Living With The Inlaws

[Methersgate]

Here is a funny one. K is the youngest daughter; her parents come from Negros and are insistent on a custom -  which they say comes from Negros - that the house is inherited by the youngest daughter.
 

This is a bit of a puzzle as the oldest son has worked the farm all his life; I would expect him to inherit the farmhouse along with the farm.

It would make some sense if the youngest daughter remained single and took care of the parents, perhaps.
 

Anyone else come across this?


 

[Gator]

My wife and I live on Cebu and her parents live in Mindanao. After we got married in 2011 relatives started arriving at her parents house. Some only stayed a few weeks and some are still there. SNIP Maybe he would if we stopped sending money to them every month.

 

As long as won't hurt your in-laws, then maybe make up some excuse (like a banking error or tax issue) to not send money for a month or two. Perhaps even tell them or at least your wife in advance too. Once the well dries up am sure some of the extended family will pull up stakes and move on.

[stevewool]

 

I was asking this question because i may venture down this road,

Its what someone who mentioned about buying or renting and the cost that is involved in it too, so do i pay that little more for the family home and live there at my hearts content or pay rent somewhere else, the cost to me would be in favor  of living at the family home,

We would have the whole top floor leading onto a open terrace so it would be separate from the family but they would use the terrace too,

The family is just the dad and 1 brother , i would pay my way but also there to help too when its needed, the most important thing is it will be Ems house if anything did happen to me , plus what we could save in paying rent long term can go to our trips seeing more of the phils,

By the way the house is in the city and its not to bad walk to anywhere , its a thought

 

Steve,

 

I wish you the best and hope everything works out good for you, but I have one question, you said  "The family is just the dad and 1 brother"?  Your wife only has 2 family members?  That must be the smallest family in the Philippines.  You sure she doesn't have several nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and more cousins than you can count?  When a rich foreigner moves into a family home you can count on more family members arriving to partake of the riches.  And, some will move in with you whether you like it or not.

 

My wife and I live on Cebu and her parents live in Mindanao.  After we got married in 2011 relatives started arriving at her parents house. Some only stayed a few weeks and some are still there. All family members knew their daughter married a rich foreigner so they want their share too.  My wife's brother tried to force one cousin to leave but she refused and still lives there even though she has parents who should be supporting her.  One day last year I did a head count at my wife's parents home.  There were 19 people who were living in the house or close enough to eat there.  My wife only has 2 parents, one sister and one brother who live at home.  All of the other ones are a nephews, nieces and cousins.  Her father is too kind hearted to make them leave.  Maybe he would if we stopped sending money to them every month.

 

In my opinion living with family can be very different from visiting them for a short time.  Once a year we allow a few family members to visit us and of course pay all expenses but I will never consider living with them.  The culture in the Philippines is too different from America.

 

There are another 2 sisters who have there own family and houses too, plus 1 brother who works overseas,

Yes there are some risks but what we would pay for our space i am happy to do, its a base to rest our head, nothing is set in stone yet and there will be lots of planning before i go a head with this, i still think Bohol would be a better place to live but i cant afford to live there , but holiday there yes i can

[robert k]

Steve, is it a certain place on Bohol that is too expensive? Because i don't think it's a particularly expensive island to live on from what i have gleaned. I will send you a PM.

[BrettGC]

Steve, is it a certain place on Bohol that is too expensive? Because i don't think it's a particularly expensive island to live on from what i have gleaned. I will send you a PM.

 

 

I've been investigating Bohol too Steve and from what I've seen unless you want to live right smack bang in the middle of Alona but say somewhere like Tag City (20 mins drive from Panglao), rentals are no more expensive than any of the other more "affluent" provinces and no where near the cost of the Greater Manila area or central Cebu City but nearly as well serviced.  Hunting around the net I've found 1-2 bedroom places for 10-15k a month so there's obviously cheaper out there if you're "boots on the ground" and use Ems to avoid the "Kano" tax. 

[jpbago]

Here is a funny one. K is the youngest daughter; her parents come from Negros and are insistent on a custom -  which they say comes from Negros - that the house is inherited by the youngest daughter.

 

This is a bit of a puzzle as the oldest son has worked the farm all his life; I would expect him to inherit the farmhouse along with the farm.

It would make some sense if the youngest daughter remained single and took care of the parents, perhaps.

 

Anyone else come across this?

 

 

   My wife, the youngest of 10, had lived with her mother since birth so when I bought our house, mom came with us and her brother took over the family house. It wasn't much, squatter land with relatives all around just a few feet apart with a communal well.

