

Thanks boys great response and it has opened my eyes more for the better too, 

[stevewool]

I was asking this question because i may venture down this road,

Its what someone who mentioned about buying or renting and the cost that is involved in it too, so do i pay that little more for the family home and live there at my hearts content or pay rent somewhere else, the cost to me would be in favor  of living at the family home,

We would have the whole top floor leading onto a open terrace so it would be separate from the family but they would use the terrace too,

The family is just the dad and 1 brother , i would pay my way but also there to help too when its needed, the most important thing is it will be Ems house if anything did happen to me , plus what we could save in paying rent long term can go to our trips seeing more of the phils,

By the way the house is in the city and its not to bad walk to anywhere , its a thought

[robert k]

Steve, alot of life is trial and error, you can only try and see. I will say that I think it would be important to nip things in the bud that start to go off the acceptable track which is not easy for an easygoing man but still preferable to letting anything get far out of whack before correcting it. I would rather be thought a prick from the the beginning. :)

[stevewool]

Steve, alot of life is trial and error, you can only try and see. I will say that I think it would be important to nip things in the bud that start to go off the acceptable track which is not easy for an easygoing man but still preferable to letting anything get far out of whack before correcting it. I would rather be thought a prick from the the beginning. :thumbsup:

I understand where you are coming from and at the moment my word for the the extender family is a big fat NO, i wonder if that is why there has been no contact from them for over a month now :thumbsup:

[Americano]

I was asking this question because i may venture down this road,

Its what someone who mentioned about buying or renting and the cost that is involved in it too, so do i pay that little more for the family home and live there at my hearts content or pay rent somewhere else, the cost to me would be in favor  of living at the family home,

We would have the whole top floor leading onto a open terrace so it would be separate from the family but they would use the terrace too,

The family is just the dad and 1 brother , i would pay my way but also there to help too when its needed, the most important thing is it will be Ems house if anything did happen to me , plus what we could save in paying rent long term can go to our trips seeing more of the phils,

By the way the house is in the city and its not to bad walk to anywhere , its a thought

 

Steve,

 

I wish you the best and hope everything works out good for you, but I have one question, you said  "The family is just the dad and 1 brother"?  Your wife only has 2 family members?  That must be the smallest family in the Philippines.  You sure she doesn't have several nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and more cousins than you can count?  When a rich foreigner moves into a family home you can count on more family members arriving to partake of the riches.  And, some will move in with you whether you like it or not.

 

My wife and I live on Cebu and her parents live in Mindanao.  After we got married in 2011 relatives started arriving at her parents house. Some only stayed a few weeks and some are still there. All family members knew their daughter married a rich foreigner so they want their share too.  My wife's brother tried to force one cousin to leave but she refused and still lives there even though she has parents who should be supporting her.  One day last year I did a head count at my wife's parents home.  There were 19 people who were living in the house or close enough to eat there.  My wife only has 2 parents, one sister and one brother who live at home.  All of the other ones are a nephews, nieces and cousins.  Her father is too kind hearted to make them leave.  Maybe he would if we stopped sending money to them every month.

 

In my opinion living with family can be very different from visiting them for a short time.  Once a year we allow a few family members to visit us and of course pay all expenses but I will never consider living with them.  The culture in the Philippines is too different from America.