Talking Together With Your Partner

[stevewool]

Fore many of us we are either married  or have a girlfriend and either are living together or far far away from each other,

Do you tell each other everything, i am not on about the past when you both was single but since you have been together,

I have no secretes from Ems at all, yes sometimes i have to run it a few times in my head how i am going to say what is on my mind , then sometimes it comes out wrong still, but i get there in the end

Because we are married when it comes round to talking about her family i think i am with in my rights to say how i think and i do,

Most of the time she says she understands but its my family she says, and then she may just drop in something like , well thats why my sister dont ask anymore because all i think about is they are wanting money, WELL ITS TRUE,

I dont ever want Ems not to tell me anything because she may be worried what i would say, yes we talk about it and if i think its wrong i will say it is, sometimes its right too,

How do you lot cope , or dont you get involved with the family matters

[bows00]

It is a given that you are expected to help out your Filipina's parents. So you better be comfortable talking about you in-laws money matters, or the unsaid things will turn into internal stress that will eventually tear you two apart. Better to put everything on the table and deal with it. Much cleaner and your relationship will be better for it.

[stevewool]

It is a given that you are expected to help out your Filipina's parents. So you better be comfortable talking about you in-laws money matters, or the unsaid things will turn into internal stress that will eventually tear you two apart. Better to put everything on the table and deal with it. Much cleaner and your relationship will be better for it.

You are right and i have no problem helping Ems father, its the sisters and brothers and everyone else i have the problem

[Thomas]

It's ALLWAYS important to have good communication,

but it's EXTRA important, when being from different cultures...

[chris49]

It is a given that you are expected to help out your Filipina's parents. So you better be comfortable talking about you in-laws money matters, or the unsaid things will turn into internal stress that will eventually tear you two apart. Better to put everything on the table and deal with it. Much cleaner and your relationship will be better for it.

 

I agree.

 

But there has to be some limitation. We give more or less free food, main meal and the rice. The condiments like oil, salt, whatever is staple in the kitchen. It's not however, unlimited food, all you can eat, 24 hours/day.

 

I draw the line on other common items, soap, laundry soap, shampoo, toothpaste, and anything else they decide to grab or borrow.

 

But in reply to the OP, Steve, it is a fine line. Yes, it is a fine line you walk with your partner. On a given day she might agree with you, and on another day she might suddenly side with them.

 

I will not say don't get involved with family matters. It's inevitable. I try to judge Gina's mood from day to day, but she's a woman, you know, we have differences, male and female as well as cultural differences. I find it safer not to overly criticise or condemn her family members, better to wait and if she is down talking them, I will definitely jump on the bandwagon.

[stevewool]

better to wait and if she is down talking them, I will definitely jump on the bandwagon.

 

Love it :thumbsup:

[Hey Steve]

...something like , well thats why my sister dont ask anymore because all i think about is they are wanting money, WELL ITS TRUE,

I dont ever want Ems not to tell me anything because she may be worried what i would say, yes we talk about it and if i think its wrong i will say it is, sometimes its right too,

How do you lot cope , or dont you get involved with the family matters

Steve, when my wife and I knew at a certain point we had a future together as a couple, the cards I laid out on the table-given the fact of where she was from and what their family values are-I spelled it out to her in this way. I'm not a cash cow-never have been--never will be. Therefore you will get a set quarterly amount to deposit into your own bank account (based on my allowable budget). The amount will never change and the timing will never change. You can do with the money whatever you please and I am out of it. You can share this plan with your family or not. It's not my concern. I had her tell it back to me so I knew she understood the simple plan. This way there's no cash cow-and they can like me (most do anyway) or not; knowing I am not their source for money-no exceptions. In my case she gets enough to cover the demand for hospitals, funerals, etc.. as they come along in her never ending line of relatives and fortunately she's smart enough to discern where to say yes and where to say no to them-but--I'm out of the equation---the way I like it-no stress or worry. It works for me-seems to work for her and her family too. If they ever do ask me-it's walla na!!

[Dave Hounddriver]

Do you tell each other everything, i am not on about the past

 

I don't tell her exactly 'everything'.  If I think she is looking grumpy I don't tell her.  If I am thinking of an ex girlfriend I don't tell her.  But I do tell her about a lot of my escapades from the past, with the belief that there is nothing wrong with a good story, the past is the past, I'd rather she heard it from me, and if I don't openly discuss my 'history' and learn from it then I am doomed to repeat it.

 

yes we talk about it and if i think its wrong i will say it is,

 

I try very hard to bite my tongue.  Of course I listen when she tells me whats going on in her life and with her family, but I try very hard not to say when I think it is wrong.  I learned a long time ago that women do not talk to us to find solutions, they talk to us just to work it out for themselves.  Telling her when I think it is wrong just puts her on the defense.  And such is my opinion.  :tiphat:

[jon1]

We talk about all of the important stuff. I never discuss work with her. I do discuss anything else. Communications, an open line is critical. 

 

I rarely talk bad about her relatives. I do however draw the line on siblings that have no drive or goals and expect to be taken care of. I had to give a "come to Jesus" to one the other day. It had been building up over a month. I talked to the wife about it and she gave me the green light. I tore into him like a fat man on a doughnut... Needless to say, it got his attention and woke his ass up. She followed up with him the next day and explained in detail the issues that he did not get from my English. In the end, he manned up and apologized and we have been civil since. Most importantly, the wife and I acted as a team. If your partner is not on board with something like that, it's better to stew and get her to fix it.

[jpbago]

It's ALLWAYS important to have good communication,

but it's EXTRA important, when being from different cultures...

 

Wife and I were talking about our niece and nephew, Jen and Jun, and another person called Mirates. Wife said " He borrowed to Mirates 5,000 pesos."

 

She was trying to say "She (Jen) borrowed from Mirates." The he and she and the from and to often get mixed up but if it is not involving me, I just let it go after trying hundreds of times to correct it. She is telling me a story about someone having an affair and I don't know who is screwing who.