   One thing that really makes me happy is to see her mom know that they will be taken care of now without any worries as to food, electricity and water. Mom stands on the front steps with a big smile and I know how she feels at her age to be secure in a cement house.

   To add on to other posts, one day, we put out 31 meals. People were just coming over at meal times but that stopped after a few months. We had 28 stay for 2 nights during the typhoon last year but that is different. We often have our nephew, a PO1, stay with us for security or if the rest of us are away, a niece will come to stay with mom.

   I did the budget myself for a few months so I now exactly how much it takes for us to live on so when we are in Canada, I send that much to our youngest to look after the budget. I explained that if you feed 20, then there will be not enough for you. It has been no problem. She is good with money.

[stevewool]

The problem i have is Ems dont fancy living in Bohol, she dont know anyone in that area, so all she is going to do is please me, yes we could rent for as long as we chose to be there but, and to tell the truth what if i dont like it too,

Yes thats the best thing about renting you can move on to some where new,

There are so many places that i would like to stay for a few weeks or even months once we make the move but that can change anytime,

[Jack Peterson]

her mom know that they will be taken care of now without any worries as to food, electricity and water.

 

 Here of course lies a Problem We lived at Mama's for 18 months. Problem is they got used to it. Funny how all had everything, new Motorbikes, New phones, New TV and a paid up IT connection and laptops etc and Sky TV. Odd how 2 months after we moved into our own house, Electric cut off, Water on a threat, No IT connection. Terrestrial TV only. need I say more, Guess who was used. Anyone thinking of living at the Out-laws beware. Not many can make a total Success of it. OH! I have heard many times HUH! it won't happen to me, I will put my Foot Down. Bin there. Give in Once and bingo, Gotcha  Just a heads up here. 

 

Of Course I am a Louse ( I guess cos I am not there to pay all the bills any longer) but a happy Louse. Leopards do not change their stops especially when they are in their cages. I helped and they turned it into a complete farce.

 

 I don't mean to sound mean but i did not Work 50+ years to retire and take care of someone else's house and family.

 

 Fortunately my Wife can now see how her Family just took Advantage. They have Lived in that House long before I came along. As I told the Eldest Sister, I will not be here forever, so learn to look after yourselves. The ones that matter to me are well looked After.

 

Mama will move into a little place we built for her soon, she will have a little garden for herself.

 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  

[Methersgate]

 

Here is a funny one. K is the youngest daughter; her parents come from Negros and are insistent on a custom -  which they say comes from Negros - that the house is inherited by the youngest daughter.

 

This is a bit of a puzzle as the oldest son has worked the farm all his life; I would expect him to inherit the farmhouse along with the farm.

It would make some sense if the youngest daughter remained single and took care of the parents, perhaps.

 

Anyone else come across this?

 

 

   My wife, the youngest of 10, had lived with her mother since birth so when I bought our house, mom came with us and her brother took over the family house. It wasn't much, squatter land with relatives all around just a few feet apart with a communal well.

   One thing that really makes me happy is to see her mom know that they will be taken care of now without any worries as to food, electricity and water. Mom stands on the front steps with a big smile and I know how she feels at her age to be secure in a cement house.

   To add on to other posts, one day, we put out 31 meals. People were just coming over at meal times but that stopped after a few months. We had 28 stay for 2 nights during the typhoon last year but that is different. We often have our nephew, a PO1, stay with us for security or if the rest of us are away, a niece will come to stay with mom.

   I did the budget myself for a few months so I now exactly how much it takes for us to live on so when we are in Canada, I send that much to our youngest to look after the budget. I explained that if you feed 20, then there will be not enough for you. It has been no problem. She is good with money.

 

thank you. Very helpful

[Jake]

I can just picture the young Mr. Jake, (I was going to use the term Seaman, but I know this audience :unsure: ) returning from 6 months at sea. Sitting on an uncomfortable plastic sofa in his father in laws living room watching a bad tele novella plotting ways of killing his Mom in laws lapdog, while the young Mrs. Jake is sitting chatting a mile a minute with her sisters in the kitchen wasting valuable horizontal physical exercise time.

Hey Master Guns,

 

Boy, have you opened up a can of dog chit!  Speaking of which, that little cute poodle somehow couldn't find his way back

home one day.  I made sure he followed me to a remote and dark road (with food).  Apparently he found another home,

just like when Judy's younger sister brought this stray to our home.  

 

Privacy?  Judy and I would escape to nearby motels (Victoria Court, Anido in Pasay) for our mini-honeymoon getaways.  

Otherwise, we spend many vertical positions giving ourselves a tabo-tabo bath.....he, he